Broken Blye
by canaussie
Summary: What does it take to break Kensi? And will Deeks be able to help her? Same first chapter as Bulletproof Blye, but taken in a very different direction. Rated M for mature sexual content and violence - NOT suitable for anyone under 18. This may be triggering for some individuals - please don't read if this may be you. (Editing to remove author notes but is finally COMPLETE!)
1. Chapter 1

"Fern! Hey, Fern! Let me in."

Deeks knocked on the familiar door, wondering what was up. His partner hadn't shown up for work this morning and hadn't let anyone know why. Last night she had gone out for drinks with Nell, but Nell was adamant nothing was out of the ordinary and Kensi had gone home at a normal time and hadn't had too much to drink. After a few jokes about how Kensi was nursing a hangover or avoiding the walk of shame (which Deeks desperately hoped was untrue), those at OSP were getting a bit concerned. Callen checked with Hetty, and when even she had no idea where Kensi was or why she wasn't at work, they decided something might be up and sent Deeks to check things out. So that's why he was here, knocking at her door - trying to keep his voice light and playful even though he was starting to feel uneasy.

"Kens! Let me in or I'm gonna pick the lock! You better be decent in there... or not, your choice." But the joke felt a bit lame, even to him.

"Come on, Princess. Let your partner in. We're getting a bit worried about you."

When there was no sound, and no movement inside, Deeks pulled out a key that Hetty had given him and opened the door.

At first glance, nothing looked out of place. It was the same as the last time (and every time before that) he had visited her. Then again, with Kensi it was hard to tell. He was constantly teasing her about her lack of organization and her hoarding tendencies.

"Hey Kens, you here? You're late for work, you know." He called out while glancing around. He saw her bag on the couch where he guessed she would have dropped it last night. On a hunch, he dialed her number and sure enough the bag started ringing. So her phone was in her bag, which was on the couch. He reached in to grab it, and felt her keys. Going back to the door, he looked out the window. Yup, her car was there. How he missed that on his way in, he didn't know. But he figured at this point she must just have been really exhausted and slept in.

He was quiet for a moment, and realized he thought he heard something.

"Wake up sleeping beauty, it's morning time!" he yelled out, hoping he'd get a response, even if it was just a groan. When he didn't, he started towards her room, but kept chatting at her in hopes of a response.

When he got to her room, he knocked on the door (which he realized was kind of stupid, because if his yelling and clattering around hadn't woke her up, how was a knock on the door going to?) and then slowly opened it. He was totally unprepared for what he saw.


	2. Chapter 2

When Deeks started to open the door to Kensi's room, he froze. He saw blood on the carpet. Too much blood. He was about to fling the door open when he heard her groan.

"Stop. Don't come in. Don't open the door. You can't see me like this." Kensi sounded very un-Kensi-like. She was pleading with him, her voice weak.

"Is that your blood?" Deeks asked? He wanted to throw the door open, to reassure himself she was alright - but he knew from her voice that she wasn't. He didn't think anything behind the door could be worse than what he was imagining. "Are you ok?"

"Yes." She whispered, barely audible. "It's mine. I'm not ok. But you can't see me like this."

"I'm sitting down outside your door. I won't come in if you're not ready. But Kens, you've lost a lot of blood. You don't sound good. Can you come out? Or can you do what you need to do so I can come in?" He paused. He had no idea what was going on, but he knew it was bad.

"No... I can't move." She sounded broken. Deeks heart was breaking.

"OK. You can't move and you've lost a lot of blood. But you don't want me to see you. What can I do? Do you want me to call Nell? Your mom?" He started, when she cried out

"NO! Don't call them. Don't call anyone. They can't see me like this..." Kensi sounded near hysterics. She was hyperventilating and Deeks was starting to panic.

"Kensi, it's ok. I'm here, and I'm going to wait until you're ready. But if you pass out, I'm going to have to call an ambulance. Do you want me to send in a paramedic or do you want me to come get you?" His heart broke when he heard her start to cry. "What if I close my eyes, or back in? Can I do that?" When she didn't reply, he started counting. If he made it to 100, he was calling Eric. At 89, she spoke.

"Grab the blanket from the couch. Close your eyes, throw it to the bed." In no time, he did exactly that, standing just inside her door with his hand over his eyes and his eyes closed.

"Now what?" He asked. He felt a bit ridiculous, but he would do anything he could to help his partner - and he knew she needed him right now. He wanted nothing more than to scoop her up in his arms and comfort her. But he stood, waiting for directions.

"Turn around, and open your eyes. I'm on the bed... Can you..." her voice trailed off.

"Anything, Kens, anything. Just ask." He said, his voice full of warmth and sadness

"Can you try to cover me without looking at me. Please... I can't let you see me." He did as asked - he slowly backed to the bed, and reached behind him to try to find her and the blanket. He found the blanket and tried to determine where Kensi was. As his body turned, he felt sick - he saw a rope tied to the bed frame, twitching as he felt movement behind him. He suddenly realized what was going on, as bile rose in his throat and anger surged through his body. He quickly pushed it down, and gently continued spreading the blanket as best he could without looking. Tears trickled down his face.

"It's ok. I'm here. Let's get you free."


	3. Chapter 3

Deeks looked around the room, doing his best to avoid looking at her until she was ready. He was searching for scissors, a knife - anything to cut her free. He stepped towards the nightstand, where he knew she kept her knife. As he approached, he saw it on the floor, covered in blood. He cursed under his breath.

"I'm grabbing something from the kitchen to cut you free. I'm not leaving you. I promise." He ran as fast as possible, not wanting her to be alone. He returned with a knife, and quickly cut the ropes holding her ankles. He still hadn't looked at the bed. He was waiting for her permission. "May I?" He asked, and her whispered yes was all he needed to whip around and cut the restraints on her wrists, and a number of ropes coming out from the sides of the blanket. As each rope was cut, she curled tighter into herself, hiding under the blanket. The moment she was free, he reached out for her but she shied away.

"More blankets" he heard her murmur, and he quickly went to the closet to grab them. He gently placed them over her. He briefly considered the need to preserve evidence - but seeing her broken form under mounds of blankets wiped everything from his mind but helping her.

"Let me get you some clothes" He said, realizing she was desperate to be covered. He found his track pants, tshirt and hoody in "his" drawer in her room, and took them to her. Somehow he knew this was what she would want to wear, and he was right. They vanished beneath the blankets and he heard her moan in pain as she dressed. He left a small amount of space between them - allowing her to come to him when she was ready. After what felt like an eternity, she reached a hand out to him, and snatched his hand up tightly. He squeezed gently and tried to keep his composure as he felt anger surge through him again. Whoever did this to his Kensi was going to pay.

Slowly, Kensi emerged from her cocoon and drew herself to Deeks. When he sensed she was ready, he gently picked her up and carried her to the couch - blankets and all. He pulled her into his lap, wrapping the blankets around her tightly, and he held her. She cried into his shoulder as he gently rubbed her back and whispered "I'm here. It's ok. I've got you."

He had no idea how much time passed when his phone rang. Of course, it was Nell, wanting to know what was going on. Kensi looked panicked, but he was able to reassure her with a look as he answered the phone.

"Yeah, I found Kensi. She's sick. I'm going to stay with her for the day. I'll call in later." He hung up quickly. "We can tell them when you decide you're ready. Right now, I just want to make sure you're ok. I'm not going anywhere." He held her as she seemed to calm down. "But I'm going to need to look at your injuries soon. You're bleeding through the blankets and you've lost a lot of blood already. Tell me when you're ready." She burrowed into his shoulder as she slowly shed the blankets.

"It's bad. It hurts." She whimpered. He saw stains forming around her breast, on her stomach, on her shoulder, on her thigh... It was too much. He gently moved the shirt away to expose her shoulder - the least offending location of the stains.

"We're going to need a first aid kit, unless you're ready for an ambulance?" When she shook her head, he went and retrieved the first aid kit from the bathroom, and set to work dressing the deep cut on her shoulder. Next he moved to her stomach, and carefully lifted the tshirt to expose a deep slice. He cleaned it carefully and then used butterfly bandages to try to close it neatly. He continued with her thigh, realizing that it would likely need stitches.

The stain around her breast was still growing. He knew it needed to be cleaned and bandaged, but he also knew how difficult this was going to be for her. He looked her in the eye and waited for the panic to subside. She nodded once, barely moving her head, and he lifted her shirt to reveal a vicious collection of stab wounds and slices. He had to fight back the urge to vomit, and the tears that threatened his vision. She shook as he gently cleansed the wounds and tried as best he could to stop the bleeding and bandage it up. As soon as he was done, he let her shirt fall back down and pulled her close to him as he cried into her hair.


	4. Chapter 4

Kensi was broken. She felt numb, yet panicked. She had prayed for Deeks to find her - but when he did, she was terrified to let him see her. But he gave her the space she needed and still managed to rescue her quickly.

And now she was wrapped in his arms, wearing his clothes, sobbing into him. She knew she needed to tell him what had happened but she couldn't find the words yet. No words could express how grateful she was that he didn't call an ambulance and didn't drag her to the hospital immediately. Even though she knew that she needed medical attention, she couldn't face anyone yet. She wasn't even sure she could face herself. But somehow, Deeks knew what she needed and for that she was grateful.

Finally, she managed to speak again. "I need to shower." She could feel her attacker's hands on her and she wanted to scrub the feeling away. She wanted to remove any trace of him from her, although she feared that was impossible after what he had done to her. She looked up at Deeks, but he gently shook his head.

"You can't. Not with those wounds. They'll get infected." She started to fight him, suddenly desperate to feel scalding water on her skin, but he held tight. "Let me help." He said. "You can sit by the tub and I'll help you wash around your injuries." She balked at the idea, not wanting him to see her naked, not like this, not after what had happened. But the need to get her attacker off her won out over the desire to hide herself from Deeks. She tried to stand up, but once again he scooped her up and carried her, much like one would carry a child. He set her on the side of the tub, and turned to get a cloth. She was frozen in place, unable to undress herself in his presence.

"I have an idea" He said. "I'll be right back." And he vanished to her room. When he came back, he had another change of clothes for her, and her bathrobe. He wrapped her in her robe, and she slipped the bloody clothing off without having to be exposed. He grabbed several towels and handed them to her. "You can stay covered. I understand." He said with empathy. "You've been through enough." She sighed in relief as he turned to wet the cloth with hot water and some of her body wash, then handed it to her. He did understand what she needed.

When she started to scrub her skin, he gently reached for her hand - keeping it over the towel under which she hid.

"Gentle." He said. "You're already hurt enough."

She wanted to lash out, hit him or scream that she NEEDED to scrub that awful man's touch off her. But she also knew that he was right and even if she took off her skin, she would still feel her attacker's touch. Her eyes must have conveyed all of this as he let go of her hand. She saw anger flash across his face for the hundredth time, and felt a small sense of comfort as she knew that when they caught the person who did this to her, he was going to suffer.


	5. Chapter 5

As Kensi tried to scrub away the monster who had hurt her, Deeks felt helpless. He had stopped her from removing her skin - but that was the only thing he'd been able to do. She kept washing and washing. He gently reminded her to avoid her bandages, and to avoid hurting herself further. But it was all he could do. He couldn't wipe away what had happend to her. And while he didn't know what, exactly, that was - he had fears and an imagination running wild that he didn't dare to contemplate.

As her desperate scrubbing seemed to slow, he spoke.

"I don't know what you're going through. I don't know what happened. But I DO know, that we need to catch the monster who did this to you. I know you're not ready for the team, for your home to be a crime scene, or to talk about what happened. I'll be patient, and wait until you're ready. But we are going to have to tell Hetty at some point, and we're going to have to let our friends start an investigation." He stopped as he saw the terror in her eyes.

"I'm not going to leave you alone. And I'm not going to let someone else take charge. This will be MY investigation, and I won't let anyone push you, Kens. I'll protect you." He knew that was part of the fear - being interrogated, and losing control of the situation. While he was nudging her, he was fully submissive to what she needed, and she knew that another investigator wouldn't handle it like he had. But he knew there was more to her terror. As the realization hit him, he choked.

"NO ONE is going to judge you. We're your family. No one will think less of you, Kens. This is NOT your fault." He was nearing tears. "I know you feel embarassed but you have nothing to be ashamed of. And if anyone so much as thinks otherwise, they'll have to answer to me." His sadness was turning to anger. "But they won't. Callen and Sam are going to be almost as angry as I am at the bastard who did this to you. No one is going to think less of you for even a microsecond."

She hated yet loved how he could see right through her. He knew her biggest fears, and he knew the right things to say. She trusted him, and she knew that she did. But she was still scared. How could she tell them what had happened overnight? How could she ever voice, to anyone, the torture she had endured? The words he said to her, the things he did to her, the complete humiliation she felt. And how would her team - her family, react to seeing her broken. They had barely even seen a crack in her armour, and this had rendered her completely shattered, feeling naked and defenceless. How could they trust her again if they saw that she was fragile? She hadn't noticed that she was shaking as tears continued to pour down her face, until Deeks carefully gathered her up and carried her back to the couch. He gently set her down, and then turned to the kitchen.


	6. Chapter 6

When Kensi had finished her ice cream and almost appeared ok, Deeks knew it was time to call Hetty.

He sat down on the floor in front of the couch where Kensi was resting. He had put on some mindless TV for her to stare at, although he knew she wasn't taking any of it in. He sat so that he could watch her as he made his calls. He dialed Eric.

"Eric, it's Deeks. I need to talk to Hetty without the team around her. Can you make that happen for me? Yeah, I know it sounds serious. It kind of is. No, can't talk about it right now." He was silent for a few moments, watching Kensi stare blankly at the tv. He knew this was just the start for her, and it was going to get a lot harder. When he heard Hetty's voice, he spoke.

"Yes, it's Deeks. I know I called in earlier to say Kensi was sick, but that wasn't the entire truth. She's been attacked. Yes, I've taken care of her. I don't think the physical injuries are the worst of it. She's not ready to go to the hospital yet, and she's ok here for now. Look, I know this isn't my place, and if you're going to fire me for it, I'll take that - but this is MY investigation and I'M going to run it. Kensi needs this done a certain way or we're going to lose her." While he knew this might not be entirely true, he knew it was a threat that Hetty would take seriously. "Yes. Yeah. I know. But this is how it's going to have to work. Do you trust me, Hetty? OK, then that's how it will be." He turned away from the phone and looked intently at Kensi.

"Kens, do you want to talk to her?" When he saw her head violently shake back and forth he went back to the phone. "She's not ready yet. Yes, I know that. I'm making the decision for her, I'll take the blame." He was silent for a bit and Kensi could hear Hetty's voice over the phone. She wasn't sure what to make of his side of the conversation or the tone she heard from Hetty, but she had no strength or energy to try and figure it out. "Thank you" He spoke finally. Then he turned to Kensi.

"Someone is going to come and pick up the evidence. If you don't want them to come in, that's ok. I'll gather it up and take the pictures. It's your call. What are you ok with? Are you ready for someone else here?" She shook her head. "That's ok. Would you prefer Callen or Nell come to pick things up?" Kensi paused... Callen was her brother, but she wasn't sure she could face him yet. Nell was like a brilliant little sister and much more compassionate... but she couldn't handle the pity she knew Nell would offer. But she trusted Deeks would help her. "Nell" she spoke quietly. "I'm not ready for the rest to know." Deeks went back to his phone.

"Send Nell. But don't let her tell anyone where she's going or why. Kensi isn't ready for that yet." There was another pause "I'll take her to the hospital when she's ready. But forcing her now isn't going to do any good." Kensi was awed at how stubborn he was being on her behalf, starting to fully realize the risks he was taking by ordering their boss around. "OK, Thank you" he said, and he hung up the phone.

"Nell will be on her way over soon. I need to collect some things from your room. The evidence will be secured in Hetty's private storage area until we're ready to proceed. OK?" Deeks asked. She nodded. "OK, I'm going to need a bunch of evidence bags. And probably some gloves. I have some in my car. Are you ok while I go get them?" While every fiber in her being was screaming no, she nodded again. She followed him to the door and watched as he ran and grabbed what he needed then headed straight back.

"Kens, there's no easy way to do this. I'm going to have to take a lot of stuff from your room. If you don't want to see it, you're going to have to trust me and let me do it, ok? If you want to help, you can, but if you're not ready I understand." She was already starting to shake. He led her back to the couch and let her sit down. Grabbing a clean blanket, he gently wrapped it around her as she rested her head on a throw pillow. "It's ok to try to sleep if you can." He murmured gently. He wanted to stroke her hair but was afraid to startle her as she drifted off into her own little world. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm here. Just call out if you need me. She didn't reply as he slowly pulled on his gloves and walked to her room.

He started photographing and bagging evidence, trying to remain objective. Of course, he failed. Every drop of blood, every item out of place, felt like he was being stabbed. With each picture he took, he wondered what she had gone through and how she was still alive.

He took a deep breath, and picked up her knife to place in a bag. This was the hardest part for him. He knew that knife intimately. He knew the meaning behind it, why it was so valuable. And he had once been trusted with it. Now, that knife, such a significant symbol to her, had been used against her. It was covered in her blood and he wondered if she would ever want it back. He tried to find anything else to think about, but it was impossible.

He snapped a photo, then slowly, he gathered her bedding, including the blankets he had covered her with when he found her. Another photo. He bagged the rope that he had cut to free her. With each snap of the camera, he bagged different belongings from all over the room with her blood on them. Then he went to the bathroom.

Snap. He carefully bagged the washcloths she had used to try and scrub him away. Kensi may not have been aware, but each time she handed the cloth back to him, he set it aside and gave her a new one. Snap. He gently bagged the clothes he'd offered her - his clothes. Clothes now soaked with her blood. Snap. He carefully photographed, bagged and labelled the gauze he had use to clean her wounds. He had carefully laid it out as he'd cleansed her wounds so that any evidence trapped in them was preserved on the gauze. He shuddered as he was aware of the foreign substances he had cleansed off her, hoping she was unaware of them.

He couldn't hold it down any more, and he vomited violently several times .He didn't care about anything right now except finding this monster and torturing him until he begged for mercy - then torturing him more. Anyone who could do this to another human being - especially one as incredible as his partner - deserved to suffer. He was thinking of all the pain he could inflict on such a monster - when he was interrupted by her screams.


	7. Chapter 7

Deeks dropped the evidence bag in his hand and bolted for the living room, shedding his gloves. Kensi was sitting upright, still wrapped in the blanket. Her eyes were wide with fear and she was struggling for breath. Deeks quickly recognized the panic of a flashback, and sat directly in front of her.

"Kens, it's Deeks. I'm right here. It's just us. You're safe." He continued to reassure her, but waited until the panic subsided before touching her. He knew from experience that she could easily knock him out, and his own experience with PTSD had shown him how intense a flashback could be. As her breathing calmed and her eyes lost some of the panic she'd initially shown, he gently reached out and stroked her hand before wrapping it up in his. "You're safe." he murmured "you're safe."

As she came out of the panic attack, she felt foolish and embarassed. But the only person to see her was Deeks, and he wouldn't judge. She had seen him in the same state before, and remembered how much it had hurt her. Now, the roles were reversed, and she had to admit that both sides were awful. She looked up at him briefly, to see what he was thinking. All she saw was compassion. So she let him soothe her with his words and his hands.

A knock on the door interrupted them, and she startled. She reached out wildly searching for her gun, which Deeks had sensibly moved out of her reach. He calmed her down, reminding her that it was Nell, and she wouldn't come in without Kensi's permission. Kensi felt trapped. She didn't want to see anyone yet - but she didn't want to hurt her friend. The realization that Nell would hurt more seeing Kensi like this hit her like a ton of bricks, but also reminded her that her friends cared.

"She can come in." Kensi said slowly, her voice barely above a whisper. "But I'm not ready to talk." Deeks nodded, and went to the door. Instead of letting Nell come in, he stepped outside to speak with her. Gratitude didn't even begin to express what she was feeling. After a few minutes, Deeks returned with Nell. Kensi couldn't even bring herself to look up from the floor she was staring at. Deeks quietly escorted Nell to the kitchen, and returned a moment later with a box full of evidence bags.

"I need you to take this to Hetty." He said. "She knows what needs to be done with it."

Nell was reeling. Hetty had sent her to pick something up from Kensi's, but hadn't told her what was going on. She assumed it was paperwork for a case, but when she arrived, she knew something was wrong. Deeks had answered the door and then stepped out to speak with her before letting her in. She briefly wondered how sick Kensi was, or if what she had was quarantine worthy - but when she saw Deeks face, she knew there was a lot more going on.

Deeks quickly told her that he had come to check on Kensi and found her tied up with several stab wounds. He had cleaned and dressed her injuries when she refused to go to the hospital, and he would take care of her as long as she needed. She didn't want to see anyone, and she didn't want anyone to know about the attack yet. He had bagged and photographed all the evidence for an investigation, but would not be letting anyone talk to Kensi until she was ready. Nell took in his words and wondered what he wasn't telling her. When she stepped inside, though, she knew. This wasn't just a violent attack - it was more. And it had broken Kensi. Nell was shocked to see her beautiful friend curled in the fetal position on the couch, wrapped up tightly in a blanket despite the warm temperature. When Kensi didn't speak or look up, it confirmed Nell's fears. She knew that this attack had broken Kensi, and in order for something to break her this badly, it had been a lot more than a few stab wounds. She understood now why Deeks was acting so fierce.

She took the box of evidence, trying not to tear up when she saw everything coated in blood - a collection of ropes, sheets, pillowcases, blankets, clothes, the mass of gauze needed to clean her wounds, the stack of wash cloths each tagged with a number. Worst of all, though, was seeing Kensi's knife. Nell had never seen it in person, but she had heard of the significance of it. That someone had used this precious piece of Kensi's life to destroy her was beyond torture. A tear escaped her eye and trailed down her cheek.

She needed to help her friend, but didn't know how. She spoke up after a moment and said,

"Kensi, we're here for you. We love you and we would do anything for you. Whatever you need, it's yours. When you're ready, we'll be there." Kensi didn't speak, but she turned to look at Nell and nodded her appreciation. Nell knew how much effort that simple gesture had taken, and it gave her hope that Kensi was starting to find a tiny bit of fight in her.


	8. Chapter 8

Deeks was relieved when Nell left. It meant that someone could start processing evidence, even if it was done off the books. He hoped that the DNA results would come back with a hit so that he would know who had done this to his partner.

But solving this "case" was only a small piece of what he needed to do. What was far more important was helping Kensi recover and heal. He knew it would be a long process. And he feared she may never go back to who she was before. But he didn't care how long it took or how changed she was, he was going to be there for her every step of the way.

She had acknowledged Nell, which he felt was a good sign. But she had yet to talk about what happened, and he wasn't sure how long he should wait before starting to prod. He thought about asking Hetty to call Nate in - but he knew it was a ridiculous idea. Hetty would have already arranged that without being asked.

Kensi was still curled up in a ball with the blanket snugly wrapped around her. It had been a few hours since he dressed her wounds and he was starting to think about asking to check them again. He wanted to get her to the hospital to be examined, but he wasn't going to fight her or push her. He puttered around in the kitchen, tidying and preparing dinner for them. He had sent a text to his neighbour, asking her to take Monty. And he had received several texts from Sam, Callen and Eric asking how Kensi was feeling. As far as they knew, she was just a bit sick, so he had no idea how to reply to their messages. He opted for pretending his phone was off or he was too busy to reply.

He heard Kensi whimper in pain and he paused. She was sitting up now and looking around - not panicked but still timid. When she saw him there, she relaxed ever so slightly. He took this as an invitation to join her, so he walked over and sat next to her. After a few moments, she scooted closer to him and let herself collapse onto him. She clung to him like a life raft as tears spilled down her face again. When she finally spoke, it wasn't what he expected. Her voice was tiny and scared, much like a child. But the words haunted him.

"I think I need to be tested" She whispered. While she didn't spell it out, he knew what she was saying. She had been raped. And if that wasn't bad enough, she had to worry about what diseases this bastard might have given her. Deeks had already known this was the case, but hearing her admit it scared him. "I'm not ready." She whimpered. "I don't want to go, I can't go through that right now. It's too painful." He held her closer and nodded.

"We'll figure it out" he promised. "I'm not letting anyone take you until you're ready to go." She heaved a tiny sigh of relief, and continued to cry as he held her. She started to whisper in a voice so low he could barely make it out.

"I woke up and he was there. I must have been drugged, I don't know how, we're always so careful... I should have known better." She stopped talking as she cried harder. "But I woke up, and he was there... and I couldn't move. His eyes were so dark. And he had my knife... he held it to my throat as he told me what he wanted to do. I threw up and he just laughed... And he stabbed my shoulder." She shook in his arms, feeling the terror again. Deeks gently kissed her hair and rubbed her back lightly. She knew he wouldn't make her continue, but she felt she had to.

"Then there were two more of them. They just watched at first... as he cut my clothes off and threatened me with the knife, leaving welts on my skin. I was scared, Deeks. I don't get scared. But I was." She curled up even more tightly, wrapping her arms around herself. Her eyes darted all over the room, refusing to meet his, or linger in one spot too long. "Then he told them they could get me ready for him... he took the knife and left the room. Then they... one pried my mouth open and shoved himself inside. The other yanked my hair and told me if I tried anything he'd have his boss use the knife to teach me how to take it..." Deeks didn't need to be told what he'd meant.

"They took turns at first but when they thought I was going to cooperate, then one of them was in my mouth and the other inside me. I couldn't stop crying but they laughed and said I was lucky..." She choked on her tears. "I didn't fight. Why didn't I fight?" She suddenly cried out. "I'm supposed to be a fighter."


	9. Chapter 9

He wished he had an answer for her. He had his suspicions that she had been drugged, but he would have to wait on confirmation from the lab. He knew there was more than enough blood on her clothes that it could be tested. His uncertainty was whether or not he should tell her this. Would it cause her more panic, or would it ease her mind a bit to know it wasn't her fault? But he knew he didn't have time to think - she needed him to say something, anything, reassuring.

"He had a knife. You were bound. Kensi, look" he said, gently taking her hands and holding them for her to see, "look at your wrists. You DID fight. And you fought hard, or you wouldn't have these marks." He carefully brought one hand to his face and kissed the inside of her wrist, which was bruised and rubbed raw. Then he repeated this with the other wrist. "You didn't do this willingly. Don't blame yourself. It is NOT your fault."

Kensi remained silent, but Deeks hoped that she would start to believe him. In the meantime, he would be there to listen and reassure her.

It wasn't long before the timer on the oven made a loud PING, and he quietly got up to remove their dinner from the oven. Normally, even the thought of food would perk Kensi up, but he knew this was not "normally" or anything resembling it. He carefully placed two pieces of homemade pizza on a plate for her, and got two for himself as well. He went to the fridge and debated if beer was what she needed right now, and decided instead that they would both be better off with a glass of Ginger Ale for now.

He sat down next to her and offered her the plate and glass. She eventually reached for them, setting the glass beside her and the plate in her lap, but made no motion towards eating. Deeks watched her with concern.

"I know you don't feel like it, but you need to eat, Princess." he said. "I slaved long and hard over that stove of yours making that for you, you know," he added playfully. It had the desired effect, and she shot him a weak smile and took a bite. She knew he was right, she did need to eat. While she didn't inhale it with her usual enthusiasm, it wasn't long before the pizza on her plate was gone, and she asked him for more. He broke out into a real grin. "I told you I was a good chef."

Kensi appreciated that he was trying to give her some normalcy, and the pizza was pretty good. She knew he had made it because she loved pizza but wasn't ready to have a delivery person knocking at her door. For that, she was even more grateful. With food in her stomach, she was starting to feel a brief return to herself. She stood up and retrieved the TV remote, and switched over to the DVD player. Deeks understood the silent message, and found her Titanic DVD and put it in the player. Then he gathered up their dishes and washed up while popcorn cooked on the stovetop. He then joined her on the couch with popcorn and settled in as they would any other night. Not long into the movie, she was cuddled into his lap, with his arms protectively wrapped around her. They stayed that way until there was a knock at the door.

Kensi jumped and looked terrified. Any tension she had released had returned tenfold. Deeks cursed under his breath as he got up to see who was there, while Kensi had curled up in a ball under the blanket once again. When he saw who was there, Deeks growled, and then turned to Kensi.

"It's Callen. He probably just wants to see how you're doing. Do you want me to let him in, or ask him to leave?" He asked Kensi. She relaxed slightly, but seemed uncertain. She knew if Callen came in, he would know what was wrong. But if Deeks turned him away, he would know something was up and wouldn't stop pushing until he got an answer. She sighed loudly.

"You can let him in."

Deeks opened the door. Callen stood there, looking worried. Before he stepped inside, Deeks spoke.

"She's not in great shape right now. Go easy on her. Be gentle," he said. Callen looked confused but nodded as he stepped in.

"Hi Kens. Hetty told us you were feeling sick. I just wanted to check in on you, and bring you this," he said, holding up a tub of ice cream. "Deeks wasn't answering my calls or texts, so I just stopped by," he started. As he got closer and saw the look on Kensi's face, he knew instantly that something else was wrong. "What happened?" he asked. Deeks could see his temper flaring as Callen turned to face him. "What happened to her?" he demanded. Kensi visibly cowered, shocking Callen. He realized his reaction was out of line but he couldn't take it back. "Are you ok, Kensi?" he tried again. Deeks answered him.

"She will be, but it's gonna take some time. She wasn't ready to see anyone yet," he explained. Then Kensi spoke up.

"But when you showed up... I couldn't send you away. I know you care. I'm just not ready to talk about it," she whispered. A look of realization crossed Callen's face. He figured she had the flu at worst, but he knew from her face that illness was just a cover. Kensi, someone he loved as a sister, had been attacked. And it had been bad.

Callen knew that a physical attack wouldn't have left Kensi like this. She could easily take on a man twice her size, and endure a beating better than anyone on the team. This was worse. This scared woman in front of him looked like she had had the life drained from her, she was just a shell of the Kensi he had worked with only yesterday. He sunk down into a chair. Deeks had returned to the couch with Kensi, not worrying or caring what Callen would think.

"I found her this morning. She has four stab wounds. I cleaned and bandaged them up, and she can get stitches when she's ready to go to the hospital. Nell was here earlier and picked up all the evidence. It's being processed off the books for now. And yes, I know this is against all the rules. But Kensi trusted me, and I chose to do what she needed instead of what procedure says," Deeks said, trying to keep emotion out of his voice. He could see the anger on Callen's face. Then Kensi spoke up.

"I made him do it, Callen. I couldn't face the team. I can't go to the hospital. I just, I need time." Her voice sounded more scared as she spoke. "Please, don't blame Deeks." After a period of silence, Callen spoke.

"You did the right thing, Deeks. You took care of her. That's what matters. But when we find the jackass that did this, I'm going to kill him," he said.


	10. Chapter 10

Deeks held Kensi close, and felt a wave of relief flow over him as Callen said he'd done the right thing. He had known it all along, but was afraid of the team's reaction. Hearing Callen's approval, he no longer had to worry about getting the crap beaten out of him by Sam and Callen. He was still concerned about Hetty's reaction, but was prepared for whatever punishment she was prepared to dole out.

Kensi had relaxed a bit as well, which Deeks took as a good sign. He leaned down and whispered,

"Do you want me to chase him away?" A slight shake of the head was her response, so Deeks sat back and let Callen stay.

Callen was reeling. As he sat, watching Deeks comfort Kensi, he tried to process his thoughts. He had seen Kensi's wrists were raw, bruised and bloody, and her utter brokenness spoke the rest. He knew she had been violated, and nothing could make him angrier. He was angry with himself for not being able to protect her. He was angry with Deeks for keeping this from him. And most of all, he felt rage towards the monster that could do this to her. He had a million questions to ask, but he knew Kensi wasn't ready to be interrogated. He decided he would ask Deeks as soon as he could, but not at the expense of Kensi's comfort. He knew he should speak up and say something, but he was still trying to control the anger flaring up in him. When he looked back at Kensi and Deeks, though, all the anger melted and he just felt sadness.

"I'm so, so sorry, Kensi. Tell me how I can help." He said, making his way over to her. He sat on the floor, not wanting to tower over her. Her voice was shaky as she spoke.

"You can tell the team. I can't. And I need Deeks here with me." She said. "But when we find them, they're mine. I get the first shot at them." Her voice sounded stronger as she said this, and he could see some of her fire.

"Done" Callen replied. "Can I get you anything? Deeks, do you need anything from home? Or do you guys need anything picked up?" He asked, determined to help any way he could. He failed to notice the blush rising on Deeks' face.

"Um, I think I have everything I need here for a few days, and my neighbour is taking care of Monty." Deeks responded. He hoped Callen wouldn't question why Deeks kept spare clothes at Kensi's place. "But I can give you a list of a few things to pick up." He added. He quickly grabbed a piece of paper and jotted down a list. "Kens, is there anything you want?" He asked. She shook her head.

Callen took the list, and nodded. "I'll be back in an hour or so. Message me if you can think of anything else." He said, pausing. "Do you want me to tell the team tonight, or wait until tomorrow? You know they'll want to see you. But I'm sure your guard dog here will keep out any unwanted guests." Callen gestured towards Deeks. "I think he's determined enough, he could even take Sam on right now." He added, seeing a brief glimpse of Kensi's smile.

"Do what you think is best" she said. She felt bad keeping her friends, really her family, at arm's length. But she knew she wasn't ready to face them yet, and she was exhausted. "But no more visitors tonight."

"OK." he agreed. "Deeks, take care of her." He ordered, knowing it was unnecessary. Deeks was already in full blown momma bear mode. If anyone was going to keep Kensi safe, it was him. With that, Callen left.

As he sat in his car, he felt the overwhelming urge to punch something. Instead, he looked over the list Deeks had given him. Twinkies. A specific type of chocolate, that he knew Kensi loved. Strawberries. First aid supplies, including gauze and butterfly bandaids as well as antiseptic. More tylenol and advil. Extra blankets. And the last thing on the list was a giant chocolate milkshake from Kensi's favourite stand by the beach. He knew he would get that last, on his way back. Everything was self explanatory. He headed out to the closest store to get everything on the list.

When he had finished and was back in the car, he instinctively turned the list over. He realized Deeks had written on the back as well. His blood boiled when he read it.

Three attackers. Her father's knife. Tied wrists, ankles and waist to bed. Run tox screen. Multiple rapes. Check gauze and bedding for DNA. Needs STI/pregnancy screening.

Callen swore again. He needed to get Kensi's milkshake and drop off everything on the list. Then he was going to call Sam.


	11. Chapter 11

When Callen returned, he was rewarded with a smile from Kensi as he gave her the milkshake. She looked more relaxed than she had earlier, but was still just a shell of herself.

He brought the rest of the items to the kitchen, intending to speak privately with Deeks for a few moments. As Kensi settled back into the couch with her milkshake, watching Titanic again, Deeks caught Callen's eye and joined him. He pulled out his wallet and handed Callen some money for the shopping he'd done, but Callen refused. "It was the least I could do" he said quietly. Then he held out his hand to Deeks, who wasn't surprised when Callen handed him a note.

Will call Sam tonight. Update me in the morning, I'll brief the team. We're going to catch them. I'll deal with Hetty.  
Called in a favour with a friend - female doctor will make house calls. 598 555 4682. She's waiting for your call - will be available any time.

Deeks shot Callen a grateful look and mouthed "Thank you" to him. He grabbed a package of twinkies from the box, and returned to the couch with Kensi. Callen headed to the door.

"Good night, Kens. Let me know if you need anything or you're up to seeing us tomorrow." He said, standing at the door.

"Thanks, Callen, for everything" she said. He slipped out the door. She took another sip of her milkshake. Then she turned to Deeks and said "Thank you, too. I'd be lost without you." She paused, trying not to cry. Instead, she found herself stretching out on the couch, leaning back into Deeks arms, and yawning.

"You're tired." He observed. "You need to sleep." He reached down and grabbed one of the new blankets that Callen had gotten, and draped it over her. "Close your eyes. I've got you." He whispered. And she did just that.

Deeks looked down at her. He was glad to see some sparks of her coming back, but he hated that she was still so skittish. He hoped that some rest would help a bit, but he was fully prepared for nightmares. He pulled out his phone, and sent a message to the number that Callen had given him. He didn't know how much detail Callen had gone into, but expected it would be enough. He wanted to let the doctor know that Kensi was going to sleep for now, but he'd like her to see someone in the morning if she feels ready. Once again, he sighed, feeling the full weight of what had happened. He carefully shifted Kensi's weight a bit, and leaned back to try and get some rest. He expected it would be a long night.

Deeks was shocked awake a few hours later, realizing that it wasn't Kensi having a nightmare, but himself. She seemed to be sleeping peacefully, but he had jolted awake with his heart racing. While he couldn't remember what had scared him, he knew it was related to his fear of losing the person who meant most to him - the beautiful woman sleeping in his arms. He was so grateful that she was still there, but he was still scared that he had lost part of her. She must have felt his anxiety, because she stirred and looked up at him. He could feel her reading his mind.

"It's ok, go back to sleep" he whispered to her. She opened her mouth to argue, but he placed his finger over her lips. "Sleep." He said. And they both settled back and dozed off.

The faintest bit of light was starting to creep through the windows when Kensi woke screaming. Deeks bolted awake and tried to calm her by wrapping his arms around her. He quickly realized the mistake he'd made when she slammed him to the ground, knocking the wind out of him. He lay there stunned for a moment, as Kensi screamed while pinning him in place. He wasn't going to fight back, so he forced his body to go limp, and spoke quietly but firmly.

"Kens, you're ok. It's just me, it's Deeks. No one is going to hurt you. It's just us here. You're safe." He continued until something snapped, and she scrambled off him, crying. "Kens, it's alright. You're safe." He reassured her. She had retreated and was curled up, still crying.

"I thought you were him." She whimpered. "God, I'm so sorry. Are you hurt? I didn't hurt you, did I?" She looked more panicked at the idea of hurting him than she had at the nightmare.

"No, I'm all good. That'll teach me to try and hug you when you don't want it. Just a bit winded, but it's not a big deal." He said. She looked at him warily, unsure if he was being honest. She had been fighting back with all her strength and something told her he was in a lot more pain than he let on. But he interrupted her thoughts before she could get too lost in them. "Do you want to talk about the nightmare?" He asked gently.


	12. Chapter 12

"No" She said. She wasn't ready to even think about it, let alone talk about it. And she was concerned about her partner - he still hadn't gotten up off the floor, where she had pinned him. "Are you sure you're ok?" She asked.

"Yeah, yeah, all good" He tried to grin. "But next time you do that, maybe we'll use a gym mat?" He was refusing to let her see just how much pain he was in. She reached down to offer him a hand up, which he gladly took - but he groaned as she helped pull him to a sitting position. "Do you want to try and get some more rest, or do you want me to make breakfast?" He asked, hoping to distract her. She studied him carefully, still looking concerned. "Callen got strawberries... I can make pancakes." He said. That sealed it - when he saw her smile, he hauled himself up and wandered into the kitchen. He put on the coffee, downed a couple Tylenol, then started making pancakes.

Kensi was still huddled on the couch when the coffee was ready, so he poured her a mug and brought it over to her. She took it and forced a smile, but he could see she was lost in thought. He promised himself he wouldn't discuss anything difficult until they had finished eating, but he was tempted to ask if she was ready to see a doctor. Instead, he returned to the kitchen and finished cooking.

He prepared two plates with pancakes, topped with strawberries, syrup, and powdered sugar. With a quick grin, he added some of the ice cream Callen had brought the night before, then he grabbed two forks and went back to the couch. Kensi was still holding her coffee, but seemed a million miles away. She didn't acknowledge Deeks, or the food he had made. He wasn't going to risk startling her again, so he returned the plates to the kitchen, then sat on the couch beside her.

"Hey Kens, want to talk about it?" He asked her. She didn't respond or acknowledge him. "Kensalina?" He called a bit louder. She still didn't respond. He was unsure if she had fallen asleep with her eyes open or if she was having a flashback. He was hesitant to touch her, lest he end up flat on his (already sore) back again. But he wanted to help her snap out of it. After a minute, he gently put his hand on her coffee cup and slid it out of her hands and onto the coffee table. Then he put his hands on hers and tried again. "Kensi? You ok?" His touch worked. She jumped, and took a swing at him, but he saw it coming and ducked.

"We might need to work on this." He said to himself. "What's up, Kens? You were lost there for a few minutes." He asked her. She looked surprised, but didn't know what to say.

"I guess I just zoned out." She said, writing it off. As the smell of pancakes hit here, she looked around for breakfast. Deeks laughed a bit, and retrieved their plates. The ice cream had started melting, but she didn't seem to mind. She actually dug into it with some enthusiasm. He was relieved to see her eating and even enjoying her food.

"So..." Deeks started, hesitant about her reaction. "Callen gave me the number of a doctor last night. She does house calls, and she's free any time today. I was thinking, if you're up to it, she could come and take a look to see if you need stitches, and make sure your wounds are ok?" He stopped, giving her time to think. He knew the doctor would be able to do any testing Kensi needed as well, but wanted it to be her decision, made without pressure from him. "Do you think you'd be up for that later this morning?" He asked, as he cleaned up their dishes. He was about to pour her another coffee, but decided against it - it would only make her more anxious.

Kensi was trying to process her thoughts. She was terrified of having someone she didn't know around her. But she knew she needed to get her stab wounds checked by a professional and likely stitched up. And as scared as she was to explain what had happened, she knew there were other issues that needed to be dealt with. Finally, she made up her mind that she needed to be strong, and get this done. And she would give herself the rest of the day to deal with things.

"I guess... that would be ok" She said. Deeks nodded with a bit of relief.

"I'll make sure she comes a bit later, so you have some time." He said. Then he messaged the doctor and asked her to come around 10 am. "The other thing, is that you know Callen will be telling the team this morning. And they're going to want to see you. But it's entirely your choice. If you want them to leave you alone, I won't let them in, ok? They're going to have a lot of questions, but you don't have to answer until you're ready." He said. She looked like she was going to cry again, so he came back to the couch, scooped her into his lap and hugged her close. "It's gonna be ok" he reminded her, "We all just want to make sure you're ok. And I won't let anyone hurt you."

She knew he was right, but she couldn't help feeling stressed and anxious. She was also starting to feel exhaustion setting in again, so she grabbed the blanket and pulled it over herself again. Looking back at Deeks, she slid down, hoping to allow him a bit more room. He stretched out behind her, getting the hint.

"You're right. I think we could both use some more sleep." He said. They both stretched out, spooning on the narrow couch and sharing a pillow. Deeks wrapped his arms around her so she wouldn't slip off, and she turned and buried her face in his neck.

"Thank you" she whispered as she drifted off.


	13. Chapter 13

As Nell drove back, her thoughts were a whirlwind. She was worried about Kensi - more worried than she had ever been before. Kensi was strong - arguably, the strongest member of the team. Nell had believed her to be unbreakable. So seeing her today, hadn't just hurt her to the core, it left her shattered. It was impossible to believe that the figure huddled under the blankets was the same friend with whom she had shared drinks last night. As Nell thought of last night, she felt cold terror pierce through her - Kensi had been attacked after having drinks with Nell. It could have just as easiliy been her - and she knew she wasn't as strong as Kensi. These thoughts had her feeling sick as she arrived at OSP.

She grabbed the box of evidence, making sure it was closed, then rushed inside. She left the box on Hetty's desk, and wished she could leave all memory of it there as well. She had seen the contents - blood soaked clothes, blankets and gauze, and Kensi's knife, still coated in her own blood. Hetty watched her carefully as she set it down, then took a sip of tea.

"How is Ms. Blye?" She asked, knowing from Nell's state that it wasn't good. Nell took a breath and said,

"It's bad, Hetty. I've never seen her like this. It broke her."

"I see. Take a few minutes to yourself, dear." She told Nell, gesturing to the second cup of tea on her desk. "Take this with you."

Nell took the cup of tea gratefully and found a quiet corner to sit and gather her thoughts as she sipped the tea. As she finished, she remembered that she still had the chip from Deeks camera with her. She rushed up to Ops and tossed it in her drawer, locking it up as quickly as she could. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

When Eric came in, he could see she was preoccupied. She didn't notice as he came up beside her, and startled when he spoke.

"Hey, you ok?" He asked.

"Yeah, fine." She replied, unconvincingly.

For the remainder of the day, Eric worried about his partner as she seemed more and more distracted. He tried baiting her with opportunities to make fun of him, and distracting her with every video and game he could think of, but she remained oblivious to his efforts and lost in thought.

When the day was finally over and they were walking out, Eric tried again.

"Are you ok, Nell? You're not yourself today. You've been acting off since you ran that errand for Hetty at lunch. Do you want to talk about it?"

Nell sighed. "I want to Eric, but I can't. It's just one of those Hetty things, got me anxious, you know?"

It was Eric's turn to sigh. "Yeah, I get it. Is there anything I can do to help?" He asked. "Want to grab a beer?"

Nell took a deep breath, and before she could change her mind she blurted out,

"Can I come home with you tonight?" Eric was stunned. Seeing his look of shock, she clarified "I can sleep on the floor. I just don't want to be alone." Eric nodded, glad that he could be there to comfort her, even if she couldn't tell him what was going on.

"Not a problem. You can have the bed." He said. "Do you need to pick anything up at your place?" He asked. She thought for a moment, but decided against going home. She was still feeling anxious. Instead, she asked to stop by a 24 hour box store. She quickly grabbed a pair of pajamas, a travel pack of toiletries and a case of beer, and met Eric back at the car. Holding up the beer, she said,

"It's been a long day. I thought we this might help us unwind." Eric smiled, and agreed. They stopped once more to pick up dinner, and then headed to his place.

"Sorry about the mess" he apologized, as he moved his surfboards. "I'll sleep on the couch, and you can have the bed tonight." He flicked on the tv, and they settled down on the couch to watch TV and eat. He could tell Nell was still brooding, but knew better than to push her to share. If she could tell him, she would have done so already. It still bothered him to see her hurting.

"Anything I can get for you?" He asked, knowing he couldn't ask what was on her mind.

"No, not really." She replied. "Letting me stay here is already enough." They sat in silence together watching TV and enjoying their drinks. After finishing her third beer, Nell spoke up. "I'm really tired, and we have work tomorrow. I think it's time for bed." Eric stood up with her and tidied up their empty containers while she went to his room and changed. He had started to set up his bed on the couch when Nell returned. She rolled her eyes at him and said,

"Don't be ridiculous. Your bed is big enough for both of us. Just keep your hands to yourself." Eric stared at her, sure his jaw was scraping the ground, before he came to his senses and managed to mumble out,

"Are you sure?!"

"Yes" She said as she turned away. Under her breath she added "I just don't want to be alone."

As they crawled into bed, Nell turned to thank him for letting her stay the night.

"Anything for you." He whispered. "Sleep well." Knowing full well that neither one of them would have a sound night's sleep.

When they woke in the morning, both of them had expected things to be awkward, but they were surprised and relieved that it had felt quite natural. Over the course of the night they had gravitated closer, with Nell finally resting her head on Eric's chest while he wrapped his arm around her. It had offered her the comfort she had so badly needed, without straying into awkward territory.

Eric typically woke early to surf, but he had allowed himself to sleep in today. He loved the feeling of waking up with Nell in his arms - and strangely felt relieved that everything between them had remained platonic. He didn't want her to feel he had taken advantage of her when she was feeling down.

Once fully awake, they had taken turns showering and dressing for the day. Eric made coffee while Nell prepared breakfast, and they headed in to OSP early, intending to get a head start on their work for the day.

"Hey" Eric said "Do you think Kensi and Deeks will be back today?" He asked. Nell paled and turned away quickly as she mumbled

"I doubt it."


	14. Chapter 14

Callen had decided against calling Sam when he left Kensi's. As much as he wanted to tell his partner, so he would have someone to talk to, he decided it was better for everyone to wait until the morning. He had a restless night and didn't sleep much, and he gave up on sleep well before dawn and went in to work. He spent some time in the gym, beating on the punching bag, but didn't find it as satisfying as his partner did. He went back to his desk to finish up paperwork, which kept him occupied until the others started trickling in.

Hetty was first to arrive. When she came in, she looked mildly surprised to see him - but gave him space and went up to her desk, knowing he would come talk to her when he was ready. And she was right. She had just poured herself her first cup of tea, when he came up and said he needed to talk.

"Is this about Ms. Blye?" She asked, knowing full well it was.

"Yeah. How much do you know?" He asked.

"Mr. Deeks seems quite adamant that this will be his investigation, and is keeping us at arm's length for the moment" She started. "But I reviewed the evidence that came in yesterday and I believe I have an idea of what happened." Callen sighed, and handed Hetty the note that Deeks had scribbled for him on the back of the shopping list. She read it silently, her lips tightening.

"I went to drop off some ice cream for Kensi last night, figured if she were sick it might help. Deeks answered the door and looked ready to kill someone. They let me in, but she's a mess. I've never seen her like this, all her fight is gone. She's just a shell." He stopped, remembering how timid and scared she had looked last night. "Deeks gave me a short list of stuff to pick up, with that note on the back. I got a small smile out of her when I dropped off the milkshake he requested... but she's not Kensi. Whatever happend to her, it broke her."

Hetty had listened quietly. When she saw the evidence come in, she had her suspicions about the assault. By the way Deeks was behaving, and Nell's report, she knew Kensi was in a bad place - but to hear Callen confirm it, and to read what Deeks had written, made her feel ill. She was aware of how protective Deeks was of his partner, and she knew that finding her like this was going to damn near destroy him too. She was glad she had already recalled Nate and he was on his way there. She waited to see if Callen had any more to add to what he had said. When he didn't, she spoke.

"I had a look at the evidence that Nell retrieved. I believe we will need to collect more, but we have the essentials for now. It has been sent for processing, but if you would like to review the photos, I will make them available. There are none of Ms. Blye, as Mr. Deeks felt it would be detrimental to all involved. I assume they have approved you telling us about this?" She asked. His nod was her confirmation. "Then I will have you do so when everyone is here." She said "At which point we can begin an investigation - although Mr. Deeks has made it quite clear we will do things his way, and I have no intention of arguing with him. I believe he is correct that if this is not handled properly, we may lose Ms. Blye as an agent - and Mr. Deeks as well." She stopped, with a sad look on her face. "We need to deal with this quickly and cautiously, Mr. Callen. We cannot afford to lose Ms. Blye. Follow Mr. Deeks lead - but make sure we can catch these miserable bastards."

They were interrupted as the main door swung open, and Eric and Nell came in. Nell looked anxious, and Eric was watching her with concern, Callen observed. When Nell saw Callen and Hetty speaking, she knew they were in for a very difficult day, but couldn't help feeling relief that she could now share her feelings with Eric.  
When Eric saw Hetty and Callen speaking, he felt a sinking feeling. First Kensi calls in sick and Deeks doesn't come back to work. Then Nell is keeping a secret that's destroying her, and now Callen and Hetty are deep in conversation, both looking grim. But he knows enough to keep his mouth shut, as he follows Nell up to Ops.

Sam came in last - although he was still an hour early. He had intended to spend some time in the gym, and catching up on paperwork to make up for being two agents down. When he saw everyone had arrived and was looking grim, he knew he wasn't going to the gym first. He exchanged a look with Callen, and they headed up to Ops with Hetty close behind.

When they walk in, Eric immediately turned and directed his attention to Hetty. Nell turned as well, but couldn't bring herself to look up.

"I'm afraid that we have a situation" Hetty began "Yesterday, three men broke into Ms. Blye's house and assaulted her. Mr. Deeks found her when she didn't show up for work. At her request, we waited until now to brief you." She said. Then Callen took over.

"Kensi's in bad shape. But she doesn't want to see anyone at the moment, and we need to respect that. They used her father's knife to threaten her, and she received four stab wounds, all of which were serious. All three sexually assaulted her, but we do not have details and may not get them." He could see Sam was barely containing his rage, and gave him a look. "Deeks gathered evidence to be processed, and it's being done now. When Kensi is ready, someone will need to go back to collect and process the rest of it. Deeks did take photos for us to use, which Nell was to keep secure until now - but they are only of evidence, not of Kensi herself." Eric turned to Nell with a look of shock as he realized that she had been the one to retrieve the evidence, and had kept this to herself. No wonder she had been struggling so much - she had known what happened and wasn't allowed to talk about it. She kept herself blank as she handed him the chip with the photos on it. She hadn't reviewed them herself yesterday, knowing she wouldn't be able to keep herself together. Callen continued. "These pictures are going to be difficult to look at. For now, we need to forget that Kensi was involved and try to be objective. We need to be able to solve this quickly." He said.

When Eric started loading the pictures, they all froze. Nell's hand flew to her mouth as she gasped, prompting Eric to reach over and place his hand on her arm. The bloody knife, the rope, the bedding - it was too much. Nell quietly started to cry, and Sam stormed from the room. Callen followed Sam out, and Eric gathered Nell in his arms as she quietly cried into his chest. Before Hetty left, she turned to Eric and said:

"Do what needs to be done to catch these bastards. I don't care if it's legal. You have my permission to do anything necessary to bring them to justice." And she left quickly.

Eric closed the images on the screen so they didn't have to look at them. Nell had allowed him to hold her as her quiet tears had turned to sobs. He was unsure what to do, but he let her cry and gently stroked her hair.

"We're going to catch them, Nell. I promise. And you know that we'll make them pay." He reassured her.

"I know." She whispered. "But I'm scared we won't get Kensi back. How can anyone recover from this?" She asked him.

"I don't know." He replied. He didn't know if anyone could. "But if anyone can, it's Kensi. And she's got all of us to help her." He said. Nell nodded, knowing he was right. "And you're staying at my place until they're caught" he added as he suddenly realized why she was reluctant to return home. She allowed herself a few more moments of comfort before she sat up and said,

"OK, then let's get to work."

Callen followed Sam as he made his way to the gym. And he stood aside while he watched his partner beat the crap out of the bag. When Sam hit the punching bag so hard that it split, and the chain holding it broke, Callen stepped in.

"It's not going to help her." He said. "She needs us to focus on finding the monsters who did this to her." Sam stepped back.

"I know. But what the hell, G. When did you know, and why didn't you tell me?" He asked, still angry.

"Last night, I went to drop off some ice cream because we thought she was sick." Callen explained. "I picked up some stuff that Deeks asked for, and when I dropped it off she was ready to sleep. I was going to call you, but she needs her space and I knew you'd want to go over there as soon as you knew. And she doesn't want to see us right now."

"We're family. We need to be there for her" Sam said, kicking the bag on the floor.

"I know. But she's not ready, Sam. I saw her face - she was terrified when I came in. And Deeks was acting like a damn pitbull, ready to pitch me out of there without hesitation the moment she said the word. We're gonna have to wait for her to come to us, as hard as that is." Callen knew he was right, but he also knew Sam wouldn't want to hear them.

"Fine." Sam said. "Fine. But I'm going to murder the men that did this to her. They don't deserve a trial."

"I'm with you on that one. But Kensi made me promise she gets first dibs." Callen replied

"I guess I can live with that..." Sam agreed. "But they're not getting away with this." He gave the sad punching bag one last kick, and then they went back up to Ops to develop a plan.


	15. Chapter 15

Deeks was startled awake by Kensi bolting upright and screaming. He knew better than to touch her, so he quickly hopped off the couch and gave her a little bit of space.

"It's ok Kens. It's Deeks, I'm here for you. No one is going to hurt you. I won't let them. You're safe." He repeated. It didn't take long for her to fully wake up, but when she did, she started sobbing. He pulled her in for a hug, rubbing her back and kissing her forehead. "It's ok Kens. We're gonna get you through this." He promised. He hated to see her like this, but was glad he could be there for her. She had stopped crying, but lay listlessly on his chest while he ran his fingers through his hair, wondering how he could help her.

The quiet knock at the door startled them both. Deeks glanced at the clock, and realized it must be the doctor.

"That will be the doctor. Are you ok if I let her in, or do you want me to ask her to come back later?" He asked Kensi.

"Let her in... might as well get this over with." Kensi sighed.

Deeks went to the door, and was surprised at the woman in front of him. She wasn't what he expected - but then again, this was a friend of Callen's. She was dressed in jeans and a pink tshirt with lace sleeves and a picture of a kitten on the front. She had a large purple backpack slung over one shoulder.

"Hi! I'm Lindsey. You must be Deeks. Callen let me know you'd answer the door. Is Kensi up for my visit or should I come back in a bit?" She asked cheerfully.

"No, she said now is fine. Come on in." Deeks told her.

Kensi was still curled up on the couch, wrapped in the blanket that seemed to have become her security. Lindsey walked over and sat on the floor in front of her.

"Hi Kensi, I'm a friend of Callen's. He told me you might be better with a house call so you don't have to deal with people at the hospital. I work in the emergency department, so I should be able to take care of whatever you need. I brought everything I thought we might need." She said. "I'm not in a rush to go anywhere, so we can take all the time you need, ok? I know you've been through the ringer and the last thing you need is pressure from me. OK?" Kensi nodded. She was feeling at ease with Lindsey, even though she had never met her before.

"I guess the first issue is the, uh, cuts. Deeks cleaned them up but he thinks they might need stitches." She said slowly. "And you need to check Deeks out - he won't admit it but his back is killing him. He hit the floor kind of hard last night..." She stopped, not wanting to admit it was her fault.

"Sounds good" Lindsey said. "How about I start with Deeks, then, and we'll take a look at your injuries when you're ready." She turned to Deeks and motioned for him to come over. "Shirt off!" Lindsey said a bit playfully. Deeks turned his back to Kensi as he took his shirt off, not wanting her to see what he was sure was a lot of bruising. As Lindsey ran her hands over his shoulder blade, he tensed with pain.

"Looks like you've got some bruising, but nothing a sling and some painkillers won't fix." She grabbed a bottle out of her backpack and shook two small white pills into his hand. "Take these, and then we'll pop the sling on you. OK?" He went to grab a glass of water from the kitchen, and Lindsey followed him. Kensi was staring at the blank TV, not paying much attention. As he filled his glass, Lindsey leaned over and whispered. "I hate to say this, but I think you've cracked your shoulder blade. It will need an xray, and I want you in the sling for at least 4 weeks. I didn't want Kensi worrying though. I'm guessing from her 'explanation, she threw you to the floor in a panic, am I right?" Deeks was shocked at how perceptive she was, and nodded. He wondered just how much Callen had told her about them.

"Thank you for that. I knew it hurt like hell, but I wasn't going to let her know that. She's got enough to deal with right now..." He trailed off. Then he knocked back the two pills, as Lindsey drank a glass of water as well. They went back to Kensi, who was still staring at the TV.

"Kens, do you want me to turn it on for you?" Deeks asked. She shook her head.

"No, it's ok..." She replied. She looked at Lindsey and said "I guess it's my turn now."

"Only if you're ready" Lindsey said. "If it will help, I have some anti anxiety pills you can take if you'd like?" But Kensi shook her head. She unwrapped the blanket from around her, and said

"Let's do this."

Deeks sat next to her as she lifted her shirt to expose the wound on her stomach. Lindsey removed the bandages and examined it carefully. There was a long slash across Kensi's abdomen, and what appeared to be rope burn above and below it.

"Looks like this was cleaned up pretty well. I think this one will be ok with butterfly bandages. You'll need to keep it dry though. OK?" She asked Kensi. "I'll leave you some spare bandages so you or Deeks can change it without needing to go to the hospital. Just apply them carefully so it doesn't aggravate the other marks. " She pulled out a few different packages and expertly dressed the wound. As she finished, Kensi dropped her shirt and turned away. She took a few deep breaths, looked at Deeks, then exposed her shoulder wound. Again, Lindsey carefully removed the bandages and examined it. She carefully felt around the wound.

"I'm sorry, I think this one will heal better if I stitch it up. Is that ok?" She asked. "I can do it now, or I can check the rest of your cuts to see if any others need stitches. Your call." Kensi wasn't sure. She looked at Deeks, wishing he could decide for her. He understood.

"Why don't you check her thigh, see if it needs stitches first." He suggested. Kensi nodded in agreement and rolled up the pants she was wearing. She had forgotten that she was still in Deeks clothes and the realization startled her.

Lindsey looked at the bandage on Kensi's thigh. It was deep red with dried blood. A quick glance down confirmed that there were abrasions on her ankles that matched those on her wrists and stomach. Lindsey forced herself not to think how it happened, as she carefully peeled off the bandage. Kensi hissed as it began to bleed again. Lindsey quickly grabbed another package from her backpack and told Deeks to open it. She grabbed the bandage and pressed it to Kensi's thigh. The bleeding stopped a moment later, and she lifted the bandage to examine it.

"This one is pretty bad. It's going to need stitches, but I'm worried about infection, too. Are you ok taking antibiotics?" She asked. Kensi nodded. "Ok then. So time to stitch these up, or are there more injuries to examine?" Kensi froze. She wanted to get her other injuries checked, but it was too much for her right now. It had been hard enough to let Deeks clean them - and he was her partner, someone she knew better than anyone else, and trusted with her life. She was starting to spiral down into panic, but Lindsey saw it and quickly interrupted her train of thought.

"Stitches it is. I'll need to numb it with lidocaine to make things easier, and then I'll suture your shoulder, and then your thigh. I'll need you to try to hold still, but you're not going to feel anything after I numb it. Do you want to put on the TV or something to distract you?" She asked.

"No. It's fine." Kensi said, still feeling a bit panicky. Deeks grabbed her hand and squeezed it. He knew how much she was struggling.

Lindsey pulled out a vial and several tiny needles. She prepared the lidocaine and then turned to Kensi.

"Alright, shoulder first. Look away." Kensi did as she was told "There we go. Just a little pinch. It's going to feel strange for a few minutes, but it will be numb soon." She carefully checked Kensi's thigh again, and then did several injections around the wound. "Sorry if that one hurt a bit. Thighs are tricky." But Kensi didn't reply. She had buried her face in Deeks chest and was holding onto his shirt as he stroked her hair.

Lindsey pulled out her suture kit and started to stitch up Kensi's shoulder. She was done in just a few minutes, and carefully covered it with a bandage.

"All done. Now the thigh is going to be a bit trickier. I'm going to put this blue plastic over it so I can keep the area a bit cleaner. It might take a bit longer." She advised Kensi. Kensi nodded, never pulling away from Deeks.

Lindsey set to work, trying to repair the mess in front of her. It looked like such a painful injury. She stopped herself from thinking about it, and focused on the task at hand. She hated stitching wounds like this. It was always worse when the physical injuries were nothing compared to the emotional trauma - and it was very obvious that this was the case with Kensi.

Kensi sighed as she inhaled Deeks scent. She was thinking about giving in and asking for the sedative Lindsey had offered - but didn't want to seem weak. She was overwhelmed with anxiety and knew that if Deeks wasn't there, she would have sent Lindsey away after the first few minutes. She inhaled again. Maybe she didn't need a sedative. She just needed to hold on to her rock, and trust he had her back.


	16. Chapter 16

When Kensi's leg was sutured and bandaged, she had found the resolve to continue and have her other injuries checked. Lindsey looked up at her and asked if she needed a break, but Kensi shook her head. She looked at Deeks, and he helped her remove her shirt.

It took all Lindsey had not to gasp, but she maintained her professional appearance. She carefully inspected the cuts, slashes, abrasions and - was that a bite mark? While it didn't appear anything would need suturing, this was a mess. The bite was a definite infection risk, but Kensi was already going to need antibiotics. She didn't want to take any more time than necessary, so she quickly cleaned and covered all the cuts she could.

"I think our best bet for this is going to be to wrap some bandages all the way around your torso. Is that ok?" Lindsey asked. "I think that's the best way to protect everything." Kensi nodded. "OK, lift up your arms a bit." She said, and she carefully wrapped an ace bandage over the gauze she had placed over the cuts. Kensi sighed a bit in relief as Deeks helped her pull her shirt down again.

"Now... the tough part. Kensi, I know this is hard. And you can throw me out as soon as I finish talking, and I won't be upset, I get it." Lindsey took a breath "I know that there was more to this attack than just some stab wounds. You're on edge and nervous. I can see the marks on your wrists and I saw the ones around your waist. You were restrained. And I suspect you were raped. And if that's the case, there's a lot more for me to do. But if you're not ready, I can leave and wait until you are." She stopped, watching Kensi.

Kensi froze, again. It was the first time someone had used that word to describe what happend to her, and it made her heart stop. Lindsey and Deeks waited as she paled, and then regained a bit of her composure. Then she spoke.

"You're right. And I shouldn't wait any longer." She paused. "But I'm scared." Deeks grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

"Just tell us what you need, Kens. I'm here for you. And Lindsey will stop the moment you ask." He reassured her.

Lindsey walked through the details of what she recommended she do. She gave Kensi the space and time to process and didn't push her. Deeks held her hand. Kensi agreed, and quietly stated that she needed STI testing... and a pregnancy test. But Lindsey just nodded in agreement.

The first step was to collect any evidence. Lindsey scraped under Kensi's nails and combed through her hair, collecting the evidence in bags she had in her backpack.

Next she drew blood to be sent for testing. Kensi flinched at the needle, but didn't make a sound.

Before continuing, Lindsey asked again if Kensi wanted a sedative, but she declined. She lay down on the couch, leaning back into Deeks as he held her.

* * *

At Ops, Eric, Nell, Callen and Sam forced themselves to quickly review the photos that Deeks had taken of the evidence. Nell pulled up reports from the lab, and they all skimmed through them. There were 3 different DNA samples collected from her sheets, confirming that there had been 3 attackers. No matches had been found, yet.

Kensi's blood samples had high levels of Secobarbitol, as well as Lorazepam and Alcohol. She had been drugged.

The gauze that Deeks had used to clean Kensi's wounds not only contained her blood, but also saliva and semen from one of the attackers.

After reading that, Nell turned and threw up in a trash can. Callen ran to get a bottle of water for her, while Eric rubbed her back. Sam stomped around the room and looked for something to hit.

Then Hetty entered the room.

"I have reviewed the photos and the lab reports. We do not currently have enough to identify our suspect. This will be our first priority." She said. "I have spoken to Mr. Deeks, and Kensi saw a doctor this morning. Mr. Callen, you will need to meet her to get her reports and the evidence she was able to collect. Ms. Blye understands that her home will need to be processed as a crime scene, and is prepared for that to happen this afternoon. We must proceed carefully - we need to respect Ms. Blye's boundaries as emphasized by Mr. Deeks. But aside from that, you will do anything necessary to apprehend these men." She said emphatically. "Anything."

"OK" Callen said "I'm going to meet up with Lindsey, the doctor who saw Kensi. She's a friend of mine. Eric and Nell, I need you to see if you can find a way to identify the attackers from the DNA samples. Nell, we're going to need a description of any of the men you and Kensi may have interacted with the night of her attack. Sam - I know you're desperate to see Kensi, so check with Deeks and see if she's up to the visit." He directed. Everyone nodded, and they got to work.

* * *

When Lindsey left, Kensi was exhausted both physically and emotionally. Deeks put Titanic on again for her, and tucked the blanket around her on the couch as he went to prepare lunch. He heated up the rest of the pizza from the night before, and looked through the fridge to see what could go with it. He wanted something quick and easy, but nothing jumped out at him. He grabbed the box of twinkies that Callen had brought and pulled out a package. Kensi could have the pizza for lunch, and twinkies with ice cream for dessert.

Once the pizza was heated up, he took it over to her. She ate one piece, but lost interest quickly. Deeks retrieved the bowl of ice cream from the freezer and opened the twinkies, hoping dessert might catch her interest. She didn't even move to take the bowl.

"Come on, Kens. You still need to eat." He prodded her. He scooped up a spoonful and held it in front of her. "Open up or I'll wipe it on your nose" he teased. She obliged, and allowed him to feed her, again. Halfway through the bowl, she shook her head. She didn't want to eat any more.

Deeks rose and put the bowl back in the freezer. He came and sat next to the couch, and stroked her hair until she fell asleep. He puttered around, straightening up. Lindsey had left several bottles of pills for Kensi, including painkillers, antibiotics, and something to help her sleep at night. He took the pill bottles to the kitchen and put them in the cabinet with the twinkies. And he sighed. He was being strong for Kensi, but he hurt, too. He took another of the painkillers Lindsey had snuck into the cupboard for him. He hoped it would help the emotional pain he felt, too. His heart ached for Kensi. He wished he could take this all away. He hated to see her in pain.


	17. Chapter 17

Sam called Deeks to see if he could see Kensi. He was disappointed when Deeks said she was asleep, but glad that she was resting. On a whim, he asked if they needed anything, or if Deeks needed some company. He was surprised when the response wasn't an automatic no. Deeks did want some company, someone to talk to - but he also knew it wouldn't be good for Kensi to wake up to find someone else in her home.

"Thanks, man. I'll have to take a raincheque on that though. Wouldn't be good if Kens woke up and I hadn't asked before inviting you over. But I'll call you when she's up." He offered.

When they hung up, Sam looked around the empty bullpen. He hated feeling useless. Callen was meeting with the doctor. Deeks was caring for Kensi. Nell and Eric were up in Ops, working their magic. And Hetty... well, who knew what Hetty was up to. He decided to go down to the gym and work off some of his anger.

He was momentarily surprised to see the punching bag on the floor, having forgotten the damage he did to it earlier. But he was more surprised when he realized there was a new bag hanging up, with a note on it.

_Please see to it that this does not end up in the same condition as its predecessor. I believe Ms. Blye will have need of it in the near future. When you are finished here, I have an assignment for you. -H_

After twenty minutes of beating on the punching bag, Sam felt slightly better. He showered, and then went to find Hetty to see what his assignment was.

* * *

Deeks sighed as he hung up the phone. He felt guilty for wanting to talk to someone about how he felt - but seeing Kensi like this was breaking him. His emotions flitted from rage at the monsters who did this, to fear he had lost his partner, to heartbreak at seeing her so broken. He wasn't sure his emotions had ever overwhelmed him like this - but he knew it was because he had never cared for someone as much as he cared for Kensi.

He went to the kitchen to see what he could make for dinner. It was still early - but if he got started now, Kensi could have his undivided attention when she woke up. It seemed there was so little he could do for her, but he could at least make sure she had food to eat. As he went through the cupboards and fridge, searching for inspiration, he lost himself in thought.

He had been surprised, and so proud of Kensi for going ahead with Lindsey's suggestions. But he saw how difficult it was for her and couldn't help but wonder if it would have been better to wait a few more days, or at least take the offered sedative. As Kensi leaned back into him, she had been shaking violently. He held her gently and kissed her hair and tried to calm her, but he knew his words and actions weren't enough. Lindsey had spoken softly, and reminded Kensi that all she had to do was say no, or shake her head, and they would stop. Deeks made sure she didn't feel restrained, and Lindsey was careful, but Kensi had still struggled. In the midst of a flashback, she had kicked at Lindsey, who expertly ducked out of the way. Deeks hadn't even tried to avoid the blow to the jaw that she had delivered, hoping that her fist connecting with his flesh might help in some small way. He rubbed it now, a bit proud of the fight she had in her. But it was going to be a nasty shade of blue soon and he knew Kensi would be upset that she had hurt him, again. He didn't know how to make her see that he would gladly be her punching bag if it helped her even the tiniest bit.

A few tears escaped as he started preparing dinner. He knew she loved lasagna, so that's what he was making. As he chopped vegetables, and rolled out pasta, he was still lost in thought. He couldn't shake the image of Kensi crying as Lindsey had explained the possible future consequences of her internal injuries. While no one had voiced it, it was clear that Kensi's stab wounds were not the only places her attacker had used the knife. Lindsey had been discrete as she examined Kensi, but the look she had shot Deeks told him more than enough. And it killed him.

He had been totally unprepared for her sobs when Lindsey said it was something she needed to discuss with her doctors before she could ever consider having children. As Lindsey explained Kensi's options to prevent infection and pregnancy as the result of her attack, he could barely control his rage. Kensi had cried, clinging to his shirt, asking him to decide what was best - but he knew he couldn't make the choice for her. Lindsey had given Kensi the assortment of pills, explaining how to take them if she chose to. She handed Deeks a file of papers, covering everything they needed to know about each medication, caring for her injuries, dealing with the emotional aftermath, and lists of phone numbers, websites and support groups. He glanced over at it now, sitting on the counter, and sighed. It might as well have been a book titled "How to Recover" but he knew there was a lot more to that than medications, bandages and support groups.

After placing the lasagna in the oven, he walked over to the file, and the row of medications that Lindsey had left. He read over the labels, trying to remember what each was for. Klonopin, Levonorgestrel, Flagyl, Cefotefan, Vancocin, Morphine, Mifeprex, Benadryl... His heart stopped when he saw that one of the bottles contained prenatal vitamins. He knew it was only on the slightest chance... but he hated how angry that one little bottle made him. As he calmed down, he swore he would be there for Kensi no matter what she chose, and what the results were. He looked back at the row of medications, noting the different creams and ointments, and the large stack of bandages. No wonder they needed a book-sized file just to sort all this out.

He went over to check on Kensi, who was sleeping but didn't look peaceful. He considered waking her up, but there was no obvious sign of nightmares so he left her to rest. He walked back to the kitchen and grabbed the "book" then settled down on a chair near her as he opened it up to read up on Kensi's care. He was surprised to find a note tucked in the front, addressed to him.

_This isn't going to be easy for either of you. Kensi is going to need a lot of help and care to get through this, but you don't need to do it alone. You can call me any time if you have questions or need help with any of this. And don't underestimate your friends - they care about the two of you and want to help. Let them.  
I know you love her, and that alone is going to help her get through this. It's what she needs most right now. So don't be afraid to show it.  
There are painkillers and a cream for your injuries in the cupboard over the microwave. If you need more, or need more injuries checked, don't be afraid to call._ _I've also left a list of support numbers and websites for you. Kensi isn't the only one who needs help from others who have been there. But you will get through this so don't lose faith.  
I've also included a copy of my report for Callen in the back of this file. It details all of Kensi's injuries, so it will be hard to read, but I thought you should know.  
-Lindsey _


	18. Chapter 18

Hetty was at her desk, sipping a cup of tea, when Sam found her.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Hanna?" She asked him.

"Got your note. You have an assignment for me?" He asked. She nodded.

"While I realize this may not be your forté, you are in need of something to do, and I am sure Ms. Blye and Mr. Deeks are in need of some help." She started to explain as she handed him a list and a credit card. "Also, I believe that Mr. Deeks dog is being cared for by a neighbour at the moment. Could you please arrange for him to be taken to this kennel" she handed him a slip of paper "if Ms. Blye is not ready for his company this evening." Sam nodded. While Hetty was right that this assignment wasn't his area of expertise, it was something he could do to help, and he appreciated it.

"Thanks Hetty. I'll take care of it." He told her as he left.

"And Mr. Hanna - I expect receipts for all purchases on that card." She called after him.

In the Challenger he looked at the list. Then he set off to start shopping.

* * *

Kensi was in the throes of a nightmare. She was reliving her attack, moment by moment. While much of her memory was fuzzy, her brain seemed happy to fill in the blanks. She was screaming and fighting off the man with the knife when a familiar voice interrupted her. Instead of feeling calm, she felt more panicked. He couldn't see her like this, naked and damaged. He would never see her the same way again if he saw her broken. Suddenly it was Deeks she was fighting when her eyes flew open and she registered his face in front of her - full of concern, not pity or condescension. She choked out a relieved sob and let herself fall into his arms as he held her protectively.

"You're ok. We're gonna get you through this. It's just us." He murmured as she realized it was becoming a familiar chant.

"I'm sorry" she whispered to him. "I'm sorry to put you through this. You should... you should go. You don't need this, Deeks." He pulled back, surprised.

"Leaving is the one thing I am NOT doing. I'll do anything else for you - but I am not leaving you alone to face this. I'm your partner. Your friend. And you're going to need someone to have your back while you fight this." His face was stern, but still caring, his words more insistent than she had ever heard them. "I am not leaving you alone." He repeated.

And Kensi felt relief wash over her. Her partner had her back not only in the field, but in life as well. She reached out for him and hugged him tight, murmuring a quiet "thank you" into his shoulder. She held onto him tight, needing the security of having his arms around her and his breath on her neck. It felt safe. She knew as long as he was there, he wasn't going to let anyone hurt her.

As she became more conscious of her surroundings, she noticed a wonderful smell filling the air.

"Did you start dinner already?" She asked

"Yeah, I figured I'd do it while you were resting so I could be with you while you're awake." He said. "It should be done soon, and we can reheat it when we're hungry." He shrugged, as if it was no big deal. She got up and went to the kitchen. When she looked in the oven and saw lasagna, she turned back to him with a genuine grin.

"Thank you." She said. "It looks and smells amazing. I can't wait to eat." His face burst into a grin. He had a glimpse of "his" Kensi coming back. She came back to the couch, and saw the file abandoned in the chair where she suspected he had been sitting. "Looks like fun reading." She said. "Anything worth sharing?" He paused, unsure how to answer.

"It's just the stuff Lindsay left for us. We can go over it when you're ready. If you want to eat soon, we should probably get some of these antibiotics into you though. And some painkillers, too, I suspect?" He asked.

"Yeah." She replied flatly. The sight and smell of lasagna had given her a wonderful, but brief, intermission from her pain, but it was now over as reality crashed back over her. She had a lot to deal with before life was back to normal. She sank back onto the couch and wrapped the blanket around herself tightly, staring at the TV. "How many times have we watched this?" She asked Deeks. He shrugged.

"If you want me to change it to something else, just let me know. But I don't mind if it's what you want to watch. I know you love it." Out of nowhere, she grabbed a pillow and threw it at the tv. He watched her silently, waiting for an indication as to what he should do. After a moment, he quietly got up and sat next to her. "It's ok, Kens." He said. She leaned into him, and cried.

When she was feeling a bit calmer, he checked the time.

"The lasagna should be good. I know it's not near dinner time yet, but we can eat if you like." She nodded. "OK, you stay here and I'll serve it up." He said as he headed to the kitchen. As he prepared the plates of lasagna, he heated up garlic bread to go with it. He made up Kensi's plate and got her a soda from the fridge. Then he grabbed the pills he knew she would need to take, and presented it to her on the couch. "Your dinner, your drink, and your drugs." He said. Then he went to get his own plate and sat down to join her. She looked at the pills in her hand for a moment, and then decided to just take them and ask questions later. It was Deeks - she trusted him. They ate quietly for a minute, and then Deeks remembered Sam's phone call. He wasn't sure if it was a good time to ask, but he decided to any way. "So... Sam called while you were napping. He'd really like to see you if you're up for it." He said gently. Kensi looked at him for a moment, and decided it was as good a time as any.

"Yeah. Sure. Just not a long visit... and I don't want to talk about it. OK?"

"Of course, princess." Deeks smiled at her. "But I think you just want to see what happens when I try to stop Sam from doing something." She snorted for a second, then went back to eating. He was relieved that she wanted food again.


	19. Chapter 19

Sam was finishing up Hetty's list of errands when his phone rang. He grabbed it, and was happy to hear Deeks' voice, saying Kensi was up for a short visit. He agreed not to push her and to stay calm even though he knew he'd be angry when he saw her injuries.

He set the box in his hands in the back of the car, then drove to Kensi's.

As he parked the car, he started to feel nervous. He had never seen Kensi looking the least bit fragile, but from what Nell and Callen had said, she was a mess. He was second guessing his decision to visit, but knew it was too late now. He got out of the car and walked around the back to retrieve the last package he had picked up for her.

When he got to the door, Deeks answered and stepped out before letting Sam in. Before he could get a word out, Sam grunted in shock at Deeks' appearance.

"What the hell happened to you?" He asked. He knew Kensi had been attacked, but Deeks looked like he had as well - he was moving stiffly, his arm in a sling, and his jaw was swollen and badly bruised.

"Flashbacks." He said. "She's struggling, but she still packs a mean punch." He shrugged with his uninjured shoulder. Sam was stunned. He wasn't surprised that Kensi COULD do this kind of damage to Deeks, but he was shocked that she WOULD. While she frequently punched Deeks, it was always gentle and he had never known her to leave a mark on him. "Anyhow, ground rules. Stay calm, be gentle. Don't startle her if you don't want to look like this" he gestured to his jaw. "She said she doesn't want to talk about it, so respect that for now. She looks rough, but it's a lot better than yesterday. OK?" Sam nodded. Yup, Deeks was a pitbull. Sam had no doubt that Deeks would throw him out if he upset Kensi at all. And he was glad.

When they went inside, Sam took everything in rapidly with a trained eye. Kensi was sitting on the couch with a blanket wrapped snugly around her. Her hair was a mess, there were circles under her eyes, and she looked like she had been crying. He took in the line of pill bottles on the counter, the smell of freshly made lasagna, and the fact that the TV was knocked askew. But he didn't comment on any of it.

"Hey Kens. This is from the team." He told her as he placed the box on the couch beside her. "It's not much, just something we thought you might enjoy." Slowly one arm emerged from the blanket as she took the lid off the box, and she smiled when she saw the contents. Deeks leaned over and saw it was full of pastries, donuts, twinkies, peanut butter cups and an assortment of other sweets. It was perfect for Kensi. He and Sam watched as she selected a donut and nibbled at it. Sam had to bite back comments of shock - normally, Kensi would have inhaled three by the time she was halfway through this one. Instead,

"There's some other stuff in the car that Hetty asked me to pick up for you. Just some odds and ends she thought you guys might want." He told them. They sat in silence for a few minutes before he continued. "So, Monty is with your neighbour at the moment, right Deeks?" He nodded. Turning to Kensi, Sam asked "Do you want me to bring him here for a bit? Or if not, Hetty gave me the number for a kennel and asked me to make arrangements for him to stay there for now." He explained.

"It might be nice to see him." Kensi started "But maybe not yet..." She finished. Deeks agreed, and thanked Sam for dealing with the kennel.

"So do you need a hand to bring stuff in?" He asked Sam, wanting a chance to speak to him alone again.

"Yeah, sure, that'd be good" Sam replied as he stood to walk out. Kensi looked briefly panicked at being left alone, but Deeks caught her before she had a chance to worry.

"I'll leave the door open so you can still see us and I can see you, ok? I'm not leaving you alone. I promise." He reassured her. And true to his word, he left the door open as he and Sam went outside.

"Have you guys got anything?" Deeks asked. Sam filled him in on the minimal information they had so far. "It will be good for her to know she was drugged." Deeks said. "She keeps asking me why she didn't fight, but with that lot of drugs in her system it's amazing she fought as much as she did." He explained. "I guess you guys will need to come back to check her room for more evidence. Neither of us has set foot in it since I cut her free." He shuddered at the memory "So nothing is disturbed. I'm just not sure if she'll be ready for it yet... I was thinking of taking her back to my place so she can get away from it. But I think going out stil scares her." He explained. Sam opened his mouth to ask what Deeks had meant by "cut her free" but then paused. Deeks caught his hesitation. "It's ok. You can ask me whatever you need to. Just don't talk about it with Kensi until she's ready."

"What happened to her, Deeks? I mean, I can guess, but... I'd rather know."

"She woke up to find herself tied to her bed. Three men forced themselves on her, threatening her with her father's knife. She has stab wounds to her shoulder and her thigh, a slice on her abdomen, and a lot of nasty cuts" he gestured to his own chest, not wanting to say it out loud. "And I haven't read Lindsey's report yet, but it looks like the knife was used on her in, uh, other ways." He stopped, seeing the rage on Sam's face. "You've gotta hold it together for now, OK Sam? If she sees you like this, she's gonna crack." Sam took a few deep breaths as he walked around the car, forcing himself to appear calm.

"We are going to kill the bastards who did this to her, Deeks." He said, then walked back inside with a bag in each hand.


	20. Chapter 20

Callen met Lindsey at a cafe so that she could update him on Kensi. When he arrived, she was already there, and she looked distracted. She glanced up and greeted him as he sat down.

"So, here's my report for the investigation." She said, handing over a file. He was surprised how thick it was. "All her injuries are documented here" she flipped open the file to the first page, a diagram of the human body, front and back, covered in marks and notations. "There's a write up about each injury on the following pages, indicating what appears to have happened. Deeks did a great job of cleaning things up, so they should heal ok. But there were some other injuries that weren't as, uh, obvious and that she didn't tell him about, and those are the ones I'm most worried about. But I've left him with detailed instructions on how to clean the wounds, change bandages and what to watch for, as well as leaving antibiotics to help prevent infection." She said, then pulled out a set of evidence bags. "Here's any biological evidence I could collect - keeping in mind that with the timeframe, there won't be as much as we could have had, but it should help. And Deeks told me that he had already sent DNA samples from the attackers so a lot of this is just backup evidence anyway." She went back to the file and turned the page.

"This is what I was able to piece together of her attack based on the evidence, what Deeks was able to tell me, and from her flashbacks." She started. "It was a pretty brutal attack... PTSD is likely to be a problem for her. She needs to talk to a professional and get help before things get worse." The concern in her voice was evident.

"Hetty's already arranged for Nate to come back. He worked with us a while back and he's a good friend of Kensi's. He's an operational psychologist and has done our psych evals in the past. If she'll talk to anyone, it'll be him." Callen explained.

"That's great. She's going to need a support system. It's the only way she's going to get through this." Lindsey told him. "I do have some big concerns though... I've taken blood to run for STIs, but we're going to have to do a pregnancy test in a few weeks. I explained her options to her, but she really didn't seem ready to deal with that aspect of her attack. I left some options for her... but I'm not sure what she's going to do. And if she is pregnant, things are going to get a lot more complicated." Callen was shocked. This was something that Kensi would have to deal with, but he knew if Lindsey was telling him, there was a reason.

"What can we do?" He asked.

"I don't know how close you and Kensi are, or if there's someone else you can get to talk to her... but her best option is going to be to take the pills I've left for her and hope that deals with it. But I got the impression she was really reluctant to do so and she didn't want to talk about why. And I think Deeks is too close to the situation to be able to push her." She said. Callen nodded. He would talk to Nell when he got back.

"Anything else we need to know?" He asked her.

"One more thing. Keep an eye on Deeks if you can. He's going to need xrays on his back, and his jaw. Kensi is a fighter and her flashbacks have been bad. And either he's not very good at self defense, or he's allowing her to beat him up. Either way, if he isn't a bit more careful, he's going to be more injured than she is." She said. Callen sighed loudly... It would be just like Deeks to allow Kensi to use him as a punching bag, in the mistaken belief it would help her.

"Yeah, we'll take care of that." He said. "But I don't think he'll be getting those xrays any time soon."

"I expected as much. He has a sling and some painkillers for now, and my number to call if he needs it for next time." She reassured Callen. "Is there anything else you need from me? I'll get you the lab reports as soon as we have them."

"I think that's it for now." He told her. "Thanks for this. You've done us all a huge favour." He shook her hand, and then left.


	21. Chapter 21

When Deeks and Sam re-entered Kensi's place, they were both aware of her anxiety. Sam went to the kitchen with the bags, while Deeks went to talk with her.

"How you doing" he asked

"I don't know" was her response "I'm anxious. I hurt. I'm thinking."  
"What's on your mind." Deeks asked

"I know that they need to collect the rest of the evidence... I don't want to be here. But I don't know where to go... and I'm not ready to go out." She stumbled over her words as she tried to explain.  
"Well... I was thinking... and only if you're up for it - I can take you back to my place. You'll still be in a safe, familiar place, and you can rest. And you'll have control over who's around. The other option is we could take you into work, but I know you're not really ready to see everyone all at once, am I right?" He asked her.

She was briefly surprised that he had already thought this through, although she knew she shouldn't be. And she isn't sure why she hadn't considered his home. She didn't want to intrude, but she didn't think being at his place could be any more intrusive than uprooting him completely and needing him constantly.  
""Yeah. You're right about work. I know they'll want me in soon and I guess I have to give a statement..." She froze, realizing that once she did, everyone would know what had happened to her in far too much detail. Panic overwhelmed her and she found herself struggling to breathe.

"Kens, it's ok. You don't need to make a statement any time soon. And if you're not up for it, that's ok. We can do this investigation without that. I know you aren't ready to talk, and even when you are, you won't be ready to have everyone know. They don't have to. Remember, this is MY investigation. And everyone knows this is not going in the computer system - all the evidence, all the paperwork - it's being kept under lock and key by Hetty and Nell. I won't let you get hurt again."

His voice was calm and gently lilting, the same tone he used to draw her out of her flashbacks. He could see she was aware and in a panicked state, as he approached her and gently wrapped her in his arms. Sam was in the kitchen, acutely aware of everything that was happening. He watched intently as Deeks made eye contact and mouthed "pills, Klonopin" and then looked at the bottles on the counter. Finding the one Deeks had requested, he grabbed the bottle and a glass of water and brought it over.

"Kens, you're having a panic attack. I know you don't want to, but I need you to take this, ok?" Deeks told her. She still felt like she couldn't breathe and was lightheaded. "I know you don't like the idea of this, but you're having a physical panic reaction and this is just going to take the edge off it so you can breathe. I promise. That's all it's going to do, it's not going to knock you out or make you fuzzy." Deeks voice was near begging. "Please, just take it for me. It'll help, I hate to see you like this." She could hear the desperation in his voice, so she forced herself to snatch the pill out of Sam's hand. She downed it with a glass of water, and was surprised that it only took minutes before she could breathe again.

Deeks and Sam were watching her, quietly waiting for her breathing to normalize. When the panicked expression left her face, they both relaxed a bit. Then she broke the silence.

"I think it would be good to go to your place." She nearly whispered. "You're right. It's safe and familiar. But I need to pack a bag..." she trailed off. She knew she would need to take clothes and toiletries - but there was no way she was ready to go back into her room.

"Then this might help" Sam spoke up, gesturing to the bags he had brought in. "Nell and Hetty ordrered some stuff and sent me to pick it up. I think everything you need should be here." as he gestured to the bags he had brought in.

"You've got your go bag, and some stuff at my place anyway." Deeks said, no longer caring what his coworkers thought. "Anything else you need, I'm sure the team can pick up." Sam nodded his confirmation. "So what do you say? Shall we head to Casa del Deeks in a bit?" Kensi bit her bottom lip, then nodded.

It was Sam who spoke next.

"Why don't I head back in for a bit, and then you can call when you're ready for us to come back. Take all the time you need." He told her. "And if you're up for company, I'm sure everyone would love to see you." He added.


	22. Chapter 22

When Sam left, Deeks got up to tidy the kitchen. He puttered, while Kensi lay on the couch - not sleeping, but not speaking or moving. Once things were clean, he started to round up the assortment of medications and anything else he thought Kensi would need from her apartment. There wasn't much, aside from the items Sam had brought and her medications. When he was finished, he turned back to Kensi.

"So whenever you want to head out is good. Unless you want to see anyone here first? I mean, you can have anyone come visit you at my place, too, of course, just didn't know if you wanted to see anyone when they get here." He stopped babbling and watched her closely. She wasn't moving or responding to him, but didn't look troubled either. "Hey, Kens? You ok?" He asked gently as he came around the side of the couch. He wasn't sure what to do when she gave no indication she had heard him. He sat down next to the couch and waited another few moments. Her breathing was regular and he could see her pulse at her neck was at a fairly normal rate. Tentatively, he reached out to touch her cheek. The moment he made contact, her entire body jerked as if she'd been electrocuted and he jumped back.

"I'm sorry! I just wanted to make sure you were ok!" He yelped. She shook her head, as if waking from sleep.

"No, I'm sorry. I don't know what happened. I was just... lost in thought." She mumbled. "What were you saying?"

"Nothing important" He reassured her. "Just letting you know I'm good to go whenever you are." She nodded her head in response.

"I guess we should go fairly soon... I'm tired, and I know the team want to come and..." she drifted off, unable to finish. She hated to think of her room as a crime scene, or give any extra thought to what happened. "What do I need to grab?" She asked him.

Deeks gestured to the bags Sam had brought and the few items he had pulled together. "I think this is it. You've got a few changes of clothes at my place. Anything else, we can have someone pick up." She nodded.

"OK. Then I guess I just need to get up and walk out the door." She sighed, realizing what a mammoth task that seemed to be.

"It's ok. No rush. We have all the time you need." Deeks reassured her.

* * *

In Ops, Nell and Eric were getting frustrated. They were running the DNA through every database they could think of, and had started checking for familial matches as well. Callen had brought them Lindsey's report and while reluctant to read it, he had summarized the key points of the attack and suggested looking for any similar cases in the region. Nell was also reviewing camera footage near Kensi's home and desperately trying to remember every person they had come across the evening of the attack.

They were interrupted when the doors swooshed open, knowing it was Hetty by the absence of footsteps. She really did move like a Ninja.

"Where do we stand, Mr. Beale, Ms Jones?" She asked.

"No hits yet, but we'll keep trying." Eric said, feeling discouraged.

"I've been through everything I can remember, but nothing is standing out as suspicious from that night" Nell told her, the frustration evident in her voice as well.

"Alright. We'll see if Mr. Callen and Mr. Hanna are able to find anything useful at Ms. Blye's" Hetty told them, leaving the room as silently as she had entered.

Eric heaved a sigh as he watched the search programs running and stole a glance at Nell. She appeared to be fighting back tears. He felt useless to both Kensi and to Nell. And he hated it. Then an idea occurred to him. He fired off an email to a friend and was pleased to get a response quickly. He turned to Nell to explain.

"I've got an idea" He started. She looked at him expectantly.

"And what would this brilliant idea be?" She asked.

"Ok, we've got DNA on this guy, right? And I've read about DNA profiling being done, where they take the sample and can tell you the race, etc. of a person. Sometimes even medical issues, etc. So I emailed a friend and she can get it done if we send the DNA sample. What do you think?" He asked nervously.

"Why haven't you already sent the sample?" She asked. "Get on it! Hetty said ANYTHING." With a grin, Eric got back to work.


	23. Chapter 23

As Deeks eased Kensi's car into his parking spot, she sighed a sigh of relief. Getting to the car and being out of her house had been more nerve wracking than she had expected. Despite having taken the anti-anxiety tablet, she still felt panicked for the duration of the drive. She was glad she could soon retreat to her second home.

Nate had called shortly before they left to say he was in town and would like to see her. She had no doubt this was Hetty's doing and it wasn't a coincidence. She wasn't sure she was ready to see him, but also couldn't keep him away. He was possibly the one person Deeks would allow in even if she said no. They had arranged for Nate to come by after dinner. Again she sighed.

Deeks watched her with concern. She looked incredibly anxious and he hated to see her like this.

"Just a minute or two, princess, and we'll be safely inside." He reassured her, as he hopped out and swung around to get things from the back. She hadn't moved, so he came around and waited for her to nod or give him permission to open the door. When she did, he opened it carefully and then reached out with his free hand to see if she needed help. He was surprised when she reached for him, and clung to his hand with a death grip until they were safely inside his apartment. He set down the bags and watched as she made her way to the couch. She still had the blanket from her place tightly wrapped around her.

She sat, unmoving, as Deeks started to go about putting things away. He watched her cautiously, wondering what was going on in her mind. His concern got the better of him, and he made his way over to the couch and sat down beside her.

"What's up, buttercup?" he asked her playfully, hoping to lighten her mood a touch.

"Nothing" she mumbled, still staring at nothing.

"Want to watch a movie?" He asked, unsure what else he could offer. "Or can I get you anything?" Kensi sighed.

"I don't know" she finally whispered, as she leaned against him. "I'm tired. But I don't want to sleep." He understood the unsaid part about nightmares haunting her. She leaned against his shoulder, exhausted.

"Why don't we rest, then" He suggested, wrapping his arms around her as he gently lay her down in his lap. "I'm right here." He whispered. "I'll keep you safe."

* * *

Callen and Sam arrived at Kensi's place to collect any remaining evidence. Eric and Nell were watching from Ops so they could assist, but Nell wasn't sure she was going to be much help. Eric tightly squeezed her hand to reassure her when he saw the look of apprehension on her face.

"Are you ok?" He whispered as he put a finger over his microphone. She shook her head.

"I won't be ok until these bastards are caught." She mumbled.

As the agents made their way to Kensi's room, they were silent, knowing what wait before them.

Sam opened the door as Callen entered and they stopped to survey the room. It was several minutes before either could talk. It was a stunned, painful silence.

"She's never going to want to come back here." Sam finally said. Callen nodded in agreement. They began to go over the room, observing the blood and broken glass strewn everywhere.

"Looks like he came in the window" Callen stated as he pointed to the broken window above her bed, explaining the glass everywhere. "Might be prints" he suggested, not convincing himself.

"Try dusting for them anyway" he heard Nell say. "Leave no stone unturned."

They stared at the mattress, stripped of the sheets that Deeks had collected, and observed the bloodstains and rips from the knife. Sam turned away first, seeing some blood spattered on the wall, and marks on the carpet where the knife had been dropped. Callen began to examine the bed, trying not to think about the marks on the bedpost indicating where the ropes had been tied. He could clearly see the wood rubbed raw - Kensi had clearly fought hard.

Sam gestured to a framed photo of the team on her nightstand, with the glass shattered.

"At least we can replace this for her." He said.

While neither were crime scene techs, they knew they were the ones who needed to collect any evidence from this room, so they began the process of photographing, bagging and tagging every possible bit of evidence that remained. It was hard to remain objective as they tried to decide whether or not to go through drawers, but they agreed it would be necessary to at least look.

No one commented as they opened her nightstand and carefully looked for anything out of place, anything that could give them a clue. They checked her closet, and dresser drawers. When it came to her underwear drawer, Sam hesitated and looked away. When Callen opened the drawer and saw the blood, he regretfully collected the drawer's contents to be sent to evidence. He felt horrible invading what little privacy Kensi had left. When they came to the final drawer, there was a moment of surprise as they realized it was full of Deeks' clothing, but neither one could bring themselves to comment, given the situation.

Nell and Eric exchanged a brief look of surprise at Ops, as Eric whispered

"Did you know about this?"

"I knew there was something between them- but not this" Nell whispered back.

In the bathroom, they found nothing out of place aside from Kensi's ripped clothing, and a very masculine set of toiletries. Eric was able to quickly identify them as Deeks' preferred brands, ruling them out as evidence. No one said a word until Callen spoke up.

"I guess we'll have to ask how long this has been going on... or what exactly 'this' is." He said grimly. While everyone had long teased the two about their status as more than partners, he knew this was not how they would have wanted it confirmed. "And I guess that's going to be up to me..." he continued. It was a familiar, but out of place voice that interrupted him.

"Actually, I think I can handle that one for you" they heard from the doorway. Sam and Callen looked up in surprise to find Nate standing in the doorway.


	24. Chapter 24

Deeks was fully awake when he heard the knock on the door, but had yet to move, not wanting to wake the sleeping form in his arms. It had taken a little over an hour before she had finally let sleep overtake her, and even longer before he knew she was sleeping soundly. He was feeling exhaustion set in, but knew she needed him to stay awake, to pull her out of a nightmare the moment he saw her face crease with anxiety. So that's what he did - he stood guard over her as she slept in his arms.

But the knock to the door was about to interrupt her peaceful rest. He silently cursed the timing but knew that Kensi needed the man who stood on the opposite side of the door. He stretched for his phone and messaged Nate to come in, quietly. A moment later, the door eased open and Nate entered. In his hands he held a large brown bag, which Deeks instantly recognised as take out from one of the team's favourite Chinese places. Nate took in the sight of Kensi asleep in Deeks arms with a small smile, but decided against saying anything. He quietly set the bag of food on the coffee table, then took a seat near the pair, noticing that Kensi didn't stir. It spoke volumes towards the trust she had in Deeks if she was willing to let herself rest so deeply despite all that had happened to her.

"So how are you doing?" Nate asked, watching Deeks, as the blond ran his free hand through his hair.

"It's not about me" Deeks said finally. "I'm just worried about her." Nate nodded, expecting the response.

"It's been a while... did you ever come up with the answer to the question I asked you last time?" He asked, curiously.

"I think the answer to that is pretty obvious" Deeks replied with a bit of a grin on his face. "I knew the answer that night. She got me a cronut, and brought me dinner and a movie." He smiled at the memory of how the roles then were the opposite of now - him drifting off to sleep while she watched him. "I told her, although she didn't know what I was talking about." Nate nodded with a smile.

"And now... obviously I need to talk to Kensi but we'll let her rest while she can. But how are you really doing? I mean, this must be difficult for you, too." He asked. Deeks sighed.

"I don't know. I hate seeing her like this. I want to kill the bastards that did this to her... slowly and painfully. I want to help her but I don't know how. I just wish I could take all this away from her so she doesn't hurt. And I can't erase the sound of her voice and the sight of her injuries from my memory. It just keeps playing over and over like a broken record." He stopped, not feeling it was his place to be hurting so much. "But it's nothing compared to what she must be reliving. How can I help her?" He pleaded, wishing Nate would have a magical answer how he could erase all the pain she was in.

"You are helping her. You're taking care of her. You know what she needs, even if you don't realize it yet." Nate explained. "But I do have to ask you something else and you might not like it that much. I was with the guys as they went over her place and they found some items of yours there..." He paused for a moment, and Deeks knew where this was going.

"They found my clothes in her drawer and my toothbrush in her bathroom. And now you're the sucker tasked with finding out what's going on between us?" Deeks asked with a slight grin. "Go ahead and ask"

"What's going on between the two of you?" Nate asked, doing exactly as he was prompted.

"We're partners. And best friends. Best friends who sometimes fall asleep on the couch together watching yet another episode of Top Model, or watching Titanic for the 2 billionth time." He said firmly. He glanced down at the sleeping woman in his lap. "And that's what you'll tell them." Nate nodded, also hearing what was unsaid. He saw the chemistry between them and knew of Deeks feelings for her. He suspected she felt the same way, but Deeks' explanation told him that they had yet to cross that bridge, even if everyone knew it was coming.

They both paused as Kensi started to stir. Deeks leaned down to whisper in her ear, to reassure her and remind her where she was, and to let her know that Nate was there so she didn't panic. His best intentions failed as she bolted upright, pulling the blanket around her tightly as she turned her face into Deeks chest. He could barely make out the words she mumbled.

"Not yet. I'm not ready. Make him go away." she whimpered. It broke Deeks heart to hear her pleading again.

"Kens, it's ok. I'm right here with you. He won't make you talk until you're ready but he needs to see you. He's worried, another big brother who hates to see his little sister in pain but would hate it more if he couldn't see you himself." Deeks whispered back to her. It was Nate who spoke next.

"Hey Kensi, I'm here to see how you're doing, that's all. No mind tricks today, I just wanted to see you and let you know I'm here when you're ready." He spoke quietly. She continued to cling to Deeks and her blanket, but turned around to face her friend.

"I'm sorry" she whispered. "It's not that I want you to go away. I'm just not ready." she told him.

"I understand that" Nate said. "But you can't keep us away forever. You know we all just want to help you."

She nodded, starting to feel bad for pushing her friends away. Deeks seemed to sense this, and reassured her that everyone understood. He knew Nate was the psychologist but he was still going to protect her with every ounce of his being.


	25. Chapter 25

When Callen and Sam returned to OSP, their faces were grim. They delivered the new evidence to Hetty, happy to be rid of it. Surprisingly, Callen had gotten several prints from Kensi's window frame, and he hoped it could bring them closer to Kensi's attackers. They had little else to go on, despite the mountain of evidence they had brought back. Sam had made sure to grab the team photo from her bedside, with the intention of replacing it.

"I chatted with Nate" Callen said, "He's heading over to Kensi's now. I hope he's able to help her, and Deeks. The scene was worse than you can see from the pics. They're both gonna need all the help they can get." He told Hetty with a sigh. She looked troubled, but said nothing, opting to instead sip her tea and nod.

Callen and Sam both trudged up to ops, hoping the wonder twins had good news and a a few new leads for them to follow up on. Unfortunately, they had nothing new. A dark cloud seemed to hang over the room as they stood in silence, each lost in thought. No one noticed Hetty step in until she spoke and suggested they all go home for the night and review things with fresh eyes in the morning.

Sam agreed, knowing his family would be waiting for him. He hoped talking to Michelle would help him shake the worst of the rage he was feeling.

Callen said he was sticking around to wait for Nate to return, in case he had more insight that could help. He was also looking forward to a few beers with the friend he rarely saw.

Eric and Nell exchanged a look, and neither moved from heir seats as they continued with their fruitless searches. A few moments later, Hetty returned.

"Do not make me order you to leave, Ms. Jones, Mr. Beale. I need you fresh and alert tomorrow. It would do well for you to go home and unwind. Now." She said sternly. Again, they exchanged a look but silently had to admit they were making no progress. Reluctantly they gathered their things and headed out to Eric's car. He finally broke the silence by asking

"Where to?"

* * *

When Kensi finally noticed the bag of food on the table in front of her, something in her calmed as the familiar scent wafted out. She leaned forward and opened the bag with a small smile.

"Thanks, Nate" she said quietly. "Sorry for telling Deeks to make you go away."

"Always knew the way to your heart was through your stomach, Fern." Deeks said with a grin. Nate looked a bit surprised at Deeks joking, but was pleased when Kensi actually smiled back and swatted Deeks' hand as he reached for the food.

"Damn right. And this is mine. " she told him. Nate hadn't realized just how right he'd been that Deeks would know what Kensi needed most.

After Kensi had selected her food, she gestured to the men to grab theirs. They both obliged, and there was a calm silence as they ate their food. As Kensi rapidly finished hers, there wasn't even a moment for her to glance at Deeks before he handed her the remainder of his food, without so much as a pause. Nate grinned inwardly.

Deeks began to tidy up while Kensi finished eating. While he was in the kitchen, Nate turned to Kensi and gave her a knowing look.

"You two seem to be doing a lot better than last time I saw you." He said.

"Yeah. We've sorted a few things out." She said, purposely being vague. She was unsure where she and Deeks stood, especially given recent events. "He's a good friend. And I know he's always got my back. And he knows I've got his." She glanced over as she saw Deeks retrieving a tub of ice cream from the freezer. He knew her better than she knew herself sometimes.

She silently accepted the spoon and tub that he handed her when he returned to the room. At this point, Nate couldn't be quiet anymore.

"I'm glad to see you two worked things out. But I should head out. Need to meet up with Callen and I should let the two of you get to bed. I mean, on your own. Or, um, whatever sleeping arrangement you want. Not that it's any of my business. Yeah, I should go." Nate was now wishing he had opted for silence. Kensi was clearly uncomfortable, and Deeks was mildly amused, but Nate could only see the ghost of a grin before Deeks' focus returned to Kensi.

"That sounds like a good plan." Deeks said. "Kensi needs the rest. And I bet Callen and the rest of the team are looking forward to seeing you. It's been too long since we saw you last, and you don't seem to hang around too long."

"That might be different this time" Nate spoke cautiously. "Hetty is thinking about reassigning me around here for a bit." Deeks nodded, but noticed that Kensi had gone silent. He turned to her to see if she was ok, but he was greeted by a familiar blank face.

"Kens? Kensi? You ok?" He came around to sit directly in her line of view, but she didn't acknowledge him in any way. "Kensi, it's Deeks. I'm right here. Are you ok?" He didn't notice as Nate came around beside him.

"Deeks, has this happened often?" He asked cautiously.

"A few times. At first I thought it was flashbacks, but her flashbacks are usually loud and violent. But she's done this a few times today, and yesterday." Deeks explained.

"What happens when she comes out of it?" Nate asked.

"Usually it's when I touch her, or something is really loud. She jumps, sometimes yells."

"And when it's a flashback?" Nate continued. Deeks blushed and gestured to his sling and his face

"I think that's pretty obvious... If I touch her, she lashes out. So usually I just talk to her calmly until she snaps out of it on her own." Deeks was starting to worry. "Nate, what's going on with her? Is she ok? Did I do something wrong?" The look on Deeks face was rapidly turning to panic and guilt.

"You didn't do anything wrong. But I think she's dissociating." Nate started, wanting to keep things easy for Deeks to understand. "It happens sometimes during or after trauma. It's one of the ways the brain tries to cope with something like this." He gently put his hand on Kensi's as Deeks watched. Kensi startled, as Deeks had predicted, and then leaned back.

"Sorry" she whispered. "I'm not sure what happened." Deeks and Nate exchanged a look, as Deeks sat beside Kensi and put his good arm around her. Then Nate spoke up.

"Kensi, I think what happened is what's called a dissociative episode. It happens sometimes when someone has experienced trauma. It can happen during, and after, a traumatic event. Your brain tends to go somewhere else, almost as if it separates from your body. But it isn't something to panic about. We can talk about it tomorrow." He told her. "Deeks seems to know what you need. He'll take care of you." He reassured them both. "You're going to be ok." He reminded her, as he stood up to leave. "Call me if you need anything. Any time, day or night. My phone's always on. Otherwise, I'll see you tomorrow." He nodded to Deeks and then slipped out the door.


	26. Chapter 26

Nate and Callen met at a bar near Nate's temporary home. Hetty kept an apartment ready for him whenever he was in town. They sat down in heavy silence as they drank, then chatted about everything except the elephant in the room - Kensi. Finally, Nate spoke up.

"So I asked Deeks what was going on between him and Kensi." He said. Callen nodded with a questioning look. "They're best friends who sometimes fall asleep on each others' couches while watching Top Model or Titanic for the two billionth time. And that's a direct quote." Callen looked at Nate again, skeptically.

"I have no reason to believe otherwise." Nate told him. "Deeks is great undercover, but he's a bad liar in day to day life. Everyone can see something is there, Kensi and Deeks included. I honestly believe nothing has happened between them. But he's close enough to be able to help her, probably even more than I can. He can read her well enough to know what she needs. And I think that's what matters most right now. It just might be the thing that gets her through this all."

Callen sat silently, deep in thought.

"That's what matters most right now." He finally said. "How is she doing?" He asked.

"She didn't want to talk tonight. She asked Deeks to send me away at first, but when she smelled the food she was almost back to normal. It's going to take a while for her to be ok. But Deeks is taking care of her. And she agreed to talk tomorrow, so we'll see how that goes. I'll make sure to bring up what Lindsey suggested."

* * *

Nell and Eric sat in silence in the car, his question hanging in the air over them. Suddenly at the same time, they both said

"Take out. Then yours/mine." which was followed by calls of "Jinx" and a rare laugh.

Eric started the car as they headed in the direction of their favourite take out place. Nell was on her phone, placing their order. Eric smiled. Their lack of need for words was beginning to rival that of Callen and Sam, or Kensi and Deeks - but at the thought of Kensi he quickly sobered. He couldn't imagine how helpless Deeks was feeling right now, and didn't know what he would do if Nell were attacked. He forced himself to push these thoughts from his mind, and focus on the driving.

When he pulled in to the parking lot, he popped his seat belt and got up to run in. He had expected Nell to wait in the car, and was surprised when she followed him in.

"You could have waited in the car, I'm only going to be a second" he told her.

"I know." She said, suddenly embarrassed. "Do you want me to go back out and wait?" She asked, unsure of herself.

"No, of course not, that's not what I meant." Eric stumbled over the words. "Whatever you want to do is fine with me." He blushed.

Nell retrieved the bag of food as Eric pulled out his credit card, and a few minutes later they were back in his car, on the way to his place. Nell stared out the window, not speaking until they parked.

"I'm afraid to be alone. I'm safe at ops. But anywhere else? I don't want to be alone. Not even for a minute." She whispered. Eric was silent as he tried to process what she had said. He was blown away that she trusted him, with both her fear and her safety. But he cherished that trust and swore to himself, once again, that he would do anything for her.

"I won't leave you alone ever again, if that's what you want" he said, sincerely, realizing only afterwards how presumptive it may have sounded.

"You don't need to go that far, Wolfram" she teased him. "Just don't expect me to sit in the car by myself."

Relieved, they headed to his apartment in silence. He unlocked the door and held it open as Nell ducked under his arm and darted inside. She went straight to the fridge to retrieve a beer for each of them, and cutlery for dinner. Eric set up his gaming console so they could play old school video games while they ate. He knew that competition would be the best way to distract Nell from everything troubling her.

She sat on the floor next to him, and reached across to grab the bag of food. She handed Eric his beer and cracked hers open before taking her controller.

"What are we playing?" She asked.

"Mario cart" he replied gleefully. "And I'm going to kick your ass." He added.

"Bring it" she said. "You're going to eat my dust"

Several hours later, the take out containers were empty, as were several beer cans. Nell was giggling as she beat Eric once again.

"Come on! You can do better than that!" She cheered, laughing as she leaned over and put her hands over his. "Let me help you. I'll show you how to do it."

Eric froze as her hands were on his, her body half in his lap. He knew he could play better, but he loved seeing Nell win. But now he was second guessing that decision, because he could barely see straight and he felt his body tingling everywhere Nell's body had made contact. This was a bad idea. He didn't even notice as she finished the round, beating his best time of the night. Even drunk, she could beat him. She turned to face him, wondering why he had gone silent. He was staring at her with a look she didn't recognize, but she realized just how adorable he really was. Without thinking, she leaned in closer and placed a gentle kiss in his cheek.

"Thank you, for all of this". She said. "For dinner, letting me stay, distracting me from everything. You really are amazing" she whispered, never looking away from him. "I don't know how I got so lucky to be your partner." She paused, watching as he shifted his weight slightly. She decided to give in to the overwhelming urge that had plagued her for so long, and she kissed him on the lips.

Eric froze, wondering if he was awake or dreaming. This couldn't be real. Nell, the most amazing person he had ever known, the beautiful, fiery, brilliant analyst, was kissing him. But dream or not, he wasn't going to let this chance pass him by, and he kissed her back.


	27. Chapter 27

When Nate left, Deeks turned back to Kensi.

"How are you doing?" He asked gently. She sighed.

"I don't know... I just don't know." She replied. "It's exhausting. One minute it's like life is normal. Then I remember, and wonder how things can be normal. I just want it all to not have happened. I want to wake up and find it's just a bad dream." She stopped as he sat next to her, and rested her head on his shoulder. "But the nightmare is real."

Deeks felt helpless as he ran his hands through her hair, wondering how to help her. Nate had told him he knew better than anyone what she needed, but he still felt so unsure. Finally, he spoke quietly.

"It's going to get better. But until then, we're all here for you. Whatever you need, we'll make it happen. We've got your back, Kens. I've got your back." He said. He felt like he was repeating himself a thousand times a day - but he would say it again, as many times as she needed, until she believed it. "So what do you say we put on a movie? Your choice. I'll go make us some popcorn." He suggested. She nodded timidly as he got up to go through his collection of DVDs. He pulled out a few suggestions he thought she might like until she nodded. Despicable Me it was. He thought children's movies might be the safest bet. He popped the DVD and handed her the remote as he went to make the popcorn. A few moments later, he heard her ask

"Can you grab me a beer?" He hesitated. It was so normal. As if they were just hanging out, watching a movie, any other day. Her voice was strong, almost bossy - the Kensi he was used to. At first, he was unsure if it was safe for her to drink, but quickly brushed that aside. It might help her relax. And one beer wouldn't hurt. So he grabbed one for each of them from the fridge, and took them over to the couch along with a bowl of popcorn. For the next two hours, it was as if nothing was wrong. They were just two friends hanging out watching a movie, throwing popcorn at the screen and each other as they laughed at the hilarious antics of the minions in the movie. He felt a wave of relief that they had this break, however long or short, to unwind and be their normal selves.

As the movie ended, they stretched and yawned.

"I think it's time to call it a night, Princess" he said. "What do you say we head to bed?" He was pleasantly surprised at the punch she landed on his arm, and he yelped in mock pain. "Hey, I need that arm!" He laughed. She stuck her tongue out at him.

"Then don't call me Princess." She shrugged. "I get the right side." She called over her shoulder as she headed to his room.

"Always." He replied with a grin. When his bedroom door opened, she was dressed in the track pants and tshirt he had left on the bed. He entered and found something clean to wear, and crawled into bed next to her. When she didn't relax, he tapped her arm and told her he'd be right back. He hopped up and went out to his living room. He grabbed something from the couch and realized that for the first time today, she had shed her security blanket. He returned to his room and stretched out next to her, reaching his arm over her to tuck something into her arms. She smiled as she realized it was his cat pillow. She hugged it tight and felt her body finally relax, with Deeks' arm around her and his pillow in her arms.

* * *

Eric woke up to what he was sure was a cow moing. He was disoriented and confused for a moment when he felt the heavy weight in his arms but quickly realized it was Nell, and the previous night came rushing back to him.

The kiss had been soft and sweet and gentle, with only a tiny hint at the passion they both felt underneath. But it had ended there. They both knew that this wasn't something they could rush. To keep it from blowing up in their faces they needed to take it slow. So they had instead chosen to go to bed, with Nell falling asleep cuddled in his arms. He had stayed awake for over an hour, never wanting the moment to end. But apparently he had eventually fallen asleep, as he was now waking up to the sound of barnyard animals.

He carefully slid his arm out from under the sleeping pixie he had been holding, although it was completely numb and useless. He shook it as he sat up and went to look for the irritating noise that had woken him. As his head cleared, he realized it was Nell's phone - she had that annoying ringtone that mooed. He wondered who would be messaging at such a late hour - upon finding her phone, he discovered it was 2 am. The damn phone mooed again, and indicated that she had received several texts. He looked back at his bed where she was sound asleep. He decided that if it was sent at such an odd time, he should probably check to see if it was important. He looked at the screen and momentarily wondered if she would forgive him for invading her privacy. With one more glance at her sleeping form, he decided he should go ahead. He activated the picture password, and opened the texts. The number was unidentified.

The first message was simple. It read "Have a good time the other night?" with a photo of Kensi and Nell together. An uneasy feeling settled in the pit of his stomach.

The second message asked "Are you ready for a turn?"

The third read "This is what you have to look forward to." and had a video file attached. He tapped to open in and waited as it downloaded. The first few seconds were dark and difficult to make out. The sound was muffled. As he stared at it, he caught a glint of light reflecting off something long and thin. Then as the image cleared, he heard a whimper and a scream, and suddenly recognized Kensi. He frantically stopped the video, then ran for the washroom and emptied his stomach.


	28. Chapter 28

As Kensi dozed off, Deeks was lost in thought. He was relieved for this sudden transformation but had no delusions it would last. He had enjoyed feeling normal, but was still on edge as he wondered what would happen next. While it was completely normal for someone to have such violent mood swings after trauma, Kensi took everything to extremes. And he was scared just how extreme things would go.

He replayed the past two days over in his mind. So much had changed, so much had happened, and so much progress had already been made. Right now, the responsibility of protecting her and finding her attackers weighed heavily on him. He was starting to doubt his abilities and whether he had made the right choices so far. But when he looked at the sleeping woman in his arms, he knew he was doing his best. And she seemed to appreciate it all. He nuzzled her hair gently. It no longer smelled of her shampoo. He would help her wash it tomorrow if she wanted.

When he heard the whuffling snores coming from his partner, he rolled over onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He thought back to Lindsey's visit, and found himself wondering what had been going through Kensi's mind when they discussed options to prevent a pregnancy. While it was an unlikely scenario to consider, it was still in the realm of possibility. The Kensi he thought he knew would have taken the pill in a heartbeat, eager to put this behind her. But the Kensi he saw had refused, unwilling to make the decision and begging him to do it for her. It was something he knew he couldn't do. He could run the investigation - but this had to be her choice, for her body and her future. And while to him the decision was easy and obvious, it was clear that for Kensi there was more to it. He promised himself he would try to get her to talk about it tomorrow, and make a decision before it was too late for the meds to work.

Deeks' anger flared up again as he remembered the extensive list of injuries catalogued in Lindsey's report. These monsters had to pay for what they had done, but every means of torture he could fathom seemed inadequate to avenge the pain they had put his beautiful partner through. Silent tears began to run down his face as he thought about how much they had taken from her. He could only hope that she would heal. That he and the team would be enough to help her one day thrive again.

Kensi started to flail in her sleep, and she began to cry out and moan. Without thinking, Deeks reached out and stroked her arm. A moment later, he remembered why he shouldn't touch her during a nightmare or flashback. When he regained consciousness after a moment, he reached up to touch his face. He was pretty sure she had broken his nose. And somehow, she had slept through it all and a peaceful look was now on her face. Leave it to Kensi to be at peace after knocking him out and breaking his nose.

After easing himself up, Deeks retrieved an ice pack for his nose. A quick glance in the mirror confirmed it was swollen and already bruising. As he gently palpated it, he knew it was broken. He thought about asking Lindsey to come help, but decided against it. After three attempts to straighten it himself, and soaking through a towel with blood, he changed his mind and fired off a text. If she was asleep and didn't answer, it could wait until the morning. He went back to the kitchen and downed a few painkillers, then sat on the couch to watch mindless tv. He had left the bedroom door open in case Kensi had another nightmare.

He was surprised when Lindsey returned his text quickly. She advised him to keep the ice pack on and she would be there soon. He sent her his address, and was shocked when she was at his door a few minutes later. Apparently she only lived a block away. He was extremely grateful for the happy coincidence.

It only took a minute for her to determine that his nose would need to be cauterised before she could set it. He was nervous at first, but she reassured him it involved no needles (he wondered how she knew of his phobia) and would be over quickly. True to her word, a minute later the blood had stopped. He clenched his teeth and managed to smother the groan as she reset his nose and bandaged it up. After a quick examination, she determined he had a very minor concussion and could return to bed. But before she left, she felt the need to speak up.

"Obviously I don't know you that well, but I've seen situations like this before. You need to stop letting her beat up on you. It's only going to hurt you both in the long run, and she doesn't need the guilt of hurting you on top of everything else. Take it easy. And maybe you should ask your coworkers for some training on evasive maneuvers.

* * *

Callen heard his phone bleep and woke with a start. He had a text from Lindsey, updating him that Deeks now had a broken nose and mild concussion, and that it might be worthwhile having someone talk to him. He sighed loudly as he read the message. After forwarding the message to Nate, he rolled over to go back to sleep.

It was less than an hour later when he was awoken again by a different noise. This one was reserved for emergencies, and could only be activated by Hetty. In moments he was dressed and out the door, then rushing to OSP to find out what was going on.

* * *

After contacting Hetty, Eric tried to rouse Nell. She had swatted at him a few times before moaning at him to go away.

"Nell, I have to go in to Ops. I don't want you to be alone. Can you wake up just a little, please? You can go back to sleep when we get there." He whispered, trying to keep the panic out of his voice. Her response was incoherent mumbling as she tried to sit up, then gave up and went back to sleep. Eric rushed around as he gathered their things and shoved a pillow in his bag. He slung his bag and Nell's over his shoulder then took a deep breath before scooping Nell up from the bed, blanket and all, and carrying her down to the car. He was grateful for how petite she was. Despite the panic he was feeling, at least he knew that for now, she was safe.

He set her in the passenger seat of the car and carefully buckled her in, not wanting to disturb her. While she seemed somewhat aware of what was going on, she made little move to help him. With Nell secured and their bags in the back, he couldn't resist placing a gentle kiss on her forehead before driving to Ops at such a speed that even Sam would be impressed.

Upon arriving, he went around to collect Nell from her seat. She was once again soundly asleep. Gently, he scooped her up and carried her inside. After placing her on the couch and tucking her in, he ran back to the car to retrieve their things. He slid the pillow under her head, placed her bag beside the couch, and quickly typed a note on her tablet telling her that he was upstairs after being called in to follow up on a new lead. Reluctant to leave her, he decided to activate her tablet's webcam so he could watch her from upstairs instead of running back down every few minutes. Once again, he couldn't resist the urge to press his lips to her cheek and whisper a promise in her ear that he would keep her safe. It was then that he was interrupted by a familiar cough behind him.

"Mr. Beale?"


	29. Chapter 29

p style="font-family: Times; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"Deeks returned to bed to see Kensi sprawled starfish style across the entire thing. He couldn't help but grin. Curling up next to her, in the space between her left arm and leg, he quickly fell asleep./p  
p style="font-family: Times; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"A few hours later, he awoke sharply - but it wasn't a nightmare or Kensi's screaming that interrupted his rest. He was unsure what was happening at first, but quickly became aware of his partner's hands on him. Unlike before, she wasn't inflicting pain. In fact it was quite the opposite. He had to shake his head sharply to clear it, to think clearly./p  
p style="font-family: Times; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;""Kens" he whispered "what are you doing?" Her hands paused for a moment as she replied./p  
p style="font-family: Times; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;""I need this. I need you." She said, her voice nearly begging, the same way she had begged him not to enter her room. "I need to feel... I need to heal. You're the only one I trust. Please."/p  
p style="font-family: Times; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"It would be so easy to agree, to go along with this. But he knew it was wrong no matter what she said./p  
p style="font-family: Times; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;""I respect you too much to let this happen, Kens. This isn't what you need." He gently reached out and wrapped her hands in his own. He had so much to say to her, but this wasn't the time or the place. "You need time. You don't need this now. If you still feel this way in a month, we can consider it then. But you're in no shape for anything like this right now." He told her gently but firmly. "And I think you know that I'm right. This isn't going to erase the nightmares or the pain. It might distract you for a moment but it isn't going to heal you. And I think we would both regret it in the morning." She pulled back from him, her face filled with a mixture of raw emotions./p  
p style="font-family: Times; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;""We" she spat out. "Both of us. You'd regret sleeping with me?" She asked, her voice a mixture of hurt and rage. "You used to want me" she cried, her voice breaking, then turning to fury "What's wrong, am I not good enough for you now? I'm too broken, damaged goods? Or I'm not attractive anymore after what they did?"/p  
p style="font-family: Times; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"Her words were cut off when he kissed her gently./p  
p style="font-family: Times; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;""Kensi, sweetheart, it's none of that. You know how I feel about you and nothing can change that. But what you're doing now, what you're asking - it won't help. Your body needs to heal. And when we take that next step, I want it to be because you want to take that step with me, not just to be rid of the nightmares that are haunting you." He felt tears come to his eyes, unsure if she was ready to hear the truth about how he felt, but knowing it needed to be said. "I love you. And I do want you, more than you can imagine. You're beautiful and strong and sexy. Nothing has changed that and nothing is going to make me want you less. But right now, I respect you too much for this. I won't hurt you, or take advantage of you. But I will love you." She had stilled completely at his confession, unable to process what he was saying. She started to cry quietly into his chest as his arms brought her close to him./p  
p style="font-family: Times; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;""It's ok, baby girl." He whispered to her. "Let it out. I'm not going anywhere."/p  
hr style="color: #000000; font-family: Times; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;" noshade="noshade" size="1" /  
p style="font-family: Times; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"Callen met Hetty and Eric in Ops. No one else was there. He observed that Eric appeared frantic and was still in what appeared to be pajamas as he frantically tapped at the tablets in front of him. Something had clearly freaked him out./p  
p style="font-family: Times; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;""What have we got, guys? Is this related to Kensi's case?" He asked, as Sam came rushing in behind him. Neither had noticed the video feed of Nell asleep on the couch downstairs./p  
p style="font-family: Times; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;""Yes. Mr Callen, I'm afraid so." Hetty said slowly. He wondered how she managed to look so pulled together at this hour./p  
p style="font-family: Times; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;""It would seem that Ms. Jones received an unfortunate communication from Ms. Blye's attackers" Hetty told him. Eric began pacing as he interrupted, never taking his eyes off the screens around them as he continued to work./p  
p style="font-family: Times; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;""They said she was next. They had a picture of her and Kensi together. And the video. I couldn't watch it. I mean, I watched the first few seconds because I didn't know what it was but as soon as I realized I stopped it." He paused, not wanting to tell them that the few seconds he had watched were enough to make him lose his dinner. "What are we going to do? I mean, I know what I need to do. I need to trace it and find out where it was sent from so we can track them but who's going to watch the video. We need it for evidence but who could stomach seeing that happen to Kensi? And what about Nell, she needs to be in a safe house with protection so they can't get to her. She's already afraid to be alone, do we have to tell her about this?" He froze as Hetty interrupted./p  
p style="font-family: Times; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;""Mr. Beale!" Hetty snapped forcefully, snapping Eric out of his panicked rant. "Ms. Jones is a trained professional. I understand not wanting to explain this to her in her current state" She gestured to the sleeping form on the screen. It hadn't been difficult to detect the smell of alcohol wafting off the small woman. "But I do not believe she would want this kept from her. And you will need her assistance."/p  
p style="font-family: Times; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"Callen and Sam stood frozen in place, taking this all in. Kensi's attackers had recorded her attack and sent it to Nell as a threat. For some reason Eric had intercepted the message and contacted Hetty, without telling Nell - who was now asleep on the couch downstairs. Callen rubbed his head as he processed the information. It offered a wealth of new leads, but the threat on Nell was serious. And he couldn't help but wonder what was going on between her and Eric. Sam looked furious, and at the same time exhausted. He was the next to speak./p  
p style="font-family: Times; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;""Who is going to review the video for evidence?" He asked./p  
hr style="color: #000000; font-family: Times; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;" noshade="noshade" size="1" /  
p style="font-family: Times; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"emAuthor Note/em/p  
p style="font-family: Times; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"emThe next chapter is very dark and graphic. I advise you to skip it if it may be upsetting for you (and I promise you won't miss any major details if you do). If you think it may be triggering, DON'T READ IT!/em/p 


	30. Chapter 30

_Author Note_

_This chapter, especially, is not suitable reading for those under 18, or for anyone who may identify too closely with what Kensi is going through._

_I strongly advise that if you have any hesitancy about reading this, you proceed to the next chapter. Callen and Sam will update Eric with any relevant details gained from viewing the video that Nell received._

_I also hope no one will think less of me for posting this... I've gone back and forth on it a few times, and edited it a dozen times. But I think this chapter belongs._

* * *

It was decided that Callen and Sam would watch the video to evaluate what clues may be present. They would meet with Nate afterwards to deal with any issues that might arise. She sent them to the boatshed where they could have privacy, and Eric and Nell would not have to view the video in it's entirety. Eric silently loaded the video to a tablet, and to the computer system in the boatshed. He took a few minutes to refresh the agents on how to capture relevant screenshots and send them to him for processing. All of them dreaded the task before them. Hetty had vanished after giving them their assignments, asking Eric to ensure she received a copy of the video as well.

The drive to the boatshed was silent, both agents dreading what lay ahead. They would take firefights and bombs over this any day. When they arrived, they opened up the file as Eric had shown them, and a dark screenshot from the video loaded onto the screen. After exchanging a look of silent communication, Sam touched the play button on the tablet.

As Eric had told them, it began with a dark room, shapes barely discernable. A glint of light flashed off the blade of the knife, and things began to come into view. They could barely see Kensi restrained on the bed when they heard her familiar voice whimper then scream as her head was yanked back by her hair, exposing her already bloody shoulder to the camera. Without thinking, Sam stopped the video and turned away. They were only seconds into what was a fourteen minute video, and already he had seen more than he could take. He took a moment to gather his thoughts, and force himself to separate from what he was about to watch. When Callen nodded, he pressed play again.

They watched as a tall man stood over Kensi threatening her with the knife, piercing her flesh when she fought him. The audio was hard to make out when she spoke, and her movements were sluggish compared to what they were used to seeing from her. She fought the ropes that kept her restrained, and desperately tried to knee the man in the crotch when he knelt over her on the bed. She lacked the range of motion to hit her target, but he was clearly enraged by the attempt as he slashed the knife across her stomach, eliciting another scream from Kensi as he told her that might teach her to behave.

The attacker shifted his weight, blocking the camera as he leaned over Kensi and whispered in her ear. The agents struggled to make out the words as Kensi cried out and moaned. A minute later when he shifted back, her front was riddled with slashes as blood ran down her sides and pooled on the sheets. Callen slammed his chair back and stormed around as Sam paused the video.

"I can't just sit here and do nothing" Callen fumed. "We need to be out there, finding this monster so we can put a bullet in his skull, not sitting here watching as he tortures her. And what about Nell? He's got his sights on her next, and all we're doing is just SITTING here." Sam stood as he watched his partner, feeling the same rage.

"G, we've got no leads right now. We need to watch this to find them, so we CAN catch the miserable bastards. And it has to be us - do you really think Nell, or Deeks, could stomach watching this any better? So take a minute. Get it together. Then we need to do what we can to help find them and watch this video to find a damn clue."

They both took a few minutes to get themselves together. Sam grabbed a bottle of water, and when he had emptied it he crushed the bottle in his hands, glad to have an outlet, however small, for his anger. Callen had stepped outside for fresh air, with Sam watching closely to make sure he didn't take off. When he returned, Sam restarted the video.

The angle changed, and they could now see Kensi more clearly, but the attacker kept his face away from the camera. Only occasionally did they get a partial side view. Sam continued capturing images, while Callen took notes on when the attacker spoke, hoping Eric could possibly analyze the audio to find a match. Both remained unable to completely detach from the familiar face that was twisted in pain on the screen as the knife cut into her.

Callen turned away when he saw the damage done to Kensi's chest. It was part of her he had never hoped to see, and couldn't stomach seeing like this. He saw Sam clench his teeth and fists in anger. It was a miracle she hadn't bled out overnight before Deeks found her. On the screen, the attacker again leaned over her, whispering his intentions in her ear. He told her to be a good girl as he went about his business, or she would become intimately familiar with her knife. Neither could watch as the man harshly grabbed her waist and forced himself into Kensi, telling her that he owned her and she could never be with another man without thinking of him. When she tried to twist her body away, he grabbed the knife and thrust it into her thigh, holding her leg in place as he thrust into her, leaving her unable to move. When she screamed in pain, he only went faster, digging his fingers into the cuts on her chest. She said something inaudible, but it clearly threw the man into a rage as he pulled back and yanked the knife out of her leg.

They heard an unfamiliar gasp in the video - neither Kensi nor the attacker, as he took the knife and it disappeared from view between her legs. Kensi made a strange noise, then passed out from the pain. Sam could no longer contain his rage as he slammed the tablet on the table, breaking not only the screen but the case as well. Callen hardly noticed, he was struggling to keep from bolting out the door. When he realized what had happened in the boatshed, and not on the video, he shook his head. It was lucky the tablet was the only thing broken in here. He pulled out his phone and rang Eric.

"We, uh, might need some help. The tablet had a bit of an issue... might need to be replaced." He told Eric. "Any luck identifying the attackers yet?"

"I think we're making progress" Eric said. "It's a burn phone, of course. But it was synced with Kensi's phone while they were there, and they accidentally downloaded some of our security features so I think I can trace them that way. And I think I might have some luck with some of the images you guys have captured..." His voice trailed off, unsure what to say. "About the tablet, you can control the screen from the laptop hooked up there as well. So use that for now. Bring the tablet when you get back and I'll see if I can fix it." He heard a snort at the other end of the line.

"I don't think it can be fixed, Eric. Unless you have a hell of a lot of glue." Callen said before disconnecting. He set up the laptop, and waited for his partner to sit down again before pressing "play" once again.

The attacker ordered someone to get cold water, and a moment later he dumped it on Kensi, shocking her awake. She was now limp and weak, no longer fighting. He knew he had won. She was broken.

"Now shut up and let me finish, bitch" the attacker said. All Kensi could do was moan weakly as he resumed his activities. He pulled out a few minutes later, and groaned in pleasure as he finished, then left the view of the camera. All that was left was an image of Kensi, his semen mixing with her blood as it dripped down her side and onto the bed.


	31. Chapter 31

In Ops, Eric couldnt stop moving. He suddenly had a wealth of leads to attack and didn't know which to tackle first. He had already cloned Nell's phone and sent copies of the video to Hetty as well as the copy for Callen and Sam. He was grateful he hadn't been asked to watch.

He started running a trace on the number, and focused on analyzing screenshots from the video as Sam captured them. He struggled to avoid the images of Kensi, and focus instead on trying to clean up images of the attackers. Some of them were promising, and he had started compiling them into a composite image. He thought the image might be suitable to run for facial recognition, but it still had a ways to go. Every so often, he glanced over at the video of a sleeping Nell, reassuring himself she was safe.

* * *

Nell woke up slowly, feeling like she had been hit by a dump truck. As she opened her eyes, she felt confused. She took in the familiar sight of the bullpen and wondered what on earth had happened the previous night. She groaned quietly as she sat up, her head pounding. She was waking up at work with a killer hangover. Slowly, things came back to her. Kensi's attack, staying with Eric, drinking and playing Mario Kart the night before. But none of that explained how she ended up here. Her bag was on the floor beside the couch, and she realized her tablet was propped up on the table nearby, camera on. In any other situation she would be freaked out - but instead, it told her that Eric was watching her. She suspected that sometime overnight he had brought her in, needing to work on a case.

But the only case they had at the moment was Kensi's. Realizing that they likely had a lead, she bolted upright. Had Hetty called her in as well? Suddenly she felt panicked. She reached down to the bag to grab her phone, but it wasn't there. Now that was weird. Maybe Eric had forgotten to grab it. She shook her head again, trying to clear it and then headed up to Ops.

The doors opened, and Nell stepped in. Eric looked up, and Nell saw a look of panic on his face as he frantically tried to hide what he was working on.

"Uh, Beale, what's going on?" she asked. She couldn't help looking over his shoulder. "Wait, what are you doing with my phone?" Glancing up at the screen, she saw some of the screenshots "and where the hell did you get those?" she asked as her face paled.

Eric froze as he looked at her, having no idea where to start.

"It, uh, they sent... um, your phone is... I had to, I mean I... last night, you were out cold and I didn't want to wake you up and..." He stuttered, eyes wide with

"Beale" she snapped "What is wrong with you?" and she reached for her phone. Eric shot up as he put himself between her and the phone and grabbed her arms.

"You don't wanna do that" he said. "Your phone is, kind of, well... it's evidence." Nell looked stunned, and stopped. Just then, Hetty stepped in.

"Ms. Jones, I trust you slept well? I see that an explanation is in order. Mr. Beale contacted me last night to inform me that evidence related to Ms. Blye's attack was sent to your phone. He brought you in with him when we met this morning, but you were in no condition to work at the time. Mr. Beale has been working for quite some time, and I'm sure he could use your assistance. After the two of you get something to eat, that is." She looked pointedly at them. "There is breakfast available downstairs. I believe you two have some things to discuss." She slipped out of the room, leaving both techs confused.

Nell turned to Eric, who still looked rattled. His face was a mix of confusion and fear. As many questions as she had, she knew she wasn't going to get anything out of him yet. So instead of interrogating him, she grabbed his arm and dragged him out of Ops and downstairs, where Hetty had set up an assortment of muffins and fruit, and more importantly, coffee and tea. She grabbed two coffees and an apple then sat down, handing one of the coffees to Eric. He went to take a sip, but his shaking hands made him spill the coffee instead. Nell couldn't wait any longer.

"Spill." She said, staring intently at him. His eyes flew wide open as he started to stutter again, clearly not knowing where to start. "What evidence?" She asked. "What did they send me?"

"A video" he told her, his voice barely audible. "of Kensi. But I couldn't watch it. Callen and Sam, they're at the boatshed watching it. They've been taking screen shots so we can try to ID him." Nell watched him intently. She didn't need to ask to know the video was of at least part of Kensi's attack.

"Why?" She asked, wondering what reason they could possibly have to have sent her the video. "And how?"

"It looks like they hacked Kensi's phone. They got a picture of you the night you were out, and your number. I'm trying to figure out how much else they copied... but they stupidly copied our tracking software so we should be able to find them. That's what I've been working on." He explained, trying to appear calm. "How" was a question he could answer. He hoped she wouldn't notice that he had conveniently sidestepped the "why" part.

"OK..." she said slowly. "But that doesn't answer the why. Eric, what aren't you telling me?" She asked, her eyes boring holes into him. The fear she saw in his face shook her right to her core.

"They said you were next." He whispered.


	32. Chapter 32

Kensi woke up to the smell of coffee and bacon. The bed next to her was empty, but the smell told her that Deeks hadn't gone far. She sat up slowly, and tried not to think about the previous night. Everything he had said was right and yet she had yelled at him and accused him of being superficial. What was she going to say to him? She was tempted to crawl back under the blankets, but it would be pointless - she couldn't avoid him forever. She hauled herself out of bed and padded off to the bathroom to clean up before facing Deeks.

The sight in the mirror was worse than she expeted. Her bruises had surfaced, and she had dark circles under her eyes. Her hair was stringy, and her clothes were a wrinkled mess. She looked longingly at the shower, but knew she couldn't get her stitches wet. She settled for washing her face instead. She needed to brush her hair, but her brush was at home, and she had yet to look through the bags from work. Tears welled up in her eyes at the realization of just how much of a mess she was.

This was how Deeks found her. He had heard her stirring and decided to give her a moment before bringing her coffee and breakfast in. He saw her standing at the sink, looking in the miror with tears running down her cheeks. Leaving her breakfast on the nightstand, he quietly tapped on the door to announce his presence beforer he entered. She looked at him in surprise, noticing the bandaged nose for the first time, but she didn't need to ask to know she had done it. He reached out towards her to brush the tears away, then pulled her into a gentle hug.

"Breakfast is ready" he told her. "Maybe after that, I can help you wash your hair if you like?" She looked up at him and nodded, surprised again that he knew just what she needed. They went back to the kitchen, retrieving her breakfast and coffee on the way, and they sat down to eat. He had not only made bacon, but chocolate chip pancakes as well. He put the syrup on the table, knowing she would want more than he had already put on. They ate in silence for a few minutes before she spoke up.

"About last night. I'm sorry. I don't know what..." she started before he interrupted.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for. It's ok. But I meant what I said, Kens. You are just as beautiful, strong and sexy as ever. Nothing will ever change that in my eyes." He told her sincerely. "And" he added playfully "if you still want me when you're healed, I can totally help you with that." Leave it to Deeks to lighten the dark mood by taking something serious and making it into a lighthearted joke. While it normally pissed her off, today she appreciated it.

"Thanks, I think" she said, as she got up to refill her coffee. Deeks got up and cleaned up the dishes while she enjoyed her second cup. For a wonderful moment, it was like things were back to normal.

"So... do you want a hand washing your hair?" He asked. She thought about refusing, insisting on doing it herself - but she knew it would be awkward. He saw her hesitation and spoke up again. "I did do that undercover stint as a hairdresser. I know what I'm doing, and I can keep it professional." That sealed the deal, and she nodded.

"Sure. It needs it." She agreed, still a bit reluctant.

"Give me 2 minutes" he said with a wink, as he grabbed a chair and carried it to the bathroom, placing it in front of the sink. He disappeared into the closet and returned with a waterproof cape, a collection of brushes and combs, and a blow dryer. She rolled her eyes.

"I thought you were just going to wash it. I can do the rest myself." She told him.

"Humour me." he insisted as he shed his sling. "If you don't like it, I'll wash it again and you can do it. We don't have anywhere to be, and it'll be fun." He was almost pleading. "Please, Kens?" She rolled her eyes again, but gave in.

"OK, fine." She sat down on the chair and allowed him to wrap the cape around her. It was easy to relax as she leaned back and he turned on the water, then gently started washing her hair. When he began massaging the shampoo into her hair, she couldn't help but sigh as she relaxed into his hands. She could get used to this. Deeks grinned as he felt her relax. He knew this was what she needed - and he couldn't lie, he loved the excuse to run his hands through her beautiful hair. He found himself wanting to touch it the day they met, and that feeling hadn't changed a bit. He was going to make the most of this, massaging her scalp, and spending a lot more time than was necessary rinsing the shampoo out. Next, he added conditioner and carefuly made sure it thoroughly coated her hair. He would have loved to offer her a neck massage as the conditioner worked it's magic, but he knew he was already pushing his shoulder too far. Reluctantly, he finished rinsing her hair then wrappped it up in a towel before moving the chair over, with its back to the mirror.

Kensi was amazed at how good Deeks was at this. It was another hidden talent she didn't know he had. If she had, she would have been making up excuses to have him wash her hair far before this. But she was even more impressed as he set to work gently combing out her hair before plugging in the dryer. He worked a small bit of cream through her locks before turning it on low, and setting to work. She kept trying to peek behind her, but he stepped in the way every time and teasingly scolded her in his "Sven" voice. When he was finally done, he let her turn around and her jaw dropped.

While he had only done her hair, she looked a million times better. The bags under her eyes seemed lighter, and the bruises less noticeable. Probably because all she could focus on was how perfectly he had styled her hair. He made the most of her natural curl, but kept it from becoming unmanageable. She looked up at him and grinned.

"Thank you. It looks amazing. I had no idea you could do this." She said, unable to take her eyes off the mirror.

"It's nothing" he said with a shrug, "just something I picked up. I thought it might help you feel a bit better if your hair was clean. Do you want me to leave you alone so you can wash up as best you can?" He asked. She paused, thinking.

"Yeah, that might be a good plan. Can you find me something clean to wear? I promised I'd see Nate today, and I was thinking we could go in to work and meet him there? I mean, if you want to, and that's ok." She started to backtrack, not wanting him to feel she was telling him what to do.

"Sounds like a plan. I can grab some reports to work on, and I'm sure everyone wants to see you. I'll call Hetty and let her know." He said, leaving the room. When the door shut, he couldn't help but smile - Kensi was definitely feeling better.


	33. Chapter 33

Nell stared at Eric, seeing the fear in his eyes. Even though this was what she had been afraid of, having it confirmed didn't make her more scared - it made her angry.

"Beale, look at me," she said, grabbing his shoulders. "I'm right here. I'm in Ops, this is like, the safest place on earth. They aren't going to get to me here, and you're going to find them before they get a chance. So there isn't anything for me to be afraid of. They screwed up - they made it possible for us to track them. Now let's get back upstairs and do it," she told him firmly.

Upstairs, she looked around at what Eric had already accomplished as she grabbed her tablet to help.

"So what do you want me to do?" she asked, sounding confident but secretly hoping it wouldn't involve looking at pictures of Kensi.

"Well, so far I've determined that they copied the picture and your contact info from Kensi's phone, as well as our tracking program. I've activated tracking but the phone is off. I've got the phone records, you could start by going through those. And then we've got the video... Callen and Sam have sent me screenshots any time he shows part of his face. I've started compiling them to see if we can get enough to run facial rec. Callen is sending me a list of times to listen for audio as well to try to find a voice match if facial rec doesn't work," he explained. She was grateful for the job running phone records.

"OK, sounds like a plan. Let's catch these bastards," she said.

* * *

After watching the video for the third time, Callen was sure there was nothing more they could get from it. And he was ready to be done. Despite having done no physical work today, he was exhausted and drained. And he was ready to murder the bastard in the video - slowly and painfully.

Sam felt the same way. He needed to go to the gym and beat on the punching bag again. But before they could, they were required to meet with Nate. He was about to grab his phone to call Hetty, when there was a knock on the door and Nate stepped inside.

"I hear it's been a rough morning," he started.

Callen snorted, and Sam just stared.

"Yeah. You could say that," Callen finally said. "This isn't exactly how I planned to spend today."

"But it's worth it if it gets us closer to Kensi's attacker," Sam spoke up.

Nate nodded. "I'm sure that's true. But it doesn't make it any easier to see this kind of violence, especially when it's happening to someone you care about," Nate said, pausing in the hopes they might say something. The two agents just stared him down. "Look, I know you guys don't like when I'm here as a psychiatrist. But what you saw had to be tough. Are you sure you don't have anything to say about it? I'm not going to keep you out of the field. This isn't a psych eval. I just want to make sure the two of you are okay." He was shocked when Callen spoke first.

"I'd rather be shot than watch that again," he said, Sam nodding.

"It was worse than being electrocuted and watching them torture Deeks," Sam added. "She's our little sister. It's bad enough if she gets hurt in the field... but that - that's a million times worse."

Nate nodded in agreement. "You know it's alright to be angry," he said, gesturing at the smashed iPad on the table. "But you'll need to find a way to control your rage. You need to be able to focus if you're going to catch the men who did this."

"Kensi's the strongest person I know. And this has broken her," Callen interrupted, slamming the table in front of him. "Now they're going after Nell. We don't have time to find a way to control our rage. We need to be out there, stopping them."

* * *

While Kensi was in the bathroom, Deeks called Hetty.

"Hello Mr. Deeks. To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?" she asked.

"Kensi's doing better today," he told her "She'd like to come in to talk with Nate, and to see everyone."

"I see," Hetty replied, not nearly as enthusiastic as he had expected. "There has been a... development with her case, and I'm unsure how she will feel about that."

"What do you mean a development?" Deeks asked, surprised. "Did you ID them? Or did the lab get back to us? What did they find? And why didn't someone call me to let me know?" he continued, not pausing to breathe.

"Ms. Jones received a threatening message overnight, including a video of the attack on Ms. Blye," Hetty told him cautiously. "Mr. Beale called me immediately. He has been tracing the messages, while Mr. Callen, Mr. Hanna and Mr. Getz review the video to try to identify the attacker."

Deeks was silent as he tried to process what Hetty had said. A video. The attackers had recorded her attack - and if that wasn't enough, they had sent it to Nell as a threat. He had felt calmer when he called Hetty, but his rage was boiling over again. He was interrupted when Kensi returned, a genuine smile on her face. He fought to smother the anger he was feeling so she wouldn't know something was wrong - but he should have known better. The moment she saw his face, she knew something was wrong.

"Sorry, I've gotta go," he said into the phone before quickly hanging up, then turning to Kensi.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

He ran his hand through his hair, unsure what to say. "They're a bit busy with a case right now. Suggested it might be better for us to come in later. Nate can meet you here, or at your place, or we could go to the beach if you want?"

"OK..." she said slowly, "but there's more to it. What aren't you telling me?"

"It's nothing, Kens," he reassured her, hoping she wouldn't be able to see he was lying. "Just annoyed that there's another case."

For once, she didn't push things, and took him at his word. She had too much else going through her mind.


	34. Chapter 34

_Author Note - Sorry I've been MIA for a bit. Writer's block and real life got in the way again. Hopefully I'm back to a chapter every day or every other day now._

* * *

After thinking it over, Kensi had decided that Deeks' suggestion to go to the beach was a good one. While she was hesitant to go out at first, she knew he had her back - whether the danger be real or perceived. So that's where they were now - a quiet, secluded section of the beach. While it would normally be busy and hard to find a quiet spot, the dreary day had kept all but the most stubborn beachgoers away.

They sat together, side by side, silently watching the waves. Kensi wondered if he regretted not having his board, but when she looked at him she saw no sign that he wanted to be anywhere but by her side. She sighed as she settled herself further into the sand. She appreciated him not pushing her or filling the quiet with pointless conversation - he was there if she needed him, but giving her the space she craved as her thoughts drifted. The silence between them was comfortable, filled only with the sound of the crashing waves and the occasional gull overhead. It was peaceful. It was what she needed.

And finally, after a silence that seemed to last for eternity, she was ready to speak. If only she knew how to voice the thoughts going through her head. She turned to look at him, and was surprised to see that he was watching her - and likely had been for a while.

"You look like you have something to say?" He stated, questioningly. A slight nod confirmed he was right.

"I just don't know how to say it." She said, with another deep sigh. "I know the thoughts - it's just hard to put them into words."

"Just let the words pour out. You might surprise yourself. And I'm pretty good at reading between the lines." He encouraged. "Come here" he opened his arms, motioning for her to join him. She quickly obliged, settling herself between his legs and allowing him to wrap his arm around her as she leaned back into him. He knew that when she had to talk about something difficult, it was easier to not have to face anyone. It was easier to talk to the waves.

"I know you're wondering why I didn't just take the pills Lindsey gave me. Especially when everyone knows how terrible I am with kids. Why I would even consider having a baby after all... that. It's not just because I'm stubborn, or crazy. I... I've just never told anyone before." She started. Deeks could feel her body shudder with silent sobs as he held her gently, and whispered quietly.

"You don't need to tell me if you're not ready, Kens. And I knew you had a reason even if you weren't ready to share. No one thinks you're crazy, we're just worried about you. But if you want to tell me, I'm here. I'll listen."

"I just... I can't do it. If there's even the slightest chance I'm pregnant, I can't end that possible life. I swore I'd never do it, not after what happened last time I" her voice broke as she started to cry. "After what happened last time I was pregnant." She choked out. Deeks thoughts were swirling - he had never known about Kensi having been pregnant before, and he doubted anyone else on the team did either. It may be a secret that even Hetty didn't know. But he contained his shock and held off on asking questions, as he held her close. She composed herself and continued.

"It was an accident, I didn't intend for it to happen. But I got pregnant. And it felt like everything changed. And even though it was like my entire future had crashed around me, I was excited. It took a few weeks to absorb the shock- but I was excited. I was going to have a baby, be a mom. I rewrote my entire future plans - everything revolved around the little being inside of me. At the first ultrasound, everything was perfect. There was a heartbeat, and I saw this amazing little human being formed, and I was so in love. It made everything in life seem so much better." She paused with a wistful smile. "And then as quickly as this little life had appeared, it was gone. When I went for my second ultrasound, there was no heartbeat. My baby..." she stopped, unable to say the words, as tears poured down her face again. Deeks pulled her even closer to him, wishing he could take the hurt away.

"After that, I realized that even though he wasn't born, he had been a person. My baby. And I knew right then, that I could never give up that chance if I had it again. No matter what the circumstances, I would never forgive myself if I took that innocent life, if I chose to end what could have been my second chance. And I don't hate kids. I just don't know how to be around them without thinking about it, and about what should have been. It hurts. And now... I might never get the chance to try again after what they did to me. I might never get to know that amazing feeling of growing life..." she let her voice trail off.

Deeks slid his sling off as he wrapped his arms around her tightly.

"I'm so sorry" he whispered. "I can't even imagine how hard that was. And then to have to relive that on top of everything now." His voice broke. "I'm so, so sorry."

* * *

_Author Note - I was totally unprepared for the response this would get. A few things to clarify - I am not getting into a debate on abortion or the use of Levonorgestrel or Mifeprex or similar medications. This is a work of fiction. Don't forget that. It is certainly not intended as medical advice or to sway someone's opinion! (Nor is this author's note intended to replace any medical advice.)_

_I am very aware how Levonorgestrel and Mifeprex work. And if you're quite observant you'll notice when Lindsey left the medications, she left multiple options for Kensi._

_The "morning after pill" (in this story, Leveonorgestrel) works by preventing an embryo from implanting. Whether "life" begins when sperm meets egg, egg implants, 22 weeks gestation or birth is not what I intend to discuss. But in THIS version of THIS FICTION, Kensi feels uncomfortable ending a "life" which to her (in THIS work of FICTION) begins when sperm meets egg, before implantation. So in this case, the morning after pill would terminate a potential life.  
_

_ Mifeprex is another option that Lindsey left for her. This is often called a "medical abortion" and can terminate a pregnancy up to 9 weeks gestation. _

_As for the comment that it seems Kensi wants to have her rapist's baby - all I can say is judge not lest ye be judged. Some women who have been raped DO choose to go on to have their rapist's baby. While you may not choose this yourself should you ever find yourself in that horrific situation, don't judge someone who may choose differently. It's a horrid choice no one should ever have to make. But there are plenty of women who have had to, and the last thing they would need on top of that is judgement._


	35. Chapter 35

Nell was busy analyzing all the information she could find on the burn phone which had sent her the video. There was very little to go on - the phone had copied information from Kensi's phone, including the photo that Nell and Kensi had taken while out. Nell's contact information was copied as well, and was the only number that had been contacted by the phone. She was able to continue digging deeper though, and found that the phone had used a large amount of data connecting to the internet and she was able to use GPS to create a map of locations the phone had been at, as well as the times. She was now trying to call up video surveillance of some of the locations at the time of use.

Eric was still attemtping to compile a photo suitable for use with facial rec. He had started to run his first trial, but was getting too many possible matches. He went back to each image Sam had captured and worked on enhancing each image before compiling them together. It was tedious and frustrating work, which used every ounce of his attention. As he was processing the images, an email alert pinged and he turned to another screen to check what he had received.

"We've got a lead!" He said, opening the email. "I got the DNA analysis results back!"

Nell was behind him in seconds, reading over his shoulder.

"So we've got 3 white males, all mixed european heritage. 2 Dark hair, 1 light, 1 dark eyes, 2 blue. One is a carrier for Cystic Fibrosis." Nell read out loud. "Not a lot to go on, but it's a start." She continued. "Does that help with your facial rec?" She mused.

"Yeah, I think the guy we've got is dark hair and dark eyes." Eric said. "That'll help me fix up the colour a bit, I think." He turned back to the screen he was working on and continued mumbling to himself as he tried to clean up the images Sam had captured. As he was working, he had another brainwave - he remembered the glint of the knife he had seen at the beginning of the video. It wasn't one of the images Sam had copied, but what if he could get a reflection off the knife? He thought it over for a minute, and decided it was worth a try. He swallowed and took a deep breath before starting to play the video, sound muted, so he could capture the images of the knife without disturbing Nell. When he had what he needed, he closed the video, relieved to be done with it. It wasn't until he heard Nell's strangled sob a minute later that he realized that the video hadn't closed - it had gone up on the main screen.

He rushed to remove the video from the screen above them as he apologized profusely to Nell. She didn't seem to hear him as she choked and cried, then rushed from the room. Eric froze for a moment before running after her.

He caught up with her as she headed for a quiet corner of the building, where she often went to think. The look on her face broke his heart as he reached out to wrap his arms around her.

"I am so sorry. You shouldn't have seen that. I can't believe I was so stupid... I'm sorry, Nell, I'm sorry." He whispered into her ear. He felt her sink into his chest as she cried, and he led them both to sit on the couch. He hated the way her body shook, both in shock and despair. And he hated even more that this was his fault - his carelessness had caused her to see the video he had tried so hard to keep from her. The only saving grace was how little of it she had actually seen, but clearly she had still seen too much.

Finally as her sobs slowed, she looked up at him and asked

"How on earth did she survive? If that happened to me... I don't think I could go on. I don't think I would want to."

* * *

When Kensi was ready, she and Deeks headed back to his apartment for lunch. Her appointment with Nate was scheduled for 1 pm, but he had reassured her he was quite flexible if she wanted it to be sooner or later. Deeks had sureptitiously messaged back and forth with Hetty to discuss how to best go about bringing Kensi in. It was decided that Nate would break the news to her about the video during their session. Deeks felt a tiny bit of relief that it wasn't up to him, but he knew no matter who told her, it was going to go badly. And she would need him. He shook his head to clear the thoughts from his head, and focused on making lunch while Kensi napped on the couch again. He was relieved she was getting her rest.

He threw together a plate of leftover lasagna for each of them, and debated if he should wake her or leave her to sleep. The decision was made for him when she started to flail and cry out. He left the plates on the counter as he went over to comfort her as she woke up - taking care to avoid getting hit. He didn't think Lindsey would be impressed if he racked up any more injuries. When Kensi's eyes flew open, she threw herself at him, breathing rapidly and clinging to him for comfort. As she calmed, the scent of freshly warmed lasagna hit her, and she glanced towards the kitchen. With a silent grin to himself, Deeks set her on the couch and retrieved the plates. Handing one over and keeping one for himself, he started to eat while keeping an eye on her to make sure she was ok.


	36. Chapter 36

After finishing lunch, Kensi took some time to prepare herself to head in to OSP. It seemed silly, in a way, to have to mentally prepare herself to go to the place where she spent most of her time - but still, she felt the need to step back and make herself ready to go. She knew it would be difficult to face the team, but she also knew that they needed to see her, almost as much as she needed them, and wanted some semblance of normalcy. At the same time, she wondered what "normal" was going to feel like now.

Deeks had kept Hetty in the loop about Kensi's progress, and messaged her as they headed out the door. He was honestly unsure what kind of reaction Kensi would get from her teammates and how she would react, but he wanted things to go as smooth as possible. Upon arrival, he glanced at his nervous passenger to see how she was feeling, but she had put up her walls and was doing her best to appear unaffected by what had happened.

Entering the buliding, Sam and Callen called out their greetings cautiously. While they could see through the thin veneer of confidence and calm that Kensi had put up, they went with it and treated her the same as any other day. A cup of coffee and a donut were on her desk, which made her smile.

"Thanks guys. Deeks isn't letting me have enough coffee. This is awesome." She grinned as she took a huge gulp.

"Just trying to keep you from going stir crazy, princess" Deeks retorted. "You've got enough energy without the caffeine. You'd be climbing the walls if I let you have your usual five cups a day!"

Kensi was about to turn and stick her tongue out at him, but was interrupted by a familiar voice.

"There she is. And even on time, despite Deeks driving! Will wonders never cease." Nate teased gently as he came down the stairs. Kensi smiled at him.

"I just want to go say hi to Eric and Nell, then we can go to your office?" She suggested, but Nate blocked her way.

"They're pretty busy right now." He said cautiously. "Why don't you check in with them a bit later."

Kensi gave him a look, and then turned to Callen and Sam who were doing their best to appear relaxed, but she saw past the facade.

"What aren't you guys telling me?" She asked, glaring at her teammates then turning back to Nate. Deeks felt the urge to make a joke about angry Kensi making an appearance, but wisely held his tongue.

"Mr. Beale has been up all night following a lead, with Ms. Jones' help. They should be finished by the time your appointment with Mr. Getz is done." Hetty said as she silently appeared.

"Let's go upstairs to talk." Nate said, gesturing in the direction of the second staircase, away from Ops. Kensi looked back at her coworkers once more before following Nate, with Deeks close behind. Nate's office had been aired out after months of being unused. Kensi and Deeks sank down into the couch, while Nate took a seat across from them, taking a deep breath. He looked at Deeks first and the two exchanged a look, which didn't go unnoticed by Kensi. She glared at Deeks then at Nate.

"Spill it. Now. Or I'm going to Ops, because Eric can't lie worth beans." She said.

"Your attackers copied information from your phone. They sent a threatening message to Nell last night, indicating she was next." Nate started to explain. A look of horror crossed Kensi's face.

"Oh, God, no. Not Nell. Is she ok?" Kensi choked

"She's fine, Kens." Deeks reassured her. "She's really up in Ops, helping Eric follow up on it."

"Wait, copied from my phone... are we compromised? They didn't get anything classified, did they?" She continued, sounding panicked.

"Kensi, stop. All they copied was Nell's number, and our tracking program. We are ok." Deeks said, grabbing her hands. "Nell is ok. OSP is good. But we need to focus on you." He said firmly. When she calmed down and started to focus, Nate continued.

"I'm sorry Kensi. But there's more. And there's no easy way to say this. Your attackers didn't just send Nell a message. They also sent her a video." Nate paused, allowing the information to sink in. Deeks squeezed her hand, watching closely. "The video was of you. They recorded part of your attack."

The colour drained from Kensi's face, and Deeks once again felt helpless. Nate watched and waited, unsure what kind of a reaction to expect. The silence in the room was tense - verging on smothering - as Kensi tried to process what she had heard and form a reaction. Her face twisted through a range of emotions before settling on a combination of anger and horror.

"Who watched it?" She finally managed to ask, glaring at Nate. It was Deeks who responded.

"Kens, is that important?" He asked, quickly realizing that was the wrong thing to say as she flew into a rage.

"YES!" She screamed as she stood up. "It's important. It matters. After what I went through the last thing I want is for anyone to WATCH it. Let alone people who know me, or respect me. I don't want anyone to think of me like THAT." She continued yelling, storming around the room. "So yes, it's important. I want to know who watched it, because I want to know who will be thinking about it every time I see them." She glared at Nate. "Who. Watched. It." She demanded.

"Kensi, no one is going to judge you or think less of you. And your team knows you are so much more than what happened to you." Nate tried to reassure.

"Who. Watched. The. Video." Kensi demanded, standing over Nate.

"Eric watched the first few seconds when Nell received it. As far as I know, Nell hasn't seen it. Callen and Sam reviewed it for evidence, and Eric has been editing the screen captures for facial recognition. And Hetty asked me to watch it so that I would have a better idea of how to help. But that's it." He told her rapidly. For a moment, he thought she was going to punch him, but instead she turned suddenly and glared at Deeks.

"How long have you known about this?" She asked him, her voice cracking with anger and sadness.

"When I called this morning to talk to Hetty." He admitted, hanging his head. "I know I should have told you, but I didn't know how. And I wanted you to enjoy this morning." He told her, pleading. She glared at him a moment, before storming from the room.


	37. Chapter 37

Nell cried into Eric's arms, trying to pull herself together. He held her and reassured her that she WAS strong, and that nothing was going to happen to her. And even if it did, he would be there for her no matter what. He stroked her hair as he promised he would do everything it took to keep her safe. It was only when she had stopped crying and started to pull herself together, that she managed to force herself to look at him. She heard every word he said, but it was the expression on his face that told her just how much he meant it all.

He tried to apologize again, but she cut him off.

"It was an accident. They happen." She told him. "But now we need to get back to work, so we can catch these asses before they can hurt anyone else." She grabbed his hand and pulled him back up to Ops.

"You know" Eric started as they sat down "Kensi is going to get through this. She's got Deeks, and she's got us. It might take some time but she's going to be ok." He told her.

"I know." Nell said "I just... I wish that no one had to go through this."

They sat in silence for a moment, before Eric gave her a hug.

"Come on. Let's catch these guys. Want to help with the knife reflection images?" He asked. Nell nodded enthusiastically.

"I just want to try another search for similar attacks, now that we've got a bit more information." She explained as she entered new parameters into a search program. "The video and threats give us another piece to try." She continued, then turned back to Eric. "Now let's work another miracle."

They worked together, sharing a laptop as they isolated a reflection in the knife, just as Eric had hoped. Together, they alternated using filters, clearing up the image and playing with the colour. Almost an hour later, they finally had what they needed - a clear picture of the attacker, suitable to run for facial recognition. Eric saved the image and dragged it to the facial recognition program, then they both leaned back with a sigh of relief.

"I knew we could do it." Nell said. "There's a reason they call us the wonder twins."

* * *

Kensi entered the armoury and was surprised to see Hetty sitting at the table, with an open box of ninja stars.

"Ah, Ms. Blye. I was expecting you." Hetty said. Kensi froze, still fuming and unsure what to say. "I thought you might be able to assist me by testing these out." She continued, handing the box across the table. "There are some targets set up for you in the gun range. I'll leave you be." She said, then quietly slipped from the room.

Kensi stared at the box in her hands, and continued to the gun range. While ninja stars weren't something she used regularly, she enjoyed the challenge and hadn't had as much opportunity to practice with as she would have liked. She was relieved to find the gun range empty, aside from several mannequins set up at the end. She looked down at the box before selecting a star. She handled it carefully, watching how it reflected the light and shone, before taking aim and throwing it at the nearest target. It sliced silently through the air before effortlessly cutting into the mannequin. She picked up the second star, and aimed for second target. It once again landed exactly where she had aimed.

It was forty minutes before she emerged again, her anger having dissipated with each throw. She knew she needed to find Deeks and Nate to apologize for her outburst, and Hetty to say thank you.

* * *

Deeks had chased after Kensi as she stormed out of the room, but when he got to the armoury the door was closed. He heard Hetty's voice as he paused and decided not to enter. A moment later, the door opened as she slipped out of the room.

"Ah, Mr. Deeks. I believe Ms. Blye may need some time alone. I've left her something to keep her occupied for now. I'll keep an eye on her. Why don't you and Mr. Getz check in with your team."

"Um, do you think it's a good idea to leave Kensi alone in a room full of weapons right now?" Deeks asked nervously. "Maybe I should stay with her?" He said as he edged towards the door.

"I'll keep her safe, Mr. Deeks." Hetty reassured him. "And I will call you the moment I think she needs you."

Deeks sighed, knowing he was fighting a losing battle. He followed Nate out of the room, glancing over his shoulder one last time as Hetty re-entered the armoury. He trusted Hetty with his life, there was no question about that - but he wasn't sure he trusted anyone with Kensi's.

When they were on their own in the hall, Nate slowed to a stop.

"She'll be ok." He told Deeks. "Hetty won't let her hurt herself. She knows as well as I do that Kensi is impulsive and volatile. But maybe shooting some targets will help her with her anger." Deeks nodded in agreement.

"I know. I know all that. But I can't help worying about her. I need to see for myself that she's ok. And I want to be there when she needs me." He said, not intending to sound as exhausted and desperate as he did.

"And that makes perfect sense, given the situation." Nate said. "She's your partner, and you want to have her back. But you've got to let us help, too. You're only human, and you can't do it all yourself. I mean, look where that's gotten you so far." He said, gesturing to Deeks' sling and face. "Let us help her. And let us help you, too, ok?"

"I know. And I'm trying. But you're right, she's my partner and I want to have her back no matter what. And she needs me. But she's going to want to try to push you guys away, especially now that she knows about the video and that you've seen it. She's going to be stubborn, and not let anyone see anything that might possibly be considered weakness... And now that she's angry." He stopped and shuddered "well, we all know how she gets when she's angry. Nothing will stop her, not even Hetty. Kensi Blye on the warpath is NOT someone to mess with."

"I know." Nate said. "But we're still going to do everything we can to help, and we're all going to help keep her safe."

Tears started to come to Deeks eyes and he couldn't bring himself to fight them.

"I'm scared." He told Nate in a hushed voice. "I can't lose her. I just can't."


	38. Chapter 38

Ops was quiet as the searches ran. Eric was exhausted and Nell had finally convinced him it was ok to take a break and rest. She promised to wake him if there were any new hits. She had set up a video feed of the shooting range for Hetty to watch Kensi and couldn't help but watch it herself. She was fascinated to watch as Kensi's rage diminished with each tiny weapon she threw, and couldn't help but smile as each one hit its target perfectly. Had the mannequins been real, they would never be fathering children.

She also observed as Callen and Sam returned, having been sent for a few hours rest after their early morning. Watching them now, she wondered if either had managed any rest at all. She felt a bit guilty that she was the only one who had a full night's sleep the night before. She saw Nate and Deeks join the senior agents in the bullpen, taking in Deeks' injuries and exhaustion with concern. Right now, he looked even worse than Kensi.

Turning to another screen, she couldn't help a small smile at seeing Eric stretched out on the couch, wrapped in the blanket he had brought for her. He looked adorably peaceful in his sleep. Almost childlike, except for his long limbs extending well past the end of the makeshift bed. She dared to let her thoughts wander a bit further before she was interrupted by a bleep. Excitedly, she turned to the screen and saw that they FINALLY had something to go on. She quickly entered the name into several databases and then ducked out of Ops and whistled loudly.

"We've got a name!" she called excitedly before ducking back inside, narrowly avoiding being crushed by a small stampede of 5 men. Eric sat in his seat with a thud, still trying to wipe sleep from his eyes, while Nell rapidly opened window after window on the screen.

"Derrick Henderson," she read. "No criminal record. Age 32." She dared to glance at the four men behind her, Nate's face neutral but rage clearly visible on that of Callen, Sam and Deeks as they looked at the picture on the screen. "He lives in the same general area as Kensi," she stated, as she pulled up a map and an image of his apartment complex. "And he works for an MMA gym. Interesting." She continued. As more searches yielded results, she added them to the screen, helping to piece together the existence of Derrick Henderson.

* * *

Kensi was surprisingly unsurprised to find Hetty waiting for her in the armoury once again. She set the box of ninja stars on the table, waiting for her boss to say something. After several moments of silence, she finally did.

"It's good to see you still have your fire, my dear," Hetty said quietly. "And excellent aim." She nodded pointedly. "I believe that skill will be useful in the near future. I would like you to hang on to these for now. I realize you have your weapon, but sometimes a situation calls for one of a more... delicate nature." Kensi nodded in appreciation. She felt naked without her knife, but at the same time was unsure she could ever carry it again.

"Thanks," she said. "For the stars. And for knowing what kind of a break I needed. I'm guessing you're the one who told Deeks to give me some space?" she asked, not needing confirmation. "I appreciate it. He's been great, he really has. But I just needed... some space." She continued. "But I should probably go apologize. To him, and to Nate. I wasn't very fair to them..."

"Nonsense, Ms. Blye. Mr. Deeks and Mr. Getz are just worried about you. I seriously doubt they would be expecting an apology," Hetty reassured her. "But if I'm not mistaken, I believe I heard Ms. Jones whistle, indicating that they may have a lead. So I imagine they are all up in Ops at the moment. And while I'm sure you want to join them, I believe you have an appointment with Mr. Getz to attend. I'll go inform your colleagues that you are ok. And I'm sure Ms. Jones will be happy to fill you in afterwards," she said firmly, leaving no room for argument. Kensi sighed as she followed Hetty out of the room. She detoured by the Bullpen to grab another coffee and a donut, before heading to Nate's office once again.

* * *

Everyone was staring at the screens, taking in the information that Eric and Nell were collecting on Henderson. No one noticed when Hetty entered, until she directed Nate back to his office to meet with Kensi. Deeks went to follow, but Hetty stopped him.

"Your partner will be ok with Nate. Right now, I believe you have an investigation to lead," she said pointedly. He felt torn, but knew that Kensi really would be ok with Nate, and if not, Nate knew where he was and wouldn't hesitate to come get him.

While staring at the screen as Nell filled Hetty in, he started to formulate a plan.

"We still don't know who the other two attackers are. Obviously Henderson was the one in charge, given the video and what Kensi has said. But I think we can do more than just bringing him in and asking who his buddies are. And we're not going to get a conviction without DNA," he started. While he knew some of what he was saying was nonsense, his teammates knew there was more to what he was thinking. "So what I'm thinking, is that we may need to run a short undercover op at the gym..." He let his voice trail off as he glanced back at Callen and Sam, who quickly caught on. "Maybe we send in a new fighter and his coach. Collect some DNA from other members to try to find a match. Just to be sure, of course, that we have the right men."

"But wouldn't we be better to just get this guy off the street now?" Eric asked, watching Nell.

"No, I think Deeks is right," Nell interrupted. "We should make sure to get some solid DNA evidence first. I'm sure Sam can take care of that for us, right?" she asked. Eric looked concerned, but his face softened when Nell whispered something in his ear. He turned back to his tablet, and began creating a backstory for Callen and Sam.


	39. Chapter 39

Nate entered his office to find Kensi sitting on the couch, coffee in hand. As he sat down across from her, he realized she was motionless, and her eyes unfocused. He was knew instantly that she had once again dissociated.

"Hey Kens. It's Nate." He said softly as he approached her. "You're ok. We're in my office, and you're safe. But I need you to come back to us now, from wherever you are." He told her, unsure if she could hear him. He lifted the coffee from her grasp and placed it on the side table. Her hand remained in place. "Come on Kensi. I know you're in there. This is a safe place, so you can come back." He spoke softly, but she still didn't respond. He gently put his hand over hers and lowered her arm. She didn't resist but didn't respond. Nate sighed. He hated seeing patients like this, but it was even harder when it was Kensi. Bad Ass Blye. Anyone would have said she was the strongest on the team, but at the moment she wasn't even a shell of herself.

He placed his hands on her shoulders firmly and knelt in her direct line of sight, but her eyes remained unfocused. He gently squeezed his hands to apply light pressure on her shoulders, but still got no response. His concern was growing, but he knew this wasn't unusual for a patient who had been through trauma. He considered several options - he could wait it out, he could be more forceful about getting her attention... but if she didn't come out of it soon, he was concerned she may need more psychiatric care than he could offer.

* * *

Callen and Sam followed Hetty down to wardrobe, while Deeks talked with Eric and Nell. They didn't expect they were dealing with a criminal mastermind, but still wanted to be sure that things were in order, just in case. He knew that everyone was now on the same page, but couldn't voice the plan - to find Kensi's attackers and make them pay. A simple arrest wouldn't satisfy any of them, and while they all swore to uphold the law, sometimes, family was more important. He knew he would have no regrets - and he hoped the same could be said for everyone else he was involving. Callen had argued against Deeks' original plan, and they were now going to be going in as two MMA fighters. Deeks wished he could join them - his injuries might even give him more credibility. But he couldn't leave Kensi. He was also pretty sure he wouldn't be able to keep his cover when he was near Henderson - he would be too hellbent on making him pay.

In wardrobe, Hetty was performing magic different from that of standard ops. Sam had already gone undercover as an MMA fighter before, when they first came across Deeks. But this time, there was a chance that Henderson had seen Kensi's picture of the team, and they didn't want to be immediately identified. Hetty rummaged through a collection of wigs, facial hair and facial prostheses before settling on several for each of them. The agents dressed and donned their new features and allowed Hetty to fuss and make minute changes until she was satisfied.

They took in their appearance and grinned at each other. Hetty had, of course done a great job. Callen sported a new scar on his cheek, a "missing" front tooth, and Deeks-like scruff. Sam got a short wig, as well as a goatee, and Callen couldn't help but make cracks about him finally having hair.

* * *

Nate watched Kensi cautiously and allowed his thoughts to wander. He decided, that for now, she was in no danger and she didn't appear to be in any physical or emotional pain. Her pulse and breathing were steady. So for now, the watch and wait approach was what he felt was best. He continued to speak calmly and quietly, so as to not startle Kensi when she came to. Unsure what to say, he told her about dissociative states and reassuring her that it was ok and something they would work through. He talked about options for therapy to help her move past what had happened. As he began to remind her that her friends cared and would have her back without judging, his phone rang. He saw it was Nell and answered quickly, maintaining a calm voice.

"Hey Nell, what's up." He asked.

"Deeks wanted to check in and see how Kensi is, and if she needs him. He wants to join you, but I thought we should check first. He's pretty much finished here, we've got our gameplan set." Nell explained. Nate was unsure what to say.

"Can I talk to him for a minute?" Nate asked, not sure if he should explain the situation to Nell. Kensi felt violated enough, and he didn't think she'd appreciate her coworkers being told about these episodes. When he heard Deeks' voice, he spoke.

"Kensi is fine, but she's having another dissociative episode. She's safe, and it's nothing to be concerned about at the moment." He explained, but there was silence at the other end of the line. A moment later, Deeks was at the door looking panicked. Nate resumed his explanation but it didn't erase the concern on Deeks' face.

He looked at Nate, feeling lost.

"Can I talk to her? I mean, is that ok?" He asked, feeling unsure.

"Of course." Nate reassured him. "You can talk to her, or touch her. Just keep it calm so she doesn't panic."

Deeks knelt in front of Kensi, hoping she would look at him. He gently reached out and took her hands in his.

"Hey Kens, it's me. It'd be really great if you could let us know what's going on in that pretty head." He told her. When she didn't respond, he turned back to Nate.

"So... what do we do?" He asked helplessly. Nate paused a moment and explained a few options. When he mentioned the possibility of inpatient psychiatric care, Deeks balked.

"No. Not happening. I'll take her home and take care of her myself. We are NOT taking her to a hospital, not when she's like this." He said stubbornly. "What can they do for her that I can't?" He asked, almost pleading. Nate sighed.

"It's ok. Give her some time. We don't need to consider it any time soon." Nate encouraged. "Do you want to fill me in on the plan?" He asked.

Deeks explained the undercover op as best he could. Nate nodded his understanding, and lost himself in thought.

"Since Kensi isn't getting much out of this right now, I might go visit Callen and Sam... After seeing that video I'm a bit hesitant to let them go without a chat." Nate explained. "Are you ok to stay with Kensi for now?" He asked.

"Always." Deeks said. "Go talk to them. Just remind them that Kensi asked for first dibs, so they better remember that."


	40. Chapter 40

Callen and Sam had returned to the bullpen by the time Nate emerged. He headed down to join them, standing and leaning on Deeks' desk.

"So Deeks filled me in on the plan. Are you guys ready to go?" He asked.

"Yup. But Hetty wants us to wait until tomorrow." Callen explained. "Give the wonder twins a chance to do some backstopping just in case. And get any more information we might need." He continued. Nate looked at the two agents and knew there was more.

"You wouldn't be thinking about ignoring that advice and going in tonight, would you?" He asked. Only the slightest twitch from Sam told him he was right. He sighed. "Look guys, we have to do this right. If you go in tonight and something goes wrong, not only will you not have any back up, but the guys who attacked Kensi could get away with it." He reminded them.

"Wasn't planning on leaving anything left to get away." Sam mumbled. Callen shot him a look.

"Fine." Nate replied. "I get how you feel. In some ways, I agree. But if you don't hold back on the beatings for me, what about Kensi? Deeks told me you guys promised her first dibs at them, and if there's nothing left tonight, when does she get her chance?" He asked them pointedly.

"We were going to give her and Deeks a call tonight after we took them into custody..." Sam explained. Callen gave him another dirty look. All Nate could do was shake his head. They had thought this through, too well.

"Come on. Why don't you just stick with the plan? Eric and Nell can keep the gym under surveillance tonight and you can go in tomorrow. Besides, I don't think Kensi is in much shape to be doing any ass-kicking tonight." He told them. "Don't make me rat you out to Hetty." He threatened when he saw they were unconvinced. Eventually, they nodded, agreeing that Nate was right.

"Alright, we get it." Callen said. "We wait for tomorrow, for back up and Kensi and everything else... But I still want to beat Henderson to a bloody pulp, and anyone who helped him isn't going to end up much better." Nate shook his head again. He was glad he had at least another day to try to get through to the two partners.

"Just stay away from them tonight." He told them. "We can discuss the rest tomorrow, ok?"

* * *

Eric was having fun creating back stories for Callen and Sam. Sometimes the task was boring and tedious, but he was enjoying giving them both a background that might intimidate the man who had threatened his partner and attacked his friend. He created several hospitalizations of previous MMA opponents, long lists of previous tournament wins and just enough of a shadowy past to put fear into Henderson. It was almost a shame that they might never even see it. He pouted for a moment before diving back in.

On a whim, he gave Deeks a history as well. He knew that Deeks had orders from Hetty not to get involved because Kensi needed him, but he also knew that if someone had hurt Nell the way that Kensi had been hurt, sitting on the sidelines wasn't going to be an option. Nell leaned over his shoulder to see what he was doing and grinned.

"I was just about to suggest we do one for Deeks, too. Kensi has beaten him up enough to look the part. And if I were him, I wouldn't be holding back." She told him. "As it is, I'm tempted to try to go in myself... if they hadn't seen my picture already." She quickly added, seeing the fear on his face. "Don't worry, Beale. I'll keep my distance. We've got enough work to do in here." She returned to her station and continued to bring up information on Henderson. When she began tracking his history, she had an idea.

She opened several local PD databases for his previous homes and began to search for similar attacks. In only minutes, she had hit paydirt.

"HA!" She yelled triumphantly. "We've got him. He's done this before." She said. "He lived in Denver, Colorado before, and we've got a similar attack there, shortly before he moved here." A ding from the computer prompted her to check. "And prior to that he was in Lansing, Michigan, where we've got another attack a few months before he moved. I'm seeing a pattern. Maybe we should update the team."

Eric looked at the screen where she was tracking Henderson's addresses and attacks. He quickly left what he was doing to help.

"Let's get all the details of these attacks pulled together, and then let them know." He suggested. "It shouldn't take that long, but it would be better to have all the information at once."

* * *

Deeks sat next to Kensi on the couch, and wrapped his arm around her.

"Oh Kens... I wish I knew what to do. I've got an entire op planned out to get your attackers. But none of that matters if I can't help you." He said, frustrated. "It's a shame you can't tell me what you need right now. But given that you suck at communicating, I'm sure I'll find a way to figure it out, without words." He continued, pulling her tight to him in a one-sided hug. "But don't listen to Nate. You aren't going anywhere. I'll take you home with me and take care of you for the rest of our lives before I'll let you go into a hospital. I know how much you hate them." He let her go and gently pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "I'm here for you. Whatever you need. Tomorrow, we're going to get the guys who did this to you, and Nate is reminding the guys that you get first dibs." He told her. He leaned over and kissed her gently on the cheek, and was startled when she blinked her eyes. He pulled back and was disappointed that there was no other response. Maybe it had been a reflex, although he was sure he hadn't seen her blink in the entier time he was there.

He stroked her hair and continued talking to her, reassuring her he'd do whatever it took to help her be ok. Tears started to form as he considered that there may be nothing he could do.

"I need you to be ok. Just come back to me, Kens. I love you." He whispered into her ear, wrapping her in another hug. "I love you."


	41. Chapter 41

He won't ever know if it was his tears or his words or a giant coincidence - but Kensi seemed to snap back to him as a tear dropped onto her hand, just in time to hear him repeat those three words he had whispered. Her whole body twitched as her eyes refocused, and he couldn't help but engulf her in a tight hug when she looked at him. The tears in his eyes instantly turned to ones of relief, as he held on to her tightly. Finally she spoke.

"Um Deeks... could you let go? It's a bit hard to breathe." She told him. "And that can't be good for your arm." He laughed quietly as he released his hold on her and apologized.

"You really don't want to talk to Nate" he teased gently. "But you're not going to get out of it that easily." She blushed.

"No. But I'm glad you're here. I'm sorry for earlier, for yelling at you... All you've done is take care of me, round the clock, for the last few days." She apologized, but he cut her off.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. And you can't get rid of me that easily. I'm going to be there with you every step of the way, doing whatever it is you need." He reassured her. "But for now, we better tell Nate that you're back with us. He's going to want to talk about it... and everything else." Kensi sighed.

"You're right. Better to get it over with... then can we go home?" She asked. "It's been a long day."

"Of course. I need to check in with the team and then I'm good to go. Although I think Nell would really like to see you before we go." He told her.

"Yeah... can we go see her now and then I'll talk with Nate later?" She suggested. Deeks shrugged.

"I don't see any reason why not. She can help fill you in on what we've found."

* * *

Deeks messaged Nell to let him know Kensi wanted to come say hi, so she and Eric quickly removed all trace of the case and the op from their screens. They were unsure what to expect, but Nell had filled him in on how broken Kensi had seemed a few days ago.

The doors opened, and Deeks led in an apprehensive Kensi who seemed almost timid as she set foot in the techs' domain. She stood slightly behind and to the right of Deeks as they approached Nell, before Nell darted out and wrapped Kensi in a huge hug. Eric slid his chair back in anticipation of a possible negative reaction. Kensi stiffened noticeably as Nell's arms wrapped around her, but just as Deeks was about to pry Nell away, Kensi relaxed and returned the hug, much to the surprise of her friends.

"How are you doing?" Nell asked her as she pulled back, her voice filled with concern.

"I'm..." Kensi paused, unsure how to reply. "I don't know. But I think, eventually, I'll be ok." she finally said. "How are things going here? Deeks said you've got a lead?" Nell looked at Deeks for confirmation that she could go ahead, not wanting to upset Kensi. When he nodded, she launched into a brief version of what they had found.

"Eric isolated an image we could use for facial recognition. We matched it to a guy named Derrick Henderson. We've been able to find his place of work." She paused.

"Callen and Sam are going to pick him up tomorrow." Deeks continued. "We'll get a DNA sample and get him to turn over his buddies." Kensi took this in, knowing that this was a sanitized version for her benefit, and despite her curiosity, a glance at Deeks was enough to reassure herself that she trusted his judgement. After a moment she spoke up.

"Do you need me to confirm it's him?" She asked softly. Deeks was about to say no when Nell spoke up.

"It's your choice, Kensi. If you're ready for it, we can. If you're not, we'll get his DNA tomorow." Kensi paused, finally deciding she was ready to see his image. She knew it might be difficult - but it was better to do so with only Deeks, Nell and Eric there.

"I think I'm ready." She said, looking at Nell, then Deeks. Eric looked to Deeks for confirmation before bringing up the image. The room was silent as they watched Kensi for a reaction. She stood frozen in place, staring at the image on the screen. Eric had purposely kept it small, not wanting to overwhelm her. She stared at it, taking in his features. This was the man who had attacked her. She nodded briefly before turning towards Deeks. "That's him." She whispered softly.

Eric heard her whisper, and removed the picture from the screen. He was being extra cautious after what had happened earlier with Nell. Seeing Kensi had surprised him. She maintained an outward shell of toughness, but he could also clearly see it was a facade. Watching her now, turning into Deeks, he could see some of the Kensi that he knew Nell had seen. Her body had crumpled and she looked small. Her voice was nothing like the confident woman he saw at work every day. His observations were interrupted by his imagination as he pictured Nell as broken and hurt as Kensi seemed. It filled him with a combination of pain and rage. This monster had already destroyed one of them. He wasn't going to get to shatter both.

Callen and Sam entered the room with Nate close behind. The two agents looked annoyed, and it was obvious that Nate had spoken with them about toning down their plan of attack. All three stopped in surprise when they saw Kensi standing there with Deeks, Nell watching closely.

"Kensi confirmed Henderson as her primary attacker." Eric explained. Nate opened his mouth to voice his concerns, but Deeks quickly interrupted.

"It was her choice. And she did good." He told his friend. "She's good." He said pointedly, hoping Nate got the point and didn't mention her earlier episode. Nell watched them both with suspicion. She knew there was something she wasn't being told, and her glare at Nate told him she was unimpressed. But instead of speaking up, she gently patted Kensi on the back and offered her another hug.

"Why don't you go talk with Nate for a bit now. We've got a bit more to go over here." She suggested softly. Kensi looked at the young analyst holding her tight. She knew that there were things they weren't telling her - but she also knew she didn't have the energy to deal with it right now.

"Yeah. Good plan." Kensi replied meekly as she followed Nate towards the door. Just before leaving she turned back to Nell and quietly said

"I'm sorry, Nell. For getting you involved... Let them keep you safe."


	42. Chapter 42

_Author Note - I've left holes in the conversation between Kensi and Nate, indicated by a "break" bar. Apologies, but I don't think I could do an entire hour or two of conversation._

Kensi followed Nate to his office, again. She sat down nervously on his couch for the third time today. He sat opposite her, still studying her intently to observe her actions.

"So. Third time's the charm?" She asked, her attempt at humour failing.

"Well, you're not yelling and you're conscious, so that's a good start." Nate replied with a smile. "Where should we start?" He asked her. She stared at him blankly.

"I don't know. Isn't that your job?" She replied.

"I'm just here to help, Kensi." He told her softly. "How are you doing? Today has to have been hard." She sighed, trying to decide if it was worth it to continue being difficult.

"Yeah." She finally conceded. "It has. I'm tired." She told him.

"That's to be expected. I take it you're not sleeping well?" He asked. She shook her head. "And I'm guessing you haven't tried the sleeping pills that Lindsey left you?" Another firm shake confirmed his suspicions. "And I'm sure everything else going on is exhausting." He continued. "Dissociative episodes can appear restful, but they're actually quite draining." He told her, knowing she was already aware of this. "Do you want to talk about..."

"No." She cut him off. "I don't want to talk about them." He eyed her cautiously, trying to decide how hard to push.

"Do you know what helps to bring you back?" He asked gently. "That might help us help you." She sighed.

"Deeks." She whispered. "He helps bring me back." Nate nodded, having expected that would be her response.

* * *

"You know... I've read Lindsey's report." He tried changing the subject. "She's concerned about you."

"Why?" Kensi snapped. "Because I was stabbed repeatedly? Or because I didn't let Deeks deal with all my injuries? Or was it because I didn't want to take a sedative?" Nate was surprised - that last bit had been left out of the report. It didn't surprise him though. Kensi was stubborn.

"No. It was you reaction to the possible future complications resulting from your attack." He told her. "Do you want to tell me why you refused the emergency contraception?" Kensi blushed and tuned away. The conversation had been difficult enough this morning with Deeks, and she had no interest in revisiting it again so soon.

"I explained it to Deeks this morning." She told him, feeling both angered and relieved. "But you know what, even if no one thinks of me as the maternal type, being told you might not be able to have kids is still a hard blow to take on top of everything else. I get it, no one ever thinks I could be a mom, but maybe having that option taken away by some jackass is a hard pill to swallow." She said, her voice rising. "Maybe I wasn't ready for that door to close." Nate knew that he had hit a nerve - and he felt it was the most progress he had made so far.

"Kensi, that isn't it at all. It has to be hard, to have to deal with that, on top of everything else." He told her. "You don't have to explain it to me. I'm just glad you were able to talk to someone about it." He continued, reassuring her. "And for the record, I've never thought you wouldn't be a good mom if you wanted to be. And that option isn't necessarily off the table, it's just something you'll need to discuss with your doctor in the future."

"Yeah, well... after all this" she gestured wildly "I don't think it's ever going to happen."

* * *

"Are you feeling ready to talk about your attack?" Nate asked. Kensi frantically shook her head. Nate debated whether or not to bring up the video, given her earlier reaction but decided to go ahead. "Do you remember them recording the video?" He asked. She froze and then barely nodded. "You know, we're still going to need your statement at some point. And in order to move past it, you will need to face it and talk about what happened." He told her gently. She was unable to meet his eyes and ducked her head. "It doesn't need to be right away. But it will help. It's going to be tough. And it will hurt. But in order for you to move past it, you'll need to face it head on." He caught her slight nod as she wiped the tears from her face.

* * *

"It pisses me off that he went after Nell." She said. Nate eyed her, unsure if she was being serious or deflecting.

"What about it bothers you most?" He finally asked. She shrugged.

"She's Nell. She's sweet and kind and brilliant. And I don't want to see her hurt by some monster." She said. He took this opportunity to redirect the conversation.

"You know, that's how a lot of us feel about you. We hate seeing you hurt." He explained gently. "And we want to help." She sighed, feeling too tired to fight much more.

"I don't know how you can." She admitted, sounding more like a lost young girl. "Even if we catch him, it's not like it can undo what he did. It won't take away the nightmares or flashbacks or those... episodes." She continued. "And it's like I have no control. I'm angry and hurt and overwhelmed, and half the time I'm not even really here. I hate not being in control." She began to tear up. "And Deeks... God, Deeks. He doesn't need this. He needs a partner to have his back. Instead, he's not sleeping and he's spending every minute worrying about me. He walks on eggshells trying not to hurt me, and then I repay him by breaking his nose and yelling at him and accusing him of... of horrible things. And he just keeps holding me while I cry, and waiting patiently for me to come back to him. It's killing him, and it's only been 3 days! He doesn't deserve any of this, but he won't let me push him away." Her crying finally overwhelmed her and she couldn't say any more. Nate let her cry, waiting until the sobbing ceased before he continued.

"He cares about you. He'd do anything to help you. We all would. But he's the one you trust, and the one you let get close. And I promise, Kensi, he doesn't see it like that. All he sees is a chance to help you." Nate paused, unsure if he should continue. "After the Sidirov case, I was talking to Deeks. I asked him a question to ponder, to help him figure out whether or not he could come back to work. And I'm going to ask you the same question. What is it that makes your partnership unique?"

She looked pensive for a few minutes, and he knew she was thinking hard. But suddenly her face changed and he saw something different pass across her features. She looked hopeful, and overwhelmed and awed. "That's it." She finally said. "That's what he was talking about. And it makes sense." ***

* * *

*** _Author Note - in episode 5-02, Deeks is recovering from being tortured and Nate asks him what makes his partnership with Kensi unique. Later that day, when Kensi visits and brings him dinner, they_ _sit on the couch as she describes the movie she wants him to watch with her. As he falls asleep, she asks what it's about and he responds "It's a love story." - Making no sense to Kensi, but answering Nate's question from earlier in the day._


	43. Chapter 43

When Hetty joined them in Ops and gave a nod, Nell and Eric opened up the screens they had hidden for Kensi's benefit. The agents took in the maps and reports that Nell had pulled up, providing details of previous similar attacks.

"OK, so we've got eleven previous similar attacks. All in large cities, happening a few weeks before Henderson relocated. In each attack, the victim was tied up and threatened with a knife, with varying degrees of injuries. Kensi's are by far the worst. Each time, a combination of barbiturates and benzodiazepines was used to sedate them. The victims usually describe two or three attackers, one dominant, threatening them with a knife found in the home, and the other or others following directions from the dominant attacker. DNA was collected from most victims but with no suspects the DNA was slow to be processed and in none of the eleven attacks was it entered into CODIS." She paused, clearly frustrated. "In the more recent attacks, a friend of the victim received a threatening message and the last three received photos of the victim. This is the first time a video was sent." She took a deep breath. "We can't figure out how he picks his victims. They're all different ages, races, socioeconomic group... They have nothing in common."

Everyone in the room took in the information Nell told them, and the eleven case reports on the screen. All had been investigated by local PD, and each report seemed rather bare. With no major injuries, and no leads, it seemed that the cases had been overlooked. All of them were feeling frustrated - if even one of them had been taken seriously, Kensi's attack might have been prevented.

"So can we get the DNA from these eleven cases to see if they match Henderson's?" Deeks asked. "If we can nail him for 12 attacks, he'll go away a lot longer," he explained. Sam and Callen exchanged a surprised look behind his back - they had no intention of letting Henderson live long enough to go to trial, and they were surprised that Deeks did. Deeks felt the look behind him and turned to face them. "Yeah, I know what you're thinking. But we owe it to these other victims to find ALL their attackers and the easiest way to do that is to get him to give up his partners in each city," he explained. "We need to think about the bigger picture, as hard as that is to say. And Kensi would agree."

They stood in silence, each mulling over the information in front of them, their thoughts about Kensi, and plans for tomorrow's op. It was Hetty's voice that finally broke the silence.

"I believe we have everything we need," she said. "I think the best course of action for now is for everyone to go home and get some much needed rest. You can report back tomorrow at 13:00." She finished, dismissing them. Everyone stood in place as she left the room, with Deeks following moments later, followed by Callen and Sam.

* * *

Nell and Eric exchanged a tired look as they grabbed their things. Both were too exhausted to argue with Hetty, and there really wasn't a lot left to be done. They could monitor Henderson's location and watch surveillance of his gym from Eric's. They trudged out to his car, grabbing the blanket and pillow from the couch on their way. They called out their goodbyes to Callen and Sam, with Deeks nowhere to be found.

They collapsed into the car, saying nothing as Eric put the car into gear. He pulled into a takeout place he knew they both loved. Nell ran in and ordered and returned not long after with the bag of food to find Eric dozing on the steering wheel. He woke with a start when she opened the door, but still looked exhausted.

"Move over, Beale, let me drive. You're exhausted," she said. All he could do was nod in agreement as he moved over and let Nell take his place. He watched as she moved the seat all the way forward, and then dozed off a few minutes later, waking only when she pulled into his parking spot.

Once inside, Nell shucked off her shoes and tried to get comfortable. Eric headed for his room and emerged shortly after in pyjamas, despite the early hour. In his hands, he held a large t-shirt, which he offered to her. She took it gratefully and ducked into the washroom to change. The shirt came down past her knees, so she opted to wear nothing else. She came out to find him collapsed on the couch and picking at their dinner.

She retrieved their laptops and tablets from his bag and plugged them in to charge before settling on the couch next to him.

"So... I was thinking. Could we write a program to watch the surveillance videos for us and beep when Henderson is on the screen?" she suggested. Eric nodded.

"Already done," he told her. "And I'm almost finished one for the phone. It will set off an alarm if he goes anywhere near my place, Kensi's, Deeks' or yours. And it'll tell us if he leaves LA," he explained. "So we're good. Once we finish eating, we can relax or go to bed," he added. She sighed, relieved. They wouldn't have to stay up all night.

"Can you add Callen's, Sam's and OSP to the list?" she asked. "And maybe if he goes within a km of Kensi's or my phone."

"Yeah, that won't take too long," he agreed. "Then I need to sleep." Nell handed him his laptop and grabbed her own. She opened up her secure connection to Ops and loaded the surveillance feed and GPS tracking to her screen. Eric sent her the program he had completed before setting to work to complete the second one. Not long after, he sent her his completed GPS tracker, gave her a kiss on the forehead and went to bed.

"Wake me if you need anything. Or join me when you're tired," he mumbled as he left the room.

"Sleep well, Wolfram," she called after him with a smile as she got up to make herself a cup of tea. Eating dinner had given her a second wind and she intended to use it to see if she could find anything else to help their team. As water was boiling, she heard an alarm sound on the computer, indicating Henderson was on screen. She ran back to hit record and watch what was going on. She heard Eric stir in his room at the sound of the alarm.

"I told you to sleep," she called out. "I've got it. I'll wake you if I need your help."


	44. Chapter 44

Deeks left Ops and went straight to Nate's office. He paused outside the door long enough to peek through the small window. Kensi's back was to him, but he could still sense her anger targeted at Nate. She was raging at him about something. He put his hand on the doorknob, about to enter and try to soothe her when Nate caught his eye and ever so slightly shook his head. Deeks paused, unsure. He wanted to charge in and rescue her, soothe her anger away. But Nate was trained and looked completely in control - and was clearly telling Deeks to stay away. He sank to the floor and leaned his head back against the door. He trusted Nate. And Kensi knew she could come to Deeks if she needed him, but had chosen instead to handle this discussion on her own. He sighed, still feeling torn. But in the end, he decided to trust Nate - at the same time swearing if Kensi later said she wished he was there, he wasn't going to make her face her demons without him again. He wrote a quick note and slid it under the door, before heading downstairs.

He could hear Callen and Sam as they decided to go to the gym to spar. They wanted their moves to be in perfect form tomorrow to sell their cover. Deeks couldn't help but snort. He knew their cover was the last thing on their minds. They just wanted to beat Henderson to a bloody pulp. He sank into his chair with a sigh, feeling lost and unsure what to do. He would love to join Callen and Sam in the gym but realistically knew he wasn't in any shape to do so. Instead, he pulled himself up and went to the shooting range. Even with a messed up shoulder, he could still shoot.

* * *

In the gym, Callen and Sam were sparring, holding nothing back. They played with MMA rules, but it was evident from their style that they had training in a variety of martial arts. Callen successfully blocked each of Sam's punches, not letting the larger man's size be an advantage. Somehow, Sam also maintained the agility of a smaller man. Within an hour, both were drenched in sweat and ready for a break. As they headed for the showers, they knew they were alone and began to discuss their plan for tomorrow's op.

"We need to get DNA samples from everyone there. And we need a way to keep them separate," Callen began. "We can't just pull out swabs every time they spit or bleed."

"Towels," Sam said. "Keep a stack of towels in the bag. Push them into spitting on you. Or use it to wipe off blood," he suggested. "Then when you shove it back in the bag, make sure it's in numbered evidence bags. Just gotta be discrete," he added.

"Before the fighting begins, we should try to get cameras in place for Eric and Nell. I don't want to risk having our comms or button cams damaged or revealed during the fights," Callen added. "If they can watch, it'll help keep track of who fights who and when, to match up with the DNA," he suggested. "We can change shirts each round, to keep DNA separate."

"What's the plan for Henderson?" Sam finally asked, the question weighing on both their minds. "I know we both want to take him out. But Nate did have a point - we promised Kensi first dibs."

"Just see what happens," Callen said. "Whoever gets the chance to fight him first, takes it. Hit him hard enough to knock him out, and whatever collateral damage happens, happens. I've already arranged for an ambulance to be on call," he added, leaving Sam curious. "Lindsey's working tomorrow night. She's looking forward to meeting Mr. Henderson," he explained with a sly grin. "Kensi and Deeks can be waiting outside, as paramedics if she's up for it. Otherwise, she and Deeks can have access to him in the hospital whenever she's ready." Sam grinned.

"Sounds like we've got this all sorted out," he said. "Want to come in a bit early tomorrow to warm up?" Callen nodded in response.

"Yeah, sounds good. But I think tonight, we should both go home and get some rest. I'm meeting up with Lindsey later on to fill her in. And I'm sure Michelle will be waiting to hear everything," he said.

* * *

Deeks had shot out dozens of targets with a variety of guns, and was now playing around with throwing knives. After seeing what was done to Kensi, he felt that a shot to the head was too good for Henderson. He deserved to suffer the same way Kensi had, so Deeks had borrowed a set of knives from the armoury and was now practicing on the targets Hetty had left. He couldn't help but notice that all of them were significantly damaged in the groin. Despite all she had been through, or perhaps because of it, Kensi still had deadly aim.

He stood back from his target and held the knife as Kensi had taught him, before releasing it in a hard throw. The first few knives clattered away, but his aim and technique quickly improved as he managed to lodge several knives in the target's face, heart and legs. After forty minutes, his adrenaline was wearing off and exhaustion was setting in. He retrieved his knives and packed them away, before sitting down to clean his gun. He had never found it cathartic as his partner had, but at the moment it seemed a sensible thing to do. As he finished up, he heard the door open quietly and looked up to find Kensi standing there.

Her face was streaked with tears and she looked completely drained - but he couldn't get over the smile on her face. Obviously something that she had discussed with Nate had made her incredibly happy. He stood up and returned her smile as he walked over to her. She threw her arms around him and held him tightly. A few tears trickled down her face and onto his shirt as she whispered in his ear.

"It's a love story. And I get it now."


	45. Chapter 45

Deeks' face lit up when Kensi whispered in his ear. Either Nate had explained, or asked her the same question to figure out on her own. It didn't matter, though. Even with all the hurt they were both feeling, Kensi was smiling at what he had said. She wasn't pushing him away, or running away herself. So he allowed himself to indulge in the moment of peace that the two of them were sharing.

* * *

Nate and Hetty watched the scene playing out on the surveillance screen in front of them. Kensi and Deeks were clinging to each other in the armoury, both with smiles on their faces.

"It wasn't how I had hoped it would happen, but it's about time." Hetty smiled. Nate nodded in agreement.

"It's a shame it takes tragedy to bring them together - but it's going to help them both heal," he said. "And it may be the bright spot that helps Kensi drag herself through this mess." They stood together, watching the pair embrace, before Hetty turned back to her desk.

"Would you like a cup of tea?" she offered as she gestured for Nate to sit down. He took the cup from her and smiled.

"Is this a new blend?" he asked and she smiled.

"So you've spoken with Ms. Blye now, and I assume at some point today you've observed or spoken to everyone else on the team. What are your thoughts on how they are doing?" she asked.

* * *

When they finally pulled apart, Kensi grabbed on to Deeks' hand. Her eyes were still glassy with unshed tears.

"It's been a really long day," She whispered. "Can we go home?"

"Of course." He told her. "I was just waiting for you. Let's go." They turned and left the room, stopping only briefly at the bullpen to grab their bags before heading out to the car. They knew their colleagues would forgive them for not sticking around to say goodbye.

"Do you want to stop to get something to eat?" Deeks asked her.

"No. I'm done. I just want to go home. Um, your home, that is. If that's ok?" She began to feel uncertain.

"My home is your home, Kens. And that's where we'll go," he reassured her.

When they arrived, he was surprised at how quickly she bolted for the door, unlocking it and slipping inside before he was even out of the car. He came inside to find she had already retreated to his room. He gave her some space as he puttered around, tidying up the few odds and ends that were out of place. After ten minutes, he ducked his head in to his room to check on her. He found Kensi had wrapped herself in one of his blankets and curled up in his bed. He turned to leave, thinking she was asleep, when he heard her roll over.

"Join me?" she asked weakly. He couldn't refuse, so he sat on the bed next to her before stretching out next to her. He was surprised to realize she was wearing one of his shirts. She must have changed as soon as they got home. A moment later, Kensi was burrowing into his chest as she pulled him under the blanket. He wrapped his arm around her, lightly stroking her back as she tried to get comfortable. "Thank you," she mumbled. "This is better."

"Any time," he whispered back, before they both quickly fell asleep.

* * *

Nell watched the screen in front of her intently, her tea long forgotten. She stared at Henderson's lips, trying in vain to make out what he was saying. Lip reading was Kensi's forte, but they couldn't call her in for this. She wished now that she had paid more attention when Kensi tried to teach her before, but had felt at the time it was unnecessary for them to double up on skills within the team. She let out a sigh.

As she watched Henderson talking with another man outside the gym, she became more and more frustrated. It was then that she remembered the lip reading program that Eric had downloaded ages ago. Would he still have it? She grabbed his laptop and hesitated when the prompt for a password came up. While Eric wouldn't have a problem with her searching for the program, it still felt like an invasion of privacy to log into his laptop without permission. But he needed his sleep, and she wasn't going to wake him - so she guessed the password (and reminded herself to tell him to improve his security settings) and logged in. Fortunately, his hard drive was well organized and she found what she was looking for in minutes. After transferring the program to her own computer, she shut his down and turned back to her screen. She was grateful she had thought to record the surveillance feed.

The program asked for the video input and she loaded the video as it was still recording. After highlighting the lips on both Henderson and his apparent friend, she sat back as the computer processed. With nothing left for her to do, she went back to the kitchen to boil water (again) and make her tea. She found herself lost in thought until Eric gently squeezed her arm.

"Hey rock star," he said, smiling at her. "What's on your mind?"

"Henderson's on the surveillance video. Or at least, he was. I recorded it. Hope you don't mind, I retrieved that lip reading program from your computer so we could find out what he was saying. It's running now," she told him, as she picked up her tea and returned to her computer. "What about you? You didn't sleep too long."

"Powernap," he explained. "Should get me through for a few more hours. Let's see what we've got." He gestured at her computer.

The dialogue to Henderson's conversation was appearing on the screen as it processed. What they read made them both pale.


	46. Chapter 46

"Maybe we should have gone to a safe house." Eric stammered. "I can call Hetty, we can pack up and go now." He suggested. "And call Deeks, have him move Kensi as well." He added, starting to panic. Nell grabbed his shoulders firmly.

"Henderson is not a criminal mastermind. He doesn't know where you live, and he doesn't know where Deeks lives. He doesn't have access to the technology we do. It's all just empty threats. Besides, we're tracking the GPS on his phone. We'll know if he even gets close." She told him calmly. "And I would rather be here, somewhere familiar, with you." She added.

_This one was my favourite yet a real lively one and a fighter its so much better when they fight don't you think_

_Yeah man and she wasn't too bad looking either_

_Maybe we should change it up and go after the friend she might be lively too_

_Redheads always are_

_Or we could go back for round two with the first one I'm thinking we could stick around here for a while_

_I don't know we always move along so we don't get caught and we've got a good thing going here don't want to mess it up_

_True that but damn she was fun_

Nell copied the transcript and sent it to Hetty, knowing she would want a copy. On a whim, she sent it to Nate as well, along with the video, in hopes it would help him better understand who they were dealing with.

Eric had calmed down and was now grabbing screenshots of Henderson's friend to run through facial rec - it appeared they may have found one of the unidentified attackers, and if they could identify him before the op tomorrow, it would help.

* * *

Deeks woke up, once again, to Kensi's screams. She thrashed and flailed, screaming loudly. He caught a fist to the chest as he woke up, but quickly rolled out of bed to avoid further injury.

"Kensi! Kens! It's Deeks, you're safe. We're at my place, no one else is here. It's just us. You're ok." He promised. She continued to scream and thrash, not hearing him. He weighed his options, and grabbed a pillow which he held in front of him as he approached her. He managed to toss off his sling and wrap his arms around her gently without restraining her to avoid further panic, and he kept talking to her as he tried to soothe her. Slowly the limbs stopped flailing and her head stopped tossing, the screams becoming less and less. She opened her eyes to find him there and promptly burst into tears. It was only then that he saw blood on the shorts she was wearing.

She cried into his chest about fighting off the men who were trying to hurt Nell, while he carefully rolled up the shorts and checked her leg.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, it looks like you've ripped your stitches." He told her. "Can I call Lindsey to come fix it up?" He asked. She nodded, still unable to talk as tears poured down her face. "It's ok, I don't need to call her right away. We can wait until you're feeling calmer." He reassured her. Again, she nodded as she wrapped her hands in his shirt and rested her forehead on his chest. Gently, he placed his hand over the bleeding on her thigh and held it firm as she started to talk.

"They were there again, but Nell was with me. They drugged us both, but instead of attacking me they attacked her. I was tied up and couldn't help, I couldn't do anything but watch. When I tried to look away they hurt her more, so I had to watch." She sobbed. "They stabbed her and punched her and I couldn't help. I couldn't do anything to stop them. They pulled her hair and called her names... She couldn't fight back, she was too drugged. He forced himself in her mouth, and she gagged and threw up... so they punched her and kicked her. And then he told her to be a good little girl, to do as he said... She just nodded and let him have his way with her. It was... it was worse watching it happen to her." She continued to sob, choking on the words. "I couldn't protect her. I should have protected her."

"Shhhh, it's ok. It was a nightmare. A really bad dream. Nell is safe, and you are too. They aren't ever going to get to hurt you again." He promised. He wondered how much of what happened to Nell in the nightmare was actually what happened to her in reality. He was sure Nate would have something to say about it, and considered messaging him now. His thoughts were interrupted by a whimper, as Kensi looked up at him with a look that broke his heart.

"Even if they never touch anyone again, it's still going to hurt every single day." She told him. Tears formed in his eyes as he began to cry, too.

"I know. You're right. But we're going to be there for you every step of the way. I'M going to be there for you. And maybe we can make it hurt just a little less each day." He said, grasping at straws to try to help. "I wish I could take it all away. But you are strong. You're a fighter. And you're going to get through this, I know it. It won't ever go away, what they've done can't ever be changed, but you're going to heal, and get to the point where it doesn't run your life. And that's going to be the very, very best revenge."


	47. Chapter 47

Lindsey was meeting with Callen when she heard her phone go off.

"Just a sec, it's a patient, gotta check in." She told him, recognizing the familiar ring tone. When she read the message, she sighed and glanced briefly at Callen.

"What did she do to Deeks now?" He asked jokingly.

"Not Deeks. She ripped the stitches in her leg." Lindsey explained, and Callen paled.

"How serious is that?" He asked, concerned. "And how could it have happened?"

"It's nothing to worry about." She reassured him. "Deeks said it happened during a nightmare, she was thrashing around. But you didn't hear that from me." She added sternly. "But I should head over now. Want me to ask if you can come?" She asked.

"Yeah, sure. And ask if they've eaten - because knowing Kensi, she'll be hungry." He added. She nodded and sent his message.

"Yup, you're welcome to come if you bring food." She told him.

* * *

Callen and Lindsey were greeted by Deeks at the door.

"Take it easy on her. She's having a rough time." He explained, with an emphatic look at Callen. "Kensi, Callen and Lindsey are here." He called towards the bedroom as he went to retrieve her. He returned a moment later, carrying an exhausted looking Kensi in his arms. He set her on the couch and sat down on the floor in front of her. Lindsey moved over to examine the injury, checking the others as well. Callen went to the kitchen to dish up the food.

"How are you doing today?" Lindsey asked gently. Kensi just sighed.

"She's been taking her drugs as prescribed." Deeks said. "Except the painkillers, of course... Badass Blye doesn't think she needs them." he added with a hint of a smile. "Everything looks like it's healing ok, right?" He asked, a bit concerned.

"Everything except this one." Lindsey gestured at her thigh. "I'm going to need to restitch it, Kensi. Same as before, you know the drill. But I'm going to try a different type of thread. You'll need to get these ones removed in a week or so and we'll see how it is then. I'm going to leave some different bandages, and I'd like you to try and stay off it as best you can. I know crutches aren't possible with your other injuries, but you need to take it easy and keep your weight off this leg as much as possible." She advised. "I'm going to do the freezing now. Do you want an anti anxiety pill before I start?" Everyone in the room was shocked when she nodded yes, but Lindsey quickly pulled one out and handed it to her.

"This is Ativan. Just pop it under your tongue and it will work in under a minute. Deeks will stay with you the whole time, ok?" Kensi took the pill, and again nodded as she placed it under her tongue. As it started to dissolve, she began to shake and launched herself at Deeks, crying. He caught her, surprised, as she curled up in a ball in his lap and continued to cry. Lindsey reached to stop the bleeding in her thigh, which had reopened when she moved, but Kensi kicked at her, hard. Callen's eyes opened wide in surprise as he spoke to no one in particular.

"What the hell is going on?" He asked. He was met with silence as Lindsey and Deeks tried to figure out what had happened. Lindsey reached for her bag and retrieved the lab reports, and suddenly paled.

"Ativan. It's lorazepam, that's one of the drugs they used. We assumed she was injected with it... but if they gave her a pill then the taste could be giving her a flashback." She said, her voice full of guilt. "Damnit, I should have known better." Lindsey was clearly frustrated.

In Deeks' lap, Kensi was crying as she tried to hide herself. He directed Callen to grab Kensi's blanket from the bedroom, and wrapped it around her as soon as he returned, whispering in her ear the whole time. Lindsey put her hands on the wound as Kensi began to go still, her movements less co-ordinated and her crying softening. Eventually, she was limp in his arms as he stood up and sat them down on the couch.

"Kensi, I think the meds are setting in. You're ok, I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. Is it ok if Lindsey stitches up your leg now? We need to stop the bleeding." He asked her. A barely-there nod was all he got in response, but it was all they needed for Lindsey to pull out the lidocaine and start numbing the area around the wound.

Fifteen minutes later, Lindsey had finished stitching and bandaging the wound. Kensi was still groggy and clinging to Deeks like a life raft, but it seemed that her panic had eased.

"Keep her off that leg as much as possible." She advised Deeks. "But not at the expense of your shoulder. You're supposed to be wearing your sling." She reminded him with a pointed look. "And I suspect Kensi isn't the only one refusing to take her pain meds. I can tell from the way you're moving that you haven't taken them recently." She turned to Callen. "Do these two listen to anyone?" She asked.

"Not really." He replied. "Usually they listen to Hetty... but when it comes to their health, I think it's a lost cause. They both think they're invincible."

"Maybe I need to talk to Hetty, then?" She suggested. Deeks paled slightly at the idea.

"I'll take the painkillers. And try to wear my sling." He promised. "And I'll make Kensi take hers, too." Lindsey nodded, clearly satisfied.

"Then I guess we'll leave you two be. Callen needs to get some rest. But it sounds like I'll see you tomorrow. He's promised I'll get to meet Mr. Henderson at work." She winked. "And we have something special planned for him then.


	48. Chapter 48

_Author Note: Thanks again for all the follows, faves and reviews. I hope you're enjoying yourself so far. Sorry this chapter has taken so long... Life and such sometimes gets in the way.  
_

_A lot of people have made comments about the "end" of this possibly being soon. The reality is that even I don't know. I just write where this story takes me - and if you'd said I would still be on day 3 at chapter 48, I would have said that was insane. But I've been accused before of being overly verbose._

_Henderson and his friends will be brought to justice and I do know how - but I'm not telling yet. But don't worry, I like things wrapped up nicely. So all will end happily ever after, unless you're a bad guy._

_But before this ends - what do YOU, the readers, want to see? More Densi moments, rage from Callen and Sam, cutesy Neric bits or sessions with Nate?_

_Guestt - At the point where Lindsey was talking, Kensi was likely unaware of what was going on around her. Between her panic and the Ativan, she would be pretty much out. It's sometimes used for dental procedures and patients are often unaware the procedure has even happened. _

_I also received a lovely PM asking for further details of Kensi's injuries. More information will come, but some things will be left purposely vague. Just remember, Kensi is tough as nails and she's still somewhat drugged from her attack. All of that masks her pain a bit._

_And there is a sequel coming, eventually..._

* * *

Eric found himself buzzing with nervous enegy. Despite Nell's reassurances, he couldn't calm down. He checked Henderson's GPS tracker every few minutes but still couldn't calm down. What was going to keep him from ditching his phone somewhere, and how did they know that they hadn't had Nell under surveillance? And anyone with a bit of know-how could download a program to track a phone by GPS. Nell constantly carried hers with her. Maybe he should have made her replace it with a new one... Right. Like anyone but Hetty could make Nell do anything she didn't want to do. He sighed, realizing he just had to accept her decision.

He returned to what he was supposed to be doing - running facial recognition on Henderson's friend from the gym. So far he had no hits, but the computers they had at his place weren't nearly as good as those at Ops. He needed something else to distract him.

Nell sensed his anxiety and opened her mouth to reassure him of her safety once again, but closed it before saying anything. Instead she stood up and pulled open the drawer under the couch. She retrieved two controllers and the remote, turning the TV on. She handed one controller to Eric and offered him a smile.

"Time for some Mario Kart? I think you said something about wanting a rematch."

* * *

Kensi was exhausted and groggy from the Ativan that Lindsey had given her. Deeks stayed sitting on the couch, with Kensi's head resting on his lap, as Callen and Lindsey left. He was gently running his hands through her hair and comfortingly rubbing her back. He didn't like seeing her hurting, but he wasn't sure this was much better. He was watching the clock, and counting down the two hours that Lindsey had estimated it would take the worst of the sedation to wear off. It seemed like time was crawling by. Kensi sighed, the only indication that she might still be awake. He wondered if she was resting peacefully or if she was trapped inside herself yet again, struggling or in pain.

"You ok, princess?" He asked her. She responded with a weak attempt at a nod. "Do you want to have a nap? Or I could put the TV on." He suggested, but she grunted a negative sound in response. He heard her try to mumble something, and leaned down close to listen. After a few tries, he could just barely make out her words.

"Just want to be here with you."

It was all he needed to hear. He relaxed as he stretched his legs and rested them on the coffee table, continuing to comb through her hair with his fingers. "I'm not going anywhere." He told her. "Not even Hetty could drag me away." The faint trace of a smile appeared on her face, and he couldn't help but smile back. She tried to pull herself upright, but only managed to partly lift her head. Deeks slid his arm under her and helped her slowly sit upright next to him. She copied his position - feet propped on the table, leaning against the back of the couch. But the meds were affecting her more than either of them expected and she promptly fell over with her head resting on his shoulder. He wasn't sure what he expected next, but it wasn't the giggle that came out of her mouth.

"Now I think I might be the medicated one. Did I just hear Kensi Blye GIGGLE?" He asked with surprise. She attempted to nod. "And what's the awesome joke?" He asked, with one eyebrow raised.

"Dunno" she mumbled back. "Everything. Can't even sit on my own. So much for Bad-Ass." She giggled again. "I'm a girl." She added.

Deeks was unsure how to respond. He could make a lot of jokes about how a teeny tiny pill had reduced her to a giggling mess, but he was also aware that it was that same teeny tiny pill that had incapacitated her during her attack.

"You sure are." He replied. "But in an hour or two you'll be back to a girl who can kick my ass. Although I have to admit, I like this giggly side of you." He shot her a smile, which was answered with a soft snort. He blinked, and realized that somehow in the last minute she had fallen asleep.


	49. Chapter 49

_Author Note - Thanks for all the lovely feedback. It's great to hear what you, the readers want to see. So here's a bit of Neric and Densi, with some Deeks thinking and sweet Densi scenes up next (tomorrow). _

_Also, if you're looking for something else to read while you wait for this, I recommend anything by homegrownoregano! _

* * *

Two hours (and a few beers) later, Nell threw her controller to the floor.

"HA! Eat my dust, AGAIN! You're going down, Jones." Eric shouted.

"You beat me! You beat me! How on earth did you BEAT ME?!" She yelled with a smothered grin, pretending to be in a rage.

"It's all in the fingers" Eric said as he wiggled them at her.

"Oh REALLY?" Nell said, her voice lowering and eyebrows raised. "Maybe we should put those FINGERS to better use." She winked at him, causing him to blush.

"That's... uh... that's not what I meant." He mumbled. "I just meant, you know, it's about muscle memory and stuff..." He continued, stumbling ove his words.

"Either way, you BEAT me." She said with a pout. "But I do know how you can make it up to me..." She stood up in front of him. Just as she was reaching down for him, his computer pinged and both of them jumped. They reached for the laptop at the same time, bumping heads. Eric pulled back and Nell grabbed the computer.

"Facial recognition hit." She told him. "We've got an Isaac Matthews. Time to get to work or should we leave it for tomorrow?" She asked.

"We know his name, we've got a photo and we've got a pretty good idea of where he'll be tomorrow." Eric said. "Save the picture for Callen and Sam, and we can tackle a search first thing in the morning at Ops. It'll take too long to do from here, and I don't think Hetty would let us back in tonight."

"You're probably right. It just doesn't feel right to be doing nothing..." She said.

"Well, we could go to bed early and sleep so we can start early tomorrow." He suggested.

"I like how you think." She said. "But first, weren't you going to make up for beating me at Mario Kart?" She asked, leaning in to kiss him gently. "I think I have an idea how you could do that before we go to sleep."

* * *

Deeks woke up with a start, unsure when he had fallen asleep. He glanced at the sleeping form in his lap, noting that Kensi must have slid down at some point while he dozed off. He was glad to see she was sleeping peacefully.

He sighed, and stretched carefully so he wouldn't disturb her. The food Callen had brought was now cold and untouched, sitting on the counter in the kitchen. Deeks glanced at his watch and realized that not only were they overdue for dinner, but Kensi also needed to take her meds. He reached down and put his hand on her shoulder and leaned down to whisper in her ear.

"Hey princess, you need to get up for a few minutes. You need to eat and we've gotta take some meds." She swatted at his face as if he were a fly. He gently caught her hand in his and brought it to his lips for a kiss. As she began to wake up, she felt a hand on her wrist and panicked, jerking it away.

"Don't touch me." She hissed, pulling herself away from his lap and flipping gracefully off the couch to land upright on her feet, reaching for her back where her gun would typically be. Her eyes finally opened when the gun wasn't there and she felt the pain shooting through her body. She saw Deeks sitting on the couch, surprised, and she realized where she was.

"Shit, I'm sorry Deeks." She whispered as she sank back down beside him. "I didn't realize it was you."

"Don't worry about it. I'm sorry to wake you up, but we should eat. And you need to take your meds." He explained. She groaned slightly as she stood up again to head for the kitchen. "Wait a sec, where are you going?" He asked. "You need to stay off that leg. Doctor's orders. Lie down, I'll get everything ready and bring it to you." She huffed and crossed her arms, but sank back down and flicked the TV on.

Deeks pulled out the book from Lindsey to double check which meds were needed for both of them, and quietly took his painkillers with a glass of water. He reheated their food, and organized Kensi's pills for her, then grabbed their drinks and returned to the couch.

"I thought you were supposed to take it easy on your arm." She said as he set everything down in front of her.

"I am. I didn't lift anything heavy." He told her. "It's not that bad anyway. You're the one we need to worry about."

"I'm sick of everyone worrying about me." She mumbled. "I'm not that fragile."

"Hey Kens, no one thinks you're fragile. We just don't want you pushing yourself too hard. You need to let you leg heal properly without ripping out those stitches again." He reminded her. "And you know if it was me, or Callen or Sam, who had an injury like that, you wouldn't let us stand up let alone walk on it. No one thinks you're fragile or weak." He told her emphatically. "We just want you to take it easy so you can get back to work."

Kensi was silent as she shoveled food into her mouth and alternately sipped her water and took her pills. The look on her face was unreadable to Deeks, although he knew it was definitely an unhappy one. He picked at his dinner as he watched her, unsure what to say or do. A tear trickled down her cheek as she looked up at him.

"What if I don't go back?" She asked.


	50. Chapter 50

Deeks feels his heart sink, and possibly break, at his partner's whispered words. He had told Hetty that if things were handled poorly, they might lose Kensi - but it had been a threat. He had yet to let himself consider the possibility that she wouldn't recover and come back to work, soon. But now that possibility was staring him in the face, raised by the last person he expected - Kensi herself.

What would it mean for him if she didn't return at all? What would it mean for them and how would their relationship change if they were no longer partners? Would he even stay as their liason or would Hetty send him back to LAPD? He knew he had been chosen for the position to be Kensi's partner. He was struck by his selfishness though, as a deeper realization hit him. What must Kensi be thinking and feeling to even consider not coming back? And that scared him even more. Kensi defined herself by the job. If she gave it up, what would she have left? And what was it that made her think she may not be able to come back? Did she fear not recovering from her physical injuries? Or was it the dreaded return-to-work psych eval she was sure she would fail? Or did she genuinely doubt her ability to recover from this sufficiently to be able to return? Each possibility felt like a blow to the head.

He was lost in thought and wondered how much time had passed since she spoke her words. His attention snapped back to her, taking in her sad expression as she continued to poke at her food. What was going on in her head? Was she ready to talk? Gently, he reached out to hold her hand. The fork she had been using fell to the plate when she felt his touch, and she let him take her hand in his.

"Kens, what's going on in your head?" He asked, knowing his words sounded clumsy. "Help me to understand." She met his gaze, surprised to see unshed tears glistening in his eyes. "I know you're hurting, and you're going to need time. But what is it that's making you consider you won't come back to work?"

She sighed and shifted uncomfortably, unsure how to respond. She shrugged but knew that wouldn't be enough of an answer for him.

"It's just too much." She tried to explain. "Panic attacks, those episodes... what if it happened in the field? It could get someone killed."

"It's only been three days. You can't expect to bounce back so quickly. You'll get them under control. Nate and I can help." He told her. She looked up at him, still unsure how to explain. How was she going to tell Deeks, who obviously loved her so much, what was going through her head? Tears continued to spill down her cheeks before she finally whispered

"I'm broken. What if I can't put myself back together again?"

Deeks heart shattered when he heard those words. He quickly moved closer to her and scooped her up in his arms, holding her close to his chest. The tears that had been threatening to fall now landed in her hair as he cried with her. He needed to reassure himself and to reassure her.

"You are not broken." He said emphatically. "And even if you were - I would do everything it took to put you back together again. You don't have to do this alone. You have a whole team behind you ready to help. And you have me. What you went through was horrible, too horrible to put into words. And maybe it made you feel like you were breaking. But you are NOT broken. You are beautiful, and strong and amazing. You are wonder woman, and you're going to get back to saving the world again." He punctuated what he said with a gentle kiss to the top of her head. "No one is giving up on you. So don't you dare give up on yourself."

Kensi continued to cry softly, touched by her partner's words but still unable to feel the hope that he had for her. But she was sure of one thing right now, and that was her trust in him. She had no doubts he would do everything he could to help her, but she was afraid instead of saving her that he would only end up going down with her. Her instincts were screaming at her to push him away, but she knew how useless that would be. Nothing was going to convince him to leave her right now. So she sighed and let him hold her while they were both lost in thought.

"Deeks?" She whispered quietly when her tears had stopped falling.

"Yeah?" He replied. "I'm here."

"Maybe we should go to bed." She suggested. "I know we had a nap... but it's late. And I'm still tired."

"Of course. Let me give you a hand." He told her as she moved from his lap so he could stand up. "Lean on me and keep the weight off your leg." He ordered as he helped her stand up. "Washroom first?" He suggested and she nodded. When they got to the door he paused so she could go in by herself. "Let me know when you're done. Take your time."

The door shut, and he returned to the couch. He took a few minutes to tidy up, grateful that he generally kept the place clean. He retrieved the blanket from the couch and took it to his room, in case Kensi felt she needed it overnight. He grabbed the meds they might need overnight and a bottle of water, and was lost in thought considering what else they might want or need. He heard Kensi open the washroom door, and she paused for a minute before calling his name. He knew she was fighting the urge to just walk to bed herself, but she resisted and let him help her. She sank down, clearly exhausted, and pulled him down next to her. She didn't resist as he tucked the blanket around them and pulled her close to him.

"I've got you Kens, you're safe. Get some sleep." He whispered. She looked up at him with a weak smile.

"Thank you." She whispered back. Refusing to think any further, she gave into an impulse she'd been fighting for ages. She reached up and put her hand on his cheek, gently pulling him towards her so she could bring their lips together. "Thank you, for everything." She said again, before nuzzling into his chest and drifting to sleep.


	51. Chapter 51

Deeks awoke to the familiar sound of Kensi screaming, and managed to narrowly avoid being hit by a flailing arm.

"No. No no no no no. Stop! Get away from me. Stop! No!" She screamed, her face twisted in pain. Deeks helplessly watched as she moaned in pain and continued to yell.

"Kens, you're safe. It's Deeks, you're in my apartment. No one else is here, and no one can hurt you. Just wake up for me." He pleaded. There was no response. He wanted to reach out and touch her but didn't dare risk injury. In frustration, he desperately called out to her. "FERN! It's me. You're safe!"

Her eyes flew open and she gasped, fighting to catch her breath. A moment later, she crumpled and fell into his arms. Again, Deeks held her and let her cry.

"I can't do this any more." She told him as her crying slowed. "I just can't do this. I don't want to deal with this. I want it to all go away."

"I know. I wish I could take it away for you." He told her. "But you're Kensi Blye. You're strong. You're going to get through this." He promised.

"How do you know?" She asked, looking up at him with tear-filled eyes. "How can you be so sure?"

"I know you." He answered simply.

"But you don't know what happened... what he, what they did." She cried out, half yelling. "You don't know what they did to me! You don't know what they took from me. What if I don't want to live with this?" She asked, her voice getting louder. Deeks freezes at her words. He isn't sure what hurts more - imagining the awful things she's gone through, reading the report and knowing some of what she went through, or the horible, stabbing pain he feels in his heart as the implications of her question hit him with a force he couldn't have imagined. He just hoped he was reading too much into her words.

* * *

Sam came home feeling emotionally exhausted. He walked through the door and was greeted by Michelle.

"Hey, you're home early." She said with a smile. "Hetty in a good mood today?" She asked as she walked in the room. But when she saw his face, she knew there was more to it. "Oh no, what's wrong?" She asked. She was aware that he had been on edge the night before and had left at a ridiculous hour of the morning, but she expected it was just a busy case. The look on his face now told her it was obviously a lot more. She hadn't seen him this bothered by a case since Sidirov. She hoped and prayed this wasn't nearly that bad.

They communicated silently with looks and barely there gestures, to indicate he was safe and would tell her later. Her best guess was that something had happened to someone on the team - and with how hard he was hit, she assumed it had to be Callen. After offering her husband a hug and a solid kiss, she called out for Kamran, letting her know that she could take a break from her homework to hang out with her dad. A loud squeal escaped down the stairs as she charged towards Sam and launched herself at him.

"Daddy, you're home early!" She squealed with delight. "Come outside and play with me." She begged. Sam obliged, grateful for the welcome distraction. They stayed outside until darkness began to set in, only heading in when Michelle called them for dinner. After a rare, uninterrupted family dinner, Kamran went upstairs to finish her homework before getting ready for bed. Once she was settled, and Sam was satisfied she was sound asleep, he and Michelle went to their room where he told her about Kensi's attack.

He knew that Michelle and Kensi had gotten to know each other and bonded during the Sidirov case, and for that reason he avoided telling Michelle any unnecessary details about the attack. He tried to remain as objective as possible as he explained the three attackers, how badly Kensi seemed to be hurting, Deeks new collection of injuries, and finally the op that was planned for the following evening. He left out the details of the video. As he laid out the plan, Michelle interrupted.

"Kamran can stay with my mom tomorrow night. I'm going in with you." She said, leaving no room for argument. "Kensi and Deeks are in no shape to back you up. And you can always use an extra pair of eyes." She added, staring him down. He knew that wanting to back him up was only part of the reason she was demanding to be let in - she wanted to ensure that Kensi's attackers paid, but at the same wanted to keep her husband from going too far.

"Call G." Sam finally said. "I'm sure he'll be happy to write you in and clear it with Hetty. And remind him to get Eric and Nell to backstop you, too, just in case."

* * *

Nell and Eric were curled up in bed together, cuddling, when Eric hears the famililar sound of a text message alert. He feels a moment of panic, then relief when he realizes it's a beep and not a moo. The text was sent to him. He quietly got up, unsure if Nell was awake or asleep. She failed to register any awareness as he got out of the bed, confirming she was out.

When he checked his phone, he saw a message from Callen.

_Please backstop Michelle Hanna for tomorrow's op as Sam's manager/girlfriend._

He sighed and smiled at the same time. It could wait until morning. He probably should have seen it coming - they were two agents down and Michelle knew Kensi. Once she knew about the attack, she would insist on being involved. He just didn't know if it was to get revenge or to prevent her husband from killing Henderson on sight. For now, it didn't matter. They would give Michelle a story in the morning. For now, there was a beautiful redhead in his bed and he was desperate to fall asleep with her in his arms, so he could wake up to her gorgeous smile.


	52. Chapter 52

Things didn't go as Eric had planned.

A few hours later, he was awoken by Nell's screams. She was sitting upright in bed, covered in sweat and clearly having a terrible nightmare. He quickly turned on the lamp and then reached to grab Nell. A moment later she stopped screaming, her eyes focused, and she burst into tears. He pulled her close to his chest and held her as she cried.

"It, it was awful. I saw Kensi being attacked and heard her fighting. Then they came for me and Kensi fought even harder to protect me, but she couldn't get free... I wasn't even restrained but I couldn't fight back. They said they didn't have to because I wasn't as fun as she was..." Nell stopped, interrupted by sobs.

"It was a nightmare, it isn't real." He reassured her. "And they aren't going to get their hands on you or Kensi. They aren't going to hurt anyone else ever again." He promised. "I know it was scary, but it isn't going to happen."

"But" Nell said. "It already did. It happened to Kensi. Even if we catch them, there are always more like them out there. How is anyone ever safe?" She asked him, pleading.

"I'll do everything I can to protect you." He whispered. "We'll come up with new safety protocols. We can wire your house, change your phone, anything we can think of, we can do it." He told her. "Anything it takes to make you feel safe."

She nuzzled into his chest, continuing to wipe away her tears.

"I feel safe with you." She whispered quietly.

"Then you can stay here forever." He replied. "If that's what it takes to make you feel safe."

* * *

Deeks was ashamed of the relief he felt when Kensi quickly fell back asleep. He wasn't sure if he was relieved to have avoided a possible fight as she seemed to be overcome with rage, or relieved to avoid the conversation he was afraid they might need to have. All he could hear, echoing in his head, was Kensi saying "What if I don't want to live?"

He sank back into the pillow behind him and listened to her begin to snore. It had once annoyed him, but now he found it comforting. It meant she was here, she was asleep, and she was safe. She didn't seem to snore during her nightmares.

He lay there staring at the ceiling, replaying her words through his head. Finally he rolled over on his side to watch her. He had to be reading into it too much. She didn't want to live with what she had been through. She wasn't saying she didn't want to live. Once again, she just wished it would all go away. Her words were hostile and angry. Often when she was that far into a rage, she didn't mean anything she said. She was struggling to control herself. It must have just been one of those things that she said. But still, he wanted - no NEEDED - to help her see that she was strong and she would eventually be ok. It was going to take time, and support and a lot of work - but he wouldn't accept that she might not recover. And she wouldn't be allowed to either.

Her snores changed as she began to toss and turn. Gently, he reached over and shook her lightly to hopefully disturb whatever was troubling her. It seemed to work as she rolled towards him, and fell silent and still. He leaned forward to kiss her forehead before lying back and allowing himself to fall asleep.

* * *

Callen was up before the sun, unable to stay asleep. He was worried about Kensi, and couldn't stop playing over the plans for the op in his head. He knew Sam wasn't impressed, but he was glad Michelle would be going in with them. She would be playing the girlfriend, and would be able to assist with gathering DNA. More importantly, she could use comms and relay any outside information that was needed. He knew she was an excellent operator and could play a cover as well as any member of their team - and if push came to shove, she could beat the crap out of any man that gave her a hard time. So while he knew Sam was unhappy, he couldn't help but feel relieved.

As his thoughts returned to Kensi, he began to worry again. He had dealt with victims of similar attacks in the past, but never someone so close to him. He had seen it break other women, and couldn't think of many cases where they had recovered. But Kensi was strong. She was easily the strongest woman he knew. (Hetty aside. He wasn't always convinced that Hetty was human.) If anyone could fight their way back it was Kensi... but she had to want to fight. From what he had seen there were still glimpses of fight, but a lot of defeat.

He also had his concerns for the team. He knew Deeks would be in no shape to work until Kensi was on the road to recovery. And while it had been unusually quiet these past few days (he suddenly wondered if Hetty was passing off their cases elsewhere), there would soon be a case that needed the team's attention, and they would be two agents down. Kensi and Deeks physical injuries alone would keep them out at least 4-6 weeks. He wasn't sure if they could manage that long with only two agents on the team. They could pull Nell out in the field on occasion if need be, but would that be enough? He shook his head to clear his mind and began to pace. Losing himself in thought wasn't getting him anywhere, so he decided to go for an early run. He would meet with Michelle and Sam for breakfast in a few hours - but maybe it would be worth showing up early to say hi to Kamran. It might keep his mind off things for a bit.


	53. Chapter 53

_Author Note - I'm still not 100% recovered or off the painkillers, but I wanted to try to get back to this story. If you feel my writing is too off, PLEASE don't hesitate to PM me or review saying so. And just because I'm back to writing Broken Blye, doesn't mean that I'll abandon my other stories. Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

Kensi woke up slowly, feeling her body ache everywhere. But she woke on her own with no help from her nightmares. The sun was peeking through the cracks in the curtains and she was startled to realize it was well and truly morning. She stretched carefully, and was surprised to feel Deeks warm body next to hers. He was still asleep. Carefully she stretched out next to him and allowed her mind to wander as she watched him quietly snore. When she realized his nose wasn't twitching like it usually did at night, it felt like a stab to the heart. She knew that right now, the sole reason his "happy" twitch was absent was because of her. She sighed, then rolled over to the nightstand to check the time. It was after 8:00 - and that meant she was late for her meds. Fortunately, Deeks had had the foresight to lay them out for her the night before in a container with the time written on them. Once again she wondered how she got so damn lucky to have him in her life.

After swallowing the pills, she carefully lay back down on her side and watched him sleep.

* * *

After a long run, Callen returned home to shower. He puttered around at home for a bit until it was a more reasonable hour. He hoped that Sam, Michelle and Kamran would be up soon, so he sent Sam a text saying he'd pick up breakfast and be over by 7. Then he headed out to swing by a place he knew Sam liked and ordered breakfast for the group. He knew Sam and Michelle would prefer healthy options, but hoped they would forgive him for spoiling Kam with something a little better tasting. She tolerated her parents' health food for the most part, but Callen knew she was still a kid, and definitely preferred bacon to oatmeal.

After loading their breakfast back in the car, he took the long way to Sam's place and arrived just before 7. He was checking updates on his phone when Sam knocked on the window.

"We're up. Don't need to waste time out here. Do you need a hand carrying breakfast?" Sam asked, gesturing at the passenger seat. Callen handed the fruit, yoghurt and granola to Sam, and grabbed the containers full of bacon, eggs, hash browns and pancakes himself, then followed Sam inside.

Kamran launched herself at Callen, excited to see her favourite "Uncle" and even more excited when she smelled the take out containers in his hands.

"Pleeeeeease tell me I get to share with you and not them?" she begged when she saw what each man was carrying.

"Maybe if you ask nicely," Callen teased. "Get ready for school and meet me at the table," he added. "Maybe I'll save you some bacon."

Michelle leaned in to give Callen a hug, and then took her breakfast from Sam.

"Thanks for this. How are you doing with this mess?" she asked, concerned.

"I'll be a lot better after tonight," Callen admitted. "You sure you're up for joining us?" he asked cautiously. He didn't want Michelle feeling obliged to help, especially with how her last assignment had gone down. She was supposed to be finished with field work.

"Absolutely. Short cover, low risk. And I can't just sit around and do nothing in this situation," she told him. "But we'll talk it all out after Kam leaves. In the meantime, let's eat. Do you want coffee?"

"Please." He nodded, and a moment later she handed him his mug as they sat down at the table. Kamran joined them a few minutes later, fully dressed with her backpack over her shoulder. Callen handed her the container with her breakfast and her face lit up. Before digging in, she wrapped him in another big hug.

"You are totally my favourite right now," she told him in between mouthfuls. "This food is awesome."

"Don't get too used to it," Sam scolded. "If you eat like that all the time, you'll feel like crap." Kamran wisely chose to remain silent as she enjoyed her food. When everyone was finished, Callen grabbed her tray and leaned over to whisper in her ear.

"Don't tell your parents, but there's a chocolate milkshake behind the front driver side wheel." He added a wink as she tried to keep her face from lighting up even more. Instead of dawdling to avoid heading to school, she quickly grabbed her bag and kissed her parents goodbye before heading out the door. Callen looked out the window just in time to see her duck down beside the car and grab the milkshake before quickly disappearing down the street. He turned to find Michelle standing directly in front of him with her arms crossed.

"Yeah, you're busted Uncle Callen. Really, a milkshake at breakfast?" She pretended to scold him. "But don't worry. I won't tell Sam. Just make sure you bring me one next time, too."

They returned to the table where Sam was waiting. Despite trying to keep things light while Kamran was home, she was no longer there and the air in the room felt heavy.

"So I guess Sam has filled you in on what happened to Kensi," Callen started, and Michelle nodded. "I met with Lindsey last night to sort out her role in tonight's op. While we were talking, she got a message from Deeks that Kensi needed her stitches redone... She was a bit of a mess, Deeks said she had a flashback and ripped open the stitches in her thigh. So she needs to stay off her feet as much as possible. That might change things a bit for tonight - unofficially of course. Officially she can't have anything to do with it." He explained. "And we need to stay on top of BOTH of them to make sure they take their painkillers. Other than that, our focus tonight is on the op. Sam and I are going in as MMA fighters. Low key, low profile. We just want to have the chance to fight whoever happens to be there. Nell and Eric have ID-ed Henderson, and one of the other attackers. We need to get DNA to confirm each of them so Kensi won't have to do a photo ID. And then we need to ID the third attacker. Our best bet is to watch who Henderson interacts with and keep an eye on this second guy. Michelle, you're going to need to be our eyes and ears. You'll have an earwig so you can be in constant contact with Eric and Nell, and we'll fit you with a button cam as well to feed them footage. If Kensi is up to it, we'd like to get her to ID the third attacker from Ops and then we'll collect his DNA. And again, Michelle, this is where you come in - we'll need a way to keep track of each DNA sample on towels or shirts, and who it belongs to. Once we've got what we need, one of us will take on Henderson and we need to make sure we do a number on him. When the need for an ambulance arises, one of us will signal Eric and he'll send one of ours. Lindsey has selected two paramedics to help us out and transport Henderson to her. She'll take care of making sure we don't lose him, and that Kensi gets her one on one time with him when she's ready. So let's go over all the possible ways things can go wrong and set up some back up plans."


	54. Chapter 54

Kensi continued to watch Deeks in his sleep, observing and making note of every little detail about him. In sleep, he looked so young, and it made her feel even worse about the swelling and bruising along his jaw, and the bandage holding his nose in place. She had done that to him, and the guilt felt like a hand squeezing her heart. She had to find a way to get past the flashbacks before she seriously hurt him. Once again, she considered trying to send him away but knew it was pointless. He was bull-headed and could see right through her - and he wouldn't go anywhere unless he genuinely believed she wanted him gone. Even then, he might not trust her enough to leave her alone. She thought back to her words from the night before and wondered just how seriously he had taken her when she said she didn't want to live like this. She hoped he knew that she meant that she had to get past this before it destroyed her, but she suspected he also heard the desperation in her voice, wondering if she could move on and if it was even worth trying. She made up her mind that today, no matter what happened, she was going to put on her brave face and deal with it - move past it, and be herself. If she could do that for even just one day, it might help Deeks believe she was doing better. She knew how much he needed it. And maybe, his nose might twitch in his sleep tonight...

Without thinking, she reached out to stroke his cheek. Her fingers danced across his jaw, barely touching the scruff and bruising that covered it. She swept his hair away from his forehead and leaned down to press her lips between his brows. At that exact moment, his eyes fluttered open briefly then quickly closed. A smile crossed her face when she pulled back and saw just the slightest twitch to his nose, before his face twisted in pain and his eyes opened.

"Morning, Sleeping Beauty," she said to him, with a sly grin. "I wasn't sure you were going to wake up today."

"Mrmfph." He groaned. "Time?"

"It's 9:00," Kensi told him. "You're a bit late for these," she added, handing him his two pain pills and a glass of water.

"That'd explain why I feel like hell," he mumbled as he sat up and knocked back the pills before laying back down again. "Why are you awake? Did I miss a nightmare? You ok?" he asked, suddenly worried.

"Nope. No nightmare. Just woke up to take my pills and figured you'd be up soon, so no point in going back to sleep," she told him, not quite truthful but not lying. He eyed her carefully to decide if he believed her.

"I'm awake. I think. But I'm not ready to get up. Do you want to lie back down with me?" he asked, patting the pillow. She thought for a moment and asked herself what she would have done on a normal day. Probably punched him for the suggestion, or made some retort about not being that easy. But she decided the best option was to agree. Their relationship had taken a step closer to being that of a couple over the past few days, and she didn't want him to think she didn't like it. So she lay her head down on the pillow next to him, and let him wrap his arm around her carefully as he pulled her close and nuzzled her hair.

"You smell so good. Like sunshine," he mumbled sleepily. "I love it." She couldn't help the smile that it brought to her face. She gently cuddled into him, feeling secure in his arms. In this moment, she felt like maybe - just maybe - she could get through this.

* * *

Nell and Eric were up bright and early. Neither spoke about the nightmare, but over breakfast they discussed updates to security protocols. Nell finally agreed that Eric may have a point and she needed a new phone and number, leaving her current one active at Ops with GPS disabled. Eric wanted to rewrite the security and tracking programs that were used on their phones, and had several other ideas to discuss with Hetty - including personal security systems for each agent's home that could be wired directly to Ops to alert someone if there was a security breach. Dressed, and ready for the day, they continued their discussion on their way in to work, arriving shortly after the sun was up.

It was only once they arrived that they remembered Hetty's orders to everyone to rest and come in late... but they felt there was too much to be done and they wanted to be on top of everything. Tonight's op could NOT have any complications. Nell immediately began a background search and profile on Isaac Matthews. She loaded the recorded video footage from the night before in hopes it could be enhanced - just in case they had missed something. And she was hell bent on identifying the third attacker before Sam and Callen went in, so that Kensi wouldn't have to ID him. Eric set up Michelle's backstory, occasionally checking with Nell for her opinion on different details. When they were both happy with it, he began to write new security software for the agents' phones, needing to keep himself busy and unable to help Nell with what she was doing. He tapped away impatiently, clearly agitated.

Several hours later, he saw Nell trying to hide a yawn, and he wasn't feeling so great himself. No one was getting much sleep lately. Finally, he felt the need to speak up.

"Nell, you're exhausted. You've got more information on Matthews than we could ever need. And you aren't going to get any more information out of that video. Henderson is still at home, probably asleep. I think the best thing we can do right now is to go home and have a nap. We can sleep for a few hours and still be back in plenty of time to set up everything we need for tonight. OK?" he asked, hoping he had been sufficiently persuasive. She looked at him skeptically.

"I haven't found the third attacker yet. I want to have his name and background before the guys go in tonight," she told Eric. "I can't stomach the idea of Kensi having to sit here and stare at a video feed hoping to catch a glimpse of him. She doesn't need that," Nell explained.

"I know. But if you don't get some rest, then you're going to be off your game tonight. And we can't afford that," Eric pleaded. She still looked unconvinced, but after staring at him for a few minutes she finally admitted he might be right and she grabbed her bag to follow him.

"Fine. But when we get back, you're going to help me identify him," she stated. He nodded in agreement and quickly headed towards the door.


	55. Chapter 55

After going over back up plans, secondary back up plans and tertiary back up plans, Callen, Sam and Michelle were sure they were prepared for their evening. They still had a couple hours left before they were due back in Ops, so they agreed to take the remaining time to rest and prepare for the evening on their own. Michelle still had to talk to her family and ensure they could take Kamran, and Sam wanted Callen to go and have a nap as he was sure the man hadn't slept much the night before. Eric had sent each of them the information for their back stories so they could familiarize themselves with their characters. Everyone knew they were going above and beyond what was necessary for such a simple op - but they didn't want to risk anything going wrong. Callen said his goodbyes and headed home to rest - knowing full well he wouldn't sleep long and would be at OSP well before Sam and Michelle - and likely before any other members of the team.

* * *

Nell and Eric arrived back at Eric's place and after a quick snack, they crawled back into bed. Eric wasn't surprised when Nell snuggled into his chest and fell asleep in seconds. She was exhausted - and he was concerned about her. He knew he needed sleep, but it still evaded him. He grabbed his phone and messaged Callen, Sam and Michelle with their back stories, and then grabbed the tablet from his nightstand and puttered away with his security programs. Time quickly flew by, and before he knew it an hour had passed. When Nell began to stir, he forced himself to drop the tablet and lay down to attempt to sleep. It wasn't long before Nell's breathing lulled him to sleep as well.

* * *

Hetty sat at her desk, enjoying the peace and quiet before her team came in. She sipped at a cup of tea and reviewed the information in front of her. Nell and Eric had come in early that morning and continued their work before Eric had dragged an exhausted Nell home to sleep. She was glad that he had the sense to keep her at his place for now, and that he had swapped out her phone this morning. A quick check confirmed that Callen was at Sam's house, likely preparing for tonight's op and updating Michelle. Deeks and Kensi were at his place, and she hoped that Kensi was getting some rest. Lastly, Nate was on his way in to talk with her.

She checked her email again, hoping that her contacts had been able to locate and be in touch with the friend she was searching out to help Kensi with part of her recovery. There was no response, and she cursed under her breath. She reached into her desk drawer and retrieved the knife that she had personally set about cleaning. There was no visible trace of blood that remained, but she couldn't stop herself from once again inspecting it thoroughly and scrubbing away invisible specks. She hoped that Kensi would want it back, and she would make sure it was ready when she did.

This was how Nate found her when he arrived a few minutes later - lost in thought, scrubbing at invisible spots on the knife.

"I think it's clean," he told her. "Just like it was last night, when I told you the same thing. Want to tell me what's on your mind?"

"I am considering returning the knife to Ms. Blye today," Hetty told him. "In case she might have need of it this evening. But I'm interested in your thoughts on the matter."

* * *

Kensi didn't know how long she lay cuddled into Deeks' chest. Neither of them fell back asleep, but they weren't ready to get up to face the day. It was Deeks who finally broke the silence.

"How are you feeling this morning?" he asked gently.

"Right now, I'm good," she answered, hoping he would avoid pushing her. She was pleasantly surprised when instead of asking more questions, he just replied:

"Me too." And then nuzzled into her hair and hugged her close to him. The peace lasted a few minutes longer before he continued. "We'll have to get up and go into work sometime though... Are you going to be ok to do that?"

She nodded slightly, determined to make today the day she pulled herself together.

"Yes. I want for this to be over tonight, whatever it takes," she told him firmly. He pulled back slightly and stared into her eyes, assessing her words and her determination.

"I'm not going to let them hurt you. And I'm not going to let our team hurt you, either," he reminded her. "This is not a mission we complete at all costs. You'll speak up if something is too difficult for you, right?"

She could hear the concern in his voice. She wanted to be strong and confident for him but knew he would see right through her if she lied. Unwilling to risk her shaky voice, she just nodded in reply.

"Good," he told her. "Nate and I will be there to help if you need us. You say the word and we'll do whatever you need."


	56. Chapter 56

At one pm, the team assembled in Ops. Some of them had been there for an hour, others longer than that. Deeks and Kensi had arrived fifteen minutes beforehand, both appearing confident and certain. Immediately, Nate was concerned, but kept his worries to himself for the time being. Hetty had instructed him that his job was to observe each member of the team closely, and report back to her what condition he felt they were in.

Nell and Eric began, explaining what they had found about Henderson and Matthews, and that they hoped to identify the third attacker prior to that evening. Nell gestured to several screens to the side which were running various searches to try to identify possibilities as she explained what they already knew about the identified two. Eric took over from there, showing how Henderson was currently being tracked and pulling up the minimal surveillance they currently had of the gym. He pulled up the blueprints and indicated ideal vantage points to place temporary cameras for the evening, with a nod to Michelle whom he hoped could place them.

Nell interrupted again, explaining that she had found how the gym worked, and it would be best if Michelle, Callen and Sam were to head to the gym sometime around three to register their interest in participating in tonight's events. Callen took over from there, filling in his teammates on what he, Sam and Michelle had discussed that morning, as well as explaining about Lindsey and her specially chosen paramedics who would be on hand to assist. Deeks couldn't help but feel pride in belonging to a team as awesome as this - who would go so far to protect one of their own.

It was at this point that Hetty stepped up to speak.

"I am extremely impressed with the preparation you have all put into this, and I must say I am very proud of you all for pulling this together," she told them with a smile on her face. "Now what we need to do is to pull each part of this Op together. We will have four additional agents on hand to assist with back up if need be. They will be waiting nearby. Mrs. Hanna, the decision on when back up is needed will be in your hands. While this would typically be left to an NCIS agent, I feel that you are more than capable of making that call. And do not hesitate to do so." Hetty cautioned with a look, which Michelle fully understood - back up was to be called if the agents were in danger, or if they were at risk of going too far. "Mr. Deeks, you are to remain with Ms. Blye at all times. You will, of course, be on comms. Ms. Blye, your involvement this evening will be at your and Mr. Deeks' discretion, and we will talk about that a bit later today. But neither of you are to be at the gym, lest we tip our hand," she continued. "And lastly, all of you will have a brief but mandatory session with Mr. Getz prior to your participation this evening." The room quickly filled with groans, prompting Nate to grin.

"Do you all hate me that much that a five minute chat is so painful?" he asked teasingly. He was rewarded with an eye roll from Callen, and apologetic grins from Nell and Eric.

"Now more to the point," Hetty continued, "I believe that Mr. Callen and Mr. and Mrs. Hanna will need to take on their aliases sooner rather than later. Please follow me to wardrobe."

The agents followed Hetty out of the room to prepare for their first contact with Henderson. Eric busied himself with checking earpieces and button cams, as well as several small adhesive cameras and condenser mics that could be placed around the gym if the opportunity arose. Nell turned back to her searches and was surprised when Kensi stepped up behind her.

"Do you need my help to make an ID?" she asked calmly, much to Nell's surprise.

"Um, no. I think I've got a way to identify him. We got a list of gym members and I'm running their previous addresses to see what lines up best with Henderson and Matthews. I'm sure we'll have a name soon," she told her friend.

"But it would be a lot faster if I looked at their membership photos and identified him. Right?" Kensi asked, still faking having it together. Reluctantly Nell replied:

"I guess... but I don't want to put you through that again. I mean, especially if we don't have too," Nell explained.

"Nell, I'm fine. Just pull up the membership photos," Kensi ordered a little more harshly than she intended. Nell shot a glance back to Nate and Deeks, unsure what to do. They looked back to her with uneasy expressions, but finally Nate nodded slightly and Nell slowly did as she was told.

"Only if you're sure, Kens. You don't have to do this you know," Nell told her, pleading, before she put the photos up on the screen. Kensi crossed her arms across her chest, careful to show no indication of the pain it caused. She steeled her glare at the screen and waited for the photos to appear. She bit down on her tongue as a large array of photos appeared on the screen. She studied each one carefully, not wanting to make an incorrect ID. She shouldn't have worried - the moment her eyes hit the 19th photo she felt the blood drain from her face and her heart begin racing.

"Nineteen," she told Nell. "He was one of them," she choked out calmly, tearing her eyes away from the photo and continuing to search for another familiar face. When her eyes reached the 47th image on the screen, she had to fight back the urge to run out of the room screaming. "And forty seven. Those were the two men that were with him," she confirmed before she forced herself to turn calmly and head for the door. Deeks reached out for her gently but she brushed him off. "I'm fine," she told him as she left the room to return to the bullpen.

"Kens!" he called after her as he quickly moved to follow her. "The stairs, your leg! Let me give you a hand."

Nell and Nate exchanged a look that silently communicated their concern, but decided to stay put for the moment.

"She confirmed Mathews." Nell sighed. "And the other man is a Greg Franklin. I'll start running him ASAP, but at least we can get photos to Callen and Sam." She said, deflated. "Is Kensi going to be ok? We shouldn't have made her do that."

"You didn't, Nell. She insisted. And if we'd said no, she only would have gotten mad," he told her. "You did what you had to do. And at least she knows for sure that we'll get them."


	57. Chapter 57

Deeks followed Kensi out of Ops, quickly stopping her before she took off down the stairs.

"Let me help you down the stairs. You need to take it easy on your leg," he insisted. He could sense she wasn't giving in, so he quickly added, "If you don't, I'm going to have Nate carry you."

She sighed in frustration then reached out her arm to throw over his shoulder, letting him support her weight with every step. When they reached the bottom of the stairs, Kensi started walking towards her desk, but Deeks wasn't letting her go so easily.

"OK, now that you're down the stairs - why are you pushing yourself so hard?" he asked. "You know as well as I do that Nell could have easily identified our third man. You didn't have to put yourself through that. So why did you insist on doing it?"

"It was the easiest solution." She shrugged. "If this were any other victim, no one would hesitate to ask them to ID their attacker. So why am I any different? I don't want everyone tiptoeing around me," she said, more forcefully than intended, hoping he would back off, but knowing better.

"We just want to help you," he reminded her gently. "It's a tough spot we're in - yes we want to solve this and arrest the people who did this but we're also the overprotective friends and family who don't want you getting hurt any more than you already have been." She stared at him for a minute before conceding that he was right.

"Fine," she said. "But I don't want to be babied. And I want to be involved in the op tonight."

* * *

With Callen, Sam and Michelle dressed, Eric met them in the armoury with earwigs and a collection of cameras. Hetty took the button cam from him and affixed it to Michelle's shirt so that it blended in with a collection of studs on the shoulder of her black top. The adhesive cameras were secured in a hidden compartment of her purse, along with several miniature condenser microphones.

Nell came down to let them know that Kensi had IDed the third attacker, and showed them photos of Henderson, Matthews and Franklin.

"I've sent copies to your phone if you need them," she added as she turned and headed back upstairs, with Eric following close behind.

The agents fitted their earwigs and allowed Hetty to look them over before heading out the door to meet Henderson and register for tonight's fights.

When they arrived at the gym, it was agreed that Michelle would lead them in. The two men followed her as she entered the gym full of confidence. She crossed her arms and shifted her weight, appearing bored as she glanced around the room. A number of men were training, one of whom she identified as Matthews. A barely there toss of her head told Callen and Sam he was there. She quickly commanded the attention of the men in the room, as someone quickly came over to speak with her.

"How can I help you?" he asked, unable to disguise his stares.

"Need to register these two for tonight," she said, gesturing to Callen and Sam. "Can you help me with that?" The young man nodded enthusiastically.

"Yeah, of course. Just come with me. Your guys can take a look around."

Michelle turned to Callen and Sam as she slid her hand in her purse. "Keep yourselves busy, take a look around boys. But don't get into any trouble," she said before patting Sam on the shoulder, slipping a couple mics and cameras to him. They quickly set to work, casually wandering around the gym as if to check out the gym, but carefully placing mics and cameras in the key locations Eric had suggested.

* * *

Nate was in his office listening over comms to Callen, Sam and Michelle. He felt sure that Michelle would be able to keep the field agents in line and pull the plug if need be. After talking with Eric and Nell, he was confident in his assessment that they too were good to go for tonight. But his concerns were for Kensi and Deeks. After his earlier discussion with Hetty, he knew where she wanted them to be tonight, but was still concerned about everything that could go wrong with her plan.

He had watched Kensi's behaviour from the moment she entered OSP this morning, and was certain she was putting up a front. Unless he could get her to let him in on how she was really feeling, he couldn't in good conscience allow Hetty to go ahead with her plan. As for Deeks, Nate knew he was struggling with Kensi's attempt to return to Badass Blye. He was desperate to protect her and support her, but didn't want to tear down her facade in front of the team lest it embarrass her. All Nate could feel was sympathy for him at the moment.

He took the earpiece out and set it down as he tried to figure out what to do, but was interrupted by a knock on the door. He opened it, surprised to see Deeks standing there.

"Hetty wanted me to come talk to you. She said she was going to take Kensi down to the armoury to talk about some ideas for tonight..." He began to explain, when they were interrupted by a terrible scream from Ops.


	58. Chapter 58

_Author Note - I hope I won't lose too many readers over this, but after lots of thought and consulting with several readers, this is where the story is going. It's not my original plot idea, but the story has taken a life of it's own. However, it has always been about Kensi and her friends dealing with the attack moreso than being a case fic. The op won't happen for a few more chapters (but there's no more planning for them to do) - and it certainly won't be the end or resolution of the story._

* * *

After Callen, Sam and Michelle left for the gym, Hetty came to join Kensi and Deeks in the bullpen.

"Mr. Deeks, why don't you take this opportunity to speak with Mr. Getz? I'd like to discuss some plans for tonight with Ms. Blye." She said. Deeks glanced at Kensi, not happy with the idea of leaving her, and unsure how she would feel. He didn't like the idea of being left out of the plans, either. He watched her carefully for a minute before speaking up.

"That ok with you Kens?" He asked casually, giving her a chance to ask him to stay with her. But she continued her facade of calmness and strength as she shrugged

"Yeah, we're good. Go get your chat with Nate over with and I'll fill you in afterwards." She told him as she followed Hetty to the armoury. Deeks stayed where he was for several minutes, feeling uncomfortable with being away from her, and not sure he was ready for Hetty to take control of Kensi's role in tonight's op. With a sigh, he headed towards Nate's office. At least he would have someone to talk to. That's what Nate was there for.

* * *

In the armoury, Hetty gestured for Kensi to sit down.

"How are you doing, my dear?" She asked gently as she watched the young agent.

"I'm good." Kensi told her. "I mean, I'm obviously not 100%. But I don't want to be left out tonight." She insisted.

"I believe I have a way for that to be possible." Hetty began slowly. "Perhaps you and Mr. Deeks could be on overwatch. There are several places you could be situated to cover the exits should anyone decide to leave early. I'm sure that you could discourage them from doing so with your new toys, and possibly this" she explained as she offered Kensi back her knife.

Kensi paused for a moment before accepting. Slowly she reached out and grasped the knife by it's handle, holding it carefully. She refused to give in to the turmoil going on in her head and kept her appearance calm.

"I think that would work well." Kensi replied evenly, understanding Hetty's implication. She was offering up the chance for revenge - and Kensi was not going to give up that opportunity. "Thank you."

"If you'd like some time to get reacquainted with your weapon, the targets are set up and ready." Hetty told her, as she gestured towards the shooting range. Kensi pulled the box of ninja starts from her pocket while holding her knife in the other hand, nodding wordlessly as she slipped into the armoury. Hetty smiled, hoping that tonight's chance for revenge would help Kensi heal.

* * *

Nell was busying herself in Ops, preparing a file on Franklin, and paying close attention to Callen, Michelle and Sam while they were at the gym. Sam and Callen had managed to place a few mics and cameras strategically and Eric was playing with settings to capture what information they needed. It was only by chance that she happened to glance at the feed from security cameras in the building to watch Kensi in the shooting range. She took a moment to admire Kensi's composure as ninja stars flew from her hand and once again secured themselves in the crotch of each target.

Nell watched in awe, wondering how Kensi could be so in control such a short time after everything that had happened. She was shocked when Kensi reached down and picked up a very familiar knife. The last Nell had seen it, it was being processed as evidence - but Kensi now held it in her hands. She watched as Kensi carefully inspected the knife, and weighed it in her hands, tossing it gently back and forth as if to warm up for a juggling show. But she gasped when Kensi suddenly seemed to snap - catching the knife mid air and then bringing the blade down to her arm, slicing it open. Moments later, she collapsed.

Nell let out an ear-piercing scream as she flew from Ops towards the shooting range. As she hit the bottom of the stairs, she yelled for Deeks. When she remembered her earpiece was in she clicked on her mic and begged Callen to send Lindsey to Ops NOW and told Eric to call an ambulance. While it took just moments to get to Kensi, it felt like it had been hours. Deeks was right behind her, unaware what was going on and clearly panicked, with Nate right behind him. Hetty had heard Nell's scream and quickly realized what was going on. Nell, Nate and Deeks arrived to find Kensi collapsed on the ground, knife in hand while Hetty desperately tried to stop the blood pouring from her wrist and arm.

* * *

_Thanks to Dubigail, Kensi54382, HomeGrownOregano and Pterophyllum for their feedback, editing and assistance with plot direction!_


	59. Chapter 59

Deeks dropped to his knees when he saw Kensi collapsed on the floor of the shooting range. There were hundreds of thoughts crashing through his mind, but the only one he could focus on was the fear of losing her. Nate ran to get a medical kit from the armoury, while Nell dropped next to Hetty to try to stop the bleeding. When Deeks finally willed himself to move, he found himself cradling her head in his lap, stroking her hair and begging her to stay with him.

Nate returned a moment later with the first aid kit, and Eric ran in to tell them that an ambulance was on the way, and that Callen had reported Lindsey was as well. Somehow, he'd had the good sense to tell Callen that Kensi needed new stitches, and to finish what they were doing and not blow their covers. He had his tablet in his hand to continue to monitor if Callen, Sam or Michelle needed anything - although admittedly, he didn't think he could focus on it and was glad that they were self sufficient.

When Deeks looked up from Kensi's face, he saw gauze and bandages pressed to her arm, and realized that Hetty was kneeling in a pool of blood, as were he and Nell. He tried not to choke on the sobs that threatened him, realizing that there hadn't been a day since her attack that he hadn't had Kensi's blood on him. How could someone survive losing so much blood? But he refused to consider the alternative. Kensi was GOING to survive. He kept his hand on her neck, reassuring himself that she still had a pulse - even if it was weak. He watched her chest for the rhythmic rise and fall that told him she was still breathing. But none of it was reassuring him. He wanted to tell himself this was an accident. She had dropped something sharp, or had twitched and missed catching one of the ninja stars Hetty had given her. He wouldn't let himself consider the reality - Kensi Blye didn't drop knives. Even as distressed as she was, her aim was perfect. The only way this could happen is if she had done it to herself on purpose.

"Come on princess, please stay with me. I need you here. Please, don't leave me alone." He whispered as tears filled his eyes. "I know you've been living through hell the past few days, but we're going to get through this. You're going to get better. You just have to fight. And I'll be right there with you every step of the way. Just don't leave me, Kensi! I need you. I need you." He choked.

A reassuring hand stroked his back, and he realized it was Nell. Hetty and Nate were holding the bandages on Kensi's arm while they waited for the ambulance and Lindsey. Looking up, he saw that Nell looked just as scared as he did. She was the one who screamed - she must have been watching.

"What... what happened, Nell? What did she do?" He asked, not ready to hear the answer but needing to know.

"She was throwing her stars at the targets." Nell whispered. "But then she bent down and picked up her knife. She was fiddling with it, and it was like she was warming up to throw it... then she just went rigid and grabbed the knife mid air and... and sliced it down her arm. Then she collapsed. It was awful. It was like she was posessed. She couldn't... she wouldn't... She must have had a flashback or one of those episodes or something, right? Kensi wouldn't have done this on purpose?" She asked, nearly begging as she looked from Deeks to Nate and back again. "She was a fighter, she wouldn't quit." She continued, trying to reassure herself.

Deeks just stared at her blankly. How had Kensi gotten her knife? It was supposed to be in evidence... Hetty. It must have been Hetty, that was what she wanted to discuss with Kensi while Deeks spoke to Nate. Hetty had a plan for Kensi tonight that would involve using her knife... It would have been the perfect revenge if Kensi had been ready, but he hadn't told anyone about the conversations they'd had and just how poorly she was doing... No one, not even Hetty or Nate, could read Kensi like he could. He should have spoken up. He couldn't shake the sinking feeling that this was all his fault.

The whole time, Hetty remained silent. All she could think was that this was her doing. Kensi wasn't ready to have her knife returned, and she never should have been left unsupervised with a weapon after everything she had been through. She was tough and strong - but everyrone has their limits and Kensi was obviously beyond hers. Hetty had known that Kensi was putting up a front and pretending to have it together while she was falling apart inside - and yet she thought that a weapon could have been the key to her recovery. She had been wrong, so wrong - and now it may cost Kensi her life.

When they heard a siren, Eric ran from the room to the door to bring the paramedics in. He returned a minute later, with Lindsey and two paramedics. Quickly, Lindsey barked orders for the paramedics to get her on a stretcher and prepared for transit, while she quickly assessed the injury. She shot Deeks a sympathetic look, seeing the tears pouring down his face and having no answers for him. One of the paramedics assisted her as she quickly wrapped Kensi's arm in pressure bandages, while the other placed monitors on Kensi's chest.

"Marty, we're going to have to take her to the hospital. You'll need to ride with her in case she wakes up. I know she'll be pissed, but we've got to keep her calm. OK?" Lindsey told him as the paramedics prepared to wheel her out the door. "One other person can come - it's up to you. The rest of you can meet us at the hospital." She continued. Looks were exchanged between Hetty, Nate and Nell as they decided who would ride with Deeks. It was Hetty who made the decision.

"Ms. Jones, please, can you ride with me? We'll let Mr. Getz go with Mr. Deeks."

* * *

Callen was in the midst of placing a camera when he heard Nell's panicked voice in his ear, begging him to send Lindsey to OSP. He knew he wasn't in a place to talk, but he casually pulled his phone out and fired off a text.

-Something is up with Kensi, need you at this address ASAP. -

A minute later, Eric was in his ear, reassuring him that Kensi had just torn her stitches and needed them redone - but Callen wasn't so easily fooled. And Eric was a terrible liar. Fortunately, Sam and Michelle hadn't been included in the conversation, and he chose to pretend nothing had happened.

When they left the gym a few minutes later and returned to the car, Callen immediately called over comms asking what was really going on. He could hear voices and chaos in the background as Eric filled them in.

"Kensi had an accident with a knife. Lindsey is taking her to the hospital. I don't know anything more than that... but guys, it looked pretty bad. You should probably go straight there."


	60. Chapter 60

In the ambulance, Deeks had a tight grip on Kensi's hand, refusing to let go. Nate watched him in silence for a minute before speaking.

"You're blaming yourself," he stated. "Why?"

Deeks didn't respond immediately. He took some time to think, watching as Lindsey examined Kensi.

"I shouldn't have left her alone. Hetty told me that she needed to talk to Kensi, and my gut said to go with her, but I didn't. I decided to leave her with Hetty."

"So why are you blaming yourself instead of Hetty?" Nate continued.

"Because Hetty didn't know... she couldn't know Kensi's state of mind. She was doing that tough-girl thing today, pretending everything was fine and that she was doing better. And it was convincing, I mean, even Hetty fell for it! But I knew better. I knew she was struggling more than she let on..." Deeks let his voice trail off. He didn't want to betray Kensi by telling Nate about their conversation, but he needed to tell someone.

"There's more, isn't there?" Nate asked gently, hoping a gentle nudge would make Deeks tell him whatever was going through his head.

"Last night... we were talking... she had a bad night so maybe she didn't mean it? But she was worrying. She was worried she might not be able to come back to work. She said she was broken and didn't know if she could be fixed. I tried to reassure her, I promised that she wasn't broken, but even if she was we would find a way to fix things. And then... she tried to sleep but had a nightmare. It was pretty bad. But then she said she didn't want to live with this. I couldn't get back to sleep, I couldn't stop worrying. I was afraid she meant she didn't want to live any more... and now this? I shouldn't have left her alone. And I should have warned Hetty. I should have done something, Nate, but I didn't do enough. And now look where we are."

Nate placed a hand on Deeks' shoulder when Lindsey spoke up.

"Marty, what about my role in this? I'm the one who gave her the Ativan that triggered the first flashback, and as a doctor shouldn't I be responsible for my patient's wellbeing? Yet you're not blaming me for any of it." Nate shot her an appreciative look as he spoke.

"Lindsey's right. You know this wasn't your fault. You knew she was struggling, but you've already done so much for her. You're on the verge of burning out, you can't stay on top of everything. And you're forgetting the bigger picture - the only people at fault for this are her attackers."

As Nate finished talking, the ambulance pulled to a stop. Lindsey was up on her feet before the doors opened, and Kensi was quickly wheeled inside. When the ER staff saw Lindsey running beside the stretcher, everyone paid attention. She called out orders and people flew into action, very aware that this was a VIP patient.

* * *

Nell had no idea how to respond when Hetty handed over her car keys. She, Nell Jones, was just handed the keys to a car belonging to Henrietta Lange. She was certain this was unheard of. Still shocked, she wordlessly slipped behind the wheel and did up her seatbelt as Hetty climbed into the passenger seat and did up hers. With one more glance at Hetty, she started the car and followed the ambulance. Neither said a word for the entire trip.

They entered Emergency, where Nell quickly went up to the desk to inform them that they were there for Kensi. The nurse nodded.

"She's the one who came in with Lindsey. They're working on her now. I'll let you know as soon as we have any news."

She returned to where Hetty was sitting and lowered herself down beside her. She decided she had to speak up.

"You know it wasn't your fault, right Hetty?" she asked gently. "You were doing your best to help her." The look on Hetty's face told her that Hetty remained unconvinced.

"I made the wrong call, Ms. Jones, and it resulted in one of my agents being injured. Intentions do not matter in a situation like this."

Nell opened her mouth to argue, when Callen, Sam and Michelle came running in.

* * *

Nurses and doctors rushed around the room as Lindsey assessed Kensi's condition.

"What's her blood type?" she asked Deeks. "She needs a transfusion. She's lost too much blood over the past few days."

"O positive," Deeks told her. "Is she going to be ok?" he blurted out.

"You know I can't answer that, Marty. But you know we'll do everything we can. She needs more blood, and hopefully that will help stabilize her."

Deeks sat down next to Kensi's bed, trying to stay out of the way while still holding on to her hand. He watched as someone hung a bag of blood on an IV pole and connected it to the line someone had started. He felt a mixture of relief and despair as he watched the liquid start to flow. Lindsey pulled up a stool next to the mass of bandages around Kensi's arms. She slowly unwrapped layers of blood soaked gauze so that she could assess the wound.

"Oh Kensi, what have you done to yourself?" she whispered. Looking up at Deeks, she began to narrate her assessment of the injury. "It's pretty deep. It cut into the muscle. I'm going to need to do two sets of sutures. Fortunately the knife was sharp and it was a clean slice so it won't be too hard to suture and it should heal neatly. But she's going to need to let it rest for a while and take it easy." She gave Deeks a pointed look. "You know, while you're here you should go and get that x-ray I ordered. Don't think I haven't noticed that you're not wearing your sling." She turned to one of the nurses. "Could you please escort Mr. Deeks to radiology? There's a requisition down there for his x-rays."

A look of sheer terror crossed Deeks' face at the thought of leaving his partner again, but Nate stepped up quickly.

"I won't leave her side, I promise. And she's in good hands here with Lindsey," he said gently.

"And your x-rays are marked as priority. You won't have any wait time when you get there. You'll be back before I'm done with the sutures," Lindsey added. Seeing that he really had no choice, Deeks followed the nurse to the door. Just before he left, he ran back to the bed and leaned over Kensi's bed.

"Kensi, I love you. We're going to get you through this," he whispered before kissing her on the forehead, then turning and leaving the room.


	61. Chapter 61

"What happened?"

The words were out of his mouth before he had even reached them. Hetty looked up at him with sadness and guilt - very rare for someone who was so capable of hiding her emotions. That told him far more than anything Nell was about to say - but he still wanted an explanation.

"Kensi was training in the shooting range and cut her arm," Nell said, glossing over the details. This time, it was Michelle who shot her a look of disbelief and doubt, and Sam who spoke up.

"Training? For tonight? You've gotta be kidding me, she can't even walk. No way would she be up for it," he said. "Come on Hetty, there's no way you'd let her go in, in her condition? She had to know that?"

"Actually, Mr. Hanna, I'm the one who gave her the weapon for the purpose of training. I had suggested she could be on overwatch with Mr. Deeks in case any of our suspects decided to leave. But you're right, I should have known better," Hetty said quietly, hanging her head slightly. "I'm afraid the responsibility for this incident rests with me."

"We still don't know exactly what happened, Hetty. You can't blame yourself," Nell reminded her before being interrupted by Michelle.

"How bad was the injury? And do we know her condition?"

"It was pretty bad, she lost a lot of blood. And she collapsed before we could get to her. Lindsey took Deeks and Nate with her in the ambulance, so they should still be with her but we haven't had any news yet. We only got here a few minutes ago so we don't know anything more," Nell explained apologetically.

"Hetty, what were you thinking, giving Kensi her knife?" Callen asked, trying to control the mix of anger and shock rising up in him.

"I had hoped to provide her with a chance to regain her control, and to confront her attackers," Hetty told him sadly. "But I was wrong. She wasn't ready."

* * *

Deeks complained under his breath as a nurse escorted him to x-ray. When they arrived he moved to sit down, but she put a hand on his arm to stop him.

"They're taking you right in. Lindsey insisted," she explained. He was ushered through the lead lined doors marked with hazard symbols, to find a tech waiting.

"Shoulder and jaw x-rays?" she asked, and he nodded to confirm. "OK, we'll be as quick as we can Mr. Deeks. I need you to stand here," she gestured to a pair of feet drawn on the floor, "and we'll get started." He did as he was told, and allowed her to adjust his position. Ten minutes and several x-rays later, he was escorted back out to the nurse who had brought him there, and they headed back to Kensi's room.

As promised, Lindsey was still working on Kensi's stitches while Nate sat next to Kensi, leaning over to whisper in her ear.

"Did I miss anything?" Deeks asked as Nate stood up to allow him to reclaim his spot at Kensi's side.

"Nothing except the first set of stitches," Nate said.

"Her colour is starting to return and her vitals are a bit better," Lindsey added. "I think that physically, she should be ok. We just need to wait for her to wake up."

Deeks watched Kensi's face as he lost himself in thought. Of course it was a relief that Kensi would recover physically but he was worried. They were both accumulating new injuries, and after this incident he was afraid there would be more. He needed to know what she had been thinking - and if she had done this intentionally. He needed to keep her safe, even if it was from herself. He heaved a huge sigh.

"I wish I knew what you were thinking, Princess," he whispered as he rested his head on the pillow next to her. "And I wish I knew how to help you."

Nate watched Deeks with concern, glancing up occasionally to watch Lindsey work. It was clear she had skill, and was taking the utmost care to stitch Kensi's injury to minimize scarring. He was glad Callen had called her in - she obviously cared, and despite her young age she commanded respect from her co-workers. He had no doubt that Kensi would receive the best care humanly possible. They were pulled from their thoughts when someone delivered Deeks' x-rays.

"Nate, could you pop them up for me?" Lindsey asked, pointing to a light board. Nate did as requested and stepped aside so she could inspect them as she continued stitching.

"Geez Marty, she packs a punch! That's a nasty break," she told him, then leaned over Kensi to talk to her. "You're a fighter, Kensi. You're a kickass agent, I'm sure. We're going to get you back to work. The good guys need you out there!" Deeks couldn't help but smile. Nate leaned over to inspect the x-rays himself, inspecting the break that Lindsey had picked up right away. He couldn't believe Deeks had managed to carry Kensi with the mess she'd made of his shoulder.

Lindsey finished the final stitches on Kensi's arm, and after carefully inspecting her work she cleaned up everything she had used.

"Now Marty, time to deal with your injuries. You haven't been wearing the sling I gave you, and we need to do something with that jaw... I think our best bet for your shoulder is going to be taping it and your co-workers are going to be on your case about the sling. As for the jaw... I'm not sure what we can do there." She paused, as she noticed Nate shooting her an alarmed look, and decided to leave it for now. "So let's get that shirt off so I can inspect your shoulder. OK?" Deeks nodded, and did as he was told. Nate tried not to gasp when he saw the swelling and colour.

Lindsey retrieved a roll of medical tape and expertly taped up his back and shoulder. After a moment to admire her handiwork, she got a devilish look on her face.

"You know, if you aren't going to wear your sling, I may have another solution." She began, as she looked over to wink at Nate. "I need you to put your arm at your side and hold still. And you may want to close your eyes," she suggested. Deeks did as he was told, thinking he would be glad to not need the sling. Lindsey gestured to Nate to give her a hand, as she quickly wrapped tape from his chest to his back, holding his arm at his side. "There, that should do it." She grinned. Deeks opened his eyes in disbelief before shaking his head...

"Well played," he said. "I'm guessing this doesn't come off so easily, does it?" he asked, as he watched Lindsey and Nate shake their heads.


	62. Chapter 62

Everyone paced or sat impatiently in the waiting room, hoping to get news of Kensi's status. They all jumped to attention when Nate and Lindsey appeared.

"How is she?"

"Is she awake?"

"Did you stop the bleeding?"

"Will she recover?"

Questions were launched from all of them with the exception of Hetty, who quietly stood back from the rest.

"She's had two units of blood and needed a considerable number of stitches. But physically, she should be ok," Lindsey explained. "She hasn't regained consciousness yet, but I expect she should in the next 24 hours." Sighs of relief could be heard from everyone. "But we do have a bit of an issue with Mr. Deeks..." she continued. "The break to his scapula was a lot worse than I originally thought. He's too good at masking his pain. And he also has a broken jaw. His shoulder is taped for now, and it should be ok if he leaves it alone. Nate has given me a heads up that we may have some issues with his jaw though, and we'll need some time to discuss that before deciding how to treat it."

At this point, Callen and Sam exchanged several looks of silent communication before Michelle stepped in.

"Nate can fill you in on the concerns with his jaw. But when you've decided what to do I want to be there with him. It's the least that I can do," she insisted.

"That won't be a problem. We're going to go consult with an oral surgeon now. You're welcome to go back and see Kensi and Deeks, but don't overwhelm them. And Callen, please page me when she wakes up. Your message will go through faster than waiting for a nurse to come find me," Lindsey said as she and Nate turned to leave. "She's in the VIP room. You should be familiar with where it is," she called over her shoulder to Callen. Nodding, he led the group to her room.

* * *

Deeks enjoyed his few quiet moments with Kensi, leaning over to kiss her on the forehead and whisper reassurances in her ear. He held her hand gently, and told her about Lindsey and Nate taping down his arm.

"I swear, she's just as devious as you," he told her with a bit of a grin. He reached up to neaten her hair on the pillow when he heard the knock at the door. A minute later, the room was full of quiet noise. Everyone took turns speaking quietly to Kensi, checking her stitches and admiring Deeks' makeshift "sling."

Nell stepped out of the room to call and update Eric, and check on the status of their suspects, while Callen and Sam stepped back to the side of the room. Michelle sat beside Deeks and inspected his jaw with concern, leaving Hetty to take the seat next to Kensi. They all respectfully gave her space to say what she needed to say. Carefully, she picked up Kensi's hand and held it, as she reached up with her other hand to finish tidying Kensi's hair.

"I'm so sorry, my dear. I never should have given you back your weapon. But we need you to come back to us. I promise, I will do a better job of knowing what you need. There will be plenty of time for revenge, and believe me, we will ensure you get it when you are ready. But you need to wake up and come back to us. Mr. Deeks has been placed on medical leave with you, you can both take as much time as you need. There is always a place for you on my team whenever you are ready to reclaim it."

From the corner where he stood, Callen couldn't make out Hetty's words but he could see the tears forming in her eyes. Despite the anger he currently held, he couldn't help but also feel bad for her. She had done what she thought was best and it had blown up in her face. But it was Deeks who reached out to her when she looked up, as if ready to again face the world.

"Hetty, it wasn't your fault. You couldn't have known her state of mind. I should never have left her alone after everything she'd said the night before. Or at the very least, I could have warned you she wasn't doing as great as she seemed," he explained, hanging his head.

"I insisted, Mr. Deeks. I didn't give you a choice, or time to explain," Hetty told him, not allowing him to take the blame. "It was my error in judgement, and I will not make it again. You know her best, and you know what she needs. And in the future, I will respect that."

Everyone in the room was shocked into silence at what she had said. While it was hardly news to any of them, Hetty stating it out loud was something no one had ever expected. Nell returned to the silence, unsure what had happened.

"I spoke with Eric. Everything for tonight is good. We just need to decide if there's going to be any change to the plans," she told them. At this point, Nate and Lindsey returned.

"Marty, we need to talk about your jaw," Lindsey began. "Do you want to join us in another room?" she asked gently, giving him a chance to have space from his friends.

"Or we can all leave," Callen said, standing.

"No, guys, it's ok. Make sure that someone stays with Kensi at all times so you can tell her I'll be back," Deeks said, standing to follow Lindsey and Nate. He was surprised when Michelle stood up to follow him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I'll come with you, so you don't have to be alone. I know I'm not Kensi, but you need to have someone," she said, and he nodded gratefully.


	63. Chapter 63

_Author Note - updates will be a bit less frequent over the next month, as I'll be travelling. Will still do my best to do regular updates, though, of course.  
Thanks as always to Pterophyllum, Dubigail and Kensi54382 for their input and editing._

* * *

Deeks tried to hide his anxiety as he followed Lindsey to an adjacent room. Having anything done with his mouth was difficult, but he was terrified of the prospect of surgery. Michelle kept her hand reassuringly on his shoulder, knowing the thoughts that must be going through his head.

"Lindsey understands your anxiety about having work done on your jaw." Nate began. "A number of your previous injuries show up on the xrays, but it has unfortunately complicated the break."

"Your jaw is broken in two places." Lindsey said, showing him on the xray. "Normally, we'd want your jaw wired shut to let it heal, after an operation to repair the damage. But given your history, and Kensi's situation, I'm not sure that's going to be the best option for you." She explained. "There's permanent damage from your previous incident, but at least these breaks are fairly clean. We can operate if you want - but if you would prefer we can set it then leave it to heal on its own. Or if you like, I can tape it." She added with a grin.

He tried to flash her a smile, but failed miserably. The prospect of surgery scared him to death, but he didn't want it to cause problems in the future. He sighed.

"How well is it going to heal if I don't have the surgery?" He finally asked.

"It should heal ok. It's going to hurt a bit longer, and setting it is going to be painful. But it shouldn't be a problem as long as you don't get hit again." She cautioned.

"I think that'll be the best option." He finally agreed.

"We'll give you a sedative if you like." Nate suggested. "And Michelle and I can stay if you want, as well." Deeks nodded in agreement.

"Your best bet is going to be nitrous" Lindsey advised. "It will clear out of your system quickly, so you won't be groggy when you go back to Kensi's room. Does that sound good?" Again, he nodded, too nervous to say much. "If you want, we can freeze it as well?" She suggested. The thought of a needle made him shudder and he quickly declined. He sat down on the bed and tried not to show how nervous he was. Lindsey handed him a mask and told him how to inhale, while Michelle grabbed his hand.

A few minutes later, it was all over, and Deeks had started to calm down. For a brief moment he had to fight the urge to bolt from the room, squeezing Michelle's hand tightly instead. But Lindsey's hands were gentle, and she distracted him from thoughts of Sidirov with a story about meeting Callen after he fell from a roof while trying to jump from one building to another in pursuit of a suspect.

He took some time to compose himself, and allowed Lindsey to give him two painkillers and a glass of water. When he stood up, he felt a bit dizzy, but after a few steps, it was gone, and he returned to Kensi's room.

* * *

Kensi was just as he had left her, with Nell sitting on one side and Hetty on the other while Callen and Sam took the chairs by her feet. They were discussing the plans for tonight, with Hetty nodding her approval. When they saw Deeks return, they shot him a few curious looks.

"It's all good, Lindsey reset it and as long as I don't take another shot to the jaw it should be ok." The team all nodded, relieved that it hadn't been a huge ordeal.

"I know you all want to stay here with Ms. Blye, but I believe we have an op to prepare for. And you gentlemen should eat before you go in." Hetty told them. "Mr. Deeks, I trust you will be remaining here with Ms. Blye. Ms. Jones will stay here with you for now. Please let me know if there is anything you need."

Callen and Sam left the room, with Hetty close behind. Michelle lingered a few minutes to give both Nell and Deeks a hug, and to promise she'd keep the boys in line tonight.

Deeks sank down into the chair beside Kensi's bed, as Nell did the same on the other side. They sat in comfortable silence for a while, before Nell spoke up.

"How are you doing?" She asked gently.

"Honestly? I don't know. I need her to be ok, that's all that matters right now." He answered. When Nell didn't respond, he felt the need to fill the silence again. "But I'm scared of losing her. Especially after today. I don't know what else I can do to help her..."

"You've already done more than she would ever ask. You know that." Nell reassured him. "And I'm sure you've done more than we see or know. But don't forget, you're the one who rescued her. You haven't left her side, you've let her beat the crap out of you... and no one has heard you complain. If what you're doing isn't enough to save her, then nothing is." Deeks sat in silence, pondering her words.

"I just need to find a way to do more." He sighed. Nell knew nothing she said would change his mind, so instead she stood up and carried her chair around next to his. But before sitting down, she leaned over and wrapped him in a hug. She was surprised, and yet not, when she heard a quiet sniffle and felt the faintest trace of tears soaking into her shirt.

"She's going to get better, Deeks. And it will be solely because of you." She whispered. "We're all going to be ok."


	64. Chapter 64

A knock at the door interrupted the quiet silence Nell and Deeks were enjoying as the sat watching Kensi. Deeks' tears had dried, as had Nell's, but they were both lost in thought.

Nell stood up to get the door, surprised and grateful that no one was barging in. She smiled when she saw Nate and let him in. He carried a large take-out bag and a tray of drinks in his hands.

"I didn't want you guys going hungry. And I thought maybe the smell of food might wake Kensi up." He explained. "Cheeseburgers, fries and milkshakes."

Nate handed them each their food, with the extra meal glaringly obvious on the tray. Deeks toyed with his fries for a minute before leaning over the bed.

"Kens, Nate brought you dinner. If you don't wake up soon, I'm going to eat it all." He said gently, trying to keep his tone lighthearted but miserably failing. Nate and Nell exchanged sympathetic looks as they all continued to pick at their food. Kensi, of course, didn't stir.

"So what's going to happen tonight..." Deeks eventually asked. "Nell, I'm sure they need you back at Ops. And Nate, didn't they say they wanted you there too?"

"Actually... I haven't discussed this yet with Nell. But if you're ok with it, they said I could help Eric in Ops so that you could stay here, if you like." Nate explained. "Hetty will be there, too, to give a hand. But of course, if you'd rather be there instead, Hetty or I can stay here with Kensi and Deeks." He added quickly.

"Guys, I'm ok staying here on my own. I mean, Lindsey is here if we need anything. And Kensi will wake up eventually." Deeks protested. "I don't want you guys to compromise tonight for me. And Kensi would kill you if you did for her."

"Deeks, it's a simple, straightforward Op. And you know that. Having extra people on hand really is overkill - Eric could manage just fine on his own." Nell pointed out. "And I'm not really sure I want to leave. I want to be here when Kensi wakes up. I'm worried about her, too." She added sadly. "I don't think I could focus, anyway." Nate watched her and nodded thoughtfully.

"So it's settled, then. Nell can stay here and I'll give Eric a hand if he needs it. And it sounds like we'll all be meeting up here afterwards." Nate said, checking that Deeks and Nell both agreed. Nell nodded quickly, and Deeks heaved a sigh before reluctantly agreeing as well.

"OK. I guess that's fine. But can you keep us updated as to what's going on?" He asked, not wanting to be out of the loop.

"I can do you one better. Eric sent over a bag for Nell. I'm pretty sure it has comms and Nell's tablet to keep track of the video feeds if you want." Nate grinned. "It's in my car, I'll go get it when we're done eating."

Nell thanked him profusely, and Deeks ducked his head in a nod of appreciation. Nate and Nell seemed to find their appetite and dug into their food, while Deeks continued to pick at his fries before giving up and reaching for his milkshake with a sigh.

As if on cue, Lindsey knocked and came in with a pair of dinner trays, and some pills for Deeks.

"I'll take care of Kensi's meds though the IV, but I thought you might like yours." She told him. "And I wasn't sure how many of you there were. Do you want me to grab another tray?" She asked, but Nate raised the take out bag to show her he was good. Lindsey smiled at him easily as she pulled up a chair and sat down.

"I'm on my break for now, do you guys mind if I stay? I'm waiting to hear from Callen what the plan is for tonight." She told them.

"We were just sorting that out ourselves." Nate told her. "Nell's going to stay here with Deeks and Kensi. Eric sent over a bunch of tech stuff so they can stay in the loop, I'm sure that they won't mind if you join them. I'll be with Eric in Ops, while Callen, Sam and Michelle go in. Your paramedics will be on call for when we need them, and then we'll give you a call when we're on our way here. Once we get here, Henderson is all yours until you tell us otherwise. Just as long as you don't kill him or lose him."

"The former is tempting. But Callen told me about their promise to Kensi." Lindsay told him. "Guess I better get back to work... Do you guys need anything?"

Deeks thought for a moment before he spoke up.

"Yeah... could I get some lime jello?"

* * *

At OSP, Callen, Sam, Michelle and Eric stood in Ops, going over last minute plans. Michelle was fitted with an earpiece and a new button cam, and they reviewed the feed from the cameras that had been placed earlier. Eric pointed out ideal locations to situate themselves and was relieved to see that they had placed the cameras such that each ring was fully covered. Despite the change in plans, he still felt confident that everything would go smoothly.

"Nate, Hetty and I will be here. Nell and Deeks will be listening in from the hospital. If there's anything you don't want Deeks, or possibly Kensi, to hear, the codeword is 'noise.' If things are going wrong, Callen or Sam, make eye contact with a camera and touch your ear. Michelle, the safe word, or rather phrase, is 'see ya.' There will be back up available from another team but they have not been informed about any details. Oh, and if anyone needs medical attention, just say Lindsey. She's sending her two best paramedics who will be waiting with an ambulance near by. Lindsey has chosen to stay at the hospital in case Kensi wakes up, but she'll be ready and waiting when you bring Henderson in. She's already cleared a private room." Eric explained. "Any last minute questions?"

Everyone shook their heads, and then they all began to grin.

"It's time to finally get these bastards." Sam said. "Let's go have some fun with them."

"Just remember your promise to Kensi." Michelle scolded as they headed for the door.


	65. Chapter 65

_Author Note - apologies, I got very little writing done while overseas. But now I'm back, and after a month to think and mentally write this, I feel that the end is in sight! Now that doesn't mean in the next five, or even ten chapters... but I know how it will all play out._

_Welcome to new followers, and thanks to all of you who stuck around. Enjoy this short chapter, with a longer one coming soon._

* * *

Callen, Sam and Michelle sat in the car silently for a moment when they arrived at Henderson's gym. They took a minute to gather their thoughts, and then checked in with Eric one last time before heading in. Michelle entered first, with an air of calm confidence, followed by Sam who was looking smug, and Callen who had chosen a feisty, scrappy personality itching for a fight with bloodshed. It wasn't really that far off the truth. They were greeted by Henderson who welcomed them and said he looked forward to facing his new opponents. Michelle quickly placed herself between him and her husband when she felt the silent rage building.

"So when are my boys up?" she asked.

"The little guy is starting in the first round against one of mine. Probably in 20 minutes or so. The big guy will be up later, and if he wins his round he'll get to face me," Henderson told her. Callen and Sam nodded, and found a corner to start warming up.

Michelle followed them, keeping her head low as she murmured into her microphone to make sure Eric had heard everything. He had given them brief profiles on each of their potential competitors, and was now trying to match the faces he saw around the gym to names.

"The good news is that I can see all three of them. So as long as no one ducks out early we should have no trouble taking them all in tonight," Eric commented. Michelle felt a small wave of relief wash over her. She did one last slow sweep of the room to show Eric everything she could before turning back to "coach" Callen and Sam.

Callen and Sam pretended to warm up and stretch, while Michelle leaned over them to "offer suggestions." In reality, they were all taking in their opponents and the layout of the gym and discussing their strategy.

* * *

Lindsey had brought Deeks his jello at the same time Nate returned with the bag Eric had put together for Nell. Both Deeks and Nell took their gifts gratefully, as each set to work. Deeks carefully opened his first dish of jello and slowly started eating it, feeling ridiculous but hoping against hope it might cause Kensi to wake up. He leaned over to whisper to her that she had better wake up before he finished it, smiling as he remembered waking up to scold her for eating his when he had been shot. If nothing else, he found the memory calmed him. He had woken up, and she would too, in time.

Nell quickly emptied the bag Eric had sent her and made quick work of plugging things in and setting up the secure satellite network they had established with Hetty several years ago for emergency use. They had no doubts that this qualified as such. In minutes, she had established a connection with Eric. Not long after, he had linked her to the video and audio feeds from the gym and while she couldn't talk directly to Michelle, she could relay information via Eric if the need arose. She took a minute to update Eric of Kensi's condition, and very briefly flashed the camera to her face to reassure him. Nate, who had been quietly watching, nodded his head, satisfied that they would be ok.

"I'm heading back now," he told them. "If you need me, I'll be in ops with Eric." Nell nodded, and Deeks briefly glanced up, before they both returned to what they were doing. Nate shook his head as he left the room with Lindsey. "Here's my number in case you need me and don't want to go through those two. Keep an eye on Deeks, I'm worried about him. And Nell is more likely to cover for him than tell you if something is wrong. But I think she stayed more to watch out for him than to wait for Kensi to wake up," he explained.

"Thanks for that," Lindsey said as she shot him a smile. "I'm keeping a close eye on them, they're my only patients until Henderson comes in. I called someone else to cover my shift," she explained. "I'll see you later tonight?" she asked, hoping he would return to help with the chaos that was sure to ensue later tonight. She knew Callen well enough to know there may be some issues tonight and she didn't want to admit she had concerns about things getting out of hand.

"Absolutely. I should be able to make it before the ambulance arrives," he reassured her. "Don't worry, they are professionals and they've got this under control, even if it doesn't seem like it."


	66. Chapter 66

Callen's alias was called up to the first ring. When he entered and saw the face of his opponent, it took less than a second to register that it was Franklin. He turned to Michelle and allowed himself exactly ten seconds of rage before returning to his alias, and seeing Franklin as just an opponent in the ring and nothing else. When the signal was given, he threw himself into the fight, taking care to watch for any signals from Michelle or Sam. The viewers cheered as Callen landed punch after punch, and drew a bloody nose in the first minute. He effectively dodged every blow from his opponent until Michelle signalled to take it easy, and then he allowed Franklin to land one weak kick before he resumed the thorough beating he was doling out. After several minutes, and many more blows, Franklin dropped in defeat and signalled that he forfeit. Michelle and Sam cheered, and Callen raised his arms in victory to his cheering audience. It was clear he had quickly become a favourite. He left the ring and Michelle leaned in close as if to congratulate him, but slipped his earpiece in for a moment so he could hear Eric and Nate cheering and applauding him.

"Well done, Mr Callen," he heard Hetty say. "And excellent self-control," she added. He grinned as he slipped the earpiece back into Michelle's hand, and retreated with Sam. The medic quickly assessed Franklin and determined that he was unfit to continue the evening but not in urgent need of medical attention.

When they were no longer visible to the crowd, Callen reached into his gym bag and carefully bagged his gloves, swapping them for a new pair as Michelle labelled the bag. Sam stood over them, casually observing the room. He noted Franklin was receiving attention from the medic and not being sent out, which he took as a sign that Callen had indeed controlled his temper and only left superficial injuries. It also meant that he would need to be arrested when he left that evening rather than escorted to the hospital by the waiting paramedics.

The next few fights were unremarkable. Callen participated in one more, easily winning despite only fighting half-heartedly. Soon, the rounds for his weight class were considered complete, and three of them, including Callen, would face the winners of the next class.

Michelle kept a careful eye on Franklin, and when she saw he appeared to be packing up to leave she alerted the waiting agents nearby. Hetty confirmed that the moment he left the gym he was to be tailed to his next location and immediately arrested so long as it was not in the vicinity of the gym. Sure enough, Franklin headed for the doors a few minutes later. Callen and Sam shot Michelle a worried look when they saw him leaving, but her calmness and a tap at her ear reassured them that he would be taken care of. A wave of her hand and shifting weight told them that she would let them know when he was secured at the boat shed.

After a brief break, Sam's class was announced. The first four fights were uneventful - downright boring, in fact. They had the opportunity to observe Matthews during the fifth fight, which he just barely managed to win. Finally, Sam had a turn to step up with a local fighter known for crushing his opponents. When Sam managed to knock him out before the end of the round, the entire gym fell silent, before erupting into cheers. Sam, like Callen, was now a crowd favourite.

There was no time to celebrate or regroup, as Sam was immediately given his next opponent - Matthews. Matthews entered the ring with a swagger, his confidence obviously not shaken by Sam's previous round. The two faced off for a moment before the signal was given, and both Callen and Michelle saw the pure rage in Sam's face, which didn't dissipate with the signal. Immediately Matthews and Sam were locked in a brawl, neither listening to the referee or the fans. Callen could hear Nate in his earpiece, but when Hetty spoke up to warn Michelle that they needed to get Sam under control immediately, he took action and whistled loudly. When Sam briefly looked up and saw Michelle signalling him to back off and calm down, he immediately reigned himself in. Seeing Sam regain his composure, Matthews also began to fight fairly, while the referee looked relieved. The match continued for several rounds, leaving both men with a collection of injuries before Sam was declared the winner.

At this point, Henderson stepped up and declared this weight class complete, with Sam the winner. The three winners from Callen's class were offered the option of fighting Sam or conceding defeat. Immediately the other two forfeited.

"Well, I guess that leaves our two guests the option of fighting each other for the pleasure of fighting me. But I've quite enjoyed this evening and I think it would be a great night to mix it up. I'd like a chance to face both our guests and show them what a real fight is tonight," Henderson announced to the crowd. "Which of you gentlemen would like to go first?" he asked, glancing at Callen and Sam.

Michelle stepped in and asked for a five minute break to talk with her team, before grabbing them and retreating to a quiet corner to discuss their plan of attack.

* * *

At the hospital, Nell and Deeks watched as the evening at the gym unfolded. Deeks couldn't help but enjoy watching Callen beat on Franklin, but he had to admit his disappointment that the man was left standing. Nell reassured him that it was for the better, and they both grinned when Eric told them that Franklin had easily been arrested and taken to the boat shed.

Lindsey came in several times for updates, and made it back in time to watch as Sam and Matthews' fight began. They all watched intently as Sam lost his control and the fight became a brawl, with Nell and Lindsey yelling at the screen. Just when they thought Sam was going to inflict serious harm, they heard Hetty order Callen to get him under control and a moment later the fight became civilised. Nell made a mental note to find out what exactly Michelle had said or done, for future reference.

Deeks began to pace around the room, wishing he could have had the opportunity to be in the ring with the men who had attacked Kensi. While he knew he had to be here in case she woke up, he needed an outlet for the anger that was welling up in him. Nell spoke quietly to Eric, and listened as everyone discussed the best way to proceed with the fight. Lindsey, however, watched Deeks with growing concern as he paced. She excused herself from the room and sent a message to Nate.

* * *

The ops centre was calm chaos as Eric ran camera and audio feeds from the gym, as well as Nell's audio from the hospital and several different networks of Comms. Nate and Hetty were with him, each observing the screens in front of them and trying to keep track of all the audio feeds Eric had set up. They couldn't help but cheer as Callen and Sam easily won their fights, and the relief in the room was palpable when they received confirmation that Franklin was in custody. Eric brought up the feed of the boat shed so they could keep an additional eye on him, even though he was escorted by two agents. The man looked terrified as he was locked in the interrogation room and left to sit in silence with two large, scary agents.

When Sam faced off with Matthews, the change in him was obvious to everyone watching. Nate immediately began talking to Michelle and Callen, warning them of the consequences if Sam couldn't pull himself together. They watched helplessly until Hetty grabbed the microphone and ordered them to get Sam under control. Eric heard Nell ask how they were supposed to do that, and saw Nate look skeptically at Hetty, but sure enough a moment later, Sam pulled himself together. Eric turned in shock and whispered his amazement to Nell.

Something on his screen beeped before they could say any more, though, and he saw that Nate was receiving an urgent message, but couldn't access it on his phone because of the security lockdown. He told Nate about the message marked with their urgent code, and Nate stepped out of ops to read the message.

Eric returned to coordinating his discussion between Hetty, Nell and Michelle as they tried to decide how Callen and Sam should proceed.


	67. Chapter 67

Nate read Lindsey's message with concern. She was worried that Deeks was on his way to losing it, and he trusted her judgement. He quickly replied with a few questions, and promised he would be there soon. He returned to Ops and leaned down to whisper to Eric that he needed a feed of Kensi's room so he could keep an eye on Deeks himself, and then re-joined the conversation about how Callen and Sam should proceed. Eric flicked a switch on the Comms so he could talk to Nell discretely. He had her refocus her camera so that they now had a view of the entire room. A nod to Nate and a few more taps to the keyboard, and everyone was happy.

Nate observed as an agitated Deeks paced around Kensi's room, muttering under his breath. He knew Lindsey was right and the detective was on his way to falling apart. Their discussion about Callen and Sam now complete, he gestured at the screen when Hetty caught his eye. She nodded, indicating she had seen what was going on. After a few moments of quiet thought, she reassured him that she had a way to help Deeks.

* * *

At the hospital, Nell was following the conversation with Hetty and Michelle, as well as Eric's private line to her. She adjusted the camera as he requested, not realising until that point just how much Deeks was struggling. When the discussion concluded, she called his name and motioned for him to sit next to her.

"I know it sucks being here and not there. And I know you wish you could be in the ring with those scumbags. But Kensi needs you here. She needs you to be ok, too. I know you've been her rock so far, but she needs you to be ok, too. What can I do to help?" she asked.

Deeks was a bit taken aback, but knew Nell understood better than he would have expected. He heaved a huge sigh.

"I don't know. I don't know how to be ok when the person who matters more to me than anything is suffering. All I want to do is beat the crap out of those responsible for this mess," he told her, his voice cracking.

"I know. Believe it or not, so do I," Nell told him. "But we will get our turn. I'll make sure of it," she added firmly.

* * *

At the gym, Callen and Sam returned to Henderson.

"I'm up first," Sam said with a grin. "Three rounds for each of us, but we'll alternate," he added. "That sound good to you?" Henderson nodded in agreement, and the two took to the ring.

In the moments before the bell sounded, Sam stared Henderson down. Henderson had a sinking feeling in his stomach that he just might be in trouble. The first punch that Sam threw landed right on target and Henderson found himself reeling as he tried to regain his footing. He managed to land a few glancing blows to Sam, but he was obviously losing. When he glanced into his opponent's eyes he saw pure rage, and knew he was in trouble. He dropped to the mat, and the end of round one was called, with Sam the winner.

Callen took a minute to mentally prepare himself before hopping into the ring. Sam had struggled to maintain his composure and had already left Henderson bloodied and on edge. The fight he was preparing for was going to be rough. He only hoped his smaller size would deceive his opponent into underestimating him. Fortunately, luck was on Callen's side. Henderson appeared to be holding back at first, but when Callen began with a series of rapid fire blows and kicks, Henderson realised he was definitely in trouble. Callen landed most of his hits, but maintained enough composure to not go overboard. As the time for the round was nearly out, he once again launched a rapid fire attack, and won the round.

The second rounds proceeded much as the first had. Henderson was finding himself to be unprepared for the two newest fighters. Not wanting to injure his reputation by losing, he called for a break before round three and excused himself to the dressing room. Michelle took advantage of the opportunity to smack Sam across the back of the head and remind him to reign it in a bit. She used a towel to wipe the worst of the blood off their gloves, and let the men cool down. Henderson returned a few minutes later, and he and Sam took the ring for their final round.

The moment Henderson landed his first blow, Sam knew he was playing dirty. No fist would be that solid - Henderson had clearly slipped brass knuckles under his gloves. Enraged, he took the man into a headlock and whispered "I know what you did. And you are going to pay," into his ear. The fight continued a few more minutes before Callen realised Sam was losing his self-control, and Henderson was clearly playing dirty. He didn't give a second thought as he jumped into the ring. The ref blew his whistle at the breach of the rules, but no one paid any attention. The organised fight quickly deteriorated into a brawl. Matthews jumped into the ring to even the odds, further enraging Callen and Sam. Michelle was frantically asking Hetty and Nate for advice, when just as quickly as things had blown out of control, they stopped. Henderson was down, bleeding badly, and Matthews wasn't much better off. The ref was shaking his head as the medic called for an ambulance.

"Eric, you're up," Michelle said, knowing he would already be intercepting the 911 call and answering it himself. She rounded up Callen and Sam and pretended to chew them out as the spectators quickly dispersed. No one wanted to be there to answer questions if the police showed up with the ambulance.

Minutes later, Lindsey's paramedics entered the building and loaded up the two injured men. As they made their way to the ambulance, Michelle subtly cuffed the men to their stretchers. Both of them were too injured to notice. It wasn't until they were loaded into the ambulance that Matthews realised Callen was riding with them and chatting amicably with the paramedic. As he began to thrash and protest, Callen leaned over him.

"It's ok, buddy. We're taking you to see a friend of ours. She'll fix you up." he explained. Matthews continued to fight harder when he realised he was cuffed. "Don't worry about those. You'll get used to them. You'll be wearing them a lot where you're going," Callen explained. Matthews turned to Henderson and saw he was clearly unconscious. "Don't worry, he'll get what's coming to him. We have special plans for him."


	68. Chapter 68

Once Nate was sure he was no longer needed in Ops, he grabbed a comm and headed for the hospital as quickly as possible. He knew he would be needed in some capacity, whether to help Deeks or calm Sam, or to simply be an extra pair of hands. As he got in the car, he double checked to ensure he has his gun and his phone, then started the car and took off. Eric kept him apprised of everything happening at the gym. He had just parked the car when he heard Hetty mutter her trademark "oh bugger" and Michelle yelled "oh shit." He didn't need any further encouragement, he ran into the hospital to Kensi's room, and went straight to Nell's laptop without so much as a "hello." He took a deep breath as he watched the full blown brawl on the screen. After a minute of thought, he finally shook his head.

"Watch them, Hetty. If it looks like Callen and Sam are at risk of doing permanent damage, send in the back up team and have Michelle haul them out. If by some bizzarre twist of events they start losing, Michelle get in there and save their butts while the back up team hauls in Henderson and Matthews. Otherwise just leave it... it'll be over soon enough. But I want to know what set this all off when they get back here." Nate said with a sigh. "I'll let Lindsey know we may need some extra hands." He told Nell and Deeks before ducking out of the room. He found Lindsey easily, waiting for him at the nurse's station.

"You're right, Deeks is a mess. I'll go talk to him in a minute, but Nell seems to have him under control for now. You may want a few extra hands on deck, the fight has turned into a full blown brawl. I expect there are going to be at least four people needing medical attention... And that's before Deeks even gets his hands on anyone." Nate sighed. He was already worried and the night was far from over.

Lindsey followed Nate back to Kensi's room to check what kind of injuries were on their way while Nate chatted with Deeks. She sat down behind Nell to watch the remainder of the fight and began assessing injuries in the four fighters.

"It's not as bad as it looks" Nell explained. "Callen is still in full control of himself. And Sam is pissed off but he's still well enough under control, not like earlier. Michelle is relaxed so you know that she trusts them to not beat their opponents into oblivion."

"They're damn good actors, then" Lindsey said, surprised. "If I didn't have you telling me otherwise, I'd think they'd gone off the deep end. Hell, I'd be ordering a psych consult for them! Although I guess that would be point less since Nate is here. And I'm not really in charge of this anyway, am I? Hetty wouldn't let anyone assess her agents if she didn't feel it necessary." She told Nell. Nell just nodded in agreement, then winced as Sam took a blow to the gut. "That one is going to need an X-ray..." Lindsey mumbled. "Might as well write up the requisition now. Are they going to cooperate?" She asked Nell.

"I'll make sure of it. Eric says they're almost as afraid of me as they are of Hetty." Nell said with a grin.

"Come to think of it, Callen did once mention his tiny boss had a protege who wasn't much bigger." Lindsey agreed.

"Looks like they're almost done. Michelle just signalled to Sam to wrap it up." Nell advised.

"Great. My turn to have some fun tonight." Lindsey said with a grin. "Page me if Kensi or Deeks need me."

* * *

Hetty arrived at the hospital at the same time as Sam and Michelle. They entered the ward where Kensi's room was, and headed in to see how she was. Nell was clearly the one in charge, and didn't hesitate a moment before handing them their orders.

"Hetty, Callen has been taken for assessment in room eight. You need to relieve Nate, who is with him right now. Michelle, Sam needs to be escorted to room four for a full examination. There's a requisition for his X-rays waiting. Sam, you WILL get checked out and have the X-rays or you're spending the night. Matthews is in room nineteen and Henderson in room twenty, both cuffed and escorted by two agents. Once Callen is cleared, he will relieve the agents with Matthews and Hetty will relieve the ones with Henderson. Deeks will remain here with Kensi, and if she wakes up you will all be paged. Any further questions about what's happening, report to me. If you need anything from Ops, contact Eric via Comms." She ordered. Everyone stared at the petite woman for a moment, stunned at how she had taken control, before scrambling off to where they were needed. Hetty nodded her head and smiled to herself, pleased with how easily Nell had stepped in to take charge.

* * *

Lindsey had met the ambulance when it arrived. She quickly assessed Callen as stable and had him escorted to a treatment room on her ward. She quickly looked over Matthews, who was complaining loudly and begging for painkillers.

"Take him to room 19. Have Melanie start an IV, she needs the practice. His escorts stay with him at all times, and do not remove the cuffs. Actually, add a set of restraints as well." She told the first paramedic. "I'll be in to see him shortly." She finished and Matthews was escorted to his room.

Lindsey looked at Henderson, who was starting to rouse and clearly pissed. From a quick glance he definitely had several broken bones in his hand, and would need several sets of stitches.

"Room twenty for him. Keep him cuffed, and add restraints as well. Melanie and Scott can stitch him up when she's done with Matthews. No lidocaine, not a wise idea with these injuries. Get an IV going. I'll be in to see him when I can. All good?" She asked. The paramedic nodded with a smile, and took his patient to room twenty. He knew Scott and Melanie were new students who had yet to practice cannulation or stitches on a live person, and Lindsey purposely chose their to newest patients to be their guinea pigs. She had also conveniently "forgotten" to write out sedation or pain medication for either man, and would be impossible to track down when the request came in. While he didn't know what, exactly, these men had done, he knew from their condition and the number of agents that it was bad. And from Lindsey's spoken and unspoken orders, it was personal.


	69. Chapter 69

Callen was a compliant patient for once and allowed Lindsey to check him over and stitch the cut on his forehead. He couldn't wipe the grin from his face as he detailed to Lindsey what had happened during the fight.

"I can't believe he was stupid enough to use brass knuckles. It was the perfect excuse to jump in. Sam and I had one hell of a time beating the crap out of them. It wasn't nearly enough, but we promised Kensi we would leave a piece for her," he explained, still clearly on an adrenaline high. Lindsey shook her head but couldn't help the smile that kept trying to creep onto her face.

"I think you're about good to go. Just take it easy and get some ice on those bruises. You did well," she advised. "I need to go check in with Sam, and you need to go check in with Nell for your orders. She's quite a little leader!" Lindsey added as she followed him out the door.

She went to the second treatment room where she could already hear Sam protesting and Michelle arguing that he had to get checked over. When Lindsey entered, Sam immediately jumped up.

"I feel great, and my X-rays are fine. I'm good to go," he stated.

"Not so fast," Lindsey told him as she gently guided him back to the bed. "I saw the hits you took. And I'll examine the X-rays myself. Last time I checked you weren't a radiologist." She teased as she pulled up the X-rays. "Ok, you're right, nothing is broken. But you've definitely bruised them. I'd also keep an eye out for a concussion, you took a few hits to the head and I'm sure that can't be your first head injury." She continued as she examined him. "Aside from that, you're pretty banged up, but I think you should be ok with Advil and ice, as long as you take it easy." She glanced over at Michelle, who nodded. "Ok, go and check in with Nell. She's the one in charge right now. I've got some special patients to check on." She winked, and escorted them out the door.

* * *

Nell directed Callen to watch over Matthews, and sent Sam to watch Henderson as she coordinated with Eric. Hetty returned shortly after, and sat down between Nell and Deeks. Nate sat on the other side of Kensi's bed, observing everything that was going on.

"So we have all three in custody now. Callen is with Matthews, Sam with Henderson and Franklin is getting restless in the boat shed. Lindsey needs to check over Matthews and Henderson before they can be discharged to our custody. Sam took a blow to the head, so Lindsey wants him sent home to rest ASAP. Kensi is still stable," Nell explained, making sure Hetty was up to date. "So where do we go from here?"

"Mr. Deeks, I would like you to stay here with Ms. Blye for the time being. Mr. Callen will be interviewing Mr. Matthews shortly, and I will sit with Mr. Henderson until he is awake. We need someone to go to the boat shed to interview Mr. Franklin, but it appears Mr. Hanna will not be up to the task," Hetty stated as she thought.

"I could go," Nate began before Hetty cut him off.

"Mr. Getz, I believe you are more likely to be needed here. I need you to observe the interviews, and remain close in case Kensi wakes up," she stated, then looked over at Nell.

"My dear, I realise this has been a very trying few days for you, but you are the only agent available. Would you be up to interviewing Mr. Franklin? You would have your weapon of course, and the two agents on hand for backup," Hetty asked. Nell froze, not wanting to disappoint her boss, but unsure if she was strong enough to do as she was asked. At that point, Eric's voice could be heard from the laptop.

"I'm finished here, there's nothing more for me to do. I can go to the boat shed to interview Franklin. I'm not an agent but I've watched all of you interrogate suspects. I can do this, Hetty," he insisted. Hetty's face expressed a look of shock, before settling into a smile.

"Yes, I believe you can do this Mr. Beale. Ms. Jones, would you be prepared to go with him as back up?" she asked, and Nell nodded. "Very well. Mr. Getz, I will leave everyone in your capable hands. Mr. Beale, before you go, can you please ensure we have access to the feeds from the boat shed, as well as rooms nineteen and twenty on this ward?" Eric nodded and a minute later they appeared on Nell's screen. Then he vanished from the screen as Hetty and Nell left the room.

"I guess it's just us now, Kens," Deeks whispered as Nate put on a headset to listen to Callen's interrogation of Matthews. "But we've got them. You're safe now. And we're going to make them pay."

* * *

Matthews was extremely pissed off when Lindsey entered his room.

"What the hell is going on here? Why am I cuffed? The guy at the door, he's the one who did this to me! Why isn't he in cuffs?" he raged.

"I'm Lindsey, and I'm going to be treating you. I'm sorry, I can't answer your questions, you'll have to ask the agents who arrested you," she said sweetly. "Now Melanie, how are we doing with that IV and his stitches?" she asked, turning to her student.

"He, um, he refused both," Melanie stumbled over her words. "He says he won't consent until the cuffs are off."

"Well, Mr. Matthews, that may be a problem. You need IV antibiotics to prevent infection and we really should get those cuts stitched up. Removing the cuffs isn't up to us, but it would be a lot easier to help you if you would let us treat you," Lindsey explained, her kind and gentle demeanour completely disguising her thoughts and plans. Matthews was easily fooled and finally consented to treatment. "Excellent," Lindsey said. "Now Melanie here is going to put in your IV and I'll send Scott in to handle your stitches. We'll get you all cleaned up in no time," she explained.

"Can I get some kind of pain killers or something? I think they broke something," Matthews asked.

"Where is the worst of the pain?" Lindsey asked, feigning ignorance and concern.

"My jaw. And my ribs. They must have broken something," he whined. Lindsey moved over to check his jaw and purposely palpated the injury harder than necessary and Matthews cried out in pain. She moved on to check his ribs, which had some mild bruising but no indication of breaks. Callen and Sam had used a lot more restraint than she expected. Matthews continued to yell and cry out with every injury she examined.

"The good news is that nothing is broken. But I'll write you up an order for something for the pain," she told him sympathetically, then left the room. Seeing Scott waiting, she nodded and gestured towards the room. "Give Mr. Matthews a Tylenol and stitch him up. When you're done, tell Mr. Callen he is free to interview his suspect." She winked and then stepped into Henderson's room.

Henderson had woken and was screaming and trying to get rid of his restraints. Sam, Michelle, and the agents who had escorted them in were fighting to keep him under control. Lindsey grabbed a syringe from the cabinet and a vial from her pocket and quickly drew up a large dose of sedative, then quickly injected it into her uncooperative patient. She rolled her eyes at Michelle.

"The biggest ones are always the biggest babies," she said as she watched Henderson still. "He's going to be a pain in the ass," she added as she checked him over.

"He'll probably need stitches and we can dose him on antibiotics too. Looks like you might have actually broken his jaw here. His hands are a bit of a mess, probably from the brass knuckles. Shame he isn't awake, but I'll get the students to stitch him up and I'll order an X-ray. You guys can interview him when he wakes up. If he's a problem again, hit his call button and I can dose him again," she told them, then turned when Hetty entered the room.

"Mr. And Mrs. Hanna, you may go home for the evening. I will keep an eye on our guest for now," she told them. "Get your rest, and I will have Mr. Callen keep you updated," she added firmly, leaving no room for argument. Sam grumbled as his wife escorted him from the room, but didn't even bother trying to argue.

"Here, Ms. Lange. I'm sure you know how to use this," Lindsey said as she handed Hetty the vial from her pocket. "Let me know if there's any way I can be of assistance."


	70. Chapter 70

Callen stood in the doorway of Matthews' room, watching as the man carried on and yelled at the students who were stitching him up. It had taken Melanie a few tries to insert the IV, and now Scott was struggling with his sutures. Matthews cursed a blue streak but the students seemed unconcerned as they went about what they were doing. Callen wondered for a moment what Lindsey had said to them, but decided it didn't matter. When Scott and Melanie were done, they shot a relieved glance at Callen and then headed to Henderson's room. Fortunately for them, he was sedated and would be unlikely to give them the grief that Matthews had. As the students left, Callen shut the door and it closed with an ominous thud. He came over to the foot of Matthews' bed and began.

"I'm Special Agent Callen. And I have some questions for you."

"What the hell is this all about? What am I being charged with anyway? I have rights! You can't just cuff me for no reason. And that stupid fight was legal. Hell, you should be under arrest. You're the one who did this to me!" Matthews yelled.

"This isn't about the fight. Although your buddy pulling brass knuckles was a stupid move. This is about the assault of a federal agent. Where were you on Sunday night?" Callen asked. He watched as Matthews tried to keep his cool but started sweating profusely and the colour drained from his face. "You're not looking so hot there. Something you want to tell me?" Callen asked. Matthews said nothing, so Callen pressed on.

"You see, here's the problem. The agent who was attacked? She's like my sister. And I don't like it when people hurt my family. And if it were up to me, you would have ended the night in a body bag. But it wasn't my call. You see, it was hers. And she asked us to keep you alive for her to deal with. And if you think I kicked your ass tonight, you've seen nothing yet. When we spar, I lose. The big guy tonight? When they fight, he loses. Maybe when she's drugged and tied up and drunk, she might not be so scary. But trust me when I tell you that you WANT to go to jail for this, because at least then you don't have to spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder for her. So why don't you tell me what happened and maybe we can cut you a deal." Matthews looked sufficiently scared and uncomfortable that Callen was sure he was going to break. But Matthews remained silent. "Ok. I'll give you some time to think about it. But we have your DNA, a video of the attack, and your two partners in crime. Oh, and of course the federal agent you attacked who can and will ID you. And did I mention the DNA from this attack matched others all across the country? Trust me, you are in a hell of a lot of trouble."

* * *

Eric arrived at the boat shed first and waited outside for Nell. He knew she was running on adrenaline and extremely focused on the op, but she was bound to crash soon. He hoped it wasn't during the interrogation. She pulled up and hopped out of the car quickly and rushed over to Eric.

"Thank you. Thank you. I couldn't do this, especially not alone," she told him as he wrapped her in a tight hug.

"I know. And Hetty should never have asked you. Besides, I have a lot to say to this guy," Eric whispered into her ear. "Are you ready?" he asked and she nodded. They walked to the door hand in hand, feeling confident and ready.

Eric went straight to the interrogation room, while Nell stood outside to observe. Each of them were joined by one of the two agents who had escorted Franklin there. Eric sat down across the table, staring at Franklin intently.

"I just have one question for you. Why? Why did you do it?" he asked. Franklin shifted uncomfortably.

"What did I do?" he asked, his voice cracking slightly. "Is this about the fight at the gym? It's legal, and I lost. I didn't hurt anyone," he insisted. Eric shook his head.

"I don't have time for this game. And neither do you. You know what you did and why you're here. Your buddies, Matthews and Henderson, are currently in hospital being interrogated as well. Or at least, Matthews is. Henderson was still out cold last I checked. You're in deep shit here. The only chance you have at ever returning to a normal life is if you just come clean," Eric told him. Franklin again shifted his weight uncomfortably. Eric could see the wheels turning in his head as he tried to decide what to say, but again he chose to feign ignorance.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he insisted. Then there was a knock at the door, and Nell entered the room. The colour drained from Franklin's face as recognition set in. Nell stood across from him, radiating anger.

"You know exactly what we're talking about. You broke into my friend's home. You drugged her, tied her up, raped her and recorded the whole thing. And then you sent me the video. But what you idiots didn't realise is that the woman you attacked is a federal agent, and not only is she seriously dangerous, but she has an entire team behind her who will not rest until you all pay for what you did to her. So stop lying, and answer his questions. Because I swear to God they won't find a trace of you when we're through with you if you piss me off anymore!" Nell yelled, then stormed back out of the room and slammed the door. Eric sat back in shock and awe watching Nell's tirade. But when he saw the fear on Franklin's face, he knew she had gotten through to him. A moment later Franklin began to tell Eric everything he knew, all the while begging Eric to keep Nell away from him.


	71. Chapter 71

Hetty sat in the corner of Henderson's room, waiting for him to wake up from his sedation. Lindsey had reassured her that it wouldn't be long now. She watched the man in the bed and allowed her thoughts to wander, while her hands were kept busy once again cleaning and polishing the knife. She had hoped that this would be the point where Kensi could confront her attackers, but she had misjudged her readiness and now Kensi was lying in a hospital bed. Maybe she was getting too old for this job. She hadn't predicted Kensi's reaction when in retrospect it was unavoidable. She sighed as she continued to polish invisible blood from the knife. Henderson started to stir and thrash, letting her know the sedation was wearing off. After a few minutes he finally realised she was there and looked directly at her.

"Who the hell are you, and why are you in my room? What's going on here?" he demanded, but she simply watched him and continued to run a cloth over the knife. She nodded almost imperceptibly at the camera, and a minute later there was a knock at the door. Hetty stood up and opened it, allowing Deeks to enter the room. Lindsey had removed the tape on his injuries temporarily, so Henderson wouldn't pick up on any apparent weakness, but advised him to take it easy.

"Ah, Mr. Deeks. This is Mr .Henderson. I believe you required a moment with him?" Hetty said, as understanding dawned on Deeks' face. Henderson continued yelling but they both ignored him. Deeks nodded, and Hetty went to leave the room. Before doing so, she pressed the knife into his hands and said "I believe you may have need of this. And don't worry, the staff have been warned to ignore him when he screams," she added, then closed the door behind her.

Deeks took a moment to gather his thoughts, staring at the knife in his hands. He shoved down the sadness that threatened to overwhelm him and let his anger take over before turning to face Henderson who was still yelling. When he saw the look on Deeks' face, and the knife that he held, he stopped mid sentence and the colour drained from his face. The only expression remaining was fear.

"I think you do know why you're here. You can pretend all you want, but we both know what you did," Deeks said as he turned the knife over in his hands. He knew Henderson could see it, and Deeks hoped that the man was scared.

"I could ask for a confession. I'm a detective. So I guess that's my job. But the truth? I'm not interested in a confession. I already know what you did. We have it on video. Because you were stupid enough to send a video to a computer analyst. And not just any analyst, but one of the best in her field. And do you know who her best friend is? Well he's a computer genius. And they both work for a federal agency. So that was pretty damn stupid of you. We got your picture from that video, and we traced it to your phone," Deeks explained, as he continued to toy with the knife. He tossed it between his hands, gestured and pointed it at Henderson, then inspected the blade as he continued.

"You were even stupid enough to leave DNA. DNA that we can now match to your blood on my friends' gloves. Those men you were fighting tonight? Also federal agents. So now we have your DNA. Suppose we run that against unsolved crimes... Do you think we'll find any matches? Maybe a dozen or so other times that you've brutally assaulted innocent women?" Deeks asked, gesturing with the knife before gently tossing it up and catching it again.

"But you know what the stupidest part of all of this is? The woman you attacked... She is also a federal agent. We call her kick ass Kensi, or bad ass Blye. And when she isn't drugged and tied up, she can easily take the two agents you fought earlier and bring them to their knees. So just what is she going to do with you now that you are the one tied up and drugged?" Deeks asked. "What kind of revenge is she going to want? And you're just an everyday criminal about to go away for life. She's a reputable federal agent. Who would believe your word over hers if she said you fell out of bed, or your injuries were from struggling to get the knife? I don't think anyone would ever question her word over yours, now would they?" Deeks asked, leaning over the bed with the knife resting against Henderson's skin.

"And what about me? Where do I fit into this? Why am I here? Well the woman you attacked? She's my everything. She's my partner and my best friend, and the woman I love. I found her after what you did to her. I cut her free. I cleaned her wounds, collected evidence, documented every. single. mark. that you left on her body. Her gorgeous skin marred by this knife. So what do you think I'm going to do to you with it, now that you are lying there helpless, cuffed and restrained?" Deeks questioned as he ran the blade lightly up Henderson's arm and across his chest, then down the other arm. He trailed the blade across his throat, down his chest, and twisted it on the man's stomach, not leaving a mark. He made a stabbing motion over Henderson's thigh, all the while maintaining eye contact.

"You tried to completely destroy the only woman I have ever loved. But you failed. Because she is a lot stronger than you could ever know. This knife? It was her father's. He was murdered. And she pursued the murderer for years, until she caught him, and made him pay. Now do you really think she wouldn't do the same to the man who attacked her? You had better hope you go to jail for life. It might actually be the only place you're safe, because if you're out there, free, I guarantee she will hunt you down and repay every single thing you did to her. And she'll have the help of an entire federal agency," Deeks told him as he slammed the knife down, stabbing the mattress only millimetres from where Henderson lay.

"The only reason, and I mean the ONLY reason, you are still alive is because we promised her that she could have first dibs. So you can wait here thinking about that," Deeks said, grabbing the knife and heading for the door. "Oh yeah. And your doctor? She treated Kensi. So don't expect much sympathy there," he said before leaving the room and slamming the door.


	72. Chapter 72

_Author Note - I'd say we've got about a dozen chapters left after this, and then everything that happens after that will be in the sequel. Sorry for the brief delay in posting this - I'm easily distracted.  
As this comes to an end, I'd love to know what you as a reader would like me to focus on next. I will be continuing with Meerkats and posting more often, as well as introducing either Formally Family (sequel to Bulletproof) or Alternative to Afghanistan, based on season 5. And I will, of course, be starting reBuilding Blye as a series of oneshots following Kensi's recovery._

* * *

Deeks managed to leave Henderson's room with his calm anger intact, but the moment he turned the corner, he sank down to the ground shaking. Hetty and Lindsey stood silently waiting, giving him time to compose himself. After a minute, he silently held the knife out to Hetty, who took it and wrapped it carefully, then nodded to the two guards to return to Henderson's room. She rested a hand on his shoulder.

"Very good, Mr. Deeks. I'm proud of you," she told him before leaving to say good night to Nate. Lindsey sat down on the floor next to him in silent support as stray tears made their way down his face and he lost himself in thought.

Standing in that room with Henderson was one of the hardest things he ever had to do. It would have been so easy to lose control and stab him repeatedly with the same knife he had used to attack Kensi. His hands shook as he pictured himself letting go of his self-control and gutting the man, leaving him to bleed out. He wanted to make him feel every ounce of fear and pain that Kensi had felt during her attack, and then some. And the realisation that that's what he wanted most scared him. He was afraid he was turning into his father. A sob lodged itself in his throat, when he heard Lindsey's voice.

"Let's get you back to your room," she whispered. "You need to get some rest."

* * *

Nate watched all three interrogations and was amazed at the self-control that they all exhibited. He was impressed at how easily Eric drew a confession out of Franklin after Nell intervened, and how brave Nell had been to storm into the room to face a man who intended to attack her. He was proud of Callen for maintaining self-control and not beating Matthews to a bloody pulp, even though he knew they all wished that they could. But most of all, he was amazed at Deeks. Not once had he drawn blood or even injured Henderson. The calm, controlled anger he exhibited was surreal. While he initially had reservations (ok, serious concerns) about Hetty's plan to leave Deeks alone with Henderson, he knew without a doubt she had made the right call. Without touching him, Deeks had terrified the man, and inflicted his own revenge. And from what he observed after Deeks left, it appeared that they had to change the bedding. Deeks had literally scared the shit out of him. Now that the interrogations were over, Nate's concern shifted to the members of the team, and how they were coping. He had already promised Hetty psych evals for everyone tomorrow, but at the moment he was most concerned about Eric, Nell and Deeks. He suspected that Eric and Nell would be ok through the night if they spent it together once again, as he knew they could draw strength from each other. That left Deeks - whose primary source of support was currently unavailable. As he typed up his thoughts on the interrogations, he realized it had been quite some time since Deeks had finished, but he had yet to return to Kensi's room. While they had suggested he go home and rest, Nate would admittedly be shocked if Deeks chose to leave Kensi. Just as he decided that he would call the detective, the door opened and Lindsey brought him in.

Deeks was clearly shaking, and a few tears littered his face. Immediately, Nate came over to him, speaking in a low quiet voice.

"Hey Marty. You did great in there. I was really, really impressed. Do you want to tell me what you're thinking right now?" Nate asked gently, but Deeks shook his head. "It's ok. You don't have to. But I'd like to know what's upsetting you when you're ready," Nate reassured him. Deeks had settled into the chair by Kensi's bed, still shaking badly, while Lindsey draped a blanket around him.

"Why don't I go grab a bed for you, so you can stay the night more comfortably?" Lindsey suggested. "I can admit you overnight for observation for your jaw, ok? Then you can be right here with Kensi," she continued. Deeks nodded slightly, and she left the room. Nate watched Deeks for a minute and then decided that he might want to hear how the other interrogations had gone.

"Franklin told us everything he knew. Eric did a great job, but at first he denied everything. Then Nell stormed in the room and yelled at him, and he immediately told us as much as he could - as long as Eric promised to keep Nell away. Little, tiny Nell! He was terrified. Matthews was stubborn and we didn't get much out of him, but Callen definitely got to him. Either way, they're all going away for a very long time. Henderson is already asking when he can be transferred to jail, he wants to get as far away from us as possible," Nate explained. Deeks managed a weak half smile, but that was all. Nate was about to try to get Deeks to talk again, when Lindsey returned with a bed.

"Here we go. I've admitted you overnight, so just let me know if you need anything. Someone will be in to check on the two of you every few hours, but if you want to be left alone just pull the curtain and they'll leave you alone until I'm back in the morning," Lindsey told Deeks, keeping her voice cheerful. "And you haven't seen the best part yet. Normally we don't show this to patients, for obvious reasons, but the two beds can be put side by side and if you lock the side rails down together, it turns into one big bed. I thought you might sleep better if you were next to Kensi overnight," she added, as she pushed the beds together and locked the side rails together, then turned and set out Deeks' meds. For the first time since emerging from Henderson's room, Deeks managed a real, grateful smile.

"Thanks. Is it ok to touch her? I mean, it won't hurt her or anything, will it?" he asked.

"Nope, not at all. Avoid her bandages, obviously, but you're free to cuddle up next to her. And don't worry, we won't tell anyone. Right Nate?" Lindsey asked, shooting Nate a firm look. Nate smiled and shook his head.

"No one will hear it from me," he confirmed.

"Great. It's been a long day so I'm headed out soon. Just need to finish up some paperwork. Good night," Lindsey said. When Deeks turned his back, she whispered to Nate, "Want to join me when you're done here?" and he confirmed with a nod.

"Just give me another 15 minutes," he mouthed back silently as she left the room. Nate gave Deeks a few moments, and then spoke up again. "Do you want to talk about what's bothering you? Or do you want me to let you get some rest?" he asked. Deeks sighed, then looked over at Kensi and back to Nate.

"It didn't seem like enough. I still wanted to cut him, stab him, hurt him and make him feel the same fear and pain that Kensi would have felt. But then that makes me no better than him... no better than my dad. And that's not who I want to be," he said quietly.

"There are two very big differences between them and you," Nate told him. "The first is that what they did was unprovoked. It was random and senseless, and inflicted pain on someone innocent and seemingly weaker. The second is that they went through with it. You didn't. You maintained that self-control, even though he deserved everything you wanted to do and more. You are not like Henderson. You are not like Brandel. You're a good man, an honourable man, and a much stronger man than they could have ever hoped to be. Look how much you've done for Kensi, to help her cope and help her heal. You're not just better than the worst in society, you're among the best."


	73. Chapter 73

Nate watched Deeks for a reaction, and was relieved when he finally nodded that he had heard what Nate said. They sat in silence for a few minutes, Nate watching Deeks and Deeks watching Kensi, before Nate spoke again.

"You need your rest. I'm going to head out. You've got my number, so don't be afraid to call if you need me. OK?" Nate asked.

"Yeah. I'll let you know," Deeks replied, feeling exhaustion begin to take over. "But I think it's probably going to be a quiet night."

"Lindsey left your painkillers and a sleeping pill for you on the table if you need it. And don't be afraid to take it, you need your rest," Nate reminded him, but Deeks just nodded. "Good night," Nate said as he slipped out of the room.

Deeks turned to face Kensi, who was still unresponsive. "Just you and me, once again, princess. But you're not such great company right now," he said as he paced slowly around the room. He stopped at the table where Lindsey had left his painkillers and the sleeping pill, and grabbed another container of jello. He dry-swallowed the pills and then crawled into the bed, leaning back against the pillow. "I've got your jello again. And I'm going to eat it all. There won't be any left, and you'll have to wait for breakfast if you want to eat," he whispered as he stroked her arm. He opened the container and waved it under her nose, but she didn't move. He ate slowly, losing himself in thought. When he finished, he tossed it in the garbage can by the door and then pulled the curtain closed around them before getting back into bed.

"Well, at least we'll get some rest tonight. I know we both need it. It was really great of Lindsey to arrange it so we can stay together," he whispered as he lay down next to her. He couldn't help himself, and he snuggled up next to her, careful of his shoulder and her many injuries. He gently rested his head on her shoulder, and began to tell her about the evening, trying not to miss a single detail. He gently wrapped his arm around her and hugged her carefully, then let his fingers trail up and down her arm nearest him as he talked. When he tried to tell her about his interrogation of Henderson, he found himself choked up again and paused to kiss her forehead and inhale the scent of her hair. He managed to calm himself enough to continue and detailed every second of the interrogation, including the war he was having within himself.

"But I didn't do it. I didn't stab him or cut him or gut him like a fish. He deserved it, there's no doubt in my mind. But it's your choice to make, not mine. Thinking of you is what kept me strong," he whispered.

* * *

After taking Franklin's confession and all the details he could remember, Eric was exhausted. He didn't know how the agents could do this day in and day out - but he had even more respect for them now. Franklin was cuffed and escorted to jail, and Eric took a few minutes to decompress. A hand on his shoulder snapped him out of his trance, and he looked up to see Nell looking every bit as drained as he felt. After what felt like hours with Franklin, Eric had forgotten she was even there.

"Nell. I'm so sorry. I didn't think you were still here," he said.

"It's ok. I needed to be here. And I thought you might need someone to talk to afterwards," she told him calmly, but then bit her lip. "And... I guess I'm not ready to be alone yet. I need you too," she admitted quietly. Eric felt something inside him sink as he stood up and wrapped his arms around her.

"It's over now. We got them. I doubt it will even go to trial. You're safe, and Kensi's safe," he reassured her, pulling her close.

"I know. Thank you," she whispered into his chest. Neither was sure how long they stood like that, holding each other and revelling in the fact that they had caught Kensi's attackers, but eventually they had to part.

"I know it's late... but why don't we go down to the beach. We can get something to drink, and walk on the sand..." Eric suggested. Nell's face lit up and she nodded in agreement. Grabbing her hand, he led her out to his car, leaving hers where it was for tomorrow. They got in and drove a few minutes to a quiet stretch of beach. They ducked into a small cafe that was still open and got their drinks, then headed down to the beach. Nell reached for Eric's hand at the same time that he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close. She let him guide her next to him as they walked slowly and silently, enjoying the peace of the waves until Eric eventually broke the silence.

"I don't know how they... how you do it. Listening to people confess what they've done, it's awful. I know Franklin was the least of the three of them, but I could still barely keep it together listening to what he said. I wanted to punch him, and throw up, and cry all at once," he whispered quietly. "It's one thing to know it happens, but to hear it from someone who did it... and what about the ones who are proud of what they did and don't show remorse? How do you deal with that?" he asked.

"I don't know," Nell replied honestly. "I haven't had to deal with it yet. But I'm with you, I wanted to storm in and tear him to pieces. I can't imagine how it went for whoever interrogated Henderson. But Nate's message said we were the only ones who got a confession. Henderson and Matthews refused to talk," she said, clearly frustrated. "I don't know if I could have kept it together... I would have struggled not to shoot them right there," she admitted. Eric watched as she became more animated, in awe of how quickly her fire had returned.

"I would have been scared," he admitted.

"Me too. But more than anything, I'd want them to pay," she said firmly. "After what they did to Kensi, to all those women... they don't deserve any less."

The two sat in silence again, watching and listening to the waves as they continued walking.. When they reached the end of the beach, Eric pulled Nell in close to him and gently raised her chin with one finger before leaning down to kiss her.

"You really are amazing," he whispered. "I hope that you know that."

Instead of responding, she simply reached up and pulled him in for another kiss before whispering:

"Let's go home."


	74. Chapter 74

Nate met Lindsey in her office where she was typing up her reports on Matthews and Henderson so that they could be discheged to the prison before morning. He stood watching her for a minutes before he cleared his throat to get her attention.

"Just two more minutes, almost done." Lindsey told him, not looking up. "I want to get these guys out of here before Kensi wakes up."

"That's probably best." Nate agreed, sinking down in the chair next to her. "If she knows they're here, there's no way she'll stay a minute once she wakes up. And Deeks would agree and have her home before anyone even checks her out."

"Those two are quite the pair, aren't they?" Lindsey asked. "I thought Callen was an interesting one, but it's really the whole team, isn't it?" She asked.

"Yeah. They're all stubborn and determined and broken in their own way - but together they're unstoppable. Even I don't know half of the incidents they prevent on a day to day basis. And they do it all without the world, or even their friends, knowing a thing about it. It's a tough life, and it's made them rely on each other a lot. But you won't find another pair like Kensi and Deeks. What they have... it's special." Nate explained. "And it's been obvious since day one that they were meant to be partners, even if they both resisted at first. Now, they would do anything to protect each other. That's why Deeks is so torn up - he feels like he didn't do enough to protect his partner. And I can almost guarantee he won't let her out of his sight until she literally shuts a door in his face. Even then, he'll probably stand at the door begging her to let him back in... and she will."

"It sounds like they're meant to be." Lindsey said.

"You won't hear an argument from me about it. Hetty knew what she was doing when she paired them up." Nate agreed.

"Well, I think my paperwork is done. Just need to hand it over to the guards at the doors, and they can arrange to transport Matthews and Henderson out of here." Lindsey told him as she went to the printer to retrieve her reports. "What are your plans for tonight?"

"Just being on call in case Deeks or someone else needs me. And hopefully getting some rest before I have to do another round of psych evals tomorrow." Nate told her.

"Sounds like fun. Do you have time to go get a coffee then?" Lindsey asked.

"I don't see why not. But I'm buying - it's the least I can do after everything you've done for us." Nate insisted.

"I wanted to help. But thank you." She said graciously. They reached the guards and handed over the paperwork with smiles on their faces. "We're finished with them now. And I couldn't be more relieved. Let's go grab that coffee to celebrate a job well done."

* * *

Deeks struggled to get to sleep, despite having taken the pill that Lindsey left for him. He shifted back and forth, trying to find a way to get comfortable with his shoulder, and not disturbing Kensi's injuries. He finally found a comfortable position and dozed off, but it wasn't for long. He found himself waking up less than an hour later, to once again resume his shifting and fall back into a restless sleep.

The fourth time he woke, it was sudden instead of the gradual retun to wakefulness he had been experiencing. He knew right away something was different and he sat up abruptly, scanning the room for whatever disrupted him. No one was there, and there was no indication anyone had been, so he lay back down cautiously. As he lay down and wrapped his arm around Kensi, he realized what had changed - her breathing was different, and he felt her hand twitch against his ever so slightly when he stroked her palm.

"Kensi? Kens? Are you ok?" He asked quietly, watching her face intently. She didn't respond, nor did her facial expression change. "Princess, can you hear me?" He asked, wondering if the twitch had been a reflex - but a moment later her hand loosely grasped his. He squeezed back.

"I'm here Kens. It's just me. No one else is here right now. And you're safe, I promise. We caught them and they're in custody." He told her, squeezing her hand once again and resting his head on her shoulder. Her eyes fluttered briefly and she let out a low groan before squeezing his hand back and trying to open her eyes.

"Deeks?" She managed to croak. "you ok?" He burst into a grin.

"You're asking me if I'm ok. You've been unconscious for more than 12 hours, and you're worried about me?"

"Wrist." She whispered, and he glanced down to their clasped hands where one finger was touching his wrist. It was only then that he noticed that at some point during the day Lindsey had slapped a hospital bracelet on him.

"I'm ok. Lindsey just admitted me so I could stay with you. There's nothing to worry about, I promise. Can you open your eyes?" He pleaded.

"Too hard." She whispered, her voice slowly becoming more normal. "Too tired."

Deeks nuzzled her neck and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"It's ok then. Take your time, I'm not going anywhere." He reassured her.

"Won't let you." She replied, once again squeezing his hand.

"How are you feeling? How's the pain?" He asked, anxious to know how she was feeling.

"Bad. It hurts, everywhere." She replied with a grimace.

"Do you want me to see if you can have some pain meds?" He asked, and she shook her head, then finally opened her eyes. "Hey! It's good to see your eyes open." Deeks said with a smile.

"Not sure I agree." She groaned. "Can we go back to sleep?"

"Yeah, of course. Sorry, just glad to see you conscious again." He responded as he wrapped his arm around her. "I'll sleep a lot better knowing you're ok."

"Good. Now Deeks?" She asked.

"Yeah Princess?"

"Shut up."

Deeks grinned - he knew that Kensi was back.


	75. Chapter 75

Morning came too early in the hospital. While no one disturbed their room, Deeks was unable to sleep with all the noise of the day to day happenings in a hospital. He opened his eyes to check on Kensi. She had woken a few times throughout the night but rarely did more than mumble and squeeze his hand. He was unsure if it was exhaustion or a difficulty remaining conscious.

As he returned to more coherent thought, he realised that he should probably tell Lindsey and the team about Kensi's progress, so he carefully slipped from the bed and found his phone. A moment later he was sure he heard a growl behind him.

"Come back. Warm bed." Kensi mumbled as her hand felt the bed where he had been laying a moment ago.

"I'm just grabbing my phone. I'm sure Lindsey, and everyone else, would like to know you're awake." He reassured her.

"Too early. Not waking up." She replied.

"Kens, I'm serious. Everyone has been really worried. We should let them know you're awake and get you checked out. Maybe then we can even get you home and then you can sleep as much as you like." He said as he returned to the bed and lay down next to her. He noticed her stiffen when he mentioned returning home and realised he misspoke. "Well, I mean my place. You can't be alone yet, need someone to keep an eye on you." He corrected, fully aware it would be quite some time before her place was released as a crime scene, and possibly even longer before she was ready to face it. She relaxed again slightly but continued to mumble her unhappiness about waking up as he messaged Lindsey, and then Hetty.

He took a moment to stretch before curling himself back around his partner, listening as her breathing slowed again and she fell back asleep. He was beginning to worry about whether or not she really was sleeping or if she was again unconscious when his phone beeped, indicating Lindsey had replied. She would be on her way over soon to start her shift, and she would inform Nate and have him join them.

He was relieved that Lindsey would be there soon and he forced himself to try to get some sleep until she arrived.

* * *

Deeks didn't even remember falling asleep, but he must have, because he awoke to Lindsey gently shaking him and calling his name. He bolted upright and checked Kensi before even acknowledging Lindsey.

"We haven't tried to wake her yet, we wanted to check you out first." She told him. "Let's see how your arm and jaw are holding up."

"They're fine. A bit sore, but all good. You need to check on Kensi." He insisted as he reached over and gently tapped her. She immediately swatted his hand and groaned.

"Yup, she's back to normal" Nate joked. Hearing his voice, Kensi's eyes flew open and she tried to sit up.

"Nate? Huh? Why are you here?" She asked groggily, feeling confused.

"It's ok Kens, he came in with Lindsey to see how you are. We've all been worried." Deeks reassured her.

"Yeah, I got at least a dozen messages overnight asking if you were awake yet." Lindsey told her. "So why don't you let me check you out so we can tell your team how you are and they can all stop worrying." She suggested. Kensi nodded, still only half awake.

"Mmhmm, k. What do I need to do?" She asked.

"Well, obviously you know who we are and where you are and that's a great start." Lindsey began. Before she had a chance to ask, Kensi recited the date, city, her name and birth date and counted backwards from 100 by sevens before Lindsey and Nate both burst out laughing.

"Ok you know the drill and don't seem to have any cognitive problems." Lindsey grinned. "We need to check your physical injuries though. Do you want me to toss them out?" Lindsey asked, gesturing at Nate and Deeks. Kensi shook her head, but shot Deeks a look to communicate that if things got difficult he would need to remove Nate.

Lindsey did a quick neuro exam, confirming her suspicions that Kensi had no ill effects from her blood loss, and then moved on to check her blood pressure and heart rate. Everything was satisfactory. She began to check Kensi's shoulder, thigh, chest and stomach, while Nate kept a respectful distance, and avoided looking at the injuries. Satisfied that things were beginning to heal, she moved on to the latest wound.

Lindsey carefully undressed the wound on Kensi's arm, saying nothing as she inspected it for signs of infection. Kensi stared at it with surprise before turning to Deeks.

"How did that happen?" She asked. I don't remember it."

Nate looked at Deeks as he struggled to find the words to explain, and then spoke up.

"Why don't you tell us what you do remember and we can go from there?" Nate suggested.


	76. Chapter 76

Deeks and Nate exchanged nervous looks while Kensi tried to figure out what she remembered. After a few minutes she was clearly getting frustrated and Deeks had to speak up.

"Do you remember going in to work yesterday?" He asked, and she nodded slowly.

"Yeah. Nell showed me the pictures and I identified the third guy. Then I talked to Hetty and she was going to put us on over watch. She suggested I practice with the ninja stars... And she gave me back my knife. I think I went to the range to practice but I don't really remember... What happened to me?" Kensi asked, becoming more agitated as she spoke. Deeks reached over to grab her hand and squeezed it.

"It's ok Kens. You got the cut on your arm and lost a fair bit of blood." He told her, looking to Nate and Lindsey for help.

"Nell saw you on the video feed and yelled for us. Callen called Lindsey to come with an ambulance, and she was there quickly. We got the bleeding under control but Lindsey made the call to bring you here for a transfusion and observation." Nate told her, then Lindsey picked up.

"It wasn't just the injury, Kensi. Your body has been through so much, that was just the straw that broke the camel's back. It was too much for your body to handle so it shut down. You just needed a break so your body forced you to take one." Lindsey explained.

"But how did I get this cut on my arm?" Kensi asked, still frustrated. Before anyone could answer her, there was a gentle knock on the door. Lindsey rose to answer and let Hetty in.

"Ah, Ms. Blye, it is good to see you awake." She said as she came in. "How are you feeling?" She asked. Kensi gave an exasperated sigh.

"Frustrated. I want to know how I got this cut on my arm, and no one will answer me." She said.

"That's because they are trying to figure out how, my dear. I'm afraid it was my fault. I gave you back your weapon so that you could prepare for the op. Unfortunately I misjudged your readiness." Hetty paused to compose herself. "Something in you snapped and you cut yourself with the knife then collapsed." She explained, as a lone tear fell down her cheek. Deeks held Kensi's hand tighter while Nate and Lindsey watched her reaction. Kensi just shook her head back and forth vigorously.

"I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't do that to you, to the team." She insisted. "I swear, Deeks, it wasn't what it looked like!" She cried. "I wouldn't leave you like that." She told him, turning her body in towards his and crying into him.

"Kensi, no one is upset with you. We're just glad you're ok." Nate told her. Deeks stroked her back and buried his nose in her hair.

"It's ok, princess. We know. You're stronger than that."

* * *

Callen, Michelle and Sam arrived at OSP to find Nell and Eric hanging out in the bullpen waiting for them.

"Any news on Kensi?" Callen asked when he saw them.

"We haven't heard anything, but Hetty is nowhere to be found and isn't answering her phone. I'm guessing she's probably at the hospital." Nell answered. "How did your interrogations go last night?"

"Lindsey sent Sam home with Michelle. I interviewed Matthews. He looked scared but didn't talk." Callen said unhappily. "We'll have another go later today. Hetty and Deeks took Henderson. Can't wait to hear how that went." He added. "How did it go with Franklin? Same thing?" He asked. Nell grinned from ear to ear and Eric blushed slightly.

"He sang like a canary!" Nell exclaimed excitedly. "He told us everything we needed and then some. Eric was great!" She told them with a huge smile.

"It wasn't me." Eric said. "Nell came in when he was denying it all. He took,one look at her and nearly wet himself. After she left he said he'd answer all my questions as long as I kept her away from him." He shrugged. "Easy."

Callen and Sam exchanged dumbfounded looks while Michelle high fived Nell and patted Eric on the back.

"Not bad, wonder twins. Not bad." Sam finally managed to say. "Have you got video? I need to see this!"

The group headed up to ops towards the video footage. When Eric went to open the files, he found that Nate had saved Deeks interrogation of Henderson as well as Callen's of Matthews and Eric's of Franklin. They stood silently for a moment before Eric asked which they should watch. They chose Deeks first.

"You know, if Deeks were here the first thing he'd say is that we need popcorn..." Nell teased gently. They all exchanged brief smiles before the video began.


	77. Chapter 77

As they were watching the third interrogation video, everyone's phones bleeped and buzzed. Eric was the first to open his, and felt immediate relief.

"Ms. Blye is awake and recovering well. Visiting may occur after passing mandatory psych evaluations with Nate." He read aloud. Everyone else nodded.

"I guess this means I get to see her first. No psych eval for me." Michelle said. A second later her phone buzzed and she received a second message from Hetty.

_While I cannot require an assessment as part of my team, you will be required to subject to one if you wish to see Ms. Blye today_.

Sam burst out laughing and elbowed his wife in the ribs.

"Sorry, but even you need to talk to Nate." He said.

"Let's just get this over with." Callen grumbled. "Where is Nate?"

* * *

After talking with Kensi and Deeks for another hour, Nate nodded to Lindsey and Hetty.

"I think I'm finished for now. Let's let these two get some rest while we get back to work." He suggested. "Kensi, is it ok if we update everyone? They're going to want to see you soon." He asked. She looked at the wall for several minutes, thinking.

"OK... I need to thank them. But I'm not really up to seeing anyone yet..." She mumbled.

"How about we wait until this afternoon then. And we can limit them to two at a time if that helps." Lindsey suggested, taking control. Kensi nodded weakly in agreement. "But you need to eat, take your meds and rest for a bit first. Do you want Marty to stay or should I send him to his own room?" She asked with the slightest smile. Everyone knew the answer even before Kensi grabbed on to him.

"I'm not going anywhere without you unless you ask me to leave. Don't worry, not even the three of them could remove me if you want me to stay." Deeks whispered, holding her close.

Lindsey, Hetty and Nate left the room, then paused outside the door to talk.

"I will let the team know how she is. Mr. Getz, you will need to complete their psych evals before they are allowed to see Ms. Blye. Be sure to let them know how to conduct themselves appropriately in her presence, and to listen to Mr. Deeks." She said, then turned to leave.

Nate and Lindsey stood together for a few more moments.

"Take good care of her. I'll be back at lunch time. No visitors for her until then." Nate said.

"Sounds good. Join me for lunch?" She asked with a wink.

"Of course." Nate said. "And thanks again for last night. It was nice to have some company."

"Any time." She said with a smile. "But for now, you need to go to work. And I need to take care of my patients. Anything Kensi loves to eat?" She asked. Nate laughed.

"Twinkies. And rocky road ice cream. And donuts. She loves her junk food." Nate told her. "And pizza and beer... But I'm guessing the latter isn't an option right now."

"No. But I'm sure I can track down the rest." Lindsey said. "Now go, so you aren't late for lunch."

* * *

Finally alone again, Deeks wrapped his arm around Kensi and held her close. He knew she was exhausted after their morning.

"Lets get some rest." He whispered. She nodded and lay back against the raised end of the bed. They sat in silence together, communicating with gentle touches, sighs, eye contact and cuddling. Kensi tried to relax and let herself rest, but she couldn't quiet her mind. Deeks saw her struggle and gently stroked her hair, bringing her head to rest on his chest. "You're safe. And I won't leave you." He reminded her. She nodded and looked up.

"You really caught them?" She whispered. "You aren't lying to reassure me?" She asked.

"I've never been good at lying to you." He reminded her. "We caught them. Callen and Sam did a good number on two of them and they came here in an ambulance. Franklin was arrested and taken to the boat shed. They're all being held in solitary confinement with NCIS agents watching them. They aren't going anywhere." He explained. He paused before continuing.

"I saw him. Hetty let me interrogate him. He didn't confess but we don't need a confession. I got to scare the hell out of him, and I promised him that we would ensure you got your revenge. He was terrified. Terrified of you. We won, Kensi. And as soon as you're ready, we can fulfil that promise."

"I just want to move on." Kensi replied. "If I can figure out how." The two of them sighed as she rested her head on his chest once again.

"Me too, princess. Me too."


	78. Chapter 78

Kensi and Deeks drifted off to sleep before Lindsey returned with their food. She set the Twinkies on the tray by Kensi's side of the bed, and left a note that there was ice cream in the mini fridge. She watched them curled together for a moment and remembered what Nate had said about them. He had been entirely right - somehow these two were so vastly different but belonged together. Even with their collection of injuries they were wrapped up and tangled in each other, and yet managed to not disturb the wires and tubes connected to Kensi or the bandages that both of them sported. She grinned as she left the room.

* * *

When Nate arrived he was nearly bowled over by everyone anxious to get their evaluations done so that they could see Kensi. He couldn't help but smile and joke that for once he was popular and loved, even if it was only to get to Kensi. Hetty smiled at the group, and finally said that as team leader, Callen would go first.

The next few hours went slowly for everyone except Nate, as he took time to talk with each member of the team about the previous day's op, their feelings on how things had gone, and how best to approach Kensi. He was impressed that no one, not even Callen or Sam, questioned him when he said that Deeks was in charge during the visits. He was relieved that they were accepting Deeks not only as an equal, but their superior in this situation.

As seasoned agents, Callen, Sam and Michelle were closely guarded about their feelings, speaking objectively about the op and only raising concerns about Kensi's well being. Michelle admitted to being annoyed at Sam's "bonehead moves" when he lost his temper, and her relief that he was sent home early instead of staying for interrogation. Callen briefly voiced his frustration at not being able to crack Matthews but he looked forward to a second chance at the boat shed. Sam was grumpy about missing out but couldn't wait to take a turn at Matthews or Henderson should further interrogation be deemed necessary.

As he expected, Nell shed quite a few tears, and talked about her fear that if this could happen to Kensi then she, too was vulnerable. She also talked about the guilt she felt that she hadn't been able to do anything, and that she had been the last to see Kensi. When he asked her how she was coping, he was unsurprised when she told him about all Eric had done.

Eric, however, impressed him the most. He was calm and level headed about all that had happened. He discussed his concern for how Nell was coping and what he could do to help. He was understandably worried about Kensi but also asked what it was that Deeks needed most as he was struggling too. Nate spent the most time with him, giving him suggestions to help Deeks and Nell, and congratulating him on his job well done the evening before. Eric seemed willing to talk about his insecurities and vulnerabilities, and to work through them with Nate.

When the evaluations were complete, Nate met privately with Hetty and advised that he felt Eric would be the best person to send first, along with Nell. Michelle would be next, and finally Callen and Sam would be allowed to see Kensi if she was up for visitors and providing they followed the guidelines provided by Lindsey, Deeks and himself. He knew they would never knowingly do anything to provoke Kensi, but he still had concerns that their own feelings would get in the way of what she needed most, and that they would have a difficult time balancing the need to keep things normal while still respecting what she had been through. The last thing Kensi needed right now was to feel her coworkers pitying her or treating her with kid gloves - but she also was nowhere near her typical bad ass self.

Hetty was happy with his assessments and said she would have Eric and Nell visit Kensi, while Callen, Sam and Michelle would write their reports.

* * *

Deeks woke to Kensi thrashing in her sleep. He carefully rolled out of the bed and called to her quietly. She didn't respond, and kept kicking and shaking her head. When her IV line pulled out, Deeks hit the emergency call button. He continued to speak to her in a calm voice, speaking slightly louder. He became more concerned she would hurt herself so he reached over and touched her cheek gently. Immediately her eyes flew open and she cried out while trying to land a punch on her attacker. Lindsey came rushing in just as Kensi realised where she was and who she was with, then burst into tears.

Deeks held her as she cried for a few minutes and reassured her that it was just a nightmare, and she was safe. After she had calmed down, she let Lindsey re-examine her. Fortunately no stitches were pulled and no damage done other than the torn IV. Lindsey checked Kensi's vitals twice, before turning to Kensi and Deeks to announce that she didn't need to replace it. Kensi sighed with relief, and Deeks grinned.

"So now that that's taken care of... You both need to eat. And then Nate said you have some visitors anxiously waiting to visit you... But not until you've BOTH eaten, taken your meds and feel ready." Lindsey said. Kensi perked up at the mention of food and looked around to see the Twinkies that Lindsey had left on the table. She grabbed one and began to wolf it down.

Deeks and Lindsey exchanged a smile.

"Let me guess. Nate told you?" Deeks asked.

"Yup. But I think we should get some real food for both of you too." She said. "Do you want something from the cafeteria or should I ask Eric and Nell to grab something?"

"I'm good with anything. What do you want, kens?" Deeks asked.

"Mmrmff?" Kensi replied with her mouth full.

"I think something from the cafeteria is fine for us. Although I expect Kensi will enjoy what's in the freezer much more." Deeks teased, watching as she looked curiously from him to Lindsey and back before getting up to look in the fridge. She squealed with delight and dropped onto the bed with the tub of rocky road and a spoon. Once again, Deeks and Lindsey exchanged a grin.

"I think she's doing better." Lindsey whispered.


	79. Chapter 79

Kensi finished her ice cream before Lindsey returned with lunch. Deeks picked at his food, but watched as Kensi quickly devoured the lasagna, bread and chocolate dessert on her tray. Lindsey had known not to bother with the salad. After eating, Kensi seemed to perk up and Lindsey asked if she was up for visitors. When Kensi agreed, Lindsey left the room and returned a few minutes later with Nell and Eric.

Eric entered hesitantly, but when Nell saw Kensi sitting up and looking well, she quickly pushed past him to hug her friend. Kensi welcomed the hug, and Nell was careful to avoid aggravating her injuries. She sat down on the edge of the bed, watching Kensi's face intently for signs of pain or anxiety. Seeing none, she settled in her chosen seat. Eric sat down on a chair beside Deeks, watching as he continued to pick at his food. Nell and Kensi had already lost themselves in fluffy, meaningless conversation.

"How are you doing?" Eric asked quietly.

"I'm good. I mean, I'm not the one who went a few rounds with Sam last night. And Kensi's awake and doing better, so that's great," Deeks replied.

"You look wrecked," Eric told him honestly. "You're driving yourself into the ground. And seeing Henderson last night, that must have been brutal," he continued, hoping to get Deeks to open up. The only response he got was a sigh as the detective ran his hands through his hair.

"I mean, yeah, I'm a bit tired. Hospitals aren't my favourite place to sleep, too noisy. But I'm good," he insisted. Eric chose not to push and let it go.

"So... Henderson and Matthews didn't say anything but Franklin spilled everything he knew," he began. Deeks perked up and looked interested.

"Great job, man! What did you do to get him to talk?" Deeks asked just as Kensi and Nell went silent. Kensi looked curiously between Nell and Eric.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Eric and Nell interviewed Franklin last night, and they got him to talk," Deeks said calmly, watching her for any trace of reaction. She just smiled and cocked her head to the side, waiting for her friends to explain.

"It was all Nell," Eric began before being interrupted.

"I just yelled at him, Eric did the interrogation and got him talking," Nell explained

"After one look at Nell, he couldn't wait to tell us everything. All I did was agree to keep her away from him if he talked," Eric continued. "He was terrified of her," he said with pride in his voice.

"Go Velma!" Deeks said as he shot her an approving look. "The wonder twins are all grown up and taking down bad guys without us," he joked, watching as Eric blushed.

"It was nothing. I mean, he was like already in the boat shed and cuffed. We just asked questions," he insisted modestly. He stopped when he realised Kensi was tearing up.

"Thank you," she said quietly. "It means they can be put away."

Nell and Eric sensed the sudden change in Kensi and froze, glancing to Deeks for guidance.

"I think it might be time for a nap. It's been a bit busy today," Deeks began. At that exact moment, Kensi suddenly yawned as if to confirm. Eric and Nell quickly took the hint and got up. Nell gave Kensi a hug, followed by Eric, then they said bye to Deeks and left.

As soon as Eric and Nell left, Deeks rushed over to Kensi and hugged her just as her tears started to fall.

"It's ok. I've got you," he told her. "You're ok."

* * *

When Eric and Nell left the room, they were greeted by Lindsey and Nate.

"How did it go?" Nate asked, at the same time Lindsey spoke up to ask if Deeks had eaten.

"Deeks looks like hell, and his food is mostly untouched. He's falling apart fast. Kensi was great at first but when we told her about Franklin's interrogation she seemed to shut down. Deeks said it had been a busy day and she needed a nap, so we took the hint and left," Eric explained. Nell nodded, standing beside him silently with her arms wrapped around herself.

"Did we do something wrong? She asked about it, and I thought she would be glad to know he confessed," Nell asked anxiously.

"You did nothing wrong, Nell. It's just going to take some time. Kensi would hate to hear me say it, but she is fragile right now. Sometimes things are going to upset her and it's no one's fault. It's just going to take time," Nate reassured her. "At the moment, I'm more worried about Deeks. He's not eating or sleeping and he's solely focused on Kensi, not on taking care of himself," Nate explained, feeling frustrated. "And I really don't know what to do about it. Kensi needs him, we can't pull him away or make him take a break. But he does need someone to take care of him, too."

"Let me try again, once Kensi is sleeping if he's still awake," Eric insisted, then looked at Nell who nodded. "Tell us what we can do. If he needs to take care of Kensi, we can take care of him."

Nate glanced at Lindsey and nodded.

"For now, why don't you three go take a break? I'm going to go check on Deeks," Lindsey said.

* * *

Lindsey knocked on the door gently before entering. She saw that Deeks had pulled the curtain, and she heard him mumbling reassurances to Kensi, who was softly crying. She glanced at his mostly untouched food and sighed to herself. Now was not the time to talk to him, but she would be back in a bit. She picked up the tray of food, and left the room. She would send him a text asking him to let her know when Kensi was up.


	80. Chapter 80

Deeks heard the door to their room open, but hoped whoever it was would give them space. He continued to reassure Kensi and hold her as she cried. Whoever had entered the room left just as quietly as they entered, and he knew that he and Kensi were once again alone. As her tears tapered off, he put a gentle finger under her chin to draw her eyes up to his.

"You are strong. We are strong. And we are going to get through this. Do you want to talk?" he asked. At first she shook her head, but then changed her mind.

"It's stupid. It's so dumb..." she began.

"Nothing you think or feel is dumb, Kens."

"He was scared of Nell, but not of me," she whispered quietly. "I didn't intimidate him. He still attacked me. But Nell just has to yell and he confessed to everything. What did I do wrong?" she asked, her eyes pleading him for an answer.

"Kensi, you were drunk, drugged and restrained. They were scared of you. They were so scared they didn't approach you until you were drunk. Then they drugged you and tied you up. You were alone, Nell had Eric and two federal agents. She was in control of the situation, and she has rage on her side. She wouldn't have hesitated to kill him then and there if he made one wrong move. She had him outnumbered. When you were attacked, it was three of them against you. And you fought like hell," Deeks told her, desperate to get her to see what he saw. "And you know what? Henderson and Matthews are scared of you. When I told Henderson that you would be coming after him, he was so scared that the nurses had to change his sheets afterwards. When Callen told Matthews to watch his back, he was visibly shaking. You DO intimidate them. You are Badass Blye. You're my kickass Kensi. And all three of them are now scared shitless that you're coming for them."

Kensi was silent for several minutes while she processed what Deeks had said. The turmoil on her face was evident. Finally, she tried to speak.

"But what if that isn't... What if I can't...? I can't face them. What if that isn't me anymore. I don't know if I can do that. If I'll ever be ready..." She stumbled over her words.

"You don't ever need to be. They're scared, and they're looking over their shoulder. They will be for a very long time, and I think for now, that's enough. And if you decide not to go after them, I'm sure any one of us would be more than happy to do so on your behalf. I wish you could have seen the beating they took at the hands of Callen and Sam... And all of us had a hard time keeping the smiles off our faces. I hear even Hetty was grinning," he told her with a smile. Even in her current state, Kensi couldn't help a small smile at that. "Now why don't you rest a bit? Or do you want to see the rest of the team?" he asked. Kensi cuddled into his chest.

"Let's just rest for a little bit. Then I want to see Nell again," she told him.

* * *

Lindsey found Nate, Eric and Nell in the cafeteria. They had found a table in the corner and were chatting - she suspected Nate was trying to get their thoughts on Deeks. They looked up at her when she joined them.

"They're asleep," she said, hoping Nate would understand. He nodded. "We'll give them an hour or so," she suggested. "Do you have anywhere you need to be?" All three shook their heads.

"I suspect by then the whole team will be here wanting to see them though," Nell commented. "It was hard enough to hold them off this long."

"They may be impatient, but if Kensi is asleep they won't wake her," Nate insisted. "Why don't the two of you go for a walk for a bit and I'll text you when they're awake?" he suggested.

"We can wait here, actually. I brought a chess set, it'll give us something to do." Eric said. Nell nodded in agreement as he pulled out the miniature board and pieces and began to set up. Lindsey grinned at them.

"Looks like you two are good to go then. Nate, since you're not busy, could I get you to consult on a patient?" she asked. He nodded and followed her out of the room.

"Patient, right. Those two are clearly interested in each other," Nell told Eric.

"Even I can see it..." he replied. "And that's saying something." Nell just grinned, and moved her pawn forward. Eric reached for his piece but they were interrupted by the buzzing of his phone.

"It's Deeks. Apparently Kensi is asking to see us again. Should we tell Lindsey and Nate?" he asked, confused.

"Nah, let's leave them alone. If he wants to talk to them he'll tell them," Nell replied, standing up. "Rain cheque on the game?"

* * *

Deeks helped Kensi carefully wash her face. She had asked him to help erase any signs she had been crying. Even though he was sure their friends would understand, he helped her freshen up as best she could. Once again, a gentle knock at the door sounded then Eric and Nell came in.

"Hey guys. You up for some more company?" Nell asked, even though she had seen the text message. Kensi nodded, and Nell sat down beside the bed. Deeks had stood up and relocated to his chair again, noticing with relief that his cold food was gone. Eric sat down next to him, and wordlessly handed him a cup. Deeks smiled when he recognised the smell of strawberries and bananas. Eric had gotten him a smoothie. He took a sip, and smiled gratefully. Eric just nodded.

When Nell sat down, Kensi shot her a weak smile.

"Sorry about earlier..." she started, but Nell cut her off.

"Nothing to be sorry for. You needed a break, that's all. Don't apologise," she smiled. "So are you up to seeing everyone else soon? Callen, Sam and Michelle are chomping at the bit to see you, but we can hold them off until you're ready." Kensi nodded slowly.

"Yeah... In a bit," she agreed. "But not too long. I was hoping to get out of here soon?" she suggested tentatively. Deeks watched her carefully, trying to decide if she was ready.

"Why don't we ask Lindsey and Nate when they get back from 'lunch'," she suggested, using her fingers to make quotation marks for the word lunch. Kensi raised one eyebrow.

"Do tell?" she asked. Deeks gave Nell a curious look, then turned to see Eric nodding. Nell started to tell them about how the two had been spending a lot of time together, Nate was wearing the clothes from his go bag, and they couldn't stop making eyes at each other. Kensi actually giggled, and Deeks couldn't hide his surprise.

"How on earth did I miss this when even Eric noticed?" he asked. "I can't wait for them to get back here so I can see this."

"You've been a little preoccupied. And they seem to keep it out of here for the most part," Eric explained, not wanting Deeks to worry about his observational skills slipping. All Deeks could do was shake his head.

"Nate and Lindsey. Never saw that one coming..." he said.


	81. Chapter 81

_Author note - I am so sorry, the first time I published this I forgot to include thwt this chapter is dedicated to Pterophylum, who been asking for someone to appreciate Deeks. _

* * *

The four teammates chatted about Lindsey and Nate for a bit more until they heard a knock at the door. When Lindsey came in with Nate right behind her, they all started laughing.

"Um, are we interrupting something?" Lindsey asked, feeling a bit clueless.

"Not at all. We were just wondering when you would show up," Deeks replied with a cheeky grin. "Have a nice lunch?"

Once again, there was a chorus of laughter.

"I'm feeling a bit awkward here," Nate said. "When did you two sneak up here, anyway? I thought Lindsey said they were sleeping and we would let you know when to come up?" he tried, and failed, to scold Eric and Nell.

"Deeks texted us, said Kensi wanted some company," Nell replied with a shrug. Kensi nodded to confirm.

"I'm glad you're doing better then," Lindsey said. "Are you up for some more company?" she asked. Kensi nodded.

"Yeah. And I was also wondering since I'm awake, and Deeks and I are doing ok, could we be discharged?" she asked, suddenly feeling bold. No one missed the look of concern that Nate and Lindsey exchanged.

"I'll need to do a thorough exam of both of you. And Hetty will have to agree," she said firmly.

"Fine with me. Ok with you Kens?" he asked, and she nodded.

"You will also need to make sure you guys have help. Neither of you are in great shape right now," Lindsey continued. Nell spoke up quickly.

"Eric and I can take them home and stay with them until they go to bed, and we can come back first thing in the morning," she said. Deeks spoke up to argue, but she shushed him, leaving Kensi and Eric speechless. "No arguing. We want to help. And would you really rather spend the night here?" she asked. Deeks and Kensi shook their heads, afraid to argue with her. Now it was Lindsey and Nate's turn to laugh.

"Then pending your full exam and Hetty's permission, I can discharge you after dinner," Lindsey suggested. She was met with a room full of nods and smiles. "Now that that's sorted out, you have four very anxious guests outside. Shall I let them in?" she asked. Kensi nodded. Nate left and a moment later Kensi's room was full. Michelle went straight to Kensi's bed and gave her a gentle hug, followed by Sam and Callen.

"It's great to see you awake," Sam said. "Deeks was getting pretty mopey watching you sleep," he joked. Michelle swatted him.

"He was worried. We all were," she corrected. "But it is great to see you awake."

Callen sat down in the chair Nell had vacated in favour of sitting at Kensi's feet. He was silent for a few minutes, observing the room.

"We caught them. They're going away for life," he told Kensi.

"I know. Thank you. All of you," she said, a stray tear falling down her cheek. Callen reached over and squeezed her hand.

"You would do it for any of us. It's the least we can do," he reminded her. "Besides, it was kind of nice to have an excuse to beat the crap out of them," he said, and she smiled.

"It wasn't good enough," Sam mumbled. "They deserved a lot worse." Deeks nodded in agreement, but said nothing, not wanting to upset Kensi.

"They can't hurt anyone else. That's the important thing," Michelle added gently.

"Is everyone ok after last night?" Kensi asked, worrying about injuries her team may have suffered on her behalf.

"Sam took a knock to the head and the ribs, Callen took a few blows, but nothing worse than sparring with you would do," Nell explained. Kensi looked around to confirm. "Lindsey checked them over and gave them both a clean bill of health," Nell continued, hoping to erase any worry Kensi had.

"We did the easy part," Callen said. "Eric, Nell and Deeks are your heroes, Kens. They got Franklin to talk, and Deeks single handedly put the fear of God into Henderson," he said.

"Actually, I believe it was Ms. Blye that Mr. Henderson is afraid of now," Hetty said, having remained quiet at the door until now. "He did an excellent job. Better than I could have done. All of you did well, and we accomplished what we set out to do," she said. "But enough of this talk. I'm sure we can find something more cheerful to discuss," she suggested. Everyone agreed, and began to discuss more cheerful, mundane topics. Once Kensi was fully absorbed in a conversation with Callen and Michelle about something Sam had done, Hetty took Deeks arm and led him to the hall.

"You did well last night. I meant what I said. But I am concerned about you, Mr. Deeks. You aren't eating, you hardly slept, and you're putting so much into caring for Kensi that you are neglecting your own needs," she told him. He sagged and looked at the floor.

"She needs me," he said, unsure what else to say.

"Yes, indeed she does. So please take care of yourself so you can care for her," Hetty said. "And please let me know if there is anything you need from me." Deeks nodded. "Now let's get back before she misses you."

Everyone continued chatting for another half hour before Kensi was visibly showing signs of tiring. Nell was the first to notice, and gently indicated to Michelle that it was time to go. Michelle rounded up Callen and Sam and escorted them out, making sure Kensi knew to call when she was up for a visit again or if she needed anything. Eric and Nell got up to leave next, but Callen stuck his head in.

"Can we borrow Deeks for a minute?" he asked, and Kensi nodded. Nell and Eric decided to wait until he returned.

Deeks followed Callen and Sam out into the hall.

"What's up? Is everything ok?" he asked worriedly. "Henderson didn't get out or anything, did he?"

"It's nothing like that, Deeks. Calm down," Sam said.

"We wanted to thank you," Callen began. "You're doing an amazing job of helping Kensi. It's tough, she's like our little sister and we hate to see her like this but we don't know how to help. You do, and you're doing everything you can to help her. So thank you, from both of us."

"You also did an amazing job last night," Sam said. "We watched the recording this morning. You kept your cool, and that calm control scared Henderson more than any fit of rage could have. I know you wanted to kill him even more than we did, but you didn't even touch him. You did good, man. I wish I had that kind of control," he admitted.

Deeks just stared at the two of them, amazed. It was rare to get praise from one of the senior agents, but he couldn't ever remember having both their respect at the same time. And he found himself speechless.

"Anything you or Kensi need, just tell us," Callen said.

"Any time," Sam added. "And don't rush back to work. We can hold down the fort until Kensi is better. She's your priority."

Deeks just nodded his thanks, and accepted the hug that both men offered.

"I, uh, I better get back. She wants to get out of here tonight, a few things we still have to do," he explained. Callen and Sam nodded and let him go.


	82. Chapter 82

Deeks returned to find Kensi nearly asleep, with Nell stroking her hair and Eric waiting nearby.

"Thanks guys. I'll let you know if we're getting out tonight," he told them, and they left. He crawled into bed next to Kensi and gently cuddled up to her. A few minutes later they were both asleep, catching up on some much needed rest.

* * *

Lindsey, Nate and Hetty met to discuss Kensi's discharge. Hetty readily agreed when Nate told her how quickly Nell had stepped in to offer to help, but he still had reservations.

"Deeks is able to take care of her, and I'm not worried about that. But I'm worried about Deeks. Who is going to make sure he eats and sleeps and takes care of himself?" he asked.

"I think you will find that Ms. Jones can be quite persuasive," Hetty told him. "And Mr. Beale knows Mr. Deeks well enough to be able to help him and read him. He will not be alone. Even if he won't ask for help, which we all know he won't, it will be forced upon him," she said firmly. "And both of them will be required to have daily sessions with you for the first week, then weekly afterwards for the foreseeable future," she continued, and Nate nodded.

"I typically wouldn't discharge a patient in Kensi's condition, but I'm not convinced that keeping her here another night will make much difference. Her injuries are going to take a while to heal, but I can tell Marty will take good care of her. It's going to be months before she fully heals though, and I think the bigger struggle will be when she wants to return to field work," Lindsey explained. "But for now, Marty can change her dressings and manage her meds. I'll check in with them as often as necessary, and any of you can call me if you think they need anything. Pending how Kensi is healing, and Marty listens to orders to rest his arm, I think they should be ok to be discharged," she finished.

Hetty nodded, and looked back and forth between the two.

"Very well. I have things to attend to, and I assume the two of you would like to be left alone," she said. Both Nate and Lindsey blushed as Hetty turned and left.

* * *

Deeks woke up slowly and checked the time. It had been an hour since everyone left. Kensi was still asleep, so he stood up carefully and stretched. He sat back down on the bed and watched his sleeping partner. She looked peaceful, so he hoped she was sleeping well with no nightmares. He sat back and lost himself in thought.

Kensi woke twenty minutes later, and noticed her partner sitting next to her clearly lost in thought. She watched him for a few minutes and decided he looked too stressed to be left alone, so she reached out and took his hand.

"Hey Princess. Sleep ok?" he asked with a smile.

"Yeah. I sleep better with you here," she said. "Are you ok? You looked upset."

"I'm good. Nothing to worry about," he insisted. "So are you ready to get out of here? We just need to pass Lindsey's exam," he said with a smile. She nodded cautiously. "I know it won't be fun, but I'll be right here, ok?" he reassured her. "The sooner we do this, the sooner we get out of here." She reached out and grabbed his hand.

"Then what are we waiting for? I hate hospitals," she said.

"Me too," he replied, grabbing his phone to message Lindsey.

* * *

Lindsey and Nate appeared ten minutes after Deeks sent his message. He and Kensi had been joking about what was taking the pair so long, and wondering how serious they were.

"Ok you two, we talked to Hetty and we can discharge you under a few conditions," Nate said. "Daily sessions with me are a must, for both of you. You follow Lindsey's instructions to the letter, including your meds. Nell and Eric check in with you twice a day. And if anything goes wrong, you are both back here. Got it?" he asked firmly. Kensi and Deeks both nodded. "Good. Now you just need to convince Lindsey that you're both good to go," he finished. Lindsey grabbed some equipment from the wall and came to check Deeks first. She began a thorough exam, checking him for fever, carefully inspecting his injuries, taking his vitals, and checking him for signs of exhaustion. She made a few notes and mumbled a bit, but finally pronounced him fit for discharge.

Kensi's exam took much longer. Lindsey inspected each injury and redressed them as she went. She performed a full neuro exam, and seem pleased with the results. She studied Kensi's reactions to every part of her exam to watch for signs of PTSD or flashbacks. Finally, she sent her a sympathetic look.

"I need to check all your injuries, Kensi. Do you want them to leave?" she asked. Kensi tensed up and Lindsey was afraid this would be the breaking point. Nate left the room without being asked, but Deeks sat beside her and stroked her hair.

"I can stay or I can leave. It's up to you," he told her. She grabbed his hand tightly and whispered so quietly they could hardly hear.

"Stay. I need you." He squeezed her hand tightly, reassuring her that he was there. She held on to him tightly and let herself cry quietly as Lindsey examined her internal injuries. Deeks felt his heart break again and a few stray tears ran down his face. Lindsey finished as quickly as possible and then helped Kensi sit up.

"You did great," Lindsey said. "I'll go get your discharge papers ready, and call Nell. You should be ok to go in an hour. I'll give you two some time to get ready," she told them, and left. Kensi turned to Deeks, nuzzled into his chest, and began to sob.


	83. Chapter 83

Kensi's tears slowed, having cried herself to exhaustion. Deeks felt a wave of anxiety come over him as he realised just how fragile she still was. Was he ready to care for her full time with his own injuries as well as hers? And was it safe for him to be the one there for her given their previous feelings for each other? He wondered if supporting her through this would result in a relationship, or if it would destroy any chances they once had. But his worries and doubts flew out the window when she nuzzled into his chest and sighed, followed by a snore-snort. She was relaxed with him, and wherever this ended up, she needed him now. He would not let her down, no matter what it cost him. With that cleared from his mind, he cradled her in his lap and pulled her close so he could kiss her on the forehead.

Lindsey knocked and entered quietly to see the pair sitting on the bed, Kensi asleep.

"I've prepared your discharge paperwork. I just need both of you to sign, and then you can go. And I've prepared another bundle of care instructions for you," she whispered, as she placed several sets of paperwork on the table. "Just let me know when she's ready to go. Eric and Nell will be ready when you are, and Nate and I will check on you tonight," she said, then slipped quietly from the room.

* * *

Nell and Eric had returned to the cafeteria to continue their chess game. Nate appeared after a bit and sat with them, observing the pair as they played and teased. Lindsey joined them a bit later, looking stressed. Eric and Nell stayed focused on the game at hand, until Eric finally won. It was only then that they acknowledged Nate and Lindsey.

"Are they cleared to go?" Nell asked, looking between the two.

"Yes, but Kensi is going to need some time. Deeks will let me know when she's signed the paperwork and ready to go. I'm letting you convince her that she has to use the wheelchair... Deeks can walk, but he's not allowed to push Kensi," Lindsey told her.

"I actually had an idea, and I guess a question," Eric spoke up, surprising Nell. "Deeks needs a way to deal with his stress and everything going on... And there's really only one thing that helps," he began, glancing at Nate.

"The beach," Nate stated.

"Actually, I meant surfing. Yeah, the beach helps, but surfing is what heals him. How long is it going to be before he can get back out there? I mean, I know he has injuries and they need to heal properly... But I know that emotionally and mentally he'll heal a lot faster if I can get him out on the water," Eric said. Nate and Lindsey exchanged a look and some silent communication. Nell watched Eric with surprise, but she knew he was right and would back him up if need be.

"Surfing with that shoulder injury is a really bad idea..." Lindsey said. "I don't even know if it would be physically possible." Nate snorted.

"Have you met him? He's just as stubborn as his partner. Trust me, where there's a will, there's a way," he told her.

"I was saying, I don't even know if it would be physically possible, but IF you think it's the only way to help him, IF he wears his sling snugly, and IF you take responsibility for supervising him and hauling him out of the water when he's pushing it, I won't object. I can't condone it, but I won't give you grief over it. And if Hetty asks I'll tell her I didn't object. Is that acceptable?" she asked, looking from Eric to Nell.

"Yes!" they replied in unison, and Nate nodded in agreement.

"Just make sure he takes it easy. I don't want him to end up back here with more injuries," Lindsey said firmly. "As much as I like you all, it would be nice to keep you all out of my department," she added. Eric and Nell nodded again in unison, making Lindsey smile. "Ok you two, I'll let you know when they're ready to go. Deeks has the book with all their information, required care and medications. Make sure they follow the instructions. And call me if anything, and I mean anything, seems off. I don't think they can fool you two as well as they can Nate and me," she added before standing up and leaving with Nate close behind.

Eric gestured to the chess board.

"Best two of three?" he asked, and Nell nodded.

* * *

It was almost an hour later when Kensi woke, agitated and confused but not suffering from a nightmare. She calmed when she saw and felt Deeks with her, but didn't say anything. Deeks hesitated then spoke up.

"We can go whenever you're ready. Just need to sign the paperwork, and Eric and Nell are on standby to take us home," he said. She nodded, but didn't move to head for the door like she once would have. They sat in silence for several minutes before she finally spoke.

"Are you sure we can do this?" she whispered into his chest. "I hate hospitals, but it feels like leaving is... It's a step towards moving on, towards healing, and I don't know if I'm there yet. And it's a lot for you to take on, to be responsible for taking care of me when you should have someone taking care of you. Maybe we should be staying here a bit longer..." Her words sped up as her anxiety rose, afraid of what Deeks would say.

"We can do this," he told her, taking her hand. "Lindsey and Nate will be just a phone call away. Eric and Nell will be by twice a day. They can do what we can't manage. All we have to focus on is helping you get better," he reassured. "And yes, leaving the hospital is a step towards healing. But it's ok to be nervous about that. You don't have to keep moving at the same pace once you take that step. And I'll be there for you, through all of it. I'm not going to abandon you. I promise."

Kensi watched him intently, trying to get her mind to cooperate so she could voice all the feelings, fears and anxieties whirling around in her head. Deeks returned her gaze, trying to read her mind so he could ease the unspoken worries she had.

"How can I take this step when I don't know what step comes next? How long will everyone help us if I don't get better? What about going back to work? Won't Hetty need to replace us if we're out too long? Will Callen and Sam still trust me in the field? Am I even going to be able to go back in the field? What about us? Will you still want to be partners or more after seeing me like this and knowing what happened?" she asked, words pouring out of her mouth at a frantic pace. Deeks was frozen in shock for a moment but he came to his senses and cut her off with a gentle finger on her lips. She stopped talking but he could see in her eyes that she hadn't stopped panicking.

"Kensi, I love you. And nothing will change that. I will always trust you, and no one else, to have my back. Callen and Sam will welcome you back with open arms whenever you're ready to return. And yes, Hetty may need to borrow other agents until we go back, but they will be temporary. You are part of her chosen team. As for the next step to recovery - we will know it when we see it. I don't know what comes next, but I know I'll be there with you when you face it. You are strong, and you can do this. It's like when we're out on an op. We never know what we're facing when we go into a warehouse or arrive at a crime scene. Is it empty and quiet? Or are there a dozen armed men waiting? We don't know, but we go in anyway. We go in as a team, we fight as a team, and we leave as a team. Sometimes we get a bit battered and bruised - but we've survived it all so far and there's no reason this will be any different. We don't know what's next, but your team has your back. Your partner has your back. So whenever you're ready, we can go. And then we'll take the next step when we come to it. Ok?"

Kensi felt the tears continue to fall as she nodded, then grabbed the pen that Lindsey had left, and signed the discharge papers. She took a minute to wipe her face and compose herself before looking back up to Deeks, who was smiling at her.

"OK. I'm ready. Let's go."

* * *

_Author note - This was meant to be the last chapter. It really was. But now it isn't, because I couldn't wrap it all up neatly to move on to the sequel. So more is coming, even though it seems finished-ish. Don't want more? That's ok, don't read more :p _


	84. Chapter 84

Deeks retrieved a bag of clothes for each of them that Hetty had left the night before. He went and changed into the jeans and button down shirt from the bag, and returned to find Kensi staring at the clothes Hetty had chosen.

"Could you help me with the buttons?" He asked her gently. He hoped having her help him with his shirt would help her feel less embarrassed if she needed help dressing. She nodded, and reached out to do up the buttons he couldn't reach with his arm in the sling. Once they were done up, he gestured to the clothes in her lap. "Do you need a hand with anything?" He asked. She stared down at the clothes and looked back up at Deeks, trying to decide how stubborn she should be.

"Let me try first." She said, determined. Deeks nodded reluctantly.

"Ok, I'll be in the washroom. Call me when you're done or need a hand." He told her, leaving the room again. He pulled the door shut and stared at his reflection. The bruising on his jaw was spreading, but it was mostly covered by his stubble. The tape was still in place, adding to the injured appearance. He splashed some water on his face and tried to clean up as best he could in the sink. He would shower when he got home if Kensi was ok. He knew she would want to shower as well, but would be limited until her wounds healed and stitches were removed. He sighed. It was going to be a long road ahead of them with a lot of shifting lines in the sand. He had no idea what to expect. How much would he need to help her with basic tasks? And how much would she allow him to do?

His thoughts were interrupted when Kensi called out. He returned to her room to find she had been able to dress herself for the most part, but needed help pulling her arm through her sleeve without disrupting the bandages. He carefully guided her arm through, and lingered holding her hand for a moment. She handed him her brush wordlessly and let him brush her hair before pulling it up in a ponytail. He couldn't resist the urge to place his hands on her cheeks to draw her eyes up to his.

"You're beautiful, Kensi."

* * *

Eric and Nell were well into their third game when Lindsey came to find them. She had a grin on her face as she approached.

"Deeks just messaged me. He says that they're ready to go." She said, as Nell and Eric were already packing up their game. They followed her up to Kensi's room to find the door open, with Kensi and Deeks sitting on the bed, ready to go. Nell took a moment to observe the pair, both looking exhausted and drained but with matching looks of trepidation and determination on their faces. She knew they were both nervous to be leaving, but also relieved. Neither of them liked hospitals. Deeks stood up when Lindsey entered and offered his hand to Kensi to help her up. She took it and carefully pulled herself up and began to walk towards the door, leaning on his arm.

"Nice try, Kensi, but you know the rules. Wheelchair." Lindsey said, giving her a look. Kensi shot back a defiant look and tried to glare her down.

"I can walk." She insisted.

"I seriously doubt yout can make it to the parking lot on your own. But that's irrelevant, because hospital rules say you need to use the wheelchair." Lindsey replied firmly. Deeks had stopped, but Kensi continued to walk slowly towards the door. It was Eric who gently stepped in front of her.

"Kensi, please use the wheelchair. I know you don't like it, but it will keep Deeks from hurting himself trying to help you." He told her quietly. She stopped and paused, before ducking her head to nod in agreement.

Before she had a chance to change her mind, Nell brought the chair over and helped ease Kensi down into it. Deeks moved to push the chair but stopped dead in his tracks when Nell shot him a very Hetty-like glare. She winked at Eric over Kensi's head, and then started to push the chair. Eric grabbed the bag by the door and Deeks grabbed the pile of paperwork, then followed Kensi and Nell down the hall

When they got to the parking lot, a large black SUV waited for them. Hetty had sent one of the vehicles from OSP to ensure comfort for everyone. Deeks couldn't help the chuckle that fell from his mouth when he saw it.

"She wants to make sure we go home in style." He said with a wink at Kensi. Nell helped her climb into the passenger seat - knowing that Kensi would be mad enough about not driving, and would be even more unhappy in the back. Eric returned the wheelchair while Deeks hopped in behind his partner. Nell started the car, and when Eric hopped in, they left.

Nell opted to drive past the beach on their way back, and was surprised by Kensi's quiet request to stop. When they did, Deeks hopped out and ran across to a donut shop to get her favourites. He didn't see Eric hop out as well and run to the taco stand. They met back at the car, with Deeks handing donuts to Kensi, and Eric handing fish tacos to Deeks. They passed the food around and sat and watched the ocean for a few moments, before finishing their short trip to Deeks' apartment.

Eric and Nell did their best to help Kensi inside, while both she and Deeks protested. They stood back when they got to the door and let the pair enter first. Deeks let out a low whistle when he saw the state of his apartment.

"We figured you guys might need a few things done." Nell explained. The place had been thoroughly cleaned, with the new security system installed. Furniture had been carefully rearranged so that Kensi could make her way around easily and always have something to hold on to. Deeks moved on to the kitchen to see that the fridge and pantry had been restocked, and Eric subtly pointed out that the knives had been removed for now. The vegetables, fruit and cheese in the fridge were already chopped.

"Nell and I will be making dinner every night for the next few days. You should be set for breakfast, lunch and snacks. We'll also be by in the mornings. Nell will stay with Kensi while you and I go surf." He explained. Deeks looked at him in confusion.

"Did you check with Lindsey? Am I allowed to surf?" He asked.

"She wasn't too thrilled but Nate and I convinced her. We promised you would take it easy and not hurt yourself." Eric told him, and for the first time in days, he saw Deeks grin.

"But what about Kensi... I don't want to leave her..." He started to worry.

"Nell will be here with her, and she'll call us if anything comes up. Besides, Kensi will probably still be sleeping." Eric said. "You need to look after yourself, too." He added firmly. Deeks opened his mouth to protest that Kensi's needs came first, but Eric cut him off. "You can't help her if you don't take care of yourself. And the last thing she needs is for you to fall apart."

* * *

Nell sat on the couch with Kensi and gently explained the arrangement that had been worked out with Lindsey and Nate. Nell and Eric would be by every evening and morning, with Callen or Sam dropping by at lunch or after work if Kensi was up to it. Nate would call in the morning to set up a time, and Lindsey would come with him if need be. Then she hesitantly explained that Eric would be taking Deeks surfing each morning while she stayed there, and Kensi could sleep or eat breakfast. They were all a bit concerned how Kensi would feel about Deeks taking the hour or two away from her each morning, but she readily agreed it was something he needed, and she trusted Nell. Eric and Deeks rejoined them in the living room, settling into their chairs.

"So what are we doing for dinner?" Nell asked, looking from Kensi to Deeks to see if they had a preference.

"I don't know." Deeks said with a teasing smile on his face. "Can you guys actually cook? Or am I better off suggesting you reheat a frozen dinner?" He asked.

"I, uh, well..." Eric stumbled over his words not wanting to admit he didn't actually know how to cook, before being interrupted by Nell.

"I grew up cooking for a large, picky family. I can assure you I am more than competent in the kitchen." Nell said, pretending to scold Deeks. "But we can get take out if you're that concerned."

"Bulgogi?" Kensi asked quietly, and Deeks face lit up. Eric and Nell exchanged a confused glance.

"Only if you do the dance!" Deeks exclaimed. But Kensi shot him a look and he quickly sobered, realising that neither of them could do her Bulgogi dance with their injuries. "Sorry Kens, I should have thought before I spoke." He apologised quietly, but she waved it off.

"The menu should still be on the fridge." She told Nell. "Deeks keeps a collection of them there. It's the only Korean one up there." Deeks nodded and Nell went to retrieve it. Eric took advantage of the moment to ask Deeks what he wanted or could eat easily.

"Just get me whatever soup they have." He replied. "I'm still pretty full, and a bit sore, from the fish tacos."

Nell found the menu, and once she and Eric decided on their order, they called it in and left to pick up the food.


	85. Chapter 85

_Author Note - I know it's been a while. I decided it was time to return to the work force and started two jobs in a week. Then I got the killer flu bug that has been doing the rounds in QLD. I'm still run off my feet and not quite healthy so updates will be slow but they're coming. Thanks for being patient_.

* * *

When Eric and Nell left, Deeks settled on the couch next to Kensi.

"How are you doing?" he asked gently as he rested his hand on her leg.

"I'm not sure. It's... It's a lot to take in," she said quietly.

"After we eat we can send them home and you can sleep. Or watch TV, or talk, or whatever you want," he offered. Kensi just nodded. After a few minutes of comfortable silence she leaned towards him and allowed him to wrap his arm around her and pull her close. They continued to enjoy the quiet closeness until Eric and Nell returned.

Nell busied herself with setting the table and fussing to make things a "proper" dinner, while Eric unpackaged the food. Deeks tried to stifle a laugh, not sure how to explain to Nell that he and Kensi had never actually eaten at the table. He was surprised when Kensi began to stand up, and quickly jumped to help her as she wobbled towards the table. He stood behind her to catch her if she needed, but didn't reach out for fear of upsetting her. The four of them sat around the table, and dug into the food. Eric made the occasional face at the food, which was clearly unfamiliar to him, whereas Nell enjoyed the dishes she and Kensi had frequently shared. Kensi tried to work up enthusiasm for food she usually enjoyed, but wasn't able to muster up the energy. She forced herself to smile at Nell and Eric and thank them, and ate as much as she could. Deeks drank his soup and picked at some noodles until everyone else seemed finished, and then he quickly stood to clean up.

"Nope, sit down. Leave that for Eric and me to deal with," Nell insisted. "You two are not to be doing any housework, or anything else for that matter except resting." Deeks rolled his eyes when she turned her back, earning him a real smile from Kensi and a muffled snort from Eric. Nell whipped around and pointed at Deeks. "Watch it. You don't know just how much Hetty has taught me," she told him in a stern voice. He burst out laughing as she shook her finger at him, then returned to clearing the table.

Kensi was clearly done for the night when Nell and Eric finished their tidying. Nell retrieved the evening's medications for both Kensi and Deeks, and handed them over with a glass of water. She watched as both swallowed their pills and then stuck their tongues at her in unison.

"The abuse I take from you two! Maybe I should tell Hetty..." she teased, secretly glad to see Kensi joking a bit. "Do you two need anything before we head out? And Kens, do you need anything from your place? I can get you some clothes or whatever else you might need?" she suggested.

"I think I have what I need for now," Kensi said, knowing Nell wouldn't be shocked to know she kept a few changes of clothes at Deeks' place. "I'll try to make a list tomorrow."

"Ok. Don't be afraid to call if you need anything overnight. We're all here for you," Eric reminded them. "And if we don't hear from you, we'll be back in ten hours or so."

* * *

After Eric and Nell left, Deeks locked the door and walked around to double check that the windows were secure.

"All sealed up and alarms activated. It's just you and I," Deeks said, trying to be cheerful. "Do you want the TV on? Or should we head to bed?" he asked.

"Actually... I really want a shower," Kensi told him, looking up at him with a face that could only be described as dejected.

"You can't really shower with all your bandages." Deeks said, watching Kensi's face fall. "But, you can sit on the side of the tub and wash up. I can give you a hand with your hair if you like." He suggested.

"Um.. I hate to ask... I mean, I can ask Nell tomorrow if you prefer but... Could you help me?" She asked timidly.

"Of course I can help. I didn't want to overstep. But I don't mind helping you. Just tell me what you need me to do." He reassured her, leaning down to place a kiss on her hair. "I'll go set things up and come back for you in a minute."

He went to the bathroom and pulled out several large towels and a couple washcloths, then retrieved her body wash from the cupboard before turning the water on to warm up. After taking a quick look around to make sure he wasn't forgetting anything he went back to get Kensi. She was sitting on the couch where he left her, looking lost.

"Hey Kens. The water is warming up. Whenever you're ready I can help you wash up." He told her as he approached. He knelt down in front of her. "Is there anything else you need first?"

She shook her head and took the hand he offered to help her up. It was Deeks, and she knew she was safe, but she couldn't help the tide of panic washing over her at the thought of once again being exposed.

"I know this sucks. But we can work through things. We can do it together, I promise." He said and brushed her hair back from her face. "Ready to wash up?" He asked, and she nodded. She allowed Deeks to support her as they made their way to the bathroom, then awkwardly sat down on the side of the tub and looked up at him, suddenly nervous.

"You can change your mind and ask me to leave. No pressure here, just tell me what I can do to help." He said gently, sitting on the floor in front of her. Her thoughts raced and she felt like her panic was going to overwhelm her, but one look at his face was all it took to calm down and focus. She tugged her shirt off, keeping her back to Deeks and then pulled a towel around her front.

"Could you start with my back?" She whispered, and he picked up a washcloth, dampened it and began to help her bathe.


	86. Chapter 86

_Still swamped with new work and can't shake this damn post viral fatigue. Hoping I'll be back to daily fanfic updates sometime, but it won't be in the next two weeks. For now, hope you enjoy. _

* * *

Deeks slowly began to run the damp cloth over Kensi's back, removing the scent of the hospital and the feeling of filth she felt. What it couldn't remove was the feeling of her attackers touching her... Nothing could. She tensed occasionally, feeling panic at being exposed and vulnerable - Deeks would pull back for a moment and whisper reassuringly that he wouldn't hurt her. When her back was done, he washed her hair carefully, hoping to help her relax in the process. Then he carefully washed her arms, changing her bandages as he went. Then he started at her feet and progressed to her calves. As he reached her knees, he looked up at her, shivering in her towel.

"Do you want to take over from here?" he asked, and she nodded and reached for the cloth. He stood up and stepped towards the door when he heard her whisper his name.

"Deeks?" He turned back to face her, unsure what she needed. "Can you stay with me?" she asked, and he tried to hold back the grin that crossed his face.

"Sure. I won't leave," he promised, knowing that what she really meant was that she felt safer with him there, and wasn't really ready to be alone. He settled himself on the floor by the door, and kept his face turned away to give her some privacy. He heard her drop the washcloth in the tub, and then she spoke.

"I'm clean and dressed. Let's go to bed," she said, sounding bolder. He insisted on helping her from the bathroom to the bed and settling her in.

"I need a shower too," he mused, catching a whiff of himself. "Are you ok here if I leave the door open?" he asked. She nodded, looking uncertain. He pointed to a button beside the bed. "I'll just be a few minutes. If you need me, hit the panic button," he said, showing her one more safety feature Eric and Nell had installed. She smiled slightly, and nodded. He left the door open enough to hear her but not wide enough for her to watch him as he shed his clothes, and then had the quickest shower of his life. He was dressed and in bed less than five minutes later, gently cuddling up next to her.

"You're safe, Kens. Get some sleep," he whispered into her ear, gently stroking her hair. She nodded and mumbled something that vaguely resembled "thank you" while burrowing her face in his chest. It was just a few minutes later that he heard her little snort snores, indicating she was asleep. He ran his hands through her hair a few more times before he fell asleep as well.

Kensi woke with a start, her heart racing. She didn't remember the nightmare, but was sure she had had one. It took her a moment to take in her surroundings and remember where she was. Then she felt the warmth next to her, and smiled when she remembered she wasn't alone and that Deeks was there with her. She sat up and watched him sleep, being careful not to wake him. She looked over him, feeling an ache in her heart at the sling and the tape and bandages on his face. She had done this to him. He had been nothing but caring and supportive, and she had hurt him. The guilt was overwhelming. Slowly, not willing to risk waking him, she slid from the bed and sank to the ground.

Her thoughts were an erratic rush, hundreds of scenarios passing through her mind at once. She absently ran her hand over the bandage on the opposite arm, and couldn't help the dark thoughts that hit her. Maybe it would have been better if she hadn't survived the attack. Or if she had been successful in her subconscious attack on herself. Her entire team was struggling, Deeks especially, and she couldn't help but entertain thoughts that it might be easier for all of them to get past her attack if she took her own life. She wouldn't have to deal with the pain, the nightmares, and the flashbacks - and in turn, her friends wouldn't have to deal with her and all the problems she knew she would cause. Nell and Eric planned to spend all their free time helping her and Deeks. Deeks was on leave for the foreseeable future, unable to return until his injuries healed, and granted carer's leave for her until she was well enough to be on her own. It was less than a week since her attack, and she had already done so much damage to all of them. Sam had suffered a concussion at the hands of one of her attackers in his quest for justice and she knew it was more serious than anyone had let on. Nell was clearly struggling to cope with everything that had happened, and was forced to consider that she, too, could fall victim to a similar attack. Eric feared he couldn't protect her, and was inadequate... As the impact of her attack on her friends went through her mind, her thoughts became more desperate. She had no idea how long it would take her to return to normal... If she ever did. And she couldn't stomach the possibility of disrupting all of their lives indefinitely. Tears began to run down her cheeks and land in her lap. Maybe removing herself from the equation was the solution that would be best for all of them, and the more she thought about it the more convinced she became that it would be better for her as well.

She hadn't realised that Deeks had started thrashing in his sleep, and it wasn't until he yelled out that she noticed. Ignoring the pain she jumped up and reached for him, grabbing his hand. He bolted upright, and she could see tears pouring down his face as his eyes flew open. He gasped, and then threw himself at her as he heaved a sigh of relief.

"You're here. You're still here. You're safe. Thank God it was just a nightmare." He cried into her shoulder. "You're still here," he whispered over and over. As he calmed down, she pulled back slightly and looked him in the eye. He saw the tears running down her face, and reached over to brush them away as she did the same for him.

"What's wrong?" he asked gently, his voice full of concern.

"It doesn't matter. Do you want to talk?" she asked, uncertain.

"Nightmare... I lost you, I was too late to save you," he whispered in a low voice. "The thought of losing you... It nearly killed me. I couldn't go on without you," he told her, looking into her eyes. "I'm so glad you're here, you're safe," he added before pulling her close and kissing the top of her head. She felt tears well up in her eyes again, and they followed the trails down her cheeks.

"I'm not going anywhere," she promised. And she knew she meant it. While taking her life might be the easiest way to deal with it, she couldn't hurt him anymore. He deserved better than that... And no matter how much she might hurt him physically, she knew that the guilt would destroy him if he lost her. She couldn't do that to him. She pulled back from him slightly, looking into his eyes again. "Marty, I love you," she whispered, and then carefully brought her lips down to his.


	87. Chapter 87

Eric and Nell arrived at five am as promised. Deeks was wide awake, having woken an hour earlier when Kensi had another nightmare, but she was now sleeping soundly. He wrote a short note reminding her where he was, then leaned over to kiss her hair before grabbing his surfing gear and following Eric out the door. Nell busied herself in the kitchen preparing breakfast while working on her tablet. Deeks had left a list of instructions for her, which she quickly glanced over, but both of them knew it was his way of reassuring himself and wasn't truly necessary.

Eric and Deeks rode in silence, arriving at the beach to find the waves were quite calm. They hopped out anyway, pulling on their wetsuits and grabbing their boards. They sat on the sand to wax their boards, before heading out. They were a good ways out, sitting up on their boards, before either of them spoke.

"Thanks for this." Deeks said, looking over at Eric. "You were right, it's what I needed. Even if the waves suck, being out on the water helps."

"I thought it might. I know whenever I'm having a rough time, this is the only place I want to be." Eric replied. "Just me and the waves."

"And a good friend." Deeks added.

"I can give you some space if you need it?" Eric offered, suddenly worrying that Deeks wanted to be alone.

"No, this is good." Deeks said, looking out over the ocean and letting his thoughts drift. They both sat on their boards in comfortable silence for nearly an hour, watching the sun rise. Disappointed surfers came and went, and slowly the beach began to get busier. It was nearly seven when they finally decided it was time to head back.

* * *

Nell puttered in the kitchen quietly, preparing breakfast for the four of them, and doing her morning checks from her tablet. She had gotten into the habit of checking in from home the moment she woke up to see if Hetty had any requests for her before she headed in to work, and that had quickly evolved into a routine of daily searches and checks for security threats across the country and around the world. She smiled when she saw there were no new credible threats, and began to sing quietly under her breath as she set the table, complete with flowers she had made Eric stop to get on their way there this morning. She had wanted to find some potted plants, thinking that it would be healing for Kensi to watch them grow, but Eric reminded her of Kensi's inability to keep anything green alive, and the last thing she needed was something else to upset her.

When everything for breakfast was prepared and the table was ready, Nell ducked in to check on Kensi. She was sprawled across the bed, hair a mess, looking utterly exhausted. Nell frowned and carefully pulled the blanket across to cover her better before slipping quietly from the room. She settled herself on the couch to read a book on her tablet, when her phone rang. She smiled, knowing it was Hetty.

"Everything is fine here." Nell said when she answered the phone. "Kensi is sleeping and Eric and Deeks are at the beach. The waves are almost nonexistent, so Deeks would have to try pretty hard to hurt himself." She continued. She could feel Hetty smiling.

"Thank you, my dear. I will see you when you arrive then. Do not worry if you are running late." Hetty said, and then hung up. Nell smiled and then settled in to read.

An hour later, cursing from the bedroom interrupted her. She shot up and went to check on Kensi, who was trying to stand up.

"Good morning! Coffee is ready. Do you want a hand to get to the kitchen or should I bring it here?" Nell asked. Kensi shot her a grateful look and a death stare at the same time. Nell couldn't help but grin and tried to bite her lips to hide it. "Sit down, I'll bring your coffee here." She added quickly and Kensi sank down with a huff. Nell returned a moment later with a very large mug of coffee and handed it to Kensi, along with a Twinkie and her painkillers. Kensi took several large gulps and then shoved the Twinkie in her mouth and ate it before looking at Nell again.

"Thank you" she said, with her mouth still full. She swallowed, choked down her pills, and the continued. "Sorry for earlier." She added, looking a bit embarrassed.

"No problem. The boys should be back soon. Want a hand getting to the kitchen?" She asked.

"No. But I don't think I get a choice, do I?"

"Well, you can stay here, or you can accept my help. That's a choice." Nell said carefully. Kensi huffed again, but stood up and put her arm around Nell's shoulders and hobbled to the kitchen before dropping into a chair. Nell set another coffee in front of her, and began to cook the breakfast she had prepared. Kensi sipped at her coffee and watched as Nell comfortably moved around the kitchen. The smells were amazing when Eric and Deeks returned. They both looked relaxed and happy, and Kensi was relieved that Deeks' anxiety from the night before was gone.

Deeks and Eric each took a quick shower to wash the sand off, before trying to help Nell in the kitchen. She threatened Deeks with a spatula and chased him to the table. Eric didn't take the threat seriously and copped a wooden spoon to the back of his head before he got the hint and sat down.

When Nell was satisfied, she brought a heaping plate of waffles to the table, and then returned with bacon, eggs, fried potatoes and sausages, then fruit salad, syrup and butter and orange juice. All three of them greeted her with huge wide eyes, amazed at the spread she had single handedly put together. Kensi grabbed the waffles and bacon and loaded her plate before dousing it in syrup. Eric and Deeks just continued to stare in shock.

"Is the rest of LA joining us?" Deeks finally asked. "There's enough here to feed the whole city." Eric looked at Deeks, and ducked in case Nell threw something at him. Instead she just grinned.

"Leftovers can be lunch." She shrugged and began serving up a plate for herself. Eric and Deeks followed suit, and Kensi swiped a waffle from Deeks plate before it even had a chance to land.

"What leftovers?" Deeks teased. "I stand corrected, there's just the right amount for Kensi." He said, and then ducked when she reached out to swat him. Eric and Nell exchanged a smile, relieved to see that a sense of normalcy was returning.

They finished their food, thanking Nell and telling her how wonderful everything was while Eric cleaned up, and insisted on washing the dishes himself.

"Is there anything you need before we go?" Nell asked, looking between Kensi and Deeks, who both shook their heads. "We should be back around six with dinner, unless we get a case. If we're going to be late we can let you know so you can order take out." She said. "If you need anything at all, just call me, or Eric, or Hetty... And someone will call at lunch just to check in." She continued, sounding more and more like a mom leaving her kids home alone for the first time. "Just take it easy, and don't hurt yourselves. Watch TV or something all day." She suggested.


	88. Chapter 88

Only moments after Eric and Nell left, Nate called to ask when he could see them. Kensi rolled her eyes at Deeks and suggested they "get it over with" so they could enjoy the rest of their day. Deeks relayed the message to Nate, who said he would be over in an hour. Just before Deeks had a chance to hang up, Kensi yelled for him to bring donuts. Deeks just shook his head.

"After breakfast I'm amazed you have room for donuts," he teased, poking at her stomach. "Where do you put it all?"

"I have a high metabolism," Kensi replied with a grin. "And healing takes energy," she added, as the smile faded. Deeks squeezed her hand and then reached for the TV remote.

"Want to watch something?" he asked, as he began flicking through channels. Kensi shrugged, leaving him to choose what he wanted. When she didn't tease him or try to take the remote, he flicked the TV off and turned back to look at her. "Ok, no TV. Do you want to talk? Have a nap? Play a game?" he asked, trying to figure out what she was thinking.

"Nothing to talk about. I've only been up for an hour. And I don't have any games," she replied, still staring off into space.

"What's wrong, Kens?" Deeks asked, not put off by the lack of engagement on her part. "Let me in?" he added gently. Kensi sighed, sounding exasperated.

"I just don't like this. I don't want it hanging over my head or lurking in the background. I want to be over the healing and therapy and people walking on eggshells around me. I just want to be myself, damn it," she snapped angrily. "Right now, I want to go shoot things, or go for a run, or spar with someone. But I can't. I'm stuck here, I can't do anything, and I'm pissed off." She pounded on the couch in frustration, with her uninjured arm. "I can't even stomp around the apartment, or punch things!" she added angrily, then threw several cushions at the wall. Deeks remained calm as he watched her, letting her vent her anger in one of the few ways she could.

"Is there anything I can do?" he asked quietly, as she started to calm down. "I can say stupid stuff and you can punch my arm. Would that be back to normal?" he asked with a shy smile. Kensi looked at him and the rage that remained immediately vanished, and she burst into tears.

"I do that, don't I? I just punch you for no reason. What kind of friend am I?! What kind of person am I? And look what I've already done to you, Deeks. And you're still here! You deserve so much better than this. Why haven't you just walked away?" she asked between sobs. Deeks got up and then sat down in front of her, reaching up to brush the hair away from her face. He placed a hand on her cheek.

"Kens, its ok. I'm not going to walk away. You can get mad, sorry, angry, or sad or however you feel. You can punch me or call me names or do whatever you need to do in order to feel better. But the one thing you aren't going to do is feel guilty. Got it?" He spoke firmly and clearly, never taking his hand away from her cheek or letting her look away. "You're stuck with me until everyone says you're good. And even then, I'm only leaving if you throw me out." Kensi nodded and then a wry smile crossed her face.

"How do I kick you out? I'm pretty sure this is your apartment," she stated. Both of them laughed.

"Mi casa es su casa. Although yeah, maybe offering you the chance to leave might make more sense than letting you kick me out. But I'd sleep on the streets if that's what it took to make you feel better," Deeks said with a smile.

"I think I'd rather you sleep in your bed," Kensi told him. "Although... I think it helps most if I can be in it too," she added quietly.

"Always. Mi bed es su bed." Deeks grinned, just as Nate knocked on the door. Deeks let him in, and he entered with the large box of donuts held in front of him. He placed them in front of Kensi with a flourish.

"As requested, ma'am," Nate said with a little bow. "Do I have permission to speak? Has the sugar monster been appeased?" he joked. Kensi grabbed the last remaining pillow and threw it at him, before mumbling something through a mouthful of donut.

"Better watch it there. Give her a week and those throw pillows are going to be a deadly weapon," Deeks warned him. "Thank God there aren't any baseballs around here," he added.

"You two look like you're feeling better," Nate said. "And I think I smell the traces of Nell's trademark breakfast-for-a-family-of-ten. You'll need to remind her that there aren't that many of you. Although if there's any left I'd be happy to help finish it off..." He trailed

"There's a plate in the fridge with your name on it," Kensi told him. "But touch the waffles and die," she added, narrowing her eyes threateningly.

"Got it. No waffles," Nate agreed with a nod. Deeks subtly stood up and excused himself to his bedroom, giving Kensi and Nate some privacy. "So how have things gone so far?" Nate asked.

* * *

Deeks retreated to his room to give Nate and Kensi some space, but it wasn't until he saw his bed that he realised how exhausted he was. He lay down and stretched, intending to rest for a few minutes, but the next thing he realised, Nate was knocking on his door almost an hour later.

"You're not off the hook, Deeks. Hetty says I need to chat with you, too," Nate told him with a smile. "But I think Kensi needs you right now. Do you want me to come by this evening when Eric and Nell are here?"

"You just want Nell's home cooking, you can't fool me," Deeks replied as he hauled himself up and headed for the living room. "Why don't you grab a board and join Eric and I in the morning?"

"Not a chance. Surfing isn't my thing, and I'm not a huge fan of mornings," Nate replied. "I'll be by this evening, unless I hear otherwise. Enjoy the rest of your day, you two," he said as he headed for the door, watching as Deeks sat next to Kensi and pulled her into his lap. He knew they were already unaware of him, as they were solely focused on each other.

When he got back to his car, he pulled out his phone and called Hetty.

"I think they're going to be fine. It will take some time - but with his help she should bounce back."


	89. Chapter 89

Deeks pulled Kensi into his lap, already forgetting that Nate was there. One look at her face told him she needed him, and that was all he could see.

As he pulled her close, he could feel her bury her face in his neck and tears started to fall. No words were spoken for ages. He held her close and let her cry out her pain, and instead of pushing him away or trying to be strong, she let the tears fall. As her tears stopped and her voice returned, she spoke.

"Nate thinks I should tell you what happened. That telling someone will be good for me. To get it out of my head, and make it real but make it over," she mumbled, not able to look Deeks in the eye. "But you don't need to hear it. No one should have to hear it." She continued. "But... But I think I need you to know what happened. Because I don't want you imagining or wondering. And I want you to know what didn't happen, and what I don't remember, and..." She stumbled over her words. "I'm not ready yet, I can't. But I think he's right. I think I do need to tell you. If that's ok?" she whispered into his neck so quietly he could barely hear her.

"If it will help, of course it's ok. But it has to be your choice, and you do it when you're ready. Ok? There's no rush. Whenever you want to tell me, I'll be ready to listen," Deeks reassured her, lightly rubbing her back. "And Kens, I promise it won't change what I think of you or how I feel about you. Nothing could make me think less of you. And nothing could make me love you any less."

Kensi nodded almost imperceptibly.

"Ok," she whispered.

* * *

They spoke no further about Nate's suggestion. Deeks had eventually gotten up to get lunch after Kensi dozed off, but despite the huge array of food he didn't have much appetite. He grabbed some juice and yoghurt, and sat down at the table to eat. He found himself lost in thought about the distant future as he ate, when he was interrupted by the bleeping of his phone.

"Deeks," he said, answering it without checking to see who was calling.

"Hey, you and Kensi up for some lunch?" Sam asked. "We were in the area to interview someone, and thought we'd see how you two were going."

"Kensi's having a nap and I'm just having some yoghurt," Deeks replied, just as a pillow came sailing by his face. "I take that back. She's up. Give me a second."

"Twinkies," Kensi called out, peeking over the back of the couch.

"Kensi is up for a visit if you bring Twinkies," he relayed to Sam. "See you soon." As he hung up, he heard a groan and saw Kensi trying to walk.

"Come on Kens, you know the rules. Take it easy. What do you need?" he asked as he rushed over to help her.

"I just wanted to wash my face and get cleaned up a bit." She grumbled, accepting his help to the washroom with an exaggerated eye roll. "You gonna stand by the door while I'm in here?" she asked, shutting the door just short of hitting him in the nose with it. She leaned against it as soon as it clicked shut and sighed, then splashed water on her face. She stared at her reflection for several minutes, examining her injuries and wondering how they would heal and what scars would remain. She was completely lost in thought when Deeks knocked and called out to ask if she was ok. She hesitated a minute but then opened the door.

"Yeah. I think I'm going to be," she said, as she accepted his offer of help to the table. He grinned at her, understanding that her words meant more than what they were on the surface. He leaned down to kiss her, and was surprised when she reached up to pull his lips down to hers more quickly. Deeks sank down into the chair beside her and she quickly slid into his lap. He was shocked at how eager she was to be close to him, and in awe that he was finally, finally kissing his partner. They remained as they were until a knock sounded at the door. They quickly pulled apart, Kensi cursing under her breath before yelling out.

"Give me a minute," she called out, still seated in Deeks' lap. She leaned in, giving him one more forceful kiss, before moving back to her own chair. Deeks stood to answer the door, but was barely upright before Sam and Callen let themselves in.

"We brought food," Callen announced.

"No, I brought food. You brought junk," Sam corrected, holding up a large protein shake for Deeks. Callen placed the box of Twinkies on the table in front of Kensi.

"Nell said to make sure you guys ate the lunch she left, and that those were dessert," Callen said, watching as Kensi demolished two packages before he even made it to the fridge. Deeks just shook his head and grinned, sipping his drink.

Callen retrieved lunch from the fridge and brought it to the table while Deeks pulled out dishes. Sam tried to limit Kensi's Twinkie consumption but quickly decided he was beat when she shot him a death glare. The four sat and ate, trading banter and light conversation. For all of them it was a welcome change from the tension and stress of the previous week - and a sign that maybe things might eventually return to normal.

Callen and Sam left to return to OSP, and no doubt report to Hetty and Nate how Kensi was doing. As soon as the door shut behind them, Deeks turned to Kensi.

"Shall we pick up whe…." but he was interrupted by another mind blowing kiss.


	90. Chapter 90

They spent the following hours curled up on the couch. Deeks found himself amazed that he could kiss her for hours and feel content rather than frustrated at the lack of progress. Each kiss felt like a gift, a present he had never expected and would not take for granted. He let Kensi lead but responded with enthusiasm to every touch, every kiss and every movement that brought them closer. Both of them were able to put aside the horror of the last week and focus on the moment.

* * *

Eric and Nell slid quietly into the apartment just after six thirty. Paperwork had kept them later than expected, and they were both quite concerned when there was no response to their texts or to their knocking on the door. They were tripping over each other as they entered quickly, but froze in sync when they saw what lay before them.

Kensi was asleep in Deeks's arms on the couch, but unlike any time before, they were face to face and nose to nose. Smiles graced both their faces as they slept peacefully.

Eric wrapped his arms around Nell and leaned down to whisper in her ear

"I told you they were fine." He said, as he gently kissed her hair.

"They look even better than fine." Nell replied. "They look peaceful."

"It's too bad we have to wake them up..." Eric trailed off.

"Let's not, for now. I'll go start dinner. Why don't you go and pick up what we discussed." She suggested. "That will be a better way to wake them."

* * *

Deeks woke suddenly, and a grin quickly took over his face. Kensi was sleeping soundly in his arms, and the taste of her lips still remained on his. Nothing could make him happier. He was vaguely aware that he had been woken by something familiar and couldn't put his finger on it. A minute later he heard the door creak open, then Eric and Nell exchange quiet greetings. It was the gentle click-click sound that finally told him what had woken him up. A whimper confirmed it.

"Hey boy, I've missed you!" He called out as he gently shifted Kensi to the couch and sat up. Monty pulled on the leash Eric held, and with another yank he was free to run over to his daddy. Monty carefully sniffed at Deeks bandages, and once satisfied that his daddy was ok, he rolled over for a belly rub. Deeks leaned down to scratch his head, and then felt Kensi shift. She mumbled and groaned before her eyes fluttered open.

"Deeks, your breath stinks." She grumbled. Eric and Nell both coughed trying to hold back a fit of the giggles, but failed. Kensi's eyes flew open again, this time more aware. Monty was sitting right in front of her, panting and wiggling anxiously as he waited for her to notice. Kensi joined in the laughter as she reached out to greet her furry companion. "Hi Monty. Bet you're glad to be home." She whispered.

"We thought you guys might be ready for a visit. He's been missing you." Nell explained. "Eric is taking him back after dinner."

"Can't he stay?" Kensi asked quietly, still stroking his head as it rested in her lap. "I don't want to be the reason he's kicked out of his home." Eric and Nell exchanged a look, and then looked to Deeks for confirmation.

"Let's try it for tonight and see how it goes." Deeks suggested. "But you're not kicking him out of his home, Kens. I'm sure he was having a great time, weren't you, Monty?" Deeks asked. Monty looked at him pitifully from Kensi's lap. "You're staying for now. Don't give me that look." Deeks replied.

"Now that that's sorted, the two of you need to eat." Nell said firmly. "And you, Monty, need to let Kensi get up." She told the dog, who promptly moved his head and let Eric help her to the table but refused to leave her side. As she sank into her seat, he dropped to the ground and settled himself in. Deeks shook his head.

"Always knew you loved her best." He teased as he reached down to pat his dog before sitting down himself. A knock at the door made Monty perk up his ears, but seeing Deeks and Kensi were unconcerned he quickly settled again. Eric answered the door, letting Nate and Lindsey in while Nell loaded the table up with food.

"Perfect timing!" Nate commented, pulling up a chair beside Deeks. "I was afraid we had missed dinner." Nell motioned for Lindsey to sit, and after a brief pause, Kensi shrugged and started loading up her plate. Everyone else quickly followed suit.

It was apparent to both Nate and Lindsey that something had changed for their two patients, but neither brought it up during dinner. In fact, no one spoke much at all. Monty sat quietly by Kensi's side the entire meal, and no one missed that she occasionally "dropped" bits of her dinner for him.

"You're going to make my dog fat if you keep that up." Deeks teased.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Kensi replied with a grin. "Besides, he's skinny, he could use a few treats." Lindsey looked to Nate with a curious smile, and he nodded confirming her suspicions that this was typical behaviour between the partners.

When dinner was finished, Deeks stood up to help with dishes but was quickly chased away by Nell raising a wooden spoon. Then she pointed it at Nate.

"You, however, have no excuse. Dish duty Mr. Getz. You too Mr. Beale." She said, pointing the spoon between them. Lindsey went to help as well, before being escorted from the kitchen by Nate.

"It would seem dishes are a man thing" she shrugged at Kensi and Nell, who were getting up to make their way to the living room.

"I think that was Nate's way of sending you to check on me." Kensi replied. "We had a bit of a rough chat this morning and he wants to know how I'm doing without actually asking me and making things awkward." She said loudly and pointedly, ensuring he could hear. "Seems like someone is using you to do his dirty work. You must really like him." She added. The blush that had started on Nate's face was now matched by that on Lindsey's.

"Look at that, drugged to the gills and still observant. That's my girl." Deeks said. "For the record, she's doing great. We both are." He said, sinking onto the couch and pulling Kensi into his lap with his good arm. She leaned up to give him a quick kiss, and both of them laughed hysterically at the reactions from their friends. Eric dropped the plate he was holding, Nate's jaw dropped and his eyes widened in shock, and even Lindsey was speechless. Nell just smiled - she already had her suspicions and was glad they were now confirmed.

"It's about time." She stated firmly. "And I have just the thing to celebrate." She added, scurrying to the kitchen. She gently shoved a still-speechless Eric and Nate away from the oven and retrieved a large chocolate cake. Kensi's eyes lit up and she immediately tried to get up.

"Sit down, princess. I've got it. One giant piece of cake with rocky road ice cream, right?" Deeks asked. Nell served up the cake while Deeks retrieved Kensi's ice cream, and a tub of vanilla for the rest of them. They sat on the couch or the floor, chatting excitedly about everything mundane late into the night. Each new couple took their share of the teasing then doled more out. For the first time since the chaos of Kensi's attack, they were able to enjoy a period of normalcy.

One by one, they found themselves getting tired and drifting off to sleep. Deeks had directed everyone to the linen cupboard to find blankets and pillows as needed, and no one found the situation strange or awkward.

Nell was the last one awake, and she busied herself tucking everyone in, turning off lights and rounding up the last few stray dishes before settling into the chair next to Eric. She fired off a quick text to Hetty before allowing herself to fall asleep. She was grateful for their evening but knew that a difficult road of recovery still lay ahead for all of them.

"Everyone's asleep, and all is well. Kensi and Deeks are official. I won the pool, pay up!"

* * *

_And there we have it. As my four year old would say "the end good story want more."_

_It has taken me far longer to finish this than I had ever expected... I thought chapter twenty was near the end! It took on a bit of a life of its own, and then I ran into a position where I just didn't have the time to write but I couldn't bare to leave it unfinished._

_But this isn't the end of Kensi's recovery. As anyone who has experienced trauma knows, you have good days and bad days. Kensi will continue to have both in reBuilding Blye - a series of one shots looking at different points of her recovery. As always I would love to hear what you, the readers, want to see._

_And now it's time to move on to tackling Meerkats, wrap up Sara's Sacrifice and Alternative in Afghanistan, and then move on to my next big story - In our Blood._

_Blood will bring together both the DC and LA teams as Hetty keeps secrets when a number of Agents across several agencies are threatened by a serial killer, including Ziva, Kensi, Michelle Hanna, Talia and Delilah. Watch for it in the next month. _


End file.
